God saves us

Today Mubarak was acquitted. Not surprising and totally expected since the day Prez Morsi was overthrew. Well-played, Mubarak. Damn dude even took a selfie and had the nerve to praise God for his acquittal, I felt so insulted.

---

The result made me remember one of my professor who was a total slut to Sisi and the military. Out of nowhere in our first 10 minutes in class with him, he dissed Ikhwan as satanic and inhumane as possibly could and praised Sisi endlessly. He was downright worshipping that guy "for getting rid of the Ikhwan from Egypt."

It was unnerving, really. First he was talking about the importance of manners and following the Prophet's sunnah then suddenly he dissed with so much hatred; so much it was like a wrecking ball to my face who happened to be sitting right in front of him. I was silent the whole class.

I don't know which part of understanding manners and sunnah allow anyone to diss so liberally. The Prophet never teach us that. Dr. Shen who opposes tyranny never let his hatred for any individual shows during class.

Apparently he was a doctor at one of the main military hospital and saved a lot of military personnels' family lives. Good for him. He had them wrapped around his pinky.

"I can call them to arrest you anytime," he announced smugly. I was sure none of us was impressed.

His lecture was good. I understood a lot about managing diaphragmatic hernia from him. But needless to say his hatred and bigotry made me lose most of the respect I had for him. I intentionally skipped our next class with him because I wanted to preserve that little remaining respect I have for a professor.

I wonder what he thinks of the acquittal. Probably be singing joyously.

---

I was also reminded on something our Surgery Grandpa said in one of his classes, on a day there was a disturbed demostration on campus, the fated 9th April 2014. He said how the whole ruckus wasn't a religious affair, it was political.

The Ikhwan are Muslims, the military are Muslims as well, he said. He remarked how it was all a play on strategy for Ikhwan and that Ikhwan should be laying low and start all over instead of gathering demonstrans day after day. He said the demonstrations were nothing but a nuisance.

---

But I disagree. If there is no demonstrations, people will forget. I walk in the street day by day seeing people admiring Sisi and the junta like thousands weren't massacred in Rabia. Like all is well but the truth is injustice prevails. Life goes on and unsightly things are hidden. If I don't have internet, I bet I will forget. These things need to be circulated, people have to speak up first to be heard.

I talk to Sisi-lovers and they approve of him because "Egyptians have long been ruled by the military," and "the people need to be governed by someone with a firm handling, Morsi was too nice." People who hated Prez Morsi for the blackouts but when blackouts tripled after Sisi forcibly took office, they caved in silence. That same people were getting the brunt of corrupted police officers who randomly slapped them with a LE600 fine and all they could do were pay up and say "hasbunallah wa ni3mal wakiil."

Talk about masochism.

I am really afraid thinking what sort of catastrophe God is going to send to us for this blasphemy. It could come crashing on us or anywhere else... Please don't leave us to ourselves, we've done enough screwing.

Cheapskate sometimes but you should see the money I spend when I do splurge.

I had this tee I really like because it's cotton and white-bluish. It can pair up with any coloured tudung, jeans or slacks. Throw in a blazer and I'm ready to present in it. I bought it at Tesco Semenyih for RM10.

It was  a bit short though so I had Ara sew in extension and I wore it happily. But Umair complained.

"Ayah kau konsultan tapi anak dia pakai baju bertampal, compang-camping!"

Every. Single. Time. I wear it, she would complain. It got to a point where she told me to pose for a picture to report to my mom about the distasteful tee.

My mom is strict about stuffs like this. I once own this Turkish tudung handed down from my aunt and I wore it all the time throughout high school until first year of medicine. Nearly 75% of the pictures of me will have me in that tudung. I liked that one better than any of the tudungs I owned.

And you know what my mom did when she got her hands on it? She burned it.
-_-

So I stopped Umair from reporting me to my mom fearing she might start sending clothes to me. I like her taste but most of the clothes she give me will be ones I need to iron. I rather sleep in than iron. And I don't wear that tee anymore. It was getting too worn out anyway.

Today Ayad asked me when did I change my spec. I told him it was some time after Ramadan.

"Oh, buat dekat Malaysia la kiranya," he said.

"Nope, beli tepi jalan harga LE20."

"Kau serius?" Dude why would I lie. "Elok ke benda tu?"

"Aku pakai elok je."

Of course I didn't tell him I wear it lenseless. It would be a long discussion if I tell people my vision is near perfect yet still wear a spec.

And his reply was "Kau anak doktor kot -.-" Tapi kalau ayah kau pun rilek je, so ok la kot. Agaknye.."

