Between being related and being brothers

Scrolling through Twitter cleaning up rubbish tweets, I came upon Dr. Du Maurier quote in Hannibal.

"The traumatised are unpredictable because we know we can survive."

I got through the fire episode with the help of support from people. I remember going to evening class Day 1 after fire and got a call from Malaysia. It was Eh*ad our senior from Gen06 asking how we were holding up. I'm not sure if I really told him how appreciative I was back then, but please know that I am.

The day before I was going back to Malaysia for a month during the study leave, I had baked cookies to give away to several people and the last on my list was B*pis. That night after our nightly clerking at the hospital, I asked Rahim and Amirul to chaperone me to meet B*pis to pass him the cookies.

Rahim being true to himself started to tease me about it (I remain amazed how this prankster actually got voted as president of our student organisation) and I defended myself by telling them "D*nmat is like my abang long, he has been looking out for me since first year."

"Which senior doesn't look out for you?" He pointed out. 

Rahim exaggerated of course, but I know I'm always being looked out for and I am very grateful for it. They taught me a lot, layan-ed me when I go into mohon-dilempang mode, go outside their comfort zone for me, allow me the privilege of buzzing them whenever I need anything. But of course I tolerated more of their craziness, their ordering around and bullying-attempts... just kidding.

To all kakaks and abangs including the Gen06 and Gen007 bros I never call abang and special mention to BPP crews, thank you very much and God bless you all wherever you guys are now.

Words cannot express how regretful I am

I reinstated 7am class in my planner and set it to Repeat daily weekdays. The planner asked me to set the repeat until when, so I scrolled to choose Repeat Until 2nd of March-

When realisation hit me, my eyes were watery and a lone tear escaped.

I am so... sorry...

Urgh, I better start working by April grr.

Smiless

Today I walked with Dr. Heba to her car and I stayed silent because I respect her so much I don't know what to say despite grinning inside. It's like an excited puppy with its master. But I responded well to all her questions, I guess she realised I was awkward with her.

On our way back, she was on my left when suddenly she greeted someone merrily in Arabic. I turned to see and guess who it was?

None other than DR. HUSSEIN KHAIRY!!

I automatically went into fangirl mode with super smile and hyper "Hello sir how are you!" And he smiled at meeeeeeeee! A real smile! I worked hard today and met Dr. Heba for Dr. Acap Haider's sake and Allah gifted me Dr. Hussein's smile! I sure hope it was because he remembered me as his student, the girl who always ponteng his class but when she comes she sits in the front bench to the right of the hall.

Maybe that was just a genuine smile to one of his very many campus godchildren, but anyway let me lie and be happy.

His hair was as wild as always, he looked good, he looked happy(er), a little worn out but less strained than when I usually see him walking around patrolling the campus. He was wearing his worn out navy red striped shirt with the sleeves rolled up and carrying with him a weird cardboard cutouts in a plastic wrap.

Dr. Heba pulled me nearer to her without turning to me while she faced Dr. Hussein with her smile. She talked to him in rapid Arabic and when I realised she just said "sir you will come to the kids' graduation day, yes?" my eyes dilated bigger and I jumped in (albeit in English) "Please sir, you have to come!"

He grinned at me but seemed reluctant and made excuses. "I'll see if I'm not busy that day," he said in Arabic.

They continued their pushing-and-pulling-away with mentions of gifts and certs. I stood there, absorbing the fact I was finally seeing the esteemed ex dean. Finally, I don't have to wait for his class to resume after the winter break to see him!

We parted because we all had other errands to attend to. As I resumed walking with Dr. Heba, I asked "He is going to come to the graduation, right?"

"He will. He just need some pushing," Dr. Heba smiled and made a pull-and-push gesture with her fist. I laughed.

"He has too. He is the beloved dean in our heart."

"Ahh, but you've only spent a day with the new dean."

"Dr. Hussein has been with us for the past three years, that is why."

---

I have no idea who the dean was before Dr. Hussein. He was a shadow of a name I don't even recall. When Dr. Hussein took office democratically voted by the faculty members, he opened his door for us students. He met us, listened to us and took care of us. Every morning before his 7am daily free lecture, he will make his round on the campus. Even the resident three-legged dog Kimi liked him!

He was so much in our campus life and during our last crucial years. I imagined receiving my scroll from him and to take a picture with him in our academic robe since Gen07's graduation early in 2014, it's so hard to undue the image now..

P/s: I saw Kimi yesterday and I thought, perhaps Dr. Hussein amputated his leg? He is a vascular and general surgeon and he is an animal lover and is generally curious enough to explore his passion, it was possible he studied the anatomy of a dog's lower limb for Kimi's sake.

Or he assisted his vet friend maybe? I need to solve the mystery of Kimi's leg before I BFG.

Walk and talk

There is this one staff who has been greeting me familiarly.

