بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Wong once gave me gula-gula Hacks when I was having URTI and he said Hacks means "hanya aku cinta kau seorang" kah3

That morning we had clinic. I went through the OT book to book a date for PCNL as ordered by Dr. Hafiz, but macam dah penuh je. I showed to Dr. Hafiz.

Dr. Hafiz: Ni boleh isi.
Me: Tapi kan penuh.
Dr. Hafiz: Ni tiga ni dah postpone la sayang...

He said that in his usual patient tone and I held in my snigger. Dr. Omar next to me was obviously disturbed.

"Geli aku dengar mu panggil dia sayang," he said a few seconds later after what appeared to be holding in his gagging.

I wasn't. So far in Surgery, people addressed me as "my dear", "darling" or "sayang" after I've been silly, so I've equated such term with "I'm being  patient with this kid". So I got the date booked and went off to finish consulting my patient.

Dr. Omar to Dr. Hafiz: Hafiz bakpo mu buli Atiqah nyo?
Me: Saya tak rasa dibuli pun?

See I am such a nice workaholic kid, bwahahaha.

"Budak kurang ajar"

Tadi masa nak habis round, budak2 ni cakap la pasal Dr. Omar nak masuk Red dah.

Hakimi: Semua orang tahu Omar paling bekeng (garang) sekali dalam Uro.
Me: Ye ke? Bagi saya, Dr. Omar tak bekeng pun..

They all looked at me expectantly.

Me: ... Dr. Omar paling emo sekali ada la.

He looked at me like a cross between nak maki aku and laughing out loud. I grinned.

Dr. Omar: Awak kata saya ape?
Me: Saya kata Dr. Omar paling emo sekali dalam Uro.

Bravely. If you want to diss a person, diss him in the face. Isha backed him up and kata dalam Red ada doktor lagi emo.

Me: Oh Dr. Azihan dan Dr. Adham ke? Saya baik je dengan diorang. Saya rasa diorang okay je.
Kimi: Atiqah ni memang pelik sikit.

Then Dr. Haziq told Dr. Omar that "papa Atiqah ni consultant dekat sini. Professor siap."

I'm not a fan when people talk about my dad so I scrutinised them with a slight frown. Dr. Omar pun macam tanya siapa ayah aku.

Dr. O: Ayah awak lecturer mane?
Me: Visiting UIA, USM-
Dr. O: UIA? Bila lagi? Saya tak ingat pun ada prof nama tu.
Me: Macam dah lama. Dia ajar Paeds, Neonate..
Dr. O: Tak ingat pun.
Me: Doktor pergi kelas tak?
Dr. O: Kurang ajar budak ni.

I laughed out loud at his glare. It's really hard to take him seriously with his scrawny build and amusing annoyed face.

Later habis round, Dr. Omar sat next to the patient awaiting to insert a 3-way catheter in him. He caught me glancing at him in boredom.

"Takut saya Atiqah tengok saya macam tu."

In my head there were several responds and my choice was "doktor takut dengan perempuan kenapa" but I chose to silently stare at him for a full second before turning my attention back to the patient. Not interested enough to answer.

---

Today I am oncall with Dr. Adham, Dr. Ju and Dr. Aizat. My favourites haha for unknown reason, despite belum pukul 5 lagi Dr. Adham dah call aku suruh review patient referral.

Dr. Adham: Awak Atiqah kan?
Me: Ye saya. Saya oncall harini.
Dr. Adham: Nama awak Atiqah kan.
Me: Ye nama saya Nur Atiqah Mohd Hanifah.
Dr. Adham: Ni Dr. Adham.
Me: Yes Dr. Adham, ape khabar.

Line fail ke ape?

Selalu jugak aku oncall dengan diorang ni. Dr. Aizat during rounds takde tegur aku pun haha. Fizul and Kak Jah ada kena tegur jugak, aku cam dia lenient. Or maybe I was kemah tadi hehehe.

Siap borak dengan Dr. Aizat masa otw ke Bendahara review patient.

Dr. Aizat: Awak Uro sekarang? Macam mana boleh oncall General?
Me: Saya yang request sebab rindu General..
Boss: Hahaha
Me: Tapi nyaris menyesal la, saya dah dua minggu tak jenguk Wad 30 tak tahu kes langsung.

Lucky for me Wad 30 cuma ada 8+1 patient... including a full room of acute beds hahahaha. Oncall aku sibuk tersekat dalam ED demi patients Plastic sampai Kak Ju minta Hafizul cover kerja aku dekat Wad 26.

Kak Ju pulak siap ambil order untuk dinner aku lagi weeehu.

Dr. Adham komen on my tulisan tadi.

