Second STEP

This is the first time to work for something major for us. The difference that makes me saner and relatively less stressed from my previous work for an organisation is that it is a spiritually-soaked experience. We're a team in which we know what each other is doing. We remarkably remind each other why we're doing this and propel each other up when one of us is down.

It has been a hectic two months, but I'm happy :)

I learned a lot from them so I can only hope they learned something from me. Either from what little I contributed to taking lessons from my lackings. Thank you guys. Allah bless the Cool STEP Crew.

May this experience serves to increase our piety and hasten our pace of amal.

Hopeful to meet them again in whatever field we have.. but I get it if they had enough of me already, wahaha.

Yesterday I Was Considering Ultrasound, Today Pap Smear

Was discussing the health changes of a pregnant woman with Kak Milah and so I told her the subhanallah moments I had while this three days studying for Obs & Gynae. So far we took Hypertension Complicating Pregnancy and Antepartum Hemorrhage for Obstetrics and Fibroids and Cervical Cancer for Gynaecology (thus the title. Lulz).

"To say the amazing power of love and maternal instinct Allah gave to all mothers. They don't know what will hit them when they get pregnant but they still want a baby.

Me, I'm studying Obstetrics and I know (complications of pregnancy). I'm not into that."

Kak Milah laughed. "You don't want?"

Last usrah my naqibah and the others tried their best to brainwash me of the importance and relevance of stepping up from fard muslim to bait muslim. I was being defiant and resisted, but of course the rational part of me agreed they had a point.

But there is no yes-or-no-answer to life-changing questions such as Kak Milah's, haha. The masochist in me likes to complicate simple things in order to exhaust the brain.

So I gave her a shrewd smile. "Well. It is fun to be able to name people, you know?"

The Dean's Building

One of the photogenic site in the compound of Kasr el-Ainy Medical School is the big clock towering over the Dean's building, which makes up part of the old hospital at the back of our school.

Kasr el Ainy's Dean building.

There is a sign near the entrance of the Dean's building indicating it is for officers only and that patients and students should use the entrance via hospital. But it is closest to some part of the hospital so while having my Surgery round, I confidently commute daily through the Dean's building.

Inside the Dean's building is a wide screen television that displays updates on whatever the doctors are having intermingles with motivational quotes. I love those and will slow down in front of the screen as I pass through to see what advice is God partaking with me that day.

Almost all of them I can greatly relate to what I was feeling or thinking on that particular day. Always makes me pumped up.

Dean's building at night. We were heading out of the O&G Department.

For example. Once I was running to class with CNBLUE's Let's Go Crazy playing in my ears. The advice of the day was: "Crazy people who think they can change the world are usually the ones who do."

While I was heading for my mock Surgery OSCE without finish studying, the advice of the day was: "A leap of faith."

Currently I am in my Obs & Gynae round so I no longer use the Dean's building route. But we pass in front of it on the way from the Obs & Gynae Hospital to the mass lecture hall, so loyal me will run inside just to see what advice Allah has in store for me that day.

There has been an ongoing something I am trying to give up on. Yesterday, I received a prank message via a friend and typical me, I overthought. When I passed in front of the Dean's building and peeked inside to see the advice of the day, it was: "Love never fails."

I was laughing exasperatedly by the road, confusing some passersby. 

Today was a continuation of last night's instability I could not find a cause for. I was talking with Farahain while trying to peek inside the Dean's building to see what was in store for me. And guess what?

(O Prophet), it was thanks to Allah's mercy that you were gentle to them. Had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would surely have scattered away from you. So pardon them, and pray for their forgiveness, and take counsel from them in matters of importance. And when you are resolved on a course of action put your trust in Allah. Surely Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).  

Surah Al-Imran verse 159

Problem solved.

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I like to think that when you live your life truly believing that everything in life has been written and happens as Allah dictated, then you'll live a life of no worries. Allah's with us.

Just use your heart and brain not to confuse the signals, haha.

There's everything to be thankful for but I want to narrow this post down to my Internal Medicine MCQ just now

Just one word to wrap everything up: Alhamdulillah.

Allah said in Surah Ibrahim verse 7, "If you give thanks, I will certainly grant you more; but if you are ungrateful for My favours, My chastisement is terrible."

It was just me and another classmate taking the exam with the Second Group of Arab Students because we postponed it from taking it on the 3rd November with the rest of the gang. It was Along's wedding date and as the second-borne, it was my duty to ensure the awesomeness of everything. Lulz. Alhamdulillah still granted the opportunity to sit for this exam.

