buaya mengkabung

Today in clinic as I wrapped up my review, I saw that my patient was from Kg Mengkabung, Tuaran.

"Mak, rumah kau tepi Sungai Mengkabung itu kah?"

"Iya doktor."

Excitement level raised exponentially. "Kau ada bot sendiri kah?"

"Kami ada doktor."

I was then grinning giddy out of my seat. "Ada nampak buaya kah baru2 ni?"

"Ada doktor. Dua ekor mereka depan rumah kami. Orang kampung kasi makan."

I was running out of my cubicle "Misssss patient kata depan rumah dia ada buayaaaa" but then I remember my teammates are not fond of crocodiles. Also I'm a doctor and we shouldn't be running in clinic praising God for crocodile sighting. Anyway the mother was obviously amused.

"Minggu lalu aku pergi sana ada pakcik bawa naik bot tapi tidak pula aku jumpa buaya."

"Ada nama mereka tu doktor."

Ada namaaaaaa? I wanna make friends! "Nama apa mereka?"

"Si Gagah sama si Siti."

Wth hahahahaha. 

things ms haz said to me as she signed my contract

"Hidup awak untuk 4 tahun seterusnya ni akan huru hara. Awak akan berdepan dengan situasi yang mencabar prinsip hidup awak, corruption and unfairness. Asalkan tidak bercanggah dengan prinsip agama, asalkan awak sedar yang awak tak boleh kawal situasi tapi awak boleh kawal reaksi diri sendiri.

Selagi mampu, teruskan. Kalau tak mampu, jangan huru harakan hidup awak." 

"Tidak perlu menabung RM10 sehari 4 tahun untuk beli binocular Swarovski. Dapat tunggakan gaji bila awak lulus nanti awak boleh beli 2 biji binocular terus."

atiqah dapat master UM

Thursday, 30.9.21

I was oncall. My calendar said HLP result was today. Ahh bad mood already. My old MOs and friends asked me if I got it and some even congratulated me for getting in because we have small fraternity and they knew already. I was just trying to avoid the inevitable and told every one of them

"I'm oncall. Bz."

Which I really was. 

Friday 1.10.21

Still busy. My surgeon told me to go check while we're waiting for patient to be induced. I went and checked but all the hospital computers couldn't access the website. Whatever, got work to do. 

Near 4pm, Pali texted me asking "any good news?" 

I told him I had a busy oncall postcall and will check later. And then I said "will update". 

I got into my car and checked. God, why. I'm accepted into UM. I then texted Hadi that I'm accepted. And then the family group. And Pali of my result. Then I called dad and mom. And I called Mr. Mughni. And then I called Mr. Tar.

And then I sat in my car thinking why the hell did I tell them. I should just kept it to myself and then reject it. Now they know, I can't not accept it. 

Whatever. I'm not accepting it yet. I habe until 15th 5pm to do so. In the mean time, let's go masuk hutan first. 

Saturday, 2.10.21

Kinabalu Park looking for trogon. Heard it but didn't make contact but found hair crested drongo and a Borneon whistler, a spotted ground snake threading the trail in front of me and many leeches. 

Sunday, 3.10.21

Oncall. 

I went early to dress the burn kid in PPNR OT ICU because I wanna talk to Abehe. On the way there I talked to myself, what is it I'm hesitant about. Am I scared? Of what? Of studying? God I really hate studying. Of being asked questions during rounds and cannot answer it? And embarrass myself and my parents and surgeons? Ah. 

So I told Abehe I got UM and I asked him for advice because I'm hesitant.

He told me to go for it because if I reject it, I wouldn't be able to take it for another 2 years. He said to go for it, because I wouldn't know what I couldn't do until I do it. 

"Semua orang pun malas study sebelum masuk master. Dah masuk memang takde option lain dah."

I later went to clinic to settle my oncall claim. Ms Haz walked in from her lunch and saw me and

"Atiqah! Ooo dapat master tak bagitahu ye! Sombong!" 

"Busy oncall.. Busy postcall.. Busy masuk hutan.." 

What could I tell my HOD when I couldn't even bring myself to accept it?

And then this afternoon UM sent an email and when I read the notification I audibly gasped everyone looked at me asking what's wrong. Fuck it I haven't accepted the HLP yet UM sent an email already. I then turned to them and bowed. 

"Saya nak mengumumkan bahawasanya saya dapat Masters."

The staff nurses were happy for me. I'm like, what?