It started spring last when I was walking through the dean's building with a friend. Somebody called out "Ya anisah (miss)" and we both turned to see an average built man in his early 40's, thin oval moustached face with thinning front hair in a two-size-too-big jacket smiling at me. He asked me if my business was settled.

I smiled back politely despite an awkward beginning and dumbly affirmed. I thanked him, we both wished each other a good day and I walked along to wherever it was we were going.

My friend asked me who he was and I told her "I don't know. Maybe he mistook me for someone else."

I had no idea what it was about, but since he greeted me so kindly I decided to acknowledge him as well. (I despise it when Egyptians call us out with "Ya Malizia". You don't see us calling them out "Ya Masriyy".) Plus I don't know how to ask who he was in Arabic without sounding rude.

On second thought, I do know. But it would be weird to ask him now, because since then, we will greet each other whenever we passed by when I commute through the dean's building. Even when I was walking with other people, he would only greet me.

I thought he looked like a patient in my 5th year OSCE and the patient I clerked in Surgery general class, but I doubt an administrative staff of the hospital was also a "chronic patient".

The most recent was today's afternoon. I saw him from afar but since I was not going to pass him, I decided to ignore. Two meters after I took the corner, suddenly he called out "Miss, miss."

I turned around, scanning. Grinned at him. "Assalamualaikum izzay hadhritak 3amil eeh, ma3assalamah." 

I didn't stop walking though, but I didn't rush. I came across him that morning and I didn't stop walking either. It's an Egyptian thing to walk and talk, haha.

May Allah forgive us and accept all our deeds and answers, ameen

(1) Stepped into the Toxic Building for our 70 marks Surgery exam and waiting at the attendance table was none other but Dr. Mohamed Rafeeq our very gigih vascular surgeon. I was surprised and automatically greeted him with a salam that he replied plus his polite smile. I take that he remembered he had Malaysian students in his class.

(2) I was with the last group to be examined. Went inside and was ushered by the doctor to the end of the row. As I got near my seat, I recognised the invigilator at my end was none other but Dr. Ayman who taught us General Surgery class every Sunday. I automatically went "Assalamualaikum Dr. Ayman how are you!" like old friends hahaha. He smiled in recognition and we exchanged pleasantries.

He had been coughing ever since the first day of our class, you know. And we once recognise a cigarette packet-like impression in his back pocket, so we spot diagnosed him as having chronic bronchitis. And during the entire exam, we could hear him coughing every once in a while.

Yup, definitely chronic bronchitis. Haha.

(3) I recognised the head invigilator as Dr. Hisham Mustafa who gave us Stomach and Duodenum lectures. I really liked his lectures and the notes I got was easier to follow than the textbook.

He once came and gave us a Swelling lecture but stopped about 15 minutes later because Dr. Salah Shaheen came and apparently there was an overlap in the schedule. He automatically gave in to the older professor with his respectful cheery smile.

Speaking of Dr. Salah, he gave us the most lecture this year and covered for many professors. God bless him with health, strength and ease. One of the professors he covered for was Dr. Nadem who was supposed to give us Esophagus. Dr. Salah started his lecture by saying he was covering for Dr. Nadem who was actually the pioneer in esophageal surgery in Kasr el Ainy.

Legends!! So people, please do attend the lectures. You can't beat their level of experience.

(4) FINISHED ALL MBBCh EXAM! Allahumma please forgive all of our sins and accept all our deeds and answers, and please grant us the best marks. Let us graduate together, ameen.

I was actually looking forward to participating in Egyptians slamming clay beakers to the ground, but I didn't see anyone doing that. Maybe it was actually done on the graduation day instead?

P/s: It was on the 24th because another group of Egyptians finished their exam then. I missed.

Despite all that, let's not forget our final year colleagues arrested by the junta. Allahumma strengthen them and help them. Please let us remain steadfast in the right path, ameen.

(5) We met the new dean today but he was so different from Dr. Hussein... I didn't see him smile at us nor greet any of us. He didn't even speak to us. He just came and posed for pictures and only interacted with his entourage and the official faculty photographer.

Maybe I missed those moments or maybe I didn't. Maybe he realised Dr. Hussein is forever the dean in our heart and didn't bother to change our mind.

(6) After the exam, I thought of the whole week off I have before we start our clinical attachment on the 26th. It was only late evening that I realised the 26th is three days away.

I had a lot procrastinated in the name of exam and things to look forward after the exam, namely:
(a) jaulah Farouq
(b) daurah BFG
(c) complete family's travel itinerary
(d) yearbook
(e) every single details for work registration
(f) books to buy
(g) items to pack
(h) jaulah tidur setiap RI Kaherah at least
(i) go to Tanta

(j) clinical attachment
(k) batch dinner
(l) family coming
(m) graduation day

My deadline is 2nd March. But for now, today, I want to do nothing. It's not "do nothing" in a relaxed sense of an incoming holiday, it's more of a looming feeling.