Nearly five months ago that I studied hard for this subject and circumstances left me with Chipsmore-like focus. Despite the time and all, thank You Allah for giving me this brain...

A tribute should also be given to Genius Number One of the class, Abu Zar (Al-Ghifari) who shared his 3rd November answer back then. I think mine was tougher (tell me again what's the DIETARY requirements of a diabetic?), but it was probably my fault for not studying as hard as five months back. Allah forever bless the hardworking men and women of Gen 8.

Yesterday Liyana sent me lunch while I was wrecking my brain trying to focus. It was too much love my heart wept. May Allah love her and her family.

Last night I needed to bully someone so I bullied Kak Amal into making me a rainbow-coloured bead wristlet to match all the outfits I have. Even teased Kak Teha about her relative gangsterism. And this morning, as I struggled to keep my eyes open (figured I would fail, I was studying under the cover. Ingenious.), Kak Milah put a plate of fried vermicelli on my table and Pipah made me a thermos of cappuccino.

... Pipah may be the youngest Ayyashian, but I am definitely the most pampered one.

I can never rival that kind of sweetness, so thank You Allah for them in my life and please grant them the grandest castle in Your paradise.

I have to work harder for these people.

This is Pain Speaking

I don't need a knight in shining armour to save me, for I am not a damsel in distress. Nor do I need a prince to charm me, for I am as easily pleased by a simple witty man.

Where are you, the masseur of my dream?

Hernia. Hernia everywhere.

Dedicated to Syaimaa Ahmad and a fan who wished me early this morning and reminded me to update. Here's a long case for the two of you. Haha.

Alhamdulillah for the smooth exam, whatever the outcome may be. We had three patients to examine with five true/false questions regarding our findings after each case and a fourth patient to take a long case "in ten minutes" to be vivaed later. (Long case in ten minutes examination? My dad examined me a long case Down syndrome and gave me an hour!)

I was the first up for my group. The first patient was a recurrent inguino-scrotal hernia case and the uncle was so eager to help he showed me his hernia as soon as I greeted him. Lulz. I was scrambling to put on my gloves because no one is interested to examine a groin without gloves.

I asked him to stand so I can properly examine him but he refused and told me where to put my hands while telling me about his case in Arabic, using English terms.

Very distracting, but otherwise helpful. I complimented his English and asked for his history while examining the swellings. Even showed me his left hydrocele which I stowed away away away from my focus because that's sixth year curriculum, not fifth. Plus my torch was in my backpack.

My earlier scrotal neck test was inconclusive because it was really hard to do a scrotal neck test with the patient laying down. I asked him to stand up to redo it but he told me "Why? I told you everything already."

Time was up, the begrudging "Move!" was called by the resident. I went to answer the questions and the final question was "The patient has hepatomegaly."

I forgot to palpate for any organomegaly and I blamed it on the chatty patient. But I calmly answered 'false' because the patient didn't tell me he had hepatomegaly. Hahaha.

Case 1
1- content is omentum
2- swelling is recurrent
3-
4-
5- patient has hepatomegaly

The second case was a simple nodular goiter. I was on to palpate her preauricular lymph nodes so I asked the patient to clench her teeth, to which she laughed at me. "I don't have any teeth."

Case 2
1- surface is irregular
2- swelling is recurrent
3- there is retrosternal extension
4- attached to sternomastoid
5-

The third was a subcutaneous lipoma on the left side of the neck. I wanted to examine for its attachment to the underlying sternomastoid but her neck was so redundant with fat that I couldn't elicit anything... lulz.

Case 3
1-
2-
3- swelling is mobile in one direction
4- swelling is sub-fascial
5- surgical excision is the treatment of choice

Picked my last patient who wasn't exactly friendly. I was onto his previous surgical history when he cut me off to reprimand me for mixing female with male verbs. Sobs.

"Are you sure you're not a first year?"

"Sorry sir I know my Arabic is not fluent. I'm working on it."

"You have, what, two years to graduate?"

"Yeah one and half. I'm from Malaysia and we use Malay back in our country, so, yeah."

Cheap excuse but we weren't here to small talk. I was nearly halfway through my ten minutes with him so I needed his full cooperation. He nodded and let me examine his swelling.