Damn. Leave my dad out of this!

One of the most fulfilling domestic work

Disclaimer: This is a bragging post. Ehem.

Yesterday we finished our last Batnah paper thus mark the start for a 2-week final sprint before we face Surgery. Immediate post exam is the time to vent out and people go shopping, fatten up at fancy restaurants, SLEEP and whatever it is guys do.

Meanwhile I was on cook duty so I picked up groceries on the way back, started the laundry and cooked dinner. But guess what else I did?

I DEFROSTED THE FRIDGE! IN THE WINTER SOME MORE! And reorganized the lower kitchen cabinet!

You should have seen the 4cm ice built up on the wall. And me cleaning it out! And hacking the ice away carefully with a spoon, in the frigging cold! My tip of fingers were so pink I was reminded of Raynaud's! And reorganising the stuffs back! Argh I am so proud of myself!

The fridge is a defreeze model but after 3 years I guess ice build up anyway. Damn I'm so proud of myself. You people should give me gentle pats on my back. Hurry hurry.

Here I give you a pick of the aftermath. I should have taken a before pic but I never thought I would feel so successful.

We're 24 and a bunch of mischievous kids, we won't grow up.

Hi. Am at Umair's place for movie night. Actually it was me finishing three movies while Pait, Syemak and Ume snoozed off earlier. It's nearly 2 and I should sleep (slept a few last night and nearly snoozed off in the exam haha) but as usual.. Headache come yet no sleep.

When I arrived after praying Isya at my place, I saw the place wasn't set up and those three haven't prayed Isya yet! So I immediately went to the living room and cleared the area, tables cleared and placed by the wall. I went into Iema's room (she had tuition) and unplugged her TV and caried it out to the living room. I also took out Iema's extra mattress and carried Ume's into the living room. The snacks and mineral water I bought were placed in front of the TV and I brought out a cup from the kitchen.

It was all on auto. Syaimaa joked I was like a brat coming in and make everything at home. I was like, "Dude you said we're having movie night. How come the place isn't set up?"

We watched and complained of the simplicity of The Grudge 2, where everyone just died at the end. I was at my "how are they going to explain all the murders to the police" when it was down to the last two characters. I was thinking how nobody will believe the boy and live haunted the rest of his life, but it turned out the two of them died, too.

"Now they won't need to explain to the police. Brilliant."

It was boring and I needed something thoughtful to comment on. Syemak and I stayed for Dear John (because Tatum is the only abang hensem on the list of movies I haven't watched. He's not exactly my kind of guy, I'm more into Hisashi-kun or Hugh Jackman or Hugh Dancy. I was tempted to do another Butler with Olympus Has Fallen or that smartass cute guy in Now You See Me.) and we were satisfied by the maturity of the love story. It was something I can agree upon. Excellent Josei material.

I was then on a roll for abang hensem. Umair in her semi sleeping state told me to run 127 Hours because there was an abang hensem there. So I did. And it was a scruffy guy.

"That's not exactly abang hensem," I complained. If he looked a little bit more like Dancy as Will Graham, I might have agreed with her taste.

"I just wanted to shut you up. Abang hensem, abang hensem. I'm going to make a status out of this."

I don't always ogle hot guys. Technically doing so is a disgrace to my iman and taqwa. Remember how one of the reasons to get married is to "menjaga kehormatan iman dan taqwa" or something along that line? I should get married soon for that sake, but heh. This is getting too long of a discussion.

So I predicted "Tomorrow all Batnah in my head will be gone."

As Umair expected, it was my kind of movie. I watched the movie alone as the girls weren't interested to know how to survive in a canyon for a week with a hand stuck under a boulder. And the movie was, as Umair said, "inspirational." I revised a little bit of Ortho with that movie, how we save life first before saving a limb.

Ralston was a hero. A self hero. At the end of the day, he saved himself. The thoughts of his loved ones were what kept him going and what kept him sane. It's okay to run off on your own as long as you have something that keeps you going.

And so the most important thing I learned is that, find the right balance between selfishness and independence.

Others include:
(1) don't buy cheap knockoffs.
(2) thank Epul for buying excellent Swiss knife for me.
(3) leave a note somewhere on where you're going.
(4) always return mom's call.
(5) people die. Enjoy life while you're at it.

The flaw in the movie was probably just it's effect. I'm a doctor-to-be so I kind of know how a person would look like severely dehydrated and everything.

