Haru Mitsui, MBBCh

Today was the graduation ceremony. This morning before the rehearsal; prova as we call it, I went to Dr. Hussein's class and after lecture was dismissed for clinical to commence, he noticed me and directly asked about the result that came out yesterday.

He wasn't happy at all that none of us got Mumtaz for Surgery, voiced verbally and expressed facially. It was quite unnerving to be at the receiving end of it. He asked what happened and all I could do was sheepishly apologise and tell him my hope that the next batch will do better.

---

"The graduation is this evening, right? I might not be able to make it, fa don't be upset. Please send my apology to the students."

"Oh."

His words that followed was drowned by that realisation, but I quickly regained my smile. "Okay. It's okay sir." I sort of understood why and sort of knew this would come.

"I know I'm supposed to give a speech but I have.. ya3ni.. I have my own reasons."

"Haha don't worry sir. I understand. I'll tell the others you send them your apology."

"I will send a formal apology baa to the committee-"

---

"All of you are going back on 13th?"

"No, some of us are going back on the 2nd. I'm included."

"2nd! 2nd is too soon.."

"Yes, it's on Monday."

"Monday.. Ah yes, 1st is a Sunday. Do you have my email?"

"No, I don't."

"Here, take it. H-" I quickly took out whatever piece of paper I could grab from my bag and handed it to him. "Let me write it down."

Dr. Hussein offering me his email... I would die happy.

---

I met sir half an hour later because I couldn't find the mood to pass him the souvenir I got him from Dahab when I first met him. I met him with Dijah, Qoh, Su Badr and Nadie and we caught him in front of the north entrance chatting with Dr. Amina Borhamy and another doctor.

We hugged Dr. Amina who congratulated us. I listened in as he chatted with Dijah and before we all parted, he told them what he told me earlier.

"I might not make it-"

"No don't say that," Dr. Amina cut him. "You have to come."

Yeah sir, it's not something anyone would like to hear... but I do think it's better to know he's not coming so to prepare emotionally rather than anticipate his attendance only to feel stood up.

---

"I went to Sinai and Dahab the last three days with my parents, and this is something we got for you."

"Thank you."

I grinned.

"Merci, merci, merci.." The face was unreadable.

---

We were leaving for the prova, he needed to go to his clinical class. As he turned around, with my souvenir in his hand, he said

"Enjoy this moment. Because it's not coming back. So enjoy it." With his usual awkward nod.

"Okay sir."

I turned around to hide my teary eyes and walked away with my friends. "Kenapa doktor kata "not coming back"?"

Qoh half-hugged me. I was crying. Why did he say that? What's not coming back? Where is he going?

"Doktor cakap "not coming back". Kenapa dia kena cakap macam tu?"

---

I came early and observed his seat on the stage was labelled with his name. I observed each and every one of the VIP during their procession and when it ended, he was nowhere in sight and his seat was occupied by someone else.

Yeah, he's not coming. Thank you for telling me in advance, I would have threw a fit if I realise we were stood up. I sobered myself up and decided this ceremony will be emotionally handled as stoic formal. This is all business; a curt smile, a sharp bow, receive my scroll and off I go do whatever I want.

Haru's mantra that night was "Fa don't be upset".

---

Dr. Hussein was absent, Dr. Amina was absent. Dr. Heba went four times to claim the tokens of appreciation across the stage before finally claiming her own.

It felt like Dr. Heba was working extra effort to cover up for them.

---

Greeted Dr. Shen immediately after dismissal. "Dr. Ahmed!" Wide grin.

"Ya Hana," he grinned back. My grin got wider baa hahaha.

We exchanged words and I told him I hope to see him at the department, and he said he'd be waiting for us at the department this Monday.

Iskun asked me to take a picture of him with Dr. Shen. After that, I turned to sir and asked if I could take a picture with him.

"Of course!"

But Melle was too far away and so I asked Iskun to take a picture for me using his phone. I stood on his right and just as Iskun readied to snap the picture... ZIZOU CAME RUNNING AND STOOD ON HIS LEFT.

Sibukkk -_-

But we proceeded because I pity Zizou was so happy hyper to stand beside Dr. Shen and Zizou is a good friend who helped me a lot through domestic challenges, like handling leaking cooking gas tank to going to police offices for my fire report. I could also use this to bully him in the future.

Iskun gestured for me to stand closer to Dr. Shen, but I know Dr. Shen is careful on things like this, so I carefully watched my space between us.

---

My dad asked what did I understand from his vague reasoning. I told dad that "Dr. Hussein is kind of like you. Silently protesting."

As his student, I respect his every decisions.

Blue Hole is veeeeery deep an acrophobic might want to stay away

Today we went snorkeling at Blue Hole, Dahab. It was a first time activity for me and at LE25 a person, I jumped at the opportunity. Literally.

I jumped into the water after Maisarah's lil bro Naqib and went to swim ahead, enjoying the coral life. I quickly reached the edge of said Blue Hole and the sudden loss of sea floor was a fright for an acrophobic like me. I turned around and rushed towards the small bridge. It was supposed to be only a few strokes away but panic level was rising at a frighteningly fast pace.

I could see Yen standing on the bridge, observing the struggling me. "Okay dak?" He asked.

He was closer than the bridge pole I was heading to. I so wanted to grab on to him for life's sake but oh God can I please just grab on to this married guy please-

He grabbed my arm and pulled me in, allowing my to catch on the bridge pole. I regained my senses and floated upright. Pulled my breathing mask out and gasped for direct fresh air.

"Terima kasih Yen, terima kasih."

Nauzubillah but if this dude ever needed a liver, I'll get myself cross-matched.

---

I built up my courage bit by bit, snorkeling across the Blue Hole edges by edges. Then we had a guide who guided us across the whole Blue Hole and over the orange line into the deep sea of Gulf of Aqaba. I did panicked once during the guide but I quickly resurfaced to calm myself, a small pep talk and went back to snorkel again.