(7) I uploaded a picture of us IQs in our graduation robe after the session with the dean and people commented their congratulations underneath it. It made me feel.. anxious. I'm telling you we finished our exams awaiting our results. Why are people congratulating me when the results aren't in yet! Huhu..

Yeah, I know. That's not the good mindset to have. We will graduate together, ameen.

(8) And then Bawarouq posted on my wall calling me Dr. Hana and it caught me by surprise. I was so excited and terharu this legendary brother came by and even more so that he called me Dr. Hana. You don't see Bawarouq do this every year, mark my word. I actually went to Mad's wall to see if perhaps Bawarouq was congratulating all his close juniors but there wasn't any post from him on Mad's wall. And then I stopped at that because that's so bratty attention-seeking of me, hahaha.

So I came back to my senses and to the reality of Bawarouq addressing me with that title. It spoke of his confidence in my result which until just now was barely existent in me. It was uplifting.

I can't wait to work and survive as elegantly as he, Bayep, Kak Bid and Kak Elli did.

(9) Tiza invited us over for dinner but we already ordered Nawab. Nawab was late so we promised ourselves we will eat only a tiny bit, went up and I rang the bell once yelling "It's Hana!!" like a brat. Haha.

Tiza opened the door and I skipped inside. I went straight for the food and you know what, IT WAS NASI AYAM!!!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I HAD NASI AYAM? IT WAS SO LONG AGO I DONT EVEN REMEMBER!

I quickly grabbed a plate and helped myself bwahahaha. MashaAllah it was so good I wanted to cry. And we would have wiped the whole rice pot clean if it wasn't for the thought of the Nawab we ordered. Hahaha. Damn it was so good, so so good.

We had to go back down quickly while we could still hold back from having seconds, so I brought my and Farah's plate to the kitchen and mindlessly washed her dishes. She quickly playfully taunted me. And then she changed the topic.

"Bila majlis kau?"

Obviously she meant my wedding. "Majlis graduasi 25 haribulan." I replied smoothly. She laughed and so I added as seriously as one could while doing dishes. "Aku takde calon la Farah."

"Ala calon boleh dicari~"

"HARITU KAU YANG SURUH AKU CARI CALON DULU BARU PIKIR PASAL KAWEN! APE MASALAH KAU!" Bwahahahahahaha.

(10) Just before Isya our Nawab arrived. Tasnim had prawn briyani while the rest of us had garlic butter naan with chicken butter masala and also a side dish of onion bhaji!

This is my third experience with Nawab, never fails me. I like the bhaji since I first tasted it and went around promoting the bawang goreng to everyone in the house.

(11) I told the girls about this one guy who saved up at least $10k throughout these years. What followed was a discussion why girls can never save up $1k per year and take a leaf out of this guy's who apparently spent 5 genih per day on food (price before the revolution).

"Prawn briyani per meal is already 60 genih!"

"Half a kilo of strawberry is 3.50 genih! And that's not even enough!"

"We have to buy shower foam, shampoos every month. And don't forget the conditioner!"

I was laughing at all their points thinking girls sure spend a lot. But the winner was:

"Guys don't have to buy pads every month!"
"Yeah, and the daily pantiliners!"

I collapsed in laughter.

I think I'm going to live always the observer, always the one who walked pass. It makes for great collection of memories but I can't help feeling missing out. Oh well.

As I mentioned in a previous post, we requested a written speech from the dean for our graduation yearbook and despite his dead-fish-eye look when I met him that 11 in the morning, he gave me his yes. The deadline was on Sunday but his class was cancelled until Tuesday, which signaled him being very super extreme busy. Not a good sign.

So yesterday Wednesday, I went to class. As I entered the campus, I saw him walking crisply by the Anatomy Department while in a distance, a dog barked. He walked towards the compound in front of the conference hall (going my direction, of course) and Kimi the three-legged collie (Izyan named him) was laying there. I bet it was him who barked, though he looked unthreatened. The dean kept his eyes on the dog while walking pass him with a kind look in his eye. After a good four meters away yet his head still turned towards the dog, Kimi finally got up and slowly followed the dean.

Hahaha. What is this? Even the dog respects the dean of medicine. Kimi really is part of the Kasr el Ainy Faculty of Medicine family.

P/s: Last Ramadan Dijah asked him if we could come visit him at his home for the Eid and he nodded whimsically. "We can arrange that. We have many cats." was what he said. I surely have good taste in crushes, bwahaha. (We never did get to arrange, he was too busy.)

His mood seemed good. He had only two cancelled call throughout the two hours half class that he called back in a short while. He was wearing white shirt and dark navy pants looking comfortable and ready to accomplish things today. I should not worry about bothering him if I ask him about the speech today.