Him: Lawa tulisan Atiqah.
Me: Okay saya sedar tulisan saya huduh. (sambil menghempukkan kepala atas meja patient)
Him: Boleh jadi MO Surgery nanti.
Me: Hehe inshaAllah.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Aku benci orang yang tak kesiankan patient

4.50pm. Aku nak masuk OT join teammates lain tapi aku nak amik semula blood c&s patient yang aku baru dinotify kena rejek dengan lab sebab aku terlupa tampal label. Cilakak polisi tak kesiankan patient langsung, ingat 16cc blood ni main-main ke. Aku hantar blood tu 3pm lagi, ape susah call je la aku stat suruh rectify the problem waktu tu. Ni rejek terus, jahat gila kesian patient.

Anyway, siap2 cabut whitecoat dan prepare barang.

Tetiba Dr. Azihan masuk bilik procedure. I greeted him and he seemed like he was looking for something. Aku kan budak baik. Kalau orang lain tak layan dah Dr. Azihan. Aku dengar budak Red tension gile MO Red jenis emo, but since I am an indifferently happy kid, aku pun tanya,

Me: Cari ape bos?
Him: Takde pape.

Beliau keluar dan aku sambung amik barang. Pastu seketika dia datang balik.

Him: Mana houseman lain? Dalam wad ni awak sorang je saya nampak.
Me: Saya Uro. Teammate semua dah masuk OT.
Him: Team lain pun OT ke? Saya naik atas pun takde houseman. Dah balik ke semua?
Me: Takkan la. Belum pukul lima pun.

HO Surgical majoriti cemerlang, I know this for fact. Lulz.

Me: Doktor ada nak pape ke?
Him: Tak, takde.
Me: (sambil tolak troli) Nak tolong saya amik blood c&s?
Him: Tak, awak buat la.
Me: Okkkay.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

It takes one troublemaker to know one

It will be vain of me to think Dr. Omar labelled me as a troublemaker, but I think he has been addressing me with a slight "this little punk" glare these days. Maybe he still has that grudge from when I troubled him with two referrals in one day and when I yelled at him in the OT, not to mention when I thoughtlessly made him look bad by attempting to do something he physically was unable to. But otherwise I have been following his orders correctly.

Today in the clinic Dr. Hafiz was patiently teaching me the ropes. He was a contrast from Mr. Z who would pace around and greet patients in his booming voice. Past noon Dr. Omar showed up from his next room and addressed me with his I'm-trying-to-look-annoyed face.

"Awak," he called. Like I was a vermin. I have a name, you.

I gave him the same look he gave me while I typed in the computer for Dr. Hafiz. "Dr. Omar. Amende."

I don't talk to him like I would to a superior. I prefer to annoy him ever so slightly, or not to take him seriously at all. Actually this is how I talk with fellow ikhwahs.

"Saya nak pinjam houseman sekejap."

I snorted. "Kenapa?"

"Saya nak pergi ED tengok kes torsion testes. Awak boleh tolong ambil date untuk PCNL patient saya? Tuliskan dalam discharge dia sekali."

I hesitated because I was in Dr. Hafiz's clinic and thus my boss. He should dismiss me first before I could even go to pee, let alone help this punk. "Saya tengah tolong Dr. Hafiz."

"Biar la Hafiz buat sendiri. Tolong saya jap."

I looked at my MO expectantly. He gave me the go.

"Okay." I got up obediently. Dr. Omar disappeared back into the adjacent room. But as I got up Dr. Hafiz told me to get the date for TURP for our patient as well. Okay.

---

Favour asked done, discharge note printed, jap apsal buku biru ni macam kosong?

"En. Mohamad, tadi Dr. Omar ada menulis dalam buku biru ni tak?"

"Takde," the patient said.

"Selamba betul mamat ni," I laughed and went writing.

---

I was back in my seat writing clinical notes for Dr. Hafiz's patients. Dr. Omar popped into the room and asked,

"Dah dapat tarikh PCNL?"

"Dah," I answered shortly, busy typing.

"Discharge note?"

"Dah siap." Of course la. He disappeared back into the room.

---

Klinik habis. MO semua pergi the next room. Jap, serius la kan aku boleh balik wad dah kan? I went to Dr. Hafiz to confirm. I got his go and I thanked them.

"Atiqah, Dr. Omar nak belanja awak makan."

"Boleh jugak, terima kasih." I smiled my professional smile politely. We all know that was a farce.

"I'm not your boss."

In OT today Dr. Omar tried to increase the height of the drip stand but he was unable to. It needed height and strength. Everyone laughed at him (I didn't, I was more interested in Mr. Goh doing the procedure) so he turned to me standing next to him and said "Awak la pulak try."

Being the obedient kid I am I immediately do as he said, I somehow didn't register his exasperated sarcasm. I tried to increase the height of the drip stand despite the scrub nurse telling me not to because even Dr. Omar didn't manage to (basically she meant I'm shorter and weaker than Dr. Omar). While doing so I barely heard Dr. Omar telling me I was humiliating him by trying to do what he physically failed to, and I have to compensate by belanja him makan. But since I was focused on my task, I didn't comment on what he said. I'm really a silently working kind of person and it's not my fault he has a scrawny built and his somewhat emo mood.