It was a refreshing experience. Among the things floating on my mind during the swim across were:
(1) subhanallah wal hamdulillah la ilaha illallah Allahu akbar
(2) there're so many more of this Earth I haven't explored yet
(3) God is Great. I have to work all out harder for this deen
(4) I want to go do Umrah
(5) I need to really work harder for this deen

---

When we got back to the Titanic port waiting for our ride back to the hotel, Ume announced the results of our MBBCh were out. I decided not to spoil our holiday mood, I mean, I just got out of the water, gimme a break. I wasn't bothered much by whatever result I would get since the mindset I had at the very beginning of the study leave. But Ume kept worrying.

Yen opened the result link and told us to tell him if we wanted to know ours. Of course we all rushed to him and waited as he announced each and every one of ours.

"JJ, Jayyid, JJ. Tahniah Hana." Yen read out my Internal Medicine, Surgery and overall grade.

"Terima kasih Yen." My content mode didn't differ much except for an offered grin. "Alhamdulillah aku dapat apa yang aku nak," I remarked to Ume. Sarah was crying happily. Ume was ecstatic.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. After we confirmed all tripmates made it (aside the mentioned names, there were also Humaici, Tima, Lin, Izzah, Rohim, Ijan, Chip plus Ayad and Luqman), I borrowed Yen's phone to scroll through everyone's result to see who didn't make it yet.

---

First thing I did when I reached the hotel was opening the door and announced to my parents the results were out.

"Hana lepas. Semua kawan trip lepas."

"Tahniah!" Dad congratulated enthusiastically.

"Hana dapat Jayyid Jiddan." I added as an afterthought.

Dad gave me a more enthusiastic thumbs up from his lounging on the bed.

Later after we checked out and headed back to Cairo, I checked my phone and SitRepped to Kak Elli and Bawarouq.

---

We were ganging up against Izany's 10-year-old bro Aryan.

Me: (pointing to Fadzlin) Ni siapa?
Aryan: Kak Lin.
Lin: Belakang tu?
Aryan: Kak Meme.
Me: Nama akak ape?
Aryan: Kak Dora.
Me: (semi-standing on my seat and turning to scream at Izany at the back of the bus) Weh Ijan amende kau ajar adik kau ni!!!

Nama saya Hana bukan Kak Haru

Sesungguhnya saya beriman bahawasanya perbezaan antara kita di sisi Tuhan hanyalah darjat ketaqwaan kita, maka saya berusaha menterjemahkan keimanan tersebut dengan membahasakan diri saya "saya" dengan seluruh lapisan masyarakat.

Kadang2 tersasul je "akak" bila borak dengan junior yang rapat, and ada masa rasa janggal nak borak saya-(nama junior), tapi xpe, kita berusaha mana yang boleh.

Petang tadi masa perbahasan usul ketiga, saya perkenalkan diri kepada dewan dan saudara pengusul sebagai "H*na Akmal R*slan, K double zero lapan tiga" seterusnya mengajukan soalan saya.

Tiba masa untuk jawapan, saudara pengusul mulakan dengan "Menjawab soalan Kak Haru Mitsui..."

And I was sitting at the back frowning at the guy, complaining to my benchmates. "Kenapa dia panggil kak? Camne dia tahu saya senior?" Have my face aged? Or the number perwakilan was a dead giveaway?

Dan kenapa dia terus singkatkan jadi Haru Mitsui? Camne dia tahu saya singkatkan nama jadi camtu?

Haru: just because you don't know juniors doesn't mean they're as ignorant as you.

Have a good day today, sir.

Sir was surrounded by other students after class. I stalled for a while debating whether to wait to greet him or not. I don't want to impose, so I went straight out for Dhuha prayer instead.

It was a very chilly 9am and prova was scheduled to start in an hour. I stared at the street just staring at passersby and came upon Dr. Magdi Ibrahim our O&G professor walking in front of me. I thought of going up to him and introducing myself as his student two years ago and thanking him, but I simply observed him and didn't get up from the bench I was sitting on.

I remembered I haven't send in my syahadah asliyyah, so I prepared the documents and went to Syuun Tullab to have it settled. As I walked near, I saw a familiar old professor walking towards the Physiology building. He was the head of Physiology department when we were first years and he taught Kidney Physiology in my class. I remembered how clear his teaching was and I liked his awesome smirk the most, but his name didn't register.

He looked older but healthy nevertheless. I smiled and greeted him with a "Assalamualaikum sir, how are you?"

He greeted me back plus the smirk I was most amused of.

On my way out of the campus after prova, I walked pass the Anatomy building and saw Dr. Shen walking towards the professors' parking space carrying with him a bouquet of flowers. I stopped in my track. He was looking straight on and I observed his neutral side features. It felt weird not to see him with a bright smile.

As I stalled and other students walked pass me, Dr. Shen had already walked pass my path. If I were to greet him, I'd have to deviate from my path to catch up with him. I decided to stop and observe him as he made his way and entered his car. Walking behind him was a group of ladies carrying centerpiece of flowers and I deduced he had a conference of some sort at LRC, since this morning I saw an errand boy carrying that same centerpiece.

The last time I saw Dr. Shen on campus, I went hyper like a puppy. But I have realised my respect for him is at par to my respect for our syuyukh and it felt wrong to go hyper on him, Dr. Hussein too. I didn't oath my love and respect for Dr. Shen for nothing. He's exactly like a dear ikhwah to me.

And maybe after daily seeing Dr. Hussein, I have somewhat calmed down in general.

I continued my walk towards the main gate.

---

This evening, as I reflected upon my day, I wondered why I didn't make extra effort to greet my doctors. Tomorrow and the day after are weekdays. Sunday to Tuesday I'm going to Sinai with my family and there goes my morning classes.

I don't know when will I have the chance to catch Dr. Magdi again. Dr. Shen will be at the graduation but he'll be busy surrounded by my many other colleagues. Apart from the graduation, I'm only going to see Dr. Hussein in his class on Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday and Monday.

And Monday will be my last day in Egypt.. until next time. I'm definitely spending Monday going from one department to another, greeting.