But this stupid girl was segan. Go die la. So she decided to ask him tomorrow.

And so tomorrow came and became today. There was no dean sighting but when I climbed the stairs to the lecture halls, I saw the radiologist lady looking out with an unreadable expression.

So the dean isn't in yet? I walked pass her and entered the class at 8.30. I deduced right. The class was hot, Mr. Samy hadn't turn the aircond on yet. Why? I usually come around 8 and the class was cool and comfortable already.

"He just unlocked the door. There was a power outage until just now," Su said.

Oh. Took out my textbook and studied while having my breakfast.

8.50am and still no dean in sight. Was he going to call off the class? Mr. Samy came and announced the dean will be coming, he was currently in the hospital sorting out the power outage. We thanked him and went back self-study.

The dean entered at 9.15am. He seemed rather irritable, his voice sounded cracked. Ah Hana, you really should have asked him about the speech yesterday.

Around ten. He was vivaing one Egyptian classmate on the battery of investigation for an abdominal pain when a call came. His face turned solemn and excused himself to answer that call. Pardon my poor Arabic, but all I deduced from that call was it was from a respected person and it was serious. The call ended and the dean made another call to one of his subordinates to ask him to ask this Mr. Samir to come meet him at Lecture Hall 6. Asap.

10.20am. One guy arrived and the dean excused himself and they got busy outside. I turned back to my textbook.

10.45am. Finally the dean re-entered the class, still talking to the subordinates. But suddenly he turned his back towards us facing one subordinate and he yelled. The subordinate talked back. He yelled louder.

Nisa turned to me. "You definitely shouldn't ask him about the speech today." I couldn't agree more.

Egyptian style quarrel, normal. But this is the dean we're talking about. It doesn't equate. And I got a little bit scared. I can't help to be scared when I see my father figure yelling, and I imagined he resumed his class with that kind of post-yelling mood. What if he ask a question and we couldn't answer well. Will he get more frustrated? His usual "entu mish ma3aya" and exasperated look at our sorry faces was hard enough for me. Maybe he will yell at us? Walk out on us? It hurts. However foreseen it is, I will definitely still flinch. And he will definitely apologise profusely to class if he did.

10.47am. The power went out. He entered the class, walked around with his phone and cup of drink for a full minute while Mr. Samy and another lecture-hall maintenance worker came and opened the blinds and windows.

He resumed class with a lower perhaps tired voice and a lighter amd kinder tone. Perhaps he was trying to neutralize his angry self and silently apologising to us. The guys at the back automatically went to sit in the front row and Sarah the Egyptian girl came closer to the isle from her extreme right seat.

He didn't even ask everyone to sit closer with the mic off, but people just did. My thought then was how everyone was accomodating to him, so he need not to raise his voice a notch. It was a sign of huge respect, especially coming from Egyptians. You don't get this scene when the mic was off during the evening lectures with us Malaysians throughout the year.

He made a few jokes and even laughed a bit. Bullied Ahmed twice, first by staring at him while had him explain the meaning of acoustic shadow to Michael the new-sixth-year who came to join us today and second by having him draw the sagittal section of the abdomen on the whiteboard and having him explain the application of it.

This is Egyptians. Capable of 180 degrees mood shift. They yell and then resume life as per usual.

Power came back at 11.20am. Class ended at 11.45am. Amirul was at the door when he walked out, holding his hand out for a handshake. He took it, said bravo that I assumed for coming to class in the summer study leave and asked him about his study progress.

I walked pass them.

Serendipity has left me

As mentioned in the previous post, we had a day-trip to Alex yesterday. Instead of taking a microbus back, we stowed away on the 5pm train to make it back in Cairo by dusk. We already missed Saturday's impromptu class so we didn't want to miss Sunday.

And this morning, we just received the news that class was cancelled for today, tomorrow, and day after. At that news, I simply went flat and spineless. My day seemed bleak. I hate ironies.

But the reason class be cancelled must be because sir was super extra busy. So I should get up and celebrate today's extra-business by being super extra productive...

I need to grow some spine.

---

I don't want to go back to Malaysia yet. Or at all. But going back is to honour my family's love for me, so I must. I bought the tickets way earlier was to ensure mom that I really am coming back.

Guys, see how much I love you here? If anyone dares complain I'm not doing enough I will smack their heads.

A good day for observing

Walked out of lecture hall towards Dept 29 and saw Dr. Ahmed Hassan the HO who taught us skill lab. Then I noticed that lady Radiologist was hitting on Dr. Hussein (they were three meters apart and I overheard her asking if he was okay) but as usual he totally ignored her and focused on his phone. I giggled quietly. Partly amused at her persistence and partly feeling sorry for her.

She walked, keeping an eye on him while he turned around to face us students.

"Cases in Dept 29," he told me.

"Okay."

She looked on with a dissatisfied look before marching forward towards Dept 29.