As expected, I failed. Dr. Haziq came and successfully increased the height of the drip stand. Well he is bulkier and taller than Dr. Omar so it was a given. Dr. Omar then asked Dr. Haziq to belanja him makan.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

25 yo Malay lady, unhappy TRO cause

Aku sayang Mr. Zaidi. Dalam aku tengah unhappy TRO cause dalam Uro ni, asal aku nampak dia mesti aku light up.

Tadi aku dekat counter discharge patient. Muka serious buat kerja senyap2. Tetiba Green lalu, Mr. Zaidi last2. Aku nyaris tak tegur dia.

"Salam Mr. Zaidi." Aku sengih.

"Wassalam warahmatullah." Beliau jawab sambil senyum dan jalan. Aku pandang komputer balik. Noted bos tetiba berhenti dan paling.

"Hanifah!" Muka bos sengih macam saje cari pasal dengan aku. "Awak team mana sekarang?"

"Saya Uro Mr. Zaidi." Aku sengih sebelah muka helpless.

"Oo." Beliau pun berjalan pergi.

"Mr. Zaidi selamatkan sayaaa!" Aku nyaris terjerit kuat. Tapi orang sekeliling dengar je. Huh. Aku nak masuk General semula.

Adibah tanya apsal Mr. Zaidi panggil aku nama ayah aku. "Last name," aku sengih balik.

Adakah muka senyap aku macam muka papa?

---

I wish Nash will ask me if I'm okay or not. I want to reply him I have been happier. And then what, I don't know. Maybe he'll tell me to go eat or something. And I'll give him my Snickers safely tucked in my pocket for times like this.

Perhaps I have been happier because I used to have more chances of greeting my daily (or EOD) "Hai Nash."

Need more sunshines.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Maybe it's PMS

Yesterday I met Mr. Z along with a colleague who met him for her pre-off Surgery assessment. Apparently she was in Surgery since April because she took a 3-month maternity leave.

"Oo Dayah amik maternity leave masa Surgery rupanya," I said.

"Awak bila nak amik maternity leave Atiqah?" Mr. Z asked me back.

"Esok-esok la boss."

But after I left him to go to my Urology OT, I want a leave now. I've never felt the need to take a leave until now that I'm in Urology. I want an emergency leave tomorrow but for what reason other than my plummeting happiness? I'm entitled to leaves anyway, I've worked for two months so I have 4 days leave still untouched.

I can't really pinpoint what seems to be the problem. I'm stressed during rounds but how is it any worse than rounds with Red team? At least I enjoyed my time in Red. The MOs in Urology are friendly, goofing around kind of people and I've come to realise I'm the one who didn't want to talk to them. I'm only comfortable when they're giving me orders or asking for help.

Today I needed to ask Dr. Omar for MC for a patient and I just stood there doubting myself less than a meter beside him with the BHT in my hand. My colleague came and asked me what's with the patient that she discharged.

"Patient mintak MC."

"Tu Dr. Omar ada."

"Tak cakap lagi dengan dia."

Isha automatically leaned in and asked Dr. Omar for the MC. And there I was observing coldly, wondering why I didn't ask him myself.

Yesterday the whole team was in the OT. Dr. Haziq who I thought was a cold HO-eating MO during my tagging days in Green turned out to be the goofiest guy who talked about personal things on the side while bosses were operating. I don't like this kind of doing, I mean bosses were operating and there were us HOs and Dr. Haziq discussing about Dayah's constipated 5-month-old. I did my best to observe the operation with one ear listening on/off to their conversation and making timely comments.

And then we had another patient for second PCNL who was put in right lateral position plus lithotomy safely secured using straps one by Mr. Azam and another by Dr. Omar. Done and Mr. Azam turned around and saw me.

"Tangkap," he said and threw the remaining strap at me. I didn't catch it properly because he had bad aim, so I picked it up from the floor. Dr. Omar then called for me,

"Another one."

I coolly catched his throw. Then he made to throw the scissors he was holding and I automatically yelled at him, "Weh!!"

"Awak weh saya?!" He jested back. Of course he was only jesting. Dr. Haziq and Dr. Hafiz poked fun at me for yelling at Dr. Omar while I hurriedly apologized for yelling at him. Yes he was joking, I was taking it seriously, but man you shouldn't play around with sharp objects so anyway I would have yelled at surgeons and would apologized for yelling afterwards.

"Sorry boss," I spluttered and in his jokingly emo tone replied "I'm not your boss" while putting away the scissors himself.

K fine. "Sorry Dr. Omar."

And today I walked beside him down the stairs during rounds and I didn't say a word at him. I'm friendly with my bosses but you're not my boss now, are you.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

I told Yaya not all doctors suck like that and good doctors especially (like meh lol) don't do like that. I don't want her to lose faith in dentists.