المحبة لا تسقط أبداً

سنة حلوة يا جميل يا ابونا يا قدوتنا يا دكتور أحباء كل مخلوقات الله
كل عام حضرتك بخير وأقرب إلى الله
طول عمرك في حفظ الله و عقبال 100 سنة سعيدة وصحة قوية وسلامة ونجاح مع كل ما عندك
سهل الله لك في كل مسؤولية

هسافر ماليزيا بعد قليل من اسبوعين و إن شاء الله هشوف حضرتك في المستقبل القريب
اللهم آمين

Lucky dogs

After I crossed the street, my left foot landed in a hole and it gave way. Unlucky for me to fall on my bad foot. I quickly righted myself and prayed it wasn't a herald for an unlucky day ahead.

It proved to be not.

We had our last day of internship at the Endocrine clinic and we waited in front of the clinic for the doctor to come. I was walking to and fro, hyped after my to3miyah bil beidh breakfast and talking to Humairah about current issues when suddenly my brain stopped working from what glimpsed into the periphery of my vision.

"Dr. Hussein Dr. Hussein!" My eyes widened and I grinned widest. Whatever I was saying to Humairah was lost the moment I registered Dr. Hussein striding towards the main OPC building and my legs were already skipping towards his direction.

"Where?" Humairah asked.

"There! Over there! It's Dr. Hussein! I want to follow him!"

Sir was actually 50 meters away from where I was skipping happily. I turned around to grin excitedly at Humairah and I noticed the two guys were grinning at me. Nazrin was semi-hanging his head probably to be polite despite openly amused and Chip looked at me with a normal smile.

For once, Chip was normal. I must have weirded them out. I forgot they existed, I should have behaved BUT THIS IS DR. HUSSEIN HELL I CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE HAHAHA.

"If you follow him, you're just going to bother him," Chip said in a kind tone. The one you use with a difficult kid.

"But I'm a good kid!"

But we were waiting for our doctor and it would be disrespectful to ditch the team to go run after Dr. Hussein. I stood still and watched until he disappeared from my sight. Then I sat down with my team and blabbered about his possible destination.

Surgery OPC? Was the Surgery intern group having OPC today? Are they going to have Dr. Hussein today? I want to join them if so!

Or did he just use the OPC building to commute to the Manial Hospital? Then what was he doing going through the main OPC gate? Did he just arrive on campus?

No, that's not possible. I walked with him once and he used the main campus gate to commute to the Manial Hospital. It must be the Surgery OPC.

Two minutes later the doctor had yet to show up and I was beyond restless. Too many questions! I shouldered my bag and went to the main OPC building without a word nor a glance to my team.

I walked to the Surgery clinic and debated whether to go in or not. I waited outside for a while before calling Umair. She had Surgery today. I called her multiple times but she didn't pick up.

I decided to be a good girl and went back to my team. Bought myself sweet coffee at the spot where I first saw sir and went back to the Endocrine clinic... only to find Radhi sitting there alone, finishing her ODOJ. The doctor definitely didn't arrive yet otherwise they would have called me or the person waiting for me would have ushered me in.

"Where's everyone?"

"The girls went to send in their syahadah asliyyah. The guys went to buy drinks."

Lol. Did they took me bailing as a cue?

One minute later, Dr. Rokaya Abdel Aziz arrived. I immediately stood up for her and introduced ourselves for permission to join her clinic today.

A professor in the clinic today! I learned a lot from just watching her interact with the patients. She actually gave LE100 to one patient who came for follow up of her hypothyroidism, telling her it was for her daughters.

With Prof Dr. Rokaya Abdel Aziz, she taught us a lot of lectures and coordinated a lot of our classes. Allahumma bless her with health and happiness, ameen.

Dammit why am I the shortest in my team. 

A little fear goes a long way

We had Gen08 Grand Dinner at Nile Lily, Manial on Friday the 13th February. It was a gorgeous place (I like that they raised ducks around the floating restaurant) with awesome people and great food. I am very picky with mahsyi and the mahsyi they served as appetizer was the best mahsyi I ever had in my years in Cairo.

There was an award ceremony that night. I was nominated for Fear-is-not-a-factor Award and the description for when we were to vote for it was that it was to award the person who travelled or wandered to rare and adventurous places. Other nominees were Ara, Nisa and Ayu, all of whom were my travelmates.

I haven't been travelling much in the recent years and the rare places I could vouch for were only Luxembourg Garden in Paris and getting lost in Madinat Salam in Cairo. And of course, the many unbecoming stunts of wandering off alone, so the term fear-is-not-a-factor plus its description sounded off to me. 

It was too close to describe someone who travelled around without a chaperone, which is a sore topic in our Malaysian community in Egypt. Zizou already snided me after he saw me late at night away from my neighbourhood without a male chaperone and I know this was not something to be awarded for. I really hoped I didn't win the award.

But I did. When Dijah announced my name, I remained seated and hung my head. I didn't want to go to the stage but Adakun told me to go anyway. And so I marched up to the stage and accepted the recognition my female batchmates voted for me.

I took my seat and examined the gift I received. The award title bothered me. Fear is not a factor, huh?

Well yeah, it was rarely a factor to be considered when I travel or do stuffs. The biggest weighing factor has always been my laziness and my hatred to impose on people. So far the things I fear are dentists and putting in eyedrops.

When it comes to studying, I really am lazy to the point of fearless.

Brave means being the only one who knows you're afraid. I guess not crying in front of them after my apartment caught fire can be considered brave.

---

Speaking of eyedrops. Kak Junaidah called me a sissy when I mentioned the drama I went through with eyedrops. My usrahmates had a good laugh at me when they discovered this sissy side of me but it proved to be such a difficult task they will always pass on to someone else instead.

Me: Guys, may I trouble you?
Housemate A: Sure.
Me: Put eyedrops for me.
Housemate A: (scoots away) I don't want to. You do it.
Housemate B: No, you do it.
Me: Please I promise to behave. My eyes are dry.
Housemate B: (sighs) Okay, lay down.

These are the same people who would otherwise move bodies for me!

