shasha calling me out for whatever closet that i am

During Malaysia's Day I went for kopitiam with Shasha. She saw Emperor Penpen in my car and asked if I like cartoon characters. So I told her Penpen is Junho from 2PM and she's like

"Ohh so you're a Hottest!"

She was dropping names like "Uri Jib" "Heya Hae" and damn this girl knows. But she said she likes girl group better.

"I like guys."

"BTS?"

"Too cute for me. I'm talking about men. Older men."

"Manly men?"

I gave a sideway look. She knows. She definitely knows.

"I like their newer songs more actually, since Michigo Aniya era till now. Their songs are getting-" 

"-Perverted."

I couldn't turn fast enough. Damn she's calling me out hahaha. "I mean better." But hey that works too.

I've actually been running Jun K songs nowadays. It just crossed my mind to see Slip and Slide translations and bro... This dude really been having fun eh. 

goodbye Benji sweet boy

Last night, I started my shift with the news of our Benji passing in the COVID ward Melur 1. 

I didn't feel anything actually. Mostly just concerned regarding his cause of death and whether we played a major role in contributing to it. If I were working with the team I would have asked Boss about this, but I'm in COVID rotation now. Anyhow I continued my rounds.

Then Meryem texted me asking if I'm still at the hospital. I think she might have thought I was AM shift instead. So I told her I'm PM and doing my rounds.

She asked for a favour. For me to return Benji's blanket to his parents. She took it last time to get it laundered and never got around to return it. She left the blanket in our MO room.

So I excused myself to Kah Yin, telling her I'm going to Melur 1 for a bit to say goodbye to Benji. I took the blanket and went down. 

Benji's parents were in the COVID side hallway while I stood there at the edge 4 meters away from them. The donned SN passed the blanket to them silently. The parents were masked on, looking solemn but calm.

"Mak. Jessylah, saya Dr. Atiqah dari Pembedahan Kanak-kanak." I paused awkwardly, my voice almost shouting. "Takziah dari kami."

The father thanked me. The mother observed the blanket she received.

"Saya pulangkan blanket Benzion. Dr. Meryem ambil haritu untuk cuci."

She nodded. I shuffled on my feet. It was uncomfortable. 

"Jaga diri ya."

She nodded again. I bowed slightly and left. That's when Meryem message came in asking me to send them her regards. I hesitated. I did mention her name and said condolences on our behalf. That should be enough? I should get back to Melur 3 for passover and night round. 

So I left. In the elevator ride I thought how awkward, cold I was. A child died and that's all I said. Well what else would I do differently? I don't know.

I don't feel sad because I saw this coming since the day his bowel perforated few days ago and all we could do was insert a drain for him. High support with almost inaccessible IV line, his death was imminent. But now he is no longer in pain and he is going to heaven. He's in a much better place now.

It's us adults who have to answer as to why this happen to him.