Kalau buat procedure buat molek deh. Second attempt fail panggil la orang lain. Dan kalau patient dah suruh panggil guardian dia, pergi panggil jangan la tanya balik budak tu "kenapa nak panggil abah?"

Kesian patient. Jangan la ingat sebab patient tu somebody baru nak buat molek. Everybody is a precious somebody.

Korang pulak dua kali patient request panggil guardian dia korang kata tak payah, sampai nangis budak tu korang poke 6 kali semata-mata FBC dan BUSE lepas tu baru bapak budak tu muncul wondering apehal lama sangat amik darah.

"Eh ayah Hadi kan?" Ujar FYDO tersebut.

"Haah. Ni adik Hadi." Ha ye Dr. Hadi tu DO korang.

Sejurusnya beliau pun bawak budak tu pergi department dia minta HO dia amikkan blood, alhamdulillah sekali poke je dapat.

(Bapak budak nak amikkan tapi budak tu tak nak dia takut bapak dia pun tak dapat dan dia ngamuk dengan bapak dia.)

Nasib la korang bila patient tu anak orang lama hospital, geng kamcing HOD korang yang anak-anaknya panggil Dato' HOD tu sebagai pakcik je, pastu korang pulak tak panggil guardian patient bila patient dah request dua kali. Of course la said bapak nak bawa issue ni ke HOD korang.

Sebagai HO baru dua bulan, aku sedar blood-taking tak senang. Tapi ethically korang ni dah merepek. Aku tak pernah buat patient aku camni dan aku takkan buat camni. Korang pulak buat adik aku camni, haha nasib la...

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Disclaimer of a good kid

Generally in life, I'm sensible. I'm quite proud of my analytical ability and my logical reasoning. Due to this, I listen well and am a nice kid despite my hot temper and my sudden penchant for rebelling. I do know and practice some good akhlak.

So if you're my superior, I will listen to you. If you ask me to help with anything, I will do it, minimal (if any) questions asked. I do it because I'm a good kid with a good sense of responsibility. I am not after your approval or your good book. Because my aim in life is to be happy and live proud of myself, and I am enough with Allah sustaining me.

I'm missing it already

Mr. Z tengah sibuk laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Dah nak habis dah. Aku dah lose focus sikit.

Tetiba dengar boss panggil. "Tiqah, Tiqah." Saya pun angkat muka tengok Dr. H tengah glance at me sambil boss sibuk tunjuk kat screen.

"Tiqah, tengok tu appendix." Beliau pun manipulate Maryland nak tunjuk kat aku appendix tu.

"Owh." Hmm appendix. "Comel." I commented offhandedly.

"Comel je dia kata..." Boss mengomen macam tak puashati aku tak cukup interested sambil beliau meneruskan kerja. Aku dan MO lain gelak, me at him. Dah tu aku nak kata ape?

Esok aku start Urology. Nak terkicik cuak tapi never mind sejak bila aku tak fearless. Esok kena gi kerja sejam awal la pastinya. I love my sleep too much to be an adult, dear Allah help me.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Buas bertempat, sini bukan Mesir

Minta izin (inform?) ayah nak gi meeting kul 9pm. Drive sorang pergi. Meeting setel 11pm. Rasa nak lepak. Sorang-sorang pun best, standard la dulu pun selalu lepak sorang.

Mesej kawan yang rumah nearby tapi lepas tu sedar dia kerja esok. Never mind. Jom la lepak Haru.

Bukak WhatsApp tengok family aktif lagi main henset. Ala tak tidur lagi rumah. Balik la.

Maka AtiqOh pun balik rumah straight. Tak minta izin pun nak lepak luar. Sorang-sorang, perempuan, near midnight pulak tu. Duduk dengan family buat cara duduk dengan family.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Be careful, Atiqah

Boss asked for assistance from any "kind and hardworking HO" and since I am, I went to where he was and sauntered casually towards him. Greeted Wong next to him and asked what were they doing. Wong called me to take his place so I did.

Apparently he was preparing slides for Radio Conference. Hmm. I have my own slide to make and Mr. Ken will be disappointed if I keep withholding it. But anyway, I went through the opened document.

I asked him what was the slides for. He said he was presenting for Radio Conference.

"Oh ye? Sam pun. Semalam diorang pas kerja ke kitorang and Sam volunteered. Diorang siap bagi BHT dan slides."

"Eh ye? Saya tak nak redundant. Siapa yang suruh?"

"Dr. Azihan suruh Syamida. Syamida cuti so dia passover ke budak Black."

While he cleared the issue with Sam, I went through his slides. Typo here and there.. I automatically corrected them and pointed it out to my sheepish boss.

I glanced at him. Yup, he looked like the sloppy kind of person who look after his appearance, his meals and his work. But not so everything else.

I told him I'm particular about typos because I was an editor for our student society in Egypt.

