New-year-new-me crap

I'm postcall today. Last oncall of the year, last oncall of the three calls I'm doing in a week for the last week of 2017.

But I don't know what to do. I'm slowly making my way back to my rented place. I'd take a shower. Then do laundry. Then maybe breakfast. I have to study, always have to but never doing it.

I'm sleepy already thinking of the boring things I'm going to do. But I had enough sleep last night, I don't want to just sleep today.

It occurred to me that the rented place of Number 22 is just a rented place. It's a house, it's not home. I'm not excited to go back. I'd rather be doing rounds or whatever but I need to detach myself from the hospital, it's not healthy. But I've nothing to go back to.

So that's the plan for next year. Find something to go back to.

Drive

"Is it okay if I sleep?"

"Sure." It was almost automatic. She never really say no to him. 

"You don't mind?"

"I don't."

She kept her eyes on the road. From the corner of her eyes she could see he had reclined the seat further back and made himself comfortable. He crossed his legs and there was no movement after that. 

She drove calmly. Reminded herself not to bump the car up recklessly so as not to jolt him awake. She hummed the radio softly to herself and let the silence passed. At the traffic light she turned to observe his whole profile. 

He had his glasses off and turned away from her. She noticed that he had made use of her throw pillow in the back seat, the pillow that she had used once for that one time she chose to sleep in her running car on a postcall day before driving home. He was relaxed, almost in a vulnerable state. She could do anything to him. This was drama material, the silent pondering before the unsuspecting girl gets gobbled by the hungry predator. 

The lights turned green and she resumed driving at a relaxed speed. She had a small smirk on her face thinking he must really trust her as a friend to be that relaxed around her. Took her word for it when she said she considered him her brother. Either that or he was half asleep on edge in case she decided to jump on him. Which wasn't wrong. She was tempted to think for that moment, he was hers. People could see them alone in her car, him sleeping next to her and agree to the same circumstancial assumption like she did. 

Then she came to her conclusion. She liked this, this situation they were in. To have someone so relaxed around her he could fall asleep next to her. To just stay together in silence with no expectation on the line. No, not necessarily him. She could never think of him that way because he is family to her. Maybe this is how it would be with her future husband. She'll drive them home on his postcall day and he'll sleep in the passenger seat with his face turned towards her, or he'll drive them home with her curled up on the passenger seat sleepily fighting to stay awake to keep him company. 

She sighed. When would that day come. 

They reached the hospital. She parked the car and deliberated whether she should wake him up to have him lock the car from inside while she run inside for her jab. She decided against. Let him sleep. It's directly in front of the entrance and broad enough daylight to minimise risk of car theft. And he's an adult, he could take care of himself should a car theft occur. It was safe enough that the keyless car is designed to not be able to be driven without the key nearby, so she took the key with her and slipped outside without a word. 

Fifteen minutes later she was back inside her car where she found it the way she left it. She put the gear into drive and headed back home. He stirred awake. 

"You're done already?"

"Yeah let's go home." 

"That was fast."

"Did you really sleep?"

"I napped enough."