Great teamwork with the classmates who got the same case, lulz. We compared and completed the long case sheet while waiting for viva with our senior doctor. I was the first up for my case and the first question after locating the patient was "What's your diagnosis?"

"Incisional hernia from a previous open heart surgery, not complicated."

"Why'd you say it's a hernia?"

"Because it shows expansile on cough and there's the scar of previous operation on it, condition started four months after his previous operation. Gradual onset and progressive course. Increase in size during work, straining and coughing; reduced by rest and laying down. Reducible when I tried to reduce it."

"What'd do you think of the content?"

"Omentum. It has smooth surface and the last part of it was a bit difficult when I tried to reduce it."

"And?"

"Oh. Doughy. No intestinal sound on auscultation."

"Is it strangulated?"

"Nope. I can reduce it, there's no vomiting, no abdominal distention, no colicky abdominal pain, no absolute constipation-"

The doctor blinked. "Your patient has all that?"

"Eh no. It's not complicated."

"If your case strangulates, how will he present?"

"All that."

"No he won't. Why?"

"Eh." I blinked.

"Because the content is?"

"Because the content is omentum.. So there can't be intestinal obstruction." Lulz.

"What will he have then?"

"Loss of expansile on cough."

"Good. So what would you suggest for his treatment?"

"I'd suggest herniotomy and mesh hernioplasty."

"Not herniotomy."

"Why not?" Haha who's vivaing whom?

"What do you think?"

"Erm. We still need to remove the sac so why not herniotomy?"

"Because the neck is large-"

"Oh!"

"-so we just invaginate the content inside and do mesh hernioplasty." He calmly answered his own question. Thanks doc for being patient with me, hopefully this knowledge won't cost me marks.

"Oh okay."

"What other hernia we don't do herniotomy?"

Time to throw darts. Other hernia with wide neck, eh. "Paraumbilical hernia?"

"No. Inguinal."

"Erm. Indirect?" But I clearly remembered discussing indirect hernia with Dr. Hany and we definitely do a herniotomy here.

"Direct. We can just push the content back inside and apply a mesh."

"Okay I see."

"You can go now."

"Thanks doctor. Have a nice day."

AND HARU IS A FREE (WO)MAN! Except I have work to do. After I was dismissed, I went to check for my MCQ Internal Medicine exam and lucky me, the date was out. It was scheduled for this Saturday the 16th.

So, yeah. Allah was serious when He said

Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard,

Surah Ash-Sharh verse 7 

Yosh. Let's work hard.

Family is a tree

We're a family of four. There's me the smart/smartass kid and my cute funny older sister. We have an awesome abah who goes to work and comes home with the spirit of a supermom cooking dinner for us hungry kids. And there's ummi who is too much relaxed, lulz.

Abah ku pulang dari Pattani, Abah ku belikan kerabu perut.

Ummi bawa pulang dari Rom.

I've also a step-kid-bro with whom I have to act more maturely so as not to corrupt him with my badass way.

Family is a tree. It keeps you stable and sane, somewhat sengal while maintaining your thiqohness while going about doing your respective obligations.

dan kerana tuhanmu, bersabarlah

Everyone is working hard and the right thing is to keep everyone's morale up in this trying time. My impatient comments, though good for the end result, will not be helpful.

I'd choose not to care, but they're my bros and sisters (which makes me more liable to hit them because ironically I feel attached to them) and Rasulullah peace be upon him taught us that a person who mingle with people and be patient with their antics are better than those who don't.

We're in this together. We're.. a family, and I'm their annoyed cousin. Can't leave them one way or another. This is my opportunity to be wise on them (instead of the current wiseass), time to be coolly open-minded and to really live putting trust in Allah since the very beginning of effort.

Call me vain or narcissistic. I know that but I don't feel bad cause I'm a badass. Maybe I need to do something fun before the meeting.

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My phone rang. I forgot to mute the thing before starting. The guitar riff blasted. Three girls looked at each other and giggled amusingly. I hung up and asked what's up.

JJ: Kitorang suka ringtone akak. Terbaik.
Me: Tahu ke lagu ape?
JJ: Tak.
I told them the title and laughed. God, if my naqibah could see me now she'll smack me on the head.
JJ: Balik nanti kita download.

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NCH: Kenapa kita bincang soal anak miskinah?
Me: Sebab dia kacau geng kita (otw nak pergi usrah).
NCH: Tu dia.. ayat macam gengster.
Me: Hahaha.