"Oh. Editor ape?"

"Saya start jadi wartawan, lepas tu jadi editor. So saya la yang edit berita persatuan kitorang."

"Oh."

"Macam Nasrullah, dia geng Grafik. Dia terror la bab tu."

"Oh camtu. Sama group usrah dengan Nasrullah ke? Geng budak jurus mesti ada usrah."

"Nasrullah join usrah?" I laughed knowingly. He doesn't look that type. I don't know if he changed after graduating, but most guys don't.

"ISMA ke ape dah?"

"ISMA? Tak tak, bukan.."

I already answered him one time ago that I am with IKRAM but apparently he doesn't remember. I guess our conversation is not important to him, I'd rather not repeat myself.

"Doktor join usrah ape?" Because it takes one to know one.

"PAS.."

"I see." I know he is neither IKRAM nor ISMA (ikhwah ISMA tak perangai camtu).

"Tapi saya tengah futur sekarang." He laughed.

"Futur? Kahwin la." I suggested jokingly. I am an advocate of marriage as a source of problems and never a solution. Haha.

"Nak kahwin kena dengan yang satu fikrah," he replied.

Weird response. If it were me I'd shoot back "lol kahwin menambah masalah ade la."

Ramai muslimat PAS kan? He's a doctor and a looker, it can't be that hard unless he's choosy. As always I didn't look at him when I'm holding conversation but I felt like his tone was rather strained. Did he have someone who isn't of the same fikrah and thus conflicted or was he having a hard time adapting to that point of view?

"Tak semestinya satu kapal kan." Sefikrah memang penting and I agree on the notion, tapi yang paling asas adalah saling menguatkan dan membina. Takde la sampai menolak jodoh kalau dah ada. We can never tell about our steadfastness, don't make a good thing hard to do.

"Ramai tak jadi camtu."

"Oh saya refer kepada orang-orang lama," I was thinking of Dr. Nik Mazian, Dr. Ahmad Sabri... I felt like I need to console him but this is a matter best discussed between him and his naqib.

But anyway, there's no work for me here. Let's go do what I should. Plan/ 1) KIV console Dr. H later. 2) Do PM review now.

"Tak jadi la buat slide kan? Bye." I stood up and went to do PM review. He should know I'm the type to up-and-leave by now.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Abe Din

We have this 51 years old patient in the ward who insisted we call him Abe Din, which by default I wouldn't because of his age. Anyway, today we observed Wong doing a procedure on him so we all gathered and chatted with Abe Din.

Abe Din called me "Kecik" because of my size. Wong told him to call me by my pretty name "Tiqah" but Abe Din said the name is not pretty at all and he will call me Kecik as he liked. I grinned helplessly at them.

Later I secured his line with 3M as per requested by Abe Din and we talked a bit. He called me Tiqah and referred to himself as pakcik.

I guess I'll forever be the kid.

Friday, October 09, 2015

Semoga segera sembuh dan diberikan kekuatan

Pagi tadi lepas habis kerja oncall, pergi lawat Dr. Aizat dengan Mimi sebelum balik postcall. Bawa buah tangan air laici kotak besar dan bagitahu dia sebab "Mr. Zaidi kata clear fluid paling laku kat hospital adalah air laici."

Best borak dengan Boss Aizat. Pasal isteri dia dan selok-belok kerja sebagai YM di KK. Tambah pulak Mimi memang rancak bercerita. Mimi tunjuk gambar surat patient tulis kepada dia. Surat gratitude dan minta berkenalan. Hahahaha. I told them Fadzlin pun kena stalk dengan ayah patient once.

"Mungkin sebab muka saya macam budak sekolah so takde pun orang nak kenakan saya macam tu," I laughed at myself.

"True professional," Dr. Aizat said instead.

Have a have a good night

I remembered a branula I failed to insert last night that I informed the nurse and documented in the BHT that I will attempt later, closer to the time of the patient's next dose of IV antibiotics. Kak Nafisah was the nurse in charge, so I ran towards her.

"Kak! Saya tak pasang lagi branula Bed 27." I wondered why she didn't remind me or call me. No call came in to remind me and I was asleep at 4am.

"Hmm patient dah habis masuk ubat dah."

"Eh sape pasang?"

"Akak."

"Waah awesomenya akak! Terima kasih!" I hugged her. Hahahahaha. She is also a senior staff nurse U32 and one of my favourite four.

"Doktor kena belanja nasi kerabu."

"Nasi kerabu je kak? Minta la Secret Recipe ke.. Noodle Station sedap!"

---

Nasri messaged me then asking about patient's update. He kept asking about the acute bed who is currently well but I wanted to report to him of Bed 9. So I ditched his messages after answering all his questions and directly called him. He picked up later after five rings. I wondered why since he just replied my message so his phone should be in his hand. I realised the answer when he picked up.