Saw our bubbly Tropical resident walking in front of Hall B, the guy with an impressive command of Malay language. What was his name again? Syaimaa called him Dr. Perky. Greeted him with a salam. He smiled and greeted back.

I suspect he is Dr. Tariq Kaddah our anaesthetist nice guy's son. He mentioned he has one son resident Orthopedic, another resident Tropical and his youngest if I remember correctly is in second year Kasr el Ainy.

Arrived in Dept 29. Saw Dr. Mohamed Rafeeq our humblest assistant lecturer of vascular surgery following a grand round with an unfamiliar professor. Updated FB to inform Ara and Humaici of it, they were fangirls. Thought of tagging Tasnim in the status as well but she might kill me for it.

And then I realized Dr. Mohamed Ali was in the crowd as well.

Cases today were traumatic AV fistula behind the parotid gland and another traumatic AV fistula of the popliteal.

Class dismissed. I handed the dean the formal letter to request for his speech for our yearbook. He stood and listened to me with a tired face, saying not a word. I felt really awkward, guilty of taking half a minute of his and flabbergasted.  Urgh.

Poor him. It was only 11am and he was already that spent. If Dijah was there instead of me, he might be cheered up. I just hope he felt our love from that request letter. Oh crap, I think I edited that part out to make it more formal. Huhu. We love you Dr. Hussein, be happy and do your best!

Dear Lord, please strengthen him. Send him all ease and strength and love. Ameen.

Exited the ward. In the hallway I walked behind this dad holding onto his toddler's hand. A resident kid teyoyish, I sniggered to myself how short the boy was that it made me want to bully him. Such a cute boy to hold on to daddy's hand... Wait, what's that on daddy's hand?

IT'S AN EXTRA FINGER!! So tiny! Like an okra! It looked like it can be picked out! Crazy paparazzi mode on!! I took out my handphone, set the camera on zoom and snapped snapped snapped.

Walked out of the hospital on the tarred road. Already passed Psychiatry building when I saw a familiar cut of hair coming from the opposite direction. I changed my course to walk on the pavement to pass by him.

Yep. It was Dr. Abo Bakr the Ortho Don just off talking on the phone.

And outside the main gate, Dr. Essam El-Kousy walking while talking on the phone... but what's up with his Einstein-like hair? When he gave our general surgery lecture in the evening, it was always perfectly coiffed.

Too busy for hair-gel maybe. Allah ease you sir. Ameen.

My blood type is M

Sunday the first day of Ortho, I came at 9am and Dr. Abo Bakr arrived at 10.45am.

Monday I came at 9.30am and Dr. Ahmed Khitb arrived at 10.40am.

Tuesday I came at 10.30am and Dr. Ahmed arrived at 10.35am.

So on Wednesday the 9th July, I set out at 10.05am and walked to class. Halfway to college I checked my messages and noticed Wani announced the doctor had arrived at 9.35am.

I ran and arrived at 10.15am.

"Doctor," Dr. Mohamad Abdel Wahed addressed me. "Because you are late, you will be punished."

"Of course," I grinned. "Sorry for being late."

"You and your friends," he gestured to Chip and Haziq, "will take photographs of all these xrays. And then send it to me."

"Okay."

He then told me to take a seat at the very front of the class.

Class was dismissed at 11 and we said we would finish the xray in half an hour because we have Vascular class at 12, so we worked as fast as we could. I put the xray up against the light board while Chip snap the picture and then I place it back on the table and on to the next film. Repeat for 50 xrays.

It was very lenguh. We were practically bullied by our assistant lecturer, hahah. But I had fun. I hardly get punished nowadays so I appreciate some disciplinary action now and then. To me Dr. Mohamad was refreshing.

My blood type is definitely M.

And I learned my lesson. Egyptian generally doesn't respect time, but I have to because it's the right thing to do taught by our religion and exception exists (eg: case named Dr. Ahmed Elshenoufy). 

So today, for his class with him, evrryone was present by 9.15am. Dijah and Qoh even excused themselves early from Dr. Hussein's class to make it to Ortho by 9am. And guess what. Dr. Mohamad arrived at 10.10am.

Egypt really is expectedly unexpected. Hahaha.

He arrived to class and immediately announced "I'm sorry. This time I must be punished."

I laughed and turned to Umair. "Let's have him pose chin lifted and a pistol sign under his chin."

---

Dr. Mohamad: What do you love about Egypt?
Me & Dijah: Everything!
Dr. Mohamad: (disbelieved look) Okay what do you hate about Egypt?
Me: It's too hot when it's hot.
Dijah: And it's too cold when it's cold.
Dr. Mohamad: Just the weather?
Me: Aaand the blackouts.
Dr. Mohamad: What's a blackout?
Me: The power shortage.
Dr. Mohamad: Ah. What about the people? The people are bad! Me and my colleagues, we all want to leave Egypt.
Me: Yeah but we have great doctors and lecturers. The hospital staffs are all nice. They are kind to us.
Dr. Mohamad: (nodding gratefully) Thank you, thank you.
Dijah: We don't have that kind of lecturers in Malaysia. That kind of enthusiasm to teach us.
Dr. Mohamad: (grinned) You will become that doctor.
Me & Dijah: Allahumma ameen.

Hot days should be illegal, or we can illegalize pants instead

It's hot and worsening my sleeplessness and I'm not supposed to make a sound so let me tell you about my day today.

---

I woke up at my alarms (alarms!) for my 7am class, but I thought of Dr. Hussein and how much a disappointment I am to myself and his ideology, so I went back to sleep. Bad move, bad bad move.

I woke up for my 9am class and decided I'm going to get myself a person who will kick me to get up. Literally.

---

Went to Ortho. Dr. Abo Bakr Zeid announced that the exam will be next Sunday and we all looked at each other. Wani spoke up saying her flight will be on Sunday.

"Okay. Saturday."

Turned out Haziq's flight will be on Friday. Lulz.

"Do we have other options?" We negotiated.

He grinned and I have to say Dr. Abo Bakr has nice facial and body structure, with that kind of evil-trying-to-be-nice grin, he reminded me of one of those pseudo-clean Mafia guys. The second Don Corleone. I like. "Saturday or Sunday."

"But our friend has to catch a flight on Friday. Can we please have the exam on Thursday?"

Doc wanted to press because he was inconvenient for Thursday and he kept scrolling his phone for his schedule. The secretary came and asked how he was doing, what's the issue. He told her.

The secretary was a proper old lady of authoritative aura and functional sharp gaze laced with motherly love. She called him "habibi" and told him off, let the kids have their exam on Thursday.

Like every good Egyptian sons, he agreed. She grinned at us victoriously. We grinned back.

She left the room. Doc turned to us. "The full mark is supposed to be 20, but because of this the highest mark I shall give is a 15. Because I am inconvenient."

Hewhew. 5 marks off everybody to let Haziq a chance at his full mark. Why not.

"It's Ramadan, doctor," Ume negated. "Please be kind."

Nah he's not serious.......... Right?

---

Class ended. We rushed to our 11.30 Surgical Skill Lab for our Trauma course. Turned out class was postponed to 12.30 so I went to Qoh and asked her to kindly teach me the things I missed from Dr. Hussein. She opened her notes and welcomed me.

I was so grateful I could cry. "I miss his class and pester his student to teach me instead. I'm a failure."

She soothed me and taught me pilonidal sinus and hemorrhoids.

---

12.30pm and Trauma started. It ended at 4pm. I rushed out of the class with Project Spring Rolls for Syak in mind. Ume stopped me, motioning secretively to Rohim who was facing her.

Oh yeah, Operation Prez. I nearly forgot.

I turned to Rohim and with no preamble, "What's your ride to class today?"

I don't really casually talk to him, and there I was suddenly asking suspicious things. He looked weirded out but humoured me anyway. Such a pure unsuspecting guy, no wonder he was our prez.

"My bike," he answered.

"Where did you park it?"

"Behind Physio building-"

"Okay bye."

I made a dash for it before he suspect anything, trusting Umair to hold him off and to follow me fast.

Some guys were heading towards the bike park area. I saw his red bike which Hilmi was striding, what was he doing?

"Move it guys, why is Hilmi on Rahim's bike. I need to take a picture. Umair, hurry."

They were all weirded out.

"Hilmi is borrowing Rahim's bike, he's going to exchange dollars in Manial," Atan kindly explained, grinning at us weird girls.

"Hilmi, park the bike here please," I instructed. "Here, here. Okay get off please." He backed off. "Umair hurry, touch his bike."

"Like this?" Umair with one finger.

"No." What's one finger going to prove? "Use your thenar.. I mean like you're going to palpate it."

Pics taken. "K thanks guys, bye."

I left the scene.

---

The day hasn't ended yet, but I'm bored writing. Vamos.

12pm, 2pm, 4pm

At the end of the two-hour afternoon class, the doctor asked. "All of you are fasting?"

Murmurs of inshaAllah.

"I'm fasting too." In the same smile and gentle tone he used since the beginning of class. Oh no I don't like where we're heading with this.

"I'm standing while you all are sitting," he continued with the gentle smile and his soft voice. "I'm physically and mentally exhausted while you're in your seat doing only one thing."

Sorry sir, so sorry sorry. Huhu. It was only the second day, and we haven't adapted to fasting since ten hours in this kind of heat. I was damn sleepy manifested by the illegible scrawls in my notebook, and I don't think I was the only one so.

But regardless of the circumstances, one should remain alert and participating in class. It was the only right thing to do since the doctor attended and committed to the class.