---

We finished our Batnah papers today. It was tough because I didn't study the Clinical Patho part well and felt mocked throughout the 20 minutes to answer that 20-questions part of the 105-questions exam. What is important is that I hope Allah will accept our deed and our answers. Be it right or wrong, I hope they were accepted.

I hope none of us has to sit for that exam again ever. I hope we all graduate, especially to the abangs and kakaks older than us. They've taken care of us juniors in Egypt for so long, it's time they come home with a degree. Please Allah, grant this. Allahumma ameen.

Bias

We don't routinely screen for a disease that we haven't got a treatment for. It reminds me of information bias, whereby further information won't change the course of a management.

---

Before writing down my name on the exam sheet, I will ask my neighbour "What date is today?"

Today Baher scoffed at me after answering.

"Sorry. It seems information are getting overriden. I've forgotten many of our colleagues' name."

I think that's also why I take few seconds during the exam to pray for the people I see in my view. To remind myself of my comrades' name. Haha.

---

Dr. Hussein stood in front of Adakun's seat when he greeted the doctors in the hall today. He was wearing green with white narrow stripes. I saw him shaking hands above Adakun's table and sat there shocked at her simply answering her exam like nothing happened.

Back home I confronted her about it.

"Not fair! Dr. Hussein stood in front of your seat! And you did nothing!!"

"Oh," she seemed unfazed. Haru was going mad What is this ingrate? "I looked up and then carry on writing."

"Argh! If it was me I would grin and greet him Sir how are you, pray for us, have a good day!"

They laughed at me. Man. They need to love Dr. Hussein more.

---

Yesterday it was only us four superseniors for dinner and as usual we ate in the tray. We finished eating and nobody raised from the makeshift table. I was sucking on a piece of tomato. Tasnim was idling. Jiha was scraping bones to a side.

Adakun was drawing circles on the tray. She broke the silence without looking up. "Want to lat-tali-lat to decide who does the dishes?"

It was a first. Usually someone would just volunteer somehow and carry the tray back to the kitchen. Although the day before it was me, as I sucked on my tomato I did entertain doing the day's dishes.

Tasnim quickly agreed and we all raised our hand. Tasnim called.

"Lat tali lat, tam plong!"

Three palmars and one dorsum. The dorsum was Adakun. I laughed the loudest, childishly pointing a finger at her.

"Bet you proposed this because you didn't want to do dishes right?" Tasnim said.

"Aaah! I knew it was going to be me!"

Dad will say "trust".

I truly believe without doubt that Allah will only give the best to us and with that I am ready for whatever result I will get for my final MBBch. Though I pray I get a JJ and graduate beautifully with my friends and I even pledged a ten-day straight for Him should I pass.

I do wonder why He give me such terrible laziness. My family knows I'm horribly lazy, seriously. I am only focused in classes, otherwise I don't like to study even for exams. Home is not the place to study. Friends don't agree and think I do study, probably because they always caught me answering correctly or performing well at school. But Umair knows the truth because I studied at her place for my third year final.

Passing all these years with an average of Very Good and making it to my mother of all finals is nothing but a blessing from Allah. I survived all these years because of Him and probably my brain helped out 0.0001%, so I pray He will help me pass this hurdle too. Please don't screw me up just because this is the last time if You wish to for this medical student phase. But please please grant me ease and graduate this February, please.

At least help me with this laziness, dear God. You've had my results written already. Grant me diligence and let me score points for being hardworking, please. Ameen.

When a mime gets mad

We had our first paper today. As usual, give me the paper and I will write down all the headings for my answer in the booklet one page per question, regardless it was only an "Enumerate 5 causes" type of que, so that I wouldn't miss a que and I would have jotted down the important part of the answer before I come back and write down additions at my leisure (more like according to my memory, haha.)

Not sure if this is the best way to go, but I had friends complaining they missed the last que because short of time spending nearly half an hour to explain one question.

The questions were easy but it was me who didn't remember. Remembering is all Allah's doing and out of my control, so all I could do was istighfar, pray, istighfar a whole lot while skimming through other answers until the right one came to mind. 

Added points to treatment of acute severe asthma. 

I was seated next to the window and threw my attention to the Physio building, admiring the good weather we had today. Surrounded by friends I haven't seen in a long while. 

Some more answers for causes of paraplegia with a level. 

May Allah make ease and grant wisdom to Nisa, to Fadzlin, to Humairah, to Rai... The angels are going to say "ameen" and pray for me the same thing, right?

