Menace in OT

I was in OT at 9am cause I grabbed breakfast first after passover round. Mr Hari did told me to take my time so I did. He was already unscrubbed leaving Mr Ganesh to finish the chordee release. 

"Sorry I'm late."

"That's fine," Mr G said. "Take your time. Go put on some music, grab a coffee or something."

"I'm not good at those managerial domestic things."

Mr G looked up to Heng. "Managerial domestic things she said."

So I opened YouTube and picked Top 100 song which was the generic Calm Down, Charlie Puth etc. 

Later as I was typing the op notes, Bieber's Baby was playing. Sarah the Anaes asked me to change songs. 

"What's wrong with prepubertal Bieber?"

"Sarah wants P. Ramlee songs."

"Ah even older. Okay."

I couldn't figure a good playlist to play. Heng decided to pick. 

"Let's listen to some spa music."

It was a playlist of soothing music. "For relaxation, positive vibe, curing insomnia… We are depressed people, we need depressing songs la Heng."

Self love for idiots

Yesterday Zafran was being harsh to himself in front of me and Syukri so I told him 

"We're too harsh on ourselves, which we shouldn't. Kau kena baik dengan diri kau. Kalau bukan kau yang baik pada diri sendiri, sape nak buat baik dekat kau? Kalau bukan kau sayang diri kau, sape nak sayang kau?" 

"Isteri kau," Syukri replied and the two idiots fistbumped with stupid grin on their face. I smirked. I have a lot more to say but let the married people lie to themselves. I'm content where I am.

Today started happy

I was running almost late to work today but I also stopped for people. 

1) A motherly young lady saw me from afar and called my name. I'm like "this is my senior Cairo, she was in KB doing her Paed master, her husband is a GS trainee named Farid, but what's her name again?" 

I called her "Akak! Buat apa sini?" She was so happy to see me and even took a selfie with me. She gazetted in HTA and is posted permanently there for the time being, with Farid doing his out campus rotation in HKL. She was in PPUM for a conference. 

Belatedly I remember that was Kak Mushamma so I DMed her on Instagram with my phone number so we could be in touch.

2) Chot was walking towards me when he said next month he will be posted somewhere else. 

"Mana?"

"IJN."

"Good luck bro." I gave him a double salute. "Aku pun pindah pergi Alor Setar."

I saw Danial walking towards me as I was saluting Chot but I just turned the other way around, punched in and walked towards my ward. 

3) Few steps after, a tall person with deep voice greeted me on my right. 

"Hi Atiqah."

"Hi Danial, apa khabar?" I didn't have to turn to see who it was. Such a polite chap, I felt bad for earlier on deciding to ignore his presence. 

"Baik."

"Masih di Respi?"

"Ya."

"Bila kau exam?"

"Dah exam dah." 

"Oh." I know they had their clinical exam last week but I don't know who sat for it other than Syafiqah. So Abang Danial is younger than me but a specialist already. 

We stalled in front of the junction because Danial is taking the normal way to the right whereas I'm taking the service shortcut route straight. 

"Bila kau exam?"

"Setahun lagi." I grinned. 

"Oh."

"Bye." I nodded and left. 

I worry about my bros

Zafran didn't pass his exam today. He looked so sad with that fake smile as he walked past all of us towards his bag. I got down from my seat on the counter, rummaged for a piece of chocolate in my bag and grabbed a bottle of water. 

He was in the room with Kuhaen and Wei Sheng patting him on the back. I handed him the chocolate and water bottle. 

"Balik rehat, makan, tidur. Aku oncall esok." I'll cover for his oncall tomorrow. I expect him to EL tomorrow. He smiled at me but God it was so fake I hate it. 

I texted Kak Paan and Vicky the result. I think Kak Paan contacted Pre straight away.

Shafiee walked him out. Kuhaen asked me if I know where he stayed. I don't know exactly but I know people who know. I mirror his worry because his family is in Kelantan and God this is even depressing for me, what more for him? I hope he eats. 

I made a call. Someone asked me who I was calling and I said "An old friend I haven't call in ages. I hope he knows it means urgent."

Mustaq didn't answer. I'm sure that means he's oncall. I know for fact Mustaq stayed over Pre's place a few months ago so he would know where the place is. I left him a text. 

I called Luqman second. He didn't pick up. I felt betrayed, the last time I called him was November 2022. How could he not pick up my call? This bitch. Oncall or not, he knows I don't call people unless it's urgent. 

I called Kak Paan directly. She asked me to check up on Pre still at the carpark (I did but I missed him) and I asked her to ask Mr. Mazwan his rental address.

Mustaq soon responded to my text and yeah he was oncall. He understood the situation and I got the address from him. (I texted the address to Kuhaen as reference.)

A bit funny though the conversation because I was unsure what to address him as. He was my MO so I used to call him Dr. Mustaq. The last conversation was me congratulating him on passing his exam which I addressed him as Mr. Mustaqim. But I felt he is more like a bro than a colleague so today I ended addressing him three times differently; Mr Mus, Mus, and Abe Mus. 

Then I texted our junior teammates telling them Pre didn't make it so could they say kind words to him. And then I recruited Syukri as part of Zafran Mental Well-being Caretakers.

I was still pissed at Luqman (misplaced, I know. I'm just being immature.) so I only texted him a vague "I called about Pre. Hope you'll keep an eye out for him" two hours later, as I was walking to do my laundry. 

He called few minutes after. 

He didn't even know Zafran is sitting for the exam this weekend. I guess Luqman too must not be doing well at work if he couldn't extend his care for his bros. 

He asked me if I'm worried. I told him yeah, because I know his mental liability. Kuhaen is worried too, it was his idea to get his address beforehand. His family is not here, so I guess that makes us the closest help he can get. I told Luqman that Kak Paan and Mustaq are looking out for him but physically Luqman is the closest. 

He said he wasn't that close now, he last saw him just after MAPS which was two weeks ago? I meant closest as in logistically. Kak Paan in KB and Mustaq in Kuching. I feel like I'm part of the brotherhood but I don't have a prostate, it's inappropriate of me to knock on a brother's door. I just wanna know if he's eating and if need be, I can send someone to knock on his door. 

He asked who. I said Syukri. Luqman said he'll give Pre a call tonight. I asked him to text me just so I know he's okay. 

Am I overdoing it? I just.. if I fail my exam I would want people to leave me alone but also not be alone. I know I would skip meals and just let my ulcer bleeds. That's why I want to know that someone is actually having a meal with him. 

I hope Pre doesn't give up. I'm praying Allah make things easy for him and make him stronger.