His gentle smile was unnerving. It was understanding with a try-harder-next-time slipped subtly. So sorry again, sir.

"See you next week. Ramadan kareem."

Urgh. Hurry up adapt, you.

Wake up and chase your dream

After running around doing things they finally decided that I had proven myself thus warrant an honour. I stood there waiting to be officially handed the certificate and while doing so, scrutinised the blue passport-like certificate that was in a classy leather document holder. I made a few comments on the item.

"Don't complain, just come here and receive your certificate," a voice reprimanded me softly. I looked up. It was the dean, officiating.

He handed me the certificate formally and he stooped down for a hug. It was warm and comfy, the belly fat was really pleasing. We let go and I made a few comment to the other official.

And then I woke up and noticed the ample time for the 7am class. After such traitorous dream, how could I sleep in?

I miss my dad.

Two crazy girls and a guy

We clerked three patients (one heart failure, one post pacemaker implantation and another severe mitral stenosis from rheumatic heart) and reviewed their cases for two hours. It was nearly 11pm. We left Dept 23 happily.

Ume: Iskun let's go to Dept 11. We'll introduce you to our resident Dr. Maged and selfie with him.
Iskun: Why. Is he even here?
Me: He should be. Guy said he sleeps in the department.
Ume: We will go and take a selfie and I'll upload on FB and I'll tell him to like it.

Ume proceeded to tell him about Dr. Maged and how he seemed charismatically reliable in the ward and OPC. Told them I found Dr. Mostafa leaving a bigger impression on me despite mostly doing his work efficiently without mingling with us, unlike the social Dr. Maged. And he doesn't speak English much.

Me: In the department he seemed mousey and nerd. But in the OPC, he was like the boss and in control. That was really charismatic.
Ume: (laughs)

Ume then showed me the picture of Fadzlin's crush Yehia and damn he really is a smoking hot guy. Complimented them on their good taste. Me and her talked other stupid stuffs and occasionally involved the more matured Iskun into our stupidity and finally we were at Department 11.

I led the way and in the front office, there was Dr. Mostafa sitting at the table doing some paperwork. I immediately hid behind a pillar.

"Damn it's Dr. Mostafa! I'm shy in front of him, I don't want to go in first. You go!" God I just praised the guy! It's embarrassing!

Ume flabbergasted. "No I don't want! I'm shy too!"

"Are we really going in just to see Dr. Maged?"

"Yes!"

"What if he's not in and Dr. Mostafa asks why are we asking for Dr. Maged and not him?" It won't look good if it was spread three Malaysians came at 11pm asking for Dr. Maged. "We need a cover story!"

"I don't have one! Hana, go and ask him!"

"Okay I know. I'll say we're here to see the ultrasound result of Mr. Khaled." I need it anyway to reorganize our slides to hand-in to Dr. Raafat. Smooth going there, brain. "Okay, let's go."

I emerged back into the hallway and Dr. Mostafa looked up and saw us. I grinned at him, he smiled back and I walked into the office. Remembering that he doesn't speak English much, I launched my best Arabic confidently.

"Assalamualaikum Dr. Mostafa, how are you?"

"Waalaikumussalam, good good."

"Is Dr. Maged in?"

"No he's not." He shook his head, still an amused smile on his face.

Smooth Hana, thank God for thinking ahead. I'm so proud of you! Bwahaha. Without missing a beat, "May I request to see the ultrasound report of Mr. Khaled (insert patient's three names)?"

"Mr. Khaled? Sure."

"Thank you."

We hid behind the wall as he finished whatever paperwork he was on.

Me: Wow, some spirit. I actually used all Arabic with him.
Iskun: What was the name of the doctor that you guys are scared of?
Me: You mean Dr. Raafat?
Iskun: Yeah. He wrote a book right? What book is it?
Me: Art of Clinical Examination, evidence based. His book is.. deep. MD level.
Ume: He's a renowned breast surgeon. He proposed a mechanism for metastasis.
Me: You should have seen him teaching us. He gave us a lecture on breast cancer and he said "this is useful for your fellowship.." and I was like :|
Iskun: So he treats you like MDs. Wow.
Me: Yeah. Tough.

Dr. Mostafa walked out of the office ("Khaled what?" "Khaled (insert patient's three names.") and into the report room (with the files lining up on an open shelf) slash resident room (it has a computer and a bed).

Iskun: So this is where the residents sleep?
Me: Well Dr. Maged said he sleeps on the couch in the other room.

We waited at the door and Dr. Mostafa handed me Mr. Khaled's file, opened at the ultrasound page.

"Here's the report."

"Thanks doctor."

He left us in that room and we snapped a picture of the report.

Me: See this? Doesn't it makes your blood boil?
Ume: Yeah.
Iskun: What?
Me: The report. "Findings are suggestive of thyrotoxicosis."
Ume: You don't need an ultrasound to tell you patient is thyrotoxic.
Me: Should we leave the file here?
Ume: Here. Did he took it from the shelf?
Me: Yeah he did. Okay just leave it on the table nice and neat. Let's go.

We passed the office. He was on the paperwork.

"Thanks doctor."

Nodding, "Thank you a lot and a lot."

Hahaha, what was the thanks for? Did we amused your quiet night?

I don't discriminate

If you chat with any HOs or senior doctors, the one mutual advice they give us medical students in order to survive houemanship is having the right attitude.

Behave humbly and politely.
Eager to learn.
Be diligent.
Yadayada.

They all repeat the same thing. I assume they tell us this in advance is for us to develop the right attitude right now, from this moment, now, before we step into the workforce. So that keeping a good attitude is easy for us by that time.

Go to class and respect your teacher and classmates.
Help each other out.
Be reasonable.
Be eager to learn.
Have depth in your knowledge to stand up for yourself.
Be nice to the patients.

I clerked this stuporous uncooperative patient once. She'd rather sleep than hear me out. She denied any previous operation while I was clerking her but when I examined her, there was a scar of previous hernia repair. Took everything in me not to smack anything.

Anyway. My batchmates are all grown up, at the age of marriage, they can do whatever they want and I should worry more about myself (I have difficulty sleeping early to be up for the 7am class. If this persists, how would I wake up before 5am for work?) But when you see your classmates ditching class, shoving clerking after clerking to you, shitting out bullshits like "if you assign me to present the case, I won't show up for class", you start to wonder how long does it takes before housemanship kills them and they drop out.

Dr. Ayman Gado told us that we should save the patient and try not to scandalize our colleagues. Today I learn that in  medicine, you have to save a patient's life and your colleague's ass.

I hope I don't trouble people by having them wipe my ass too much. And I certainly hope I stick around in this field.

Resident in 1967

Roy is Dr. Mohamed Abdouh's favourite. It started the day she stood on the chair at the back of the crowd gathering around the patient and tried to see. Dr. Mohamed called her petite self forward besides him. They're like a pair of grandpa and grandkid. So cute.

Last week Roy went for umrah with her family who came from Malaysia and thus she was absent from class. On that Wednesday class, Dr. Mohamed sat down and said two words about the day's patient and suddenly he stretched his neck to observe the last row. "Where is Raihanah?" I laughed and told him where she went. He went "Ahh okay okay." The next day he asked again. Hahaha.

We all know the MERS outbreak in Saudi that is killing people and risking more and more pilgrims. Alhamdulillah Roy came back safely that Saturday. On Wednesday's class, Dr. Mohamed made his grand entrance asking "Where is Raihanah?"

Roy stood slowly from her usual last row seat. He inquired about her quarantine status, mentioned how it was riskier for people his age when coronavirus attacks and then he laughed. He turned to her gently. "Alhamdulillah ala salamah."

We started to examine the day's patient and Dr. Mohamed remained seated in his chair as we gathered around. Roy came forward to examine as well and upon seeing her coming closer to the bed, he swiftly stood up and moved away from her.

"I like you, but I don't like corona." He admitted. "You all are young, so it's okay. But I am not so young."

I thought it was amusing that he went to such extents so I went home that day and read some articles on corona. Then I realized why he didn't like corona. Patients infected died of acute pneumonia and acute renal failure and most of them were 60 above. Talk about badass strain.

Our doctor is 70-ish.

The Door

The door was to be pulled from inside and it had no handle either from inside nor outside. Today it was closed somewhere during our session and we couldn't open it to let the patient out.

One of the guys tried to pry it open. No avail. Dr Solaiman slammed on it to attract the staffs outside. The girls borrowed my knife ("Please don't let the doctor see I bring a knife around") and tried to pry it open. No avail.

Minutes had passed. I was getting edgier. Calm down, silly girl, calm down.

Dr Solaiman made a comment about brainless human. He typed in Ammu Abder Rahman's number and called him to open the door for us. The secretary came and tried to open it with a makeshift handle. No avail.

He went to take the door's key and tried it. The door yielded.

Turned out somebody locked the door. With the respected 70-plus-year-old doctor and a whole class of student in. I hung my head. Brainless Egyptian.

The doctor yelled asking which animal locked us in and demanded someone own up. They were shouting in the hallway. Dr Solaiman came back and said one of the cleaners thought the class was empty and thus locked it. "And she'll go to slack off work and come back tomorrow to open it in the morning!"

Thank you doctor for going livid. If you didn't, I would have had a breakdown. I hung my head to hide tears threatening to fall down. Damn brainless Egyptian. If there was a fire, none of us could have gotten out.. Effing brainless.

"Donkeys," Dr Solaiman muttered and addressed us. "Thrombocytopenia will present as..."

Life goes on. I need to get over this.