Me: (immediately after laying down, whimpers) Oh no this is scary.
Housemate : Open your eyes, how am I supposed to put it in if you close your eyes?
Me: Okay I'm opening it, hurry.
Housemate : Stay still Hana, hands away from your face.
Me: No! Argh I'm scared!
Housemate : Oi stay still!
Me: (pathetically cries)
Housemate : Do you want to do this or not!
Me: I waaaant don't give up on me! I'll behave!
Housemate : Stay still..
Me: (whimpers)
Housemate : (drops)
Me: Argh is it in? Is it in?
Housemate : It is.
Me: (sobs) Waaa thank you.

Tahrir is beautiful at night

Thursday half hour before Maghrib, I was on the Metro to Ghamra on my way for the last day of Cairo International Book Festival. It was after I disembarked the train that I remembered my backpack was on my back during the ride and I immediately turned it sideways... and what do you know, the smaller compartment of my backpack was unzipped. A quick check confirmed my suspicion. Someone pickpocketed my phone.

I grinned hopelessly at the sky; stupid Hana, amateur mistake!

2013 my iPod was pickpocketed because I had my backpack on my back and I placed the iPod in the smaller compartment, which was beyond stupid. Only noob first-years wear their backpack on the back and even noober was to place valuables in the smaller, easily-accessible compartment. For God sake Hana you're leaving Egypt for good in half a month!

I quickly checked the main compartment and heaved a huge sigh of relief. Thank God my purse and IDs were safe. I was just so very grateful it was only my phone and for the rest of my journey, I kept repeating alhamdulillah and asking forgiveness for my sins in between gearing up protocols.

(1) Well with the phone gone, I have a legit reason for not answering calls or messges. Though I need to alert mom that I'm unreachable by phone, especially WhatsApp. Haha WhatsApp... good riddance?

Wait. Damn I lost my planner along with the phone. Ah this is going to be tiresome.

(2) The only other number I remember was Tasnim's number because it was only a digit different from my number. So if in emergency, I will call her.

(3) Plan didn't change. Take microbus for Maarad, buy entrance ticket, enter, buy kids flashcards on the way to the mosque, pray Maghrib, go buy Nelson and Bro's books.

Thank God I wrote down his list of books on a piece of paper and the thief didn't take the paper with her. His original messages were lost together with the phone.

(4) Currently my feelings were that of content. I was in control of myself, plan looked good, everything happened for a lesson. No regrets.

Until I saw the sunset and I realised I had no camera to take a picture with. It was beautiful... Never mind, let's stare at it for a longer while.

(5) I need to reclaim my simcard as soon as possible. Should I, after the maarad, take the microbus to Damardesh and then straight to Maadi for the Etisalat center?

But Nelson was quite heavy, I wasn't sure how long I can walk carrying it and my backpack around. Internship wasn't friendly on my shoulder either, and I had a long day today. Should I from Damardesh go back to my place, relieve myself of Nelson and then to Maadi?

But I don't like to take double train... I am adverse against redundancy.

(6) I don't need another phone, not now. My Note will do, but I would need a phone for when I start working. Maybe I can get mom or Bro to gift me a phone as congratulations for graduating?

Too soon to think about that. Let's go get a new simcard first.

---

The bus I took was going to Ramsis and Tahrir and passed my usual stop; Damardesh Metro station. But I decided to try the Tahrir stop, it should be near the Mugamma and I can walk from there to the Tahrir Etisalat Center on my way back. On a normal day, it's a 20 minute leisure walk back from Mugamma.. with Nelson, maybe it'd be 30.

Okay let's do this.

... only I didn't expect the Tahrir stop to be near Hilton Ramsis, which was even farther than the Tahrir Museum. Man the walk was farther than I thought. Nelson felt heavier, I wished I was stronger and my legs were longer to take wider strides.

I caught a glimpse of the clock as I set my landmark walking towards the Mugamma. It was 7.40pm. I think I could make it to Etisalat by 8. It should be closed by 9.

So I continued my walk back, stopping a few times because Nelson was heavy and every muscle demanded a hearing. I wondered why I walked this whole distance. Ah yes, I hardly take taxis when I'm alone, let alone alone and phoneless.

Well, at least the view was beautiful. Tahrir at night reminded me of the square near Hard Rock Cafe Madrid.

... Only to come upon a closed store. It wasn't even 8 yet. All the walking and lifting were just for exercise? Do I have the energy to go to Maadi?

Ah, no. Not today.

With a resigned fate, I continued walking. Then suddenly, I saw two familiar figures crossing the street. It was Umair and Pait. I grinned widely and yelled out for them until they noticed me. I would run for them, but you know, heavy Nelson, long walk..

Words cannot express how regretful I am

I reinstated 7am class in my planner and set it to Repeat daily weekdays. The planner asked me to set the repeat until when, so I scrolled to choose Repeat Until 2nd of March-

When realisation hit me, my eyes were watery and a lone tear escaped.

I am so... sorry...

Urgh, I better start working by April grr.

Khamasin otherwise known as Gaara-on-a-rampage Day

Sir was writing down the day's syllabus on the board when I took my seat. He then started teaching without noticing me. He was in the middle of describing to the class when he looked sideways and saw me.

He chuckled in the middle of his sentence. Hahaha yes I made it! This was very rewarding.

---

Sir asked the class what was the term for an intervention given prior to a complaint. Some student answered prophylactic, but he wanted another term.

Preemptive?

"It is widely used in anaesthesia.."

"Preemptive," I answered.

"Correct." Of course I could answer correctly, if I couldn't it would have been a disgrace. For the next few minutes he kept repeating the word's usage to emphasise its meaning. All those time I was feeling extra proud of myself. Haru was "don't grin, don't grin."

---

After dismissing the class, sir immediately went to Kie's row and I was standing nearby waiting patiently to greet him. I overheard him requesting a list of the names of Malaysian students attending his class. I grinned. It was definitely from last night when he said he regretted not knowing all of our names.

He was showing true sincere dedication. I have to do my best too.

Sir turned around and smiled at me. After exchanging pleasantries, his first sentence was how grateful he was for last night's event.

Gaaaaaaaaaaa I love our professor!

Tonight tonight kono omoi

Tonight, among others, I told Dr. Hussein that I enjoyed his emails to the official school mailing address very much. I really did. He smiled warmly and said "I'm really glad you enjoyed it."

I should have told him that I especially liked his email wishing us the best for our final exams and when he wished to see us in the near future as colleagues. It really sparked my perseverance to study. I truly am looking forward to be his colleague, inshaAllah.

Tonight was beautiful. I am grateful eternally for the best seat in the house; next to Dr. Hussein, opposite Dr. Heba who was between Dr. Souad and Dr. Ahmed. Four of my most beloved teachers in Egypt. Thank you Bahiran, Hafizi and Mat for giving me the opportunity to co-host the event.

At the end of the night, I noticed how warm Dr. Hussein's smile was as we chatted. And I told him "I will see you inshaAllah at your class in my usual seat in front of you, sir."

"Ya riit (I hope)." He chuckled.

Haha. It's half past twelve. I better sleep now.

P/s: Title is from CNBLUE'S Still lyric. It meant "tonight tonight all this feelings".

Today is the 13th day of internship

Ya3ni my first day in Emergency at the 185 New Kasrel Ainy Emergency Hospital. It made me realise a few things.

(1) Was late on purpose because the schedule today was gather 9.15am at Dept 5 and wait for Madam Amany.

I got up 8.50, got out at 9.25am and even stopped to buy breakfast on the way there. Usually I buy Brunch's gibnah rumi but I couldn't find it at the store so I picked up the new croissant with honey and cream. It tasted weird, like eating croissant with condensed milk. I couldn't decide whether it's a good thing or not but like the good kid I am, I finished my breakfast just as I entered the hospital.

(2) My subgroup was to report at the 3rd floor of the new Emergency building. Since I don't trust their managerial prowess, I went to run a personal errand instead and brought my whole subgroup with me to the main Surgery Office to meet Dr. Ashraf Heidar.

Errand completed. I was about to excuse ourselves but Dr. Ashraf asked if we're in Emergency. I confirmed.

"You are aware of the problems in Emergency, I believe."

"Yes of course." The biggest problem was the poor managerial in which no teaching staff is teaching us, something I'm still peachy of since my time in Emergency rotation.

The other problem was we were kicked out by Dr. Hesham Abou Eisa when one of the group approached the Resus Room. He is a professor I remembered as someone who taught us three lectures of Liver passionately and a dedicated surgeon who cared for his patients.

I remember three quotes from him very well:
"A living problem is better than a dead one."

"I've seen two liver trauma patients die on the table and I was the attending surgeon. And I am not a bad one."

"You are dead. I am dead." His last words from our last two-hour-plus-long lecture with him.

Dr. Ashraf told us Dr. Hesham was concerned of the safety of the patients when he kicked that group out and so he proceeded to brief my how they are planning to overcome this problem.

"So the first thing is to see this negativity as a positive."

I grinned. Sir I'm with you on this.

A resus room is no place for people who are simply observing. Unless you're reflexively being useful, stay out of the way and out of the room. At this point, I myself will stay out of the way. Although I believe my colleagues were peachy because he could have been nicer about it, otherwise, code blue is respected.

Dr. Ashraf then said they arranged for Dr. Mahmoud Ezz Eldin to be our coordinator and I remembered that name as the professor who was sharp on time (I missed the first half hour of his every lectures thanks to Dr. Ayman and Dr. Raafat dismissing the General Surgery classes late every Sunday and Tuesday) and give us the lecture in Bailey and Love format.

Although I think it was late of them since today was Day 13 out of the 18 days of internship, I must support them when they're showing effort.

"May I have his contact number please?" I asked him. He asked me to follow him into the main office and as I stepped inside the room, a sinking feeling of heavy awkwardness seeped in.

There was Dr. Saeed Mar3ee Head of Surgery Department and three other professors. To this measly meager not-yet-a-doctor, it was like entering the Oval Office. Should I bow? Oh my God.

"Good morning sir, how do you do?"

In short, it was good that I took the detour to meet Dr. Ashraf this morning.

(3) I called Humairah our Group 2 leader to report back and she told me to go ahead and give Dr. Mahmoud a call as the other subgroup was in Dept 30 following Dr. Arsany for a ward round. I laughed because they were worst than me. I don't trust Emergency but I don't ditch it for Surgery... yet.

I gave the professor a call and he told me to "come to my office in the first floor now."

"Yes sir, right away sir," I replied before hanging up. As stated previously, this was a professor I remembered as sharp on time. I felt the urge to run to the first floor now. But I should regroup the whole Group 2 before we meet him otherwise he only give favourable directions for us three.

(4) Ira, Radhi and I were stationed at the OT today. There was only a case of perforated viscus and the attending surgeon told us to scrub in. We jumped at the opportunity and I got to retract the liver and cut off the ends of the stitches, otherwise known as assisting. He tutored us the case and showed us the perforated duodenum. We learned how to do peritoneal lavage and Graham patch today.

(5) My glove size is 7.

(6) There were the attending surgeon and one assistant, us three, 3 anaes, one senior nurse and 3 junior nurses. The nurses were making the usual Arab chatters and I wondered what they were there for other than occasionally sauntering for a 3-0 but bringing back a 0, making noises and chatting up the anaes.

(7) The attending surgeon asked the senior anaes about his marital plans with me in between them readying with a scissors to cut the ends. It was amusing. I wondered if they would have that conversation if they knew I understood them.

Apparently both were not married and had no calon but had been thinking of the idea for years now while juggling to further their career.

(8) I am very silent when I observe.

(9) After the operation, Ira and Radhi went out. I stayed back as the assistant dressed the patient and when I got out, those two were nowhere to be found. I went to the dressing room and found their bags gone. I assumed they went for prayers.

The three chattering junior nurses came as I was scrolling through my FB. They chatted me up on the food we have in Malaysia and in return, she teached me how to cook some Egyptian food.