Although I was obviously in trouble, I take pride in being able to relax. Must be the parents and everyone praying for us. I was thinking how true what Dr. Hussein said, that the best way to be decongested was to sit for the exam. I had a rough 12 hours pre-exam with psychosomatic symptoms all flare up, but now look at me. Haha.

Jotted some down for medical causes of cholestasis.

And as I was skimming, Dr. Hussein came into the hall. The loyal fangirl I am, I stood up straighter and just observed him, who cares what are the diagnostic criteria of RA? (This was easy but stupid me, I forgot what it was hahaha...) He was wearing his pink shirt today with the sleeve rolled up. Electrified hair as usual. He was whispering madly at this one staff who just stood there staring at a point in the ground while the dean gestured extra wildly.

I guess the wild gesture was to compensate for his toned down voice. He was in his rage mode yet respected us being in an exam. Funny place to get mad at a subordinate, but it was very amusing. I snickered.

He finished venting and turned to leave the hall. I was hoping he would have his normal apathetic expression back on but he was definitely still pissed. I followed his movement until he stepped out of the hall.

Sir, aren't you supposed to be sight for our sore eyes? His rage mode is terrifying sometimes but I admire him very much and haven't seen him in a long time. I will take whatever I can.

Now where was I? Ah yes diagnostic criteria of RA.

---

After the exam, I tweeted about the sir being emo today and Ame gave me a sneak picture he snapped during the day's morning class.

Sugoii ne Ame-kun! See the dean and his who-called-me-what-he-want face. Hahah.

...

We can do this and we will.

Calm down.

Things not to do in a viva

One of the rumoured-malignant professors we have in Internal Medicine is Dr. Aysha Badawi. Despite the rumours, I like her. She gave us lectures in Cardiology and Rheumatology. Her lectures are usually very long, 2 hours minimum-

She started her Rheumatology lecture with "ihna 3andina a very long lecture" haha that got me chuckled defeatedly

-and she likes to ask and when answered correctly will give you a "right you are" or a glare if you answered like one of the lay men.

And yes, she is strict and kind of scary like the rumours say, but I like her. Because I learn.

I was examined by her during my Internal Medicine end round exam. I was ushered in by the resident and the station I got was Cardiology. Just me, the patient and time. I don't like Cardiology, mind you. Never easy on me. But I was to examine the patient within the minutes allocated, so it was relatively easy and my patient was a kind old chap so it was enjoyable.

No idea who was going to examine me, so I did the full examination and rehearsed my history. More than ten minutes had passed. I even had time to borrow a friend's sphygmo to check the patient's BP (I never bring one to an exam, too bulky to carry around. So I like to go without it and just tell my examiner "I didn't check his BP because I don't have a sphygmo" but maybe I have to change for the final exam).

And then Dr. Aysha came in. I foresaw being butchered.

She went ahead and examined the patient before turning to me asking me to take his pulse. I did and commented it fully.

"..equal volume-"

"What are the causes of unequal volume?" She interrupted me.

"Coarctation of aorta, pancoast tumor, and the rest I forgot. Sorry." I grinned.

Okay maybe I shouldn't have said that.

She wasn't amused. Dr. Aysha gave me the deadliest death glare I had ever seen.

Scratch that, I really shouldn't have said that. Haru was screaming in my head "Why did you have to be stupid do you want us to fail???" and that froze me up from otherwise blurting out "Justjokingpleasedon'tfailme."

It was plain wrong for me to enumerate only two and said "and the rest I forgot" because I was clearly showing no effort. That question can be answered logically by simply analysing what would obstruct or compress just one side of the upper limb. I was lazy and it showed. It served me right to be death-glared, I wouldn't even be surprised if Dr. Aysha sent me away at that point.

But she didn't. Instead she went on and asked me other things and made me do the full cardiac examination in front of her and had me explain the basis of each one of them.

That moment I thought how very forgiving of her to overlook my lapse of judgement. I was sheepish for the reminder of the exam, being humbled by her. She was tough but her questions were clear and didn't deviate from what we studied in the curriculum. She really is a good professor. I learned what professionalism means.

We discussed the management in brief and then I got to "patient will be on life-long anticoagulant."

The atmosphere then was of finality, that I had just answered my last question and would be dismissed uneventfully. But she kept firing.

"What is the dose for the anticoagulant?"

Inside my head, Haru went "Oh shit."

Don't take a leaf out of my book kids, but I don't like numbers so I didn't study the dose before the exam. The patient told me he took 5mg of Warfarin when I clerked his history earlier, but there is the risk of the patient being mistaken. I was tempted to answer 5mg, but I can't risk that.

