With Arms Wide Open

I've always been crude but I know I'm a good kid. Because whenever I become crude, I feel bad afterwards.

This month's pledge is to keep silent when I have nothing good to say, keep silent when I want to be cynical.

Family are like air

What does it mean to be excited when you see someone? I grin and run up to certain people when I see their back, while some other people I'd just.. Not react much.

Today I was walking back to my ward from the parking area when a familiar voice called my name out. I turned around and it was bro standing in front of the canteen.

"Tiqs, what's up."

I looked at him, not really answering.

"Makan kat kantin?" He probed.

"Tak.. letak barang."

And I walked to where I was originally heading. I then turned around thinking I have fifteen minutes to kill before my course resume and maybe I'd hang out with him. But then I decided to head on.

"He's an adult." He doesn't need company. But he would like, I guess. Nevermind it's too hot I should get indoor asap.

And then it occurred to me. He called me out when he saw me. That's admirable. I don't think I'd call him out if I see him not even going my way.

But I'd run over if it was Vicky. Haha. It occurred to me that Luqman is a brother. He's family and he can get away with anything from me. But you don't go huha on family, they're like air. Silently important.

Child-friendly monsters

I'm always amazed when people become so selamba with me. Like yesterday's call my MO Dr. Yufi asked during rounds

"Dah amik ke BUSE dia? Owh belum amik blood lagi la bro."

Afterwards I was readying for a lumbar puncture but he said "Lepas ni la aku nak kencing jap." And he kept switching between "aku" when talking and "saya" on group message.

I was between laughing at such selambaness and thinking why was he so aloof and friendly, I don't remember him being such when I first work with him in NICU. Have I gave them aura that I'm aloof like that? I thought I behaved better than this... at least I try to.

It was a fun call. I have always liked Dr. Yufi because of his cool persona, his hair are always well coiffed and he has one of the coolest guitar riff opening ringtone out there. And since he was selamba I also went selamba with him and asked for one branula insertion without even attempting for that baby cause I was tired already don't want to bother, and we only have one branula left in this entire ward. When I asked for blood as well, despite the baby's tricky line, he went aghast "Seriously?" which reminded me of my own habit to which I snorted a reply "Seriously."

I believe that babies understand as much as us adults and so I talk to them like they do. I call them adik or by their name if they're already named, and don't do baby-talk. It was cool that I see Dr. Yufi does the same.

I guess people lose their inhibitions during oncalls. We're just so tired we don't bother anymore. We play with the babies as we run pass them because they're so cute and buncit and they're a joy to be around except for their maddening crying. I've squatted on the floor before, clutching my head in the presence of all my MOs during last call because I was exasperated with the day's jonahness, I think they thought I lost it.

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I never call my female MO by "kak" before, I only address them such after I leave the posting (except Kak Lin in Ortho because she's so chummy with us). Cause it feels sort of like we're chummy but I don't really know these people.

But in Paeds they all address themselves as "kak" and sometimes I still call them "doctor" especially when I'm not so familiar with them. Guys of course I address as "doctor" though behind them some I address as "abang" like my favourite Abang Badddd #matabentukhati

One MO Kak Emas, she amazed me by calling me Tiqs. I don't know if it's the norm to short Atiqah for Tiqs, but in this hospital only Luqman calls me that. I wondered if she heard him call me that.

Cerek

I remember he was quite a kerek MO. He was officially my superior for a week period when I started Urology, otherwise I remember him as a friend.

There were only two HOs carrying out the AM round plan for that day, Afiq and I. The rest went to clinic by lunch time and had lunch together with the MOs and surgeons. It was nearing 2 pm and soon the MOs will come for PM round. I just finished my end of the job, prayed Zohor and managed to PM review two acute bed patients.

He came for round and approached the patient that I unfortunately didn't manage to review yet. He looked through the ticket and saw no PM review yet and asked me about it.

"Tak PM review lagi?"

"Sorry, yang ni tak sempat."

"Houseman ramai dalam wad buat ape." He said tonelessly. I didn't answer him back because in my heart I was glaring him dude there were two HOs in the ward, I did what I could, the rest went for the lunch party that you also attended, and I haven't eaten yet so please not another word.

So yeah. He can be a kerek MO sometimes..

Cuts of fresh fruits off a stall

Just a memorial update.

Today is happy. I got off work on time, then Kemal messaged saying they're at HRPZ to visit an admitted family member so I went there running to meet my niece Aya Safiyya and she is the cutest thing subhanallah cannot tahan. Perfect little girl she is.

Then I went home and napped hahaha. Woke up lazy and replied a colleague's message regarding patients, then suddenly bro called asking out for a ride. He later politely discouraged me from sleeping until so late in the evening and I was almost surprised he didn't diss me, must be in one of his reminiscening mood why else would we go out?

You know what, for the last two weeks I was merajuk with him twice (my style of merajuk is to not talk to you for a while later be normal, no need pujuk me I can pujuk myself because I am a self-sustaining rational person) because he was verbally harsh at me on the phone over a case then during rounds. I took him personally and on that Thursday I was chirpy when Mr. Ruzaimie talked to me "Awak tak ikut round ayah awak ke?" "Tak habis review patient lagi bos." but I didn't reply him nor even look at him when he joined in our conversation with what I took as harsh personal remarks on me "So awak dah pandai sangat la?" (cause I was not following rounds) and later at the end I gave him a semi frown "I'm not talking to you" because he was persistently talking to me. Later I felt bad, I should not be rude to families. But now that I think of it, I don't remember him ever be harsh when it's just us talking personal things. I should keep note of this.

Anyway I went out around 1830 hour, we went until Chinatown with solat break at Masjid An-Naim... and dodged a bullet when I came home around two hours later.

All I can say is, if you wanna go far and fast, you go with a bro.

When we took a break at Hayaki, I saw Bang Aslam! I called him out and he grinned at me "Macam kenal."

"Atiqah! Saya tak pakai spek!" Haha I would have told him off how dare tak kenal saya but was too excited to see him and I introduced him to bro.

On a side note, I introduced him as "ni abang" and later in our conversation I was praising Dr. Badrul my NICU MO saying "I'm even calling him abang now" in which bro commented "geli la panggil abang" and I disclaimed "behind him la, depan dia he's still Dr. Bad" that made me think I hope he didn't find my introduction as repulsive, hope he gets that I consider him family and not panggil him one. God forbid, I only call seniors I've known pre-working era who is born before 1988 as abang.

Man I miss Bayep.

For the love of sneakers

I had my off yesterday and I'm working all through this weekend. I like working on weekends because I get to wear my sneakers... but then I remembered what my dad told me earlier this week.

"Kakngah jangan dah la pakai sneakers pergi kerja, even weekends." He said with a grin. "Nampak macam budak2 sangat."

Enough to say I was stunned. Dad rarely gives me direct order like that so when he does I know it's really something which bothered him for a while. And I'm a good kid, I don't disobey a direct order.

So yeah. Tomorrow I'm working on a weekend and denied wearing sneakers. I WANT TO CRYYY SOMEONE BETTER CHEER ME UP CM :'(