Today my favourite abang asked me "Kalau kau mengular ada orang cari tak?"
"Tak."
"So kenapa kau tak mengular?" He has been like this since Lahad Datu time. Too lackadaisical but he's actually a responsible guy.
"Aku dah puas mengular di PICU."
I told him I felt and was too useless in PICU although I was the favourite attachment MO in NICU. Still feel heavily guilty about this. I didn't even tell Prof Gan I left his unit. I can't do anything about it now unless I wanna admit to Prof Gan that I mengular under his nose. Let's just face whatever feedback he gave to my professors.
I gave Pali a mini Snickers that I have been carrying it around to give to him haha. Abang was postcall and tomorrow another oncall, he was sleepy and a bit dull he forgot things. At least he wasn't quiet with me today like he was on Monday.
That time I was observing him on an emergency OGDS. I missed the fun time I had in Lahad Datu and seeing him makes me want to gush and take a selfie and stamp on his shoes for old times sake, had he been a girl I would have hugged him and not let go of his arm haha. I didn't want him to think I'm overfriendly so I compensated by being awkwardly quiet. We left without saying goodbye and I was soo sad hahahaha Atiqah is a sentimental idiot.
For the last case I asked him if I could withdrew. He stopped and asked to sedate the patient.
We inserted line (I struggled and Pali said he makes me nervous and I said I haven't kick him in a long time and he took over and settle it for me) and served midazolam.
Then he handed me the scope. I stared at it.
"Aku kata nak withdraw."
"La aku ingat kau nak buat. Sebab tu aku sedate."
"Aku tak pernah intubate lagi hypopharynx."
The last few cases we did today had him struggling at that part, so I didn't want to do this part with him in case I struggle as well.
He intubated the hypopharynx easily and then promptly handed me the scope. I scoped till pylorus but had to abandon because the patient's stomach was filled with food. OGDS rescheduled to another day.
I regretted not taking the scope from him when he first handed it to me. Pali has always let me do anything I want and would cover whatever struggle I might have. I regret I regret!
Now I'm thinking what chocolate to buy to give him next time.