"Ye Tiqah?" He greeted with sore morning croak. Hahaha seronok ye tidur semalam. He spent the entire phonecall clearing his throat with me grinning into the receiver.

Between catching people while they're nearby and catching them later when all relevant investigations are done

Okay camni. Petang tu aku nak discharge patient, baru betul-betul sedar part Urology patient ni tak setel lagi. Habis la sape yang call balik Urology ni gerenti kena marah dengan geng Uro. Bukan salah aku sorang actually, ni salah Geng Black. Tapi sebab aku yang sedang handle benda ni, kena belasah pun nasib la. We have to be responsible for what happened.

Aku call Dr. Hafiz dan nada dia tak puashati dan malas nak layan, beliau suruh saya present balik kes ni kepada Dr. Omar sebab Dr. Omar oncall. Aku segan nak kacau Dr. Omar sebab dia nampak baik dan dia ikhwah, but I did anyway. I didn't pick up any obvious emotional distress during the call and I was grateful for him and shameful of the flaw in our team's management.

I was just off meeting Mr. Ken that evening when I returned back to ward and saw him standing at the counter discussing with his boss. I did a double turn and refused to proceed into the ward out of shame. Argh. Terima kasih sebab tak maki saya depan-depan.

So patient was discharged. I called Dr. Omar to confirm with him regarding Uro's plan for TCA and all was done and well.

Malam tu pulak... New case came in for right iliac fossa pain TRO acute appendicitis. Gynae said no gynae pathology. We took thorough history, noted query right distal ureteric stone on AXR and my boss's plan was "amik uric acid, refer Uro."

Ah, Uro. Kena ngadap Dr. Omar lagi la ni.

Round habis dan aku pun dah siap tolong Mr. Wong my favourite HO dekat wad dia. Aku pun turun balik wad aku. And what do you know, ada Dr. Omar tengah buat round Uro dengan Wahida. Aku pun sengih, hmm, alang-alang Uro dah ada sini, refer terus la kan. Takde la kena tunggu Uro free baru datang balik tengah malam.

Sampai pulak Dr. Mustaqim. MO yang ni suka nganjing orang. Haha nasib la aku. Dia tak oncall pun, dia ni macam saje je ngekor Dr. Omar. Later I found out from Wahida Dr. Mus ajak Dr. Omar pergi deghak somewhere.

Aku pun duduk dekat kaunter pura-pura tekun baca BHT. Periodically look up and bila Uro dah sampai dekat last patient cubicle sebelah acute bed. Aku nak refer dekat Dr. Omar sebab Dr. Omar yang oncall, tapi sebab Dr. Mus dah lalu dekat aku dan notice aku sengih tengok dia... Why not.

Me: Salam bos. Nak refer kes.
Dr. Mus: Malam-malam? Sape suruh ni? Azihan (second call) ke?
Me: Dr. Dayah (third call).

Dr. Mus berpaling ke Dr. Omar: Budak ni nak refer kes.
Dr. Omar jeling saya sambil tangan palpate patient Uro: Tadi petang awak refer kes ke saya dah.
Me: Ahaha..

Dr. Mus: Kes ape ni?
Me: 20 years old, right iliac fossa pain currently treated as right ureteric colic.
Dr. Omar: Bukan appendix?
Me: Sudden RIF pain, colicky, radiating to the back, tender RIF on deep palpation, renal punch negative, AXR nampak query right distal ureteric stone.
Bos-bos bukak amik xray filem: Mana?
Me: Ni.
They pointed at a FB dalam filem: Ni ape?
Me: Patient's punya IUCD.
Dr. Omar: Umur dia berapa?
Me: 20.
Dr. Omar: 20 dah pakai IUCD?
Dr. Mus: PE ke?
Me: Dia fitted masa labour-
Dr. Mus: PE la tu budak ni!
Me: PE tu ape? Ooh pre-eclampsia hahaha.

Jadah nyampah betul aku bila orang guna abbreviation hahaha aku bukan local grad!

Dr. Omar: Uric acid amik dah?
Me with an appropriate grin: Belum baru habis round.
Dr. Omar: (killer glare)
Dr. Mus: Belasah sikit budak ni.

Dr. Mus memang batu api hahahaha and the killer glare lasted few seconds la jugak. Macam nak kata "budak bertuah saje cari pasal ke ape" tapi sebab beliau berakhlak maka tahan je la. Aku sengih hopeless sekejap. Tapi in retrospect, I would still ask for their review kalau dah diorang on the spot ada kat situ. Later I asked Wahida about it whether I should have done differently and Wahida said I did okay.

Apehal entah aku rasa comel gila muka Dr. Omar masa dia tak puashati. Haha. But I am sorry for the inconvenience. Tapi bahaya la. I keep finding people's (intermittent) annoyed face as super cute. Aku ni memang suka kena marah ke ape.