We were having a happy conversation for about an hour when Radhi finally returned my call. Apparently the two went home already.

(10) It was boring at an OT with no operations and I prepared to leave for the Emergency Bay downstairs. The nurse who taught me recipes caught her fingers in the swinging door and it bled. Her friends were staying with her when suddenly she fainted.

Supposedly one should rush to help catch the falling person. People passed me rushing to help her but I stayed leaning on the wall beside the Cloakroom and stared.

I blame it on my language barrier nevertheless it showed my incompetency. The earlier assisting surgeon emerged out of the room and asked what happened and I simply stared as he quickly rushed towards them and all three grown men carried her into the Cloakroom.

One man raised her legs 90 degree and the surgeon held her bloodied semi-wrapped hand and loosened her headscarf, all the while calling her to wake up and telling her she's fine and ordering for sugary water and rubbing alcohol be brought for her. (Alcohol to irritate her smell sense and wake her up.) Standard protocol for a fainting person. I was ashamed of myself so I went back to lean on the wall for a while.

I later saw her and her friends and they all grinned at me. "Alhamdulillah kheir" was all I say. I wanted to joke maybe she was hungry from all the food talk, but maybe not. I quietly slipped out.

I'm still not good at standard pleasantries.

(11) I went downstairs and none of the other subgroup were seen. Called Bapis and I realised I was the only one left interning today. I shadowed some interns at the Emergency Bay and after a while I grew bored at observing. I went back upstairs after an hour but there were no patients for surgery, so I head out of the hospital.

I realised the hospital was overstaffed.

(12) It was few minutes to 4. Humairah called me as I was passing the mosque and saw Dr. Mohamed Abdel Waheed sitting in his car waiting for the prayer call. She asked for my report and comment for today.

My brain geared as I talked to her and I realised I did this whole internship wrongly. It should be TAGGING in my mind. I should have shadowed a doctor from am to pm until either one of us got bored.

And yeah, this programme is unnecessary. Our superseniors survived their HOship beautifully without having to sacrifice their pre-graduation joliday and USD500 each. The university should just orient more clinical and practical sessions during class instead.

What is wrong with these people

Somehow I had a Twitter conversation with Kemal and it was revealed he didn't know what Shohoku is. And he wasn't kidding.

I was very disturbed. What's going on here? A close friend of mine doesn't know what Shohoku is?

Was he born in 2000? My generation was ruled by Slam Dunk but teen nowadays are more into Kuroko no Basket so it makes sense if he clicked with them.

Is this the same person who was housemate with Bawarouq, didn't he learn anything cool from Bawarouq?

Heda is in Japan, shouldn't he be more anime-conscious?

I have been twitting a lot about Mitsui-kun; don't tell me he followed me on Twitter not understanding a penny of my thought? Why the hell is he even following Blitze?!

It was uncomprehensible. I couldn't find any rationale for this blasphemy. So I called him a noob and told him not to talk to me. I might get infected by his noobness.

At the same time, I was on FB asking a question about the upcoming MTC with Prez Rohim and so I used that opportunity to conduct a sociology research. I asked him if he know what Shohoku is.

He asked me what is that.

OH GOD HOW MANY PEOPLE AROUND ME HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHOHOKU IS

I complained to him about him not knowing what Shohoku is but nevermind, this topic was pissing me off so I told him to forget I even asked and continued asking him questions about the MTC.

He asked me again what Shohoku is, he seriously didn't know what I was talking about. Dude why are you rubbing in your ignorance. So I told him "Shohoku is the main basketball team in Slam Dunk" complete with a pissed off emot.

"Oh," he said. "I didn't layan Slam Dunk."

"Don't talk to me."

Scrub

I studied O&G in year 5 with minimal interest because I didn't like the principle of the subject to save the mother first instead of the fetus. But I did well, interest-wise, during Obs posting today.

Dr. Ahmed Toriq handled Department 10 very awesomely today and coolly teached us, instead of our tutor-of-the-day, while CSing an IUFD with only the nurse assisting him. He then went back to the department and after Dr. Ahmed and Dr. Nada completed today's plan for us, he teached us in between doing PV, administrating drugs, checking lines, CTG and into the theatre for NVD. The cool guy barely stood silent let alone sat down, and we had all these other doctors in the department I wondered what they were for. Haha.

He is a very very tall person and his favourite is the cowboy knot. I'd say he's an assistant lecturer in his early 30's. His teaching was clear and I noted three quotes from him, all medical.

"As long as I'm dissecting in the right plane, adhesion is minimal."

"Before I leave, make sure there's no bleeding and uterus is contracting. It is hard like stone," while pulling his disposable gloves and gown off and coolly went to wash his hands after a successful NVD.

"Meconium is very thick it is not easy to pull with suction."

He will make one very awesome professor one day for making me interested enough in a subject I have minimal interest in to actually quote down medical notes; I've only ever done this with Dr. Hussein. I wish him all the best and ease in his career.

---

But really, I like Paeds better. I wanted to buddy up with the a6fal in charge at the department but strangely enough there was only one and he disappeared after Zohor prayer, I didn't even get to ask him how did he managed the IUFD case. The rest of the babies born later at the department were cleaned off by the obs.

The good thing about O&G aside from Dr. Ahmed Toriq is fresh babies, so I stood around the fresh babes and scrutinised their APGAR score. Flicked one of those babes little foot gently to make him cry and fill more oxygen in his lungs and prayed he hurry up and cough out all those secretions, I cannot suck them for him I was scared the nurse will throw me out. But the babe did fine, I made sure he wasn't in RD.

Anyway. Because I was inspired, I picked out a new scrub after class. This time I went for the really nice pricey ones with beautiful pants cutting and multiple pocket patches. Costed me a good LE125 but I was happier with this purchase than I was with my first two.