When you don't know, offer another related answer. So I did this trick I last used in my Ophthalmology final viva when the prof asked me the name of the condition but I forgot and gave him the pathogenesis of that condition instead. Basically I answered a 2-word answer with a 2-sentence.

I smiled confidently and answered Dr. Aysha. "I don't know the dose but I know his INR should be kept 2-3."

She nodded. "Very good. You may go."

"Thank you doctor. Have a good day."

I skipped on my way out. Safe with a "very good" from Dr. Aysha! Alhamdulillah.

P/s: The dose for oral Warfarin is what keeps his INR 2-3, usually around 5-15mg daily.

---

Goofing around is fun but not exactly respectful. Here's another tips for you guys:

1- avoid using Egyptian ammi with your professors especially "eeh" or "aiwah". Use the standard Arabic "na3am".

2- address them respectfully as "sir" or "doctor".

3- be thankful and wish them good day.

4- SMILEEEE. A butchered smiling face is always better. Makes outsiders think you die as a hero.

Everything is right on the right side

This tweet came up on me feed and I thought the right pic is so cute. The boy is sooo cheeky I feel like pinching that cheek and bully that boy.

Few hours later I realised the boy is on the left. I blame X-rays for ruining my right-left orientation.

Solat Hajat 5 Hari Lagi Exam

13112014
1756 - 1830+
@Dewan Besar DMAK

Ustaz Baihaqi imam maghrib, hajat
Zofir MC
Pak Ku the duta bagi amanat. Yalla start.

---

Memohon ilham dari Allah sebelum bermula
Semoga akal yang dikurnia dapat diguna sebaiknya
Ilham itu dari Allah
Ilham dipanjatkan kepada niat lillah semoga berjaya

Ilmu dah diberikan sejak ruh
Ilmu tendang perut mak, ilmu menangis, art of getting attention
Pursuing ilmu untuk menguruskan kehidupan
Can't stop mencari ilmu
Till liang lahad
Exam yang dihadapi bukanlah penamat mencari ilmu
Seterusnya bebas mencari ilmu lain
Ilmu formally nonformal, in any form

Jangan kata "cukuplah". Ilmu takkan putus dicari
Make that the first thing you remember masa nak amik exam

Ada banyak faktor penting dalam mencari ilmu
To use it for career?
Maka setakat tu je la ilmu dia, pastu dia xcari dah
Ilmu as anugerah minallah?
Semua ilmu dicari sebab itu fitrah manusia. Dia beri akal yang sempurna, bekas untuk isi ilmu untuk menyatakan kebesaran Allah. Sebagai bukti kehebatan Pencipta Alam ini

Ni la hakikat pencarian ilmu

Ingat
"Aku cari ilmu demi redha Allah
Demi mengenali kebesaranMu"

Allah said
Setiap perkara yang dijadikan ada bekasnya, patternnya
And to get that pattern ada prosesnya yang lengkap, no shortcut
Bekas tu kita kena bentuk acc what we want
If we want air berbentuk bujur, we need a gelas bentuk bujur. Not square

Semoga ilmu tu menjadi as we want
Maka ada prosesnya
Proses mencapai kejayaan
Maka kena study
Sentiasa bersedia hadapi keputusan akhir

Ilmu not sekadar belajar and tahu
Akhirnya ilmu tu untuk mengenal siapa pencipta

((The learned person is a person who is closest to Me than the pious.))
Sahabat minta Rasul jelaskan
Beza yang berilmu dan sekadar amal jaraknya ibarat langit dan bumi

Maka minta izin Allah semoga dapat keberkatan ilmu yang dicari
Ingat first. Allah with us. Dia mendengar apa kita nak maka MINTA LA AS YOU WANT IT

Haru: I WANT JAYYID JIDDAN AND GRAD WITH MY FRENS THIS FEB2015
"Pehal minta JJ not mumtaz?" Mumtaz is too high-pressured, it iz for ze elite

Cari ilmu sehingga what you say is the truth yang Allah dah susun

Semoga para doktor ini meletakkan ilmu lebih tinggi
Do your best till you can put truth in front of everything else
Sehingga what you say is what Allah susun

He gave you
Akal
Jiwa

Dua benda sangat hebat milik manusia to be utilized
Hati yang baik, maka bina la ia
Akal cerdas and how you use it for greater good

Sebab tu jihad yang besar is membersihkan jiwa
Not sakit hati with anyone bla3
Semoga mendapat rahmat Allah tidak putus

1- "Ya Allah give me ilham. Gimme kecerdasan, kesihatan dan kemampