PGU will be embarrassing, but living like shit is embarrassing too

I'm not okay. I'm so down I'm doing nothing and this is the fifth week. I need help but I don't want to impose on anyone. I can't voice this out, I can't text anyone, I can't even say this on X. But it has to be known or I'll die, I'm withering away. 

I need someone to tell me exactly what to do. I need someone to actually come and drag me out, someone who says "Atiqah let's meet at the scope room tomorrow at 8am." 

I need someone who will eat with me because I'm not eating. I eat a proper meal only once every other day now, and it's not even finished. I buy food so that I have food to eat, but I end up with leftovers and God I hate leftovers.

My stomach hurts since three weeks and I don't know if that's the cause or the effect. And last weekend it was a dyschezia with fresh PR bleed and I think it was just a fissure. It cleared after two days because I forced myself to drink more water, and only then I noticed it was a melena. 

I think if I OGDS myself there's an F3 or F2B ulcer somewhere at least.