Humairah suggested light blue or aqua green commonly associated with surgeons, but those colours made me scrunch up my nose. The best thing about Egypt is you get to wear whatever coloured scrub you want, haha. In Malaysia I most probably can't wear them at work, but I'm thinking of going on-calls wearing scrub under my white coat, or scrub top with jeans like I do on lazier days, or pair the newly bought scrub pants with anything else since the cutting and the colour were very smart.

For the record, I have now three sets of scrub. A light grey, a navy and now a dark grey. Why do I need three sets of scrub, I don't know.

---

After we clocked out O&G at 4pm, at the car park we came across the senior ortho surgeon who was the main surgeon for two surgeries I observed yesterday. He was walking sort of aimlessly, so when he got nearer, I greeted him a "Assalamualaikum doctor."

He looked rather taken aback and stumbled with his "akhbarik eeh" but I simply smiled at him and berated myself. Of course he would be confused. I need to properly introduce myself to people next time.

Hana, it should have gone,
"How are you sir. I'm one of the final year students who observed your tibia and acetabulum internal fixation yesterday. I learned a lot, thank you sir."

Puppy

I saw Dr. Hussein taking the turn from the courniche to the campus's bridge this morning as I crossed the road and you know what I did, of course I ran across it (expertly to avoid being run over by Cairo's traffic) and excitedly took a paparazzi shot from behind to commemorate today, a little peeved that he was walking alone without being greeted by anyone on the street, don't they know he is THE Dr. Hussein?

But I quickly matched my step to casually fall beside him and I turned to him, "Assalamualaikum Dr. Hussein, good morning sir."

He smiled, nodded and greeted back the standard "Izzayyik, akhbarik eeh."

"Alhamdulillah, doing fine." I grinned back and "Have a good day today sir," and he nodded gratefully, a small smile and "You too."

I was on hyper mode, super hyper, high and euphoric. To meet him on my way to O&G; a posting I am not that keen on and with a rather nasty mood from a message I received this morning. It was a blessing, alhamdulillah, my day was brightened and nothing can ruin my day now.

I was actually two steps ahead of him then as I didn't want to bother him so that's why I went for a greet-and-bye, but we're going in the same direction and I was really really really excited, have you ever seen me super duper excited? Of course I matched back our pace and asked him the one thing that bugged me from the last week I saw him.

Sir then was going to ask something as I was also going to say something so we both paused and sir said, "Go on, what were you saying?" And I happily blabbed away and sir answered all my hyper ques.

Truthfully I wanted to silently and respectfully walk beside him because I didn't like seeing him walking alone. I didn't want to be friendly because though I love him, I don't think he even remembers me and he seemed a little awkward at my hype. It's the peril of a one-sided love bordering on creepy stalking. But I was really really really so very happy to see him I didn't know what to do with myself.

We parted at the main gate because I had to take the students entrance (yesterday I was already at the patient's entrance on the far right but the effing guard shooed me to the far left student entrance and I was so pissed off I swore to never deal with the stupid stupid restricted entrance rule), and I walked backwards as I wished him a happy day before I ran off excitedly. I kept my eyes on sir and noticed only one guard at the gate saluted him a good morning and it made me so angry. I passed through my gate flashing the guard my ID without so much as a glance at him, mark me I'm never this rude before.

Inside the ground, I kept my eyes on him. It was five to nine and I smiled fondly thinking it was quite a change of pace to see him clocking in by nine instead of usually seeing him making his rounds on the campus before seven. But I quickly wondered; was it a good thing?

I noticed no one greeted him as he steadily walked along the main campus road towards the old Manial Hospital, same place I was going. I wondered if he would be taking the dean's building entrance but he walked pass it towards the north entrance, same entrance I was taking.

I wondered why sir didn't use that entrance. It connects with his Department 29 much faster and I used that route everytime I walk from his lecture to his clinical session. In fact, the dean's building is the fastest route to use if you're going to any middle part of the 2nd or 3rd floor of the Manial Hospital.

But I no longer take it because few days ago when I walked through it, the man standing guard in front sighed but let me pass anyway probably because he was too late to stop me. Sighed and not shouted because I am a Malaysian and not an Arab student. I still use it as an exit route though, buzz off anyone stopping me.

I hate the nowadays strict entrance rule, it made the campus less friendly.

As I observed him walking steadily towards the north entrance, silently passing people with a solemn look, I wondered why no one greeted him. He's the ex dean... Coupled with him not using the dean's building entrance, it felt like he was couped out of his title.

Yeah.. he was.

With him was an electric kettle box and his coat hung on his arm. Did the department's kettle broke down and he bought one to replace it? Turned right at the north entrance and I walked straight for my O&G Hospital, my eyes caught him taking the stairs. I skipped and charged forward to one of the happiest day of my life.

Until I realised we parted without me giving sir the chance to say what he was going to say. HARUUUUU YOU STUPIDDDDDDD!!!

I cursed my retardation. This was more retarded than forgetting to prescribe diuretics to a nephrotic patient in my written MBBCh Batnah!! (I laid out a lengthy case management but after I got back did I realise I forgot Lasix FML.) I went exactly like a puppy yapping excitedly whenever I see him. Where did all my cool gone to?

Please Allah give me the chance to run into him again please please please I promise I will behave and be remembered properly.

Out by 4pm

In Ortho OR today apart from concluding orthopaedic is carpentry on the human body, I questioned my interest in surgical-based. Into the 5th hour observing up to 3 surgeries, I got bored and restless.

Maybe it's my attention deficit thing. Maybe I will feel better when it's me assisting or performing. Maybe. Maybe Emergency is my calling. Maybe it's too early to decide anything. Maybe I should go fold my clothes.

While closing up the patient's forearm with simple interrupted sutures, Dr. Mostafa Ezzat commented how polite and well organised we are. "This is noted by all the doctors who teached the Malaysian students. Your behaviours are not like the other Arabians."

I chuckled awkwardly before thanking him. I suppose it is our cultural upbringing that taught us to respect our elders especially our teachers. As a brat I do have my rebellious moments and pick who to respect, but I never disrespect my teachers.