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Clinic with Black

Today is clinic day but I wanted to assist in OT because I haven't assisted any operation this week and tomorrow I'm oncall at the general ward. My teammates are well aware but this morning, during round, Mr. Zuraimi was picking out HOs for clinic duty when he turned to me and

"Atiqah. Awak pergi klinik."

Aaaaah why me!

I would have exchanged with some other HO but I couldn't because Mr. Z called out my name. I want to assist OT! I want to hang out with Dr. H in OT! So I half-heartedly ran to the clinic because to be polite I need to be there first before my bosses arrive.

Biasanya saya tak minat kerja klinik sebab duduk je borak dengan patient dan menaip. Pastu bila bos pergi merayap, tinggal la HO sorang dalam klinik sejuk nak gi tandas pun tak nak risau boss datang balik masa tengah pee.

Tapi harini masa boss pergi merayap (beliau pergi cari patient atau kacau MO), Kak Nora akak nurse datang dan letak Milo sebelah saya. "Nah untuk doktor," katanya. Beliau letakkan Nescafe dekat tempat boss dan cream puff dan sardin roll tepi meja. Beliau jemput saya makan. Saya pun girang sedut Milo sambil fikir kenapa boss dapat Nescafe Latte tapi saya dapat Milo, adakah sebab... Hmmmm.

---

Dr. Adham jaga klinik Black jugak harini. He peered into the room to see Mr. Z's back and noticed me, so we raised our eyebrows at each others in greeting haha. It felt so chummy then.

---

Dr. H pun jaga klinik harini hehehe and when I first realised that, I was happy well at least I didn't miss following him in the OT. And he kept showing up in the room because that's where the specialist is so we goofed at each other, he made gestures from behind boss's back, he commented how fast I was typing

"Macam robot."

"Terpaksa la." Aku duduk klinik dengan big boss kot, kalau slow nanti boss komplen.

But then he had to ask for me to check something for a patient whose name was similar to his, so I typed in the patient's name in Patient Search and spelled it how he spelled his name.

"Eh jangan la tulis nama saya. Eja dia M E E."

I typed. "Ada dua patient nama macam tu."

"Kat mana Atiqah cari ni?" He peered. "Haih tulis je laju."

At that point I realised I should have searched in today's patient list, hahaha. So I did while I laughed at myself.

---

Sebelum start klinik Dr. H ajak makan nasi dekat pantri. So relaxed this guy. I told that to Dr. Hidayah and she said

"Makan nasi apenya patient ada 100!"

I laughed. Well politely. We actually had 70 patients.

---

Cream puff ada enam ketul dan selepas kali ke berapa saya ditinggalkan seorang dalam klinik, saya pun amik makan sebijik. Allah sedapnya!!! Nak nangis sedap please. Ke sebab aku lapar? Aku pun amik lagi sebijik sumbat terus dalam mulut. Dan sebijik lagi. Adil la kan aku makan tiga, bagi boss lagi tiga biji.

Lama kemudian boss sedar kewujudan cream puff tersebut.

"Ni tiga hilang ni awak la yang makan?"

HO ni dengan relaksnya duduk bersandar memutar-mutar kerusi. "Ye bos. Sedap bos makan la."

Mr. Z pun amik satu dan makan. Pastu beliau amik the whole packet dan bawak ke bilik sebelah sebelum datang semula dengan tangan kosong. Dr. H muncul dari bilik sebelah dengan mulut penuh muka happy. Bagusnya boss share, aku selamba habiskan separuh wahahah.

Klinik habis pukul 1.30pm. Boss komplen klinik habis lambat sambil saya gelakkan nasib beliau (dan diri saya yang cuma boleh balik wad lepas semua bos habis). Kak Nora pun kata, "Takpe klinik habis lewat, asalkan HO tak hypo."

Haha ni mesti pernah ada HO hypo dekat klinik, sape ni hopeless betul kah3. Tapi serius la aku sayang Kak Nora ni.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Noted

I felt like Dr. H is noting me for our joblist. Like when patient was for CVL and then he who stood to my left with three other HOs between us, turned to me and addressed me to prepare all needed equipments and to assist him.

And when post OGDS patient was having low BP and he picked me out of the other Black HOs at the counter to instruct me to monitor her BP hourly and to inform him if remain low for three readings.

"Okay boss."

"If persistent low BP, patient for CVL."

"Doktor pasang?"

"Atiqah buat terus la." He grinned.

"Ye beres bos," I replied him with my yeah-right face.

And when today, we finished round and he was heading for OT. He asked us who was the HO for OT today and then,

"Atiqah. Masuk OT?"

It felt very much like an invitation. But I had an assessment right after that so I couldn't be in the OT. I looked at him, wanting to take up on his offer but...

"Hasmira masuk. Tu dia dah kat luar."

I want to keep being noted...

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Mood stabilising spectacles

Spek patah Khamis baru ni. Terjatuh dari poket masa tengah lari nak pergi request urgent portable CXR sebab Abang Chua desat masa tengah buat CVL. Maka harini pergi kerja tak pakai spek dan rasa pelik. I want my spec. Let me not wear it when I don't want to wear it, not because I cannot wear it.

Tengahari tadi tetiba Dr. H panggil aku dan bagi order management for patient. Kaunter ramai orang bercakap sambil-sambil tu tapi aku memang fokus dengar ape Dr. H tengah cakap pun. Nasri ada kat sebelah Dr. H dia pun kata "Atiqah dengar molek ape Dr. H cakap tu kesian dia cakap takde orang dengar."

"Saya dengar ni, dua-dua telinga saya tadah."

Dr. H said something yang macam kenakan aku tapi aku tak pickup vocab Kelantan yang dia guna while everyone was laughing at what he said. Aku pun tarik muka dan jeling dia as safe response to when someone is teasing you.

Nasri tetiba tukar topik. "Atiqah mane spek?"

Ni kali kedua Nasri address isu spek aku. One of these days I'll tell him aku dah buat LASIK.

"Spek saya patah!"

"Spek Atiqah patah masa dia tengah kejar Dr. H," Pofin membuat cerita.

"Ooh patut la nampak lain," Dr. H kata. Lol tak lojik langsung ayat.

Harini semua orang komen aku muka macam postcall sebab nampak serabut. And I did feel serabut. By 4pm aku dah membentak dengan rakan sebaya

Hanisah tengah passover. Meksu tetiba suruh dia tulis benda yang nak passover tu atas kertas.

"Kau tulis je la sendiri." Aku tetiba cakap kat Meksu.

"Bukan aku suruh kau pun," Meksu jawab balik.

"Kau menyuruh Hanisah, dia budak paling baik kot."

"Takpe tulis je tak susah," Hanisah mendamaikan keadaan.

dan menjawab dengan akak nurse.

"Doktor Black?"

"Ye. Kenapa." Tak pandang pun sebab tengah buat discharge.

"Patient temperature dah 38.1 dan still tachy-"

"Patient mane?" Suara keras malas layan. "Black ramai patient."

"Woah gedebe Atiqah." Afiq mencelah.

Kak nurse buat tak perasan aku tak jawab dengan sopan. "Patient mane lagi tengah blood transfusion, patient-"

"Ah bed 14."

Aku rasa spek aku berfungsi sebagai mood stabiliser.

Saturday, October 03, 2015

Hepatoma

Harini off. Isnin ni ramai geng start PTM so I was on WhatsApp with Ara. Suddenly a notification came as new message from one of my bosses.

My mind rushed with several thoughts:
1. Good God what did I do!!
2. Did I forgot a job at work? Tapi semalam lagi aku off.
3. Ada patient yang aku pernah review collapse and it was because I didn't note any abnormalities ke?
4. Gaaaah ape aku dah buat!!

I automatically read his message despite he was just on his polite greetings. Please I don't usually do this. Then came the third line:

"Dah call ke patient hepatoma tu?"

I breathed. Hahaha. And quickly reassured my boss of the details of me doing what he asked me on Thursday.

Boss said thanks and as usual I replied no problem. But he shouldn't have. Next time boss thank me, I'm gonna tell him about لا شكر على واجب.

Friday, October 02, 2015

Percent

I was working on the first day of Eid Adha. Second day of Eid I had the day off and the only raya visiting I did was to Wa's aqiqah for her baby Busyra in Wakaf Bharu. Third day of Eid I was oncall and it was fun. For some reason so far I am enjoying my calls despite little sleep and the stress and all. I still find it to grin, laugh and goof around.

Anyway, that day one of my oncall MOs was Dr. H. During round he asked me "Atiqah korban tak tahun ni?"

I chuckled back. "Saya kerja raya first."

"Bagus la, berkorban la tu. Berkorban ada banyak cara."

"Yeah.. Saya mengorbankan diri." I muttered jokingly at that notion. I didn't exactly feel sacrificed, it wasn't hard for me to come to work on a day where we celebrate sacrifices.

He continued saying it is not how big or small you're contributing but whether you're sincere or not. Now as I am writing this, I forgot his exact words and partially remembered his points, but I remember thinking he is a good person and I felt glad to be given a piece of tazkirah. I'd take one anytime these days.

Yesterday at usrah Kak Joy said similar things. What is important is not how much you give, but how much is left for yourself. A man giving RM9000 away and be left with RM1000 is different from a man who gave away RM90 and left with RM10.

I do things, I work but I don't know... Is it hard? Ward work isn't hard. I somewhat avoid my MOs who make me feel awkward and stick around with MOs who give me earfuls. I dislike clinic duties especially on my postcall days and OT duties sometimes bore me. I am lazy to study when I get home...

So I guess those are the mujahadah I need to work on.

But the biggest question: how much percent of my energy, money and time have I contributed to tarbiyah and dakwah?

Haru & Associates