He told us how easy it was to invigilate our written Surgery exam "because all of you were focused on his papers and not looking around to others or cheating" unlike the Egyptians who they had to continuously remind to not look around and to not cheat. Even then they caught a few with mobiles and cheating papers.

Dr. Mostafa then asked us why we studied in Egypt, so I answered typically that the government sent us here because we lack professors and teaching hospitals in Malaysia. His assistant rephrased his question, "I think he meant why Egypt and not some other country."

Ah, why indeed. I wanted to study in Australia because OZ lamb chop are super delicious but my high school principal said Egypt's are way better, plus I needed a place to practise my Arabic so that's why I applied for Middle East and accepted Egypt.

But I can't actually tell my assistant lecturer that. They might think I'm a superficial glutton, which isn't wrong but I like to think I'm deeper than that.

So yeah. "We studied Arabic in high school so we chose to further in any Arabic-speaking country. The choice was between Egypt and Jordan."

"Which is better, Egypt or Jordan?" His assistant asked.

"I have no idea." This is a subjective question.

"Don't you have friends in Jordan?"

"We have, because of that of course we will say Egypt is better."

Dr. Mostafa then asked if we heard of Moaz el-Kasesbeh. I nodded. "The pilot from Jordan executed by ISIL."

Chip asked who and I told the poor katak bawah tempurung guy who he was. The table discussed the merciless execution before the assistant surgeon who was facing the opposite room commented dryly, "The patient in the other room collapses."

We turned around as he continued his narration. "They're doing CPR."

Chip and Radhi went to the other side and I watched from where I was leaning on to the OT wall. I was actually in that opposite room when they wheeled him in, drowsy yet stable. I thought it looked like a difficult case since the patient was readied with 3 packed RBC and another anaesthetist came in with a bag of platelet and WBC. I turned back to the ulna osteotomy and TFC correction operation and observed them finishing up with a posterior slab.

I went for toilet break and came back to see they were still doing CPR. His ECG showed VF then charged then sinus. The anaes put his stets on the patient's apex with a solemn face. They continued CPR.

"Sinus tapi takde pulse," Chip said.

"PEA. Dia kena treat underlying cause," I said just as I heard the anaes ordered for potassium.

Hypoxia
Hypovolemia
Hypothermia
Hypo/hyperkalemia
Massive MI
Massive pulmonary edema
Tension pneumothorax
Tension cardiac tamponade
Massive pleural eff
Acid base disturbance
Drug OD

Asystole then another VF and the cycle continued. I could only ceaseless repeat allahumma innaka 3afuwwun kareem tuhibbul 3afwa fa'fu3anni throughout the resuscitation. After half hour of resus I went out and into another OR where Dr. Fouad was performing a knee wash out on an infected ACL patient.

They were still resuscitating (by then the room was occupied by at least four anaes and a nurse, the surgeon in charge was elsewhere.) when I bid Dr. Mostafa a goodbye and asked him to sign my logbook. He returned my book after signing it.

"Is that all?"

I scanned the page. "You're supposed to comment on my participations," I grinned and pointed to where the comment part was.

He ticked, ticked and ticked. He returned my book with a smile. "You are super excellent, not just excellent."

"Hehe. Thank you doctor. Thank you very much. See you."

Till 7pm

In Egypt, we play a lot of waiting game. The game ranges from a few minutes to hours. You'll be okay so long you have the contact number of the person you're waiting for and you have a book to study while you wait.

I'm getting better at this game. Except when I play it with a Malay then I'm more likely to quit and stop waiting. A Malay polluted by Egyptian's bad behaviour is a disgrace to our nation, as an expat that is not what is supposed to happen.

---

Today's Ortho with Dr. Ahmed Khetb. He taught my class last July and I remember him to be tough built like a bodybuilder. Today he seemed thinner. Maybe it was the shabby effect of his coat, but I hope he's doing fine.

As we walked to the Ortho Trauma Bay, a secluded place with no signage, he turned to me walking beside him and said

"You have been here nearly 7 years, so you know that Egyptians are disorganised and uncivilised. The place we are going to will be hectic and disorganised. I know you are more organised so I am sorry we didn't become like you yet." He smiled.

---

Our doctors always ask us if we enjoy our stay in Egypt and I will enthusiastically say I do, I enjoy staying in Egypt very much. And they will be very surprised and exclaim "Why? Egyptians are bad!" Dr. Hala Mohsin of Paediatric the other day was so surprised she interrogated me further.

If we are discussing the behaviour of people, I think it is unfair to say Egyptians are bad when there are very kind Egyptians as well. For me, people are either good or bad, not distinguished whether they are Egyptians or not. We have bad people in Malaysia and every part of the world.

At the very least, I like how staying in Egypt has matured me. The good things they do teached me to become that as well, and the stupid things they do will be a reminder for me to always avoid. Socially, I like how Egyptians have free-flow of prayers for the next person.

I learned how to survive in the least ideal circumstances, how to and how not to treat a person, and how to and how not to handle a situation. I learn new things from the different doctors I meet and I appreciate these experience very much. Writing down their names is for me to always remember to pray for their well-being.

Once I leave Egypt, I hope to meet again; next time with me as a respectable doctor in this career.

Pride

Sometimes I wonder why people ask for my permission when they're already doing it in advance. It's not like I have the choice to say "no" other than put up my understanding and considerate facade. By facade I meant a single hum or no reaction at all.

Is it perhaps for their sake? Is that their definition of polite? Have I misrepresented myself that much that people think I am their definition of nice they can do whatever they want at my expense, no matter how small?

I wonder why it bothers me even though it is a simple matter. I guess I detest that much when my decision-making capacity is taken away from me. And because I have ran out of clean socks.

You might wonder why I word it here instead of wording it nicely to them. You see, ever since the fire, I have this distorted sense of belonging. Most refugees have this distorted sense of belonging. In my case, it resulted in me staying silent or walking out of here when I don't feel treated fairly instead of standing up for my right. It's because I've been living here on their mercy and I don't have the right to ask for more than what I've been showed. It's my show of gratitude.

This is the only positive reason to countdown to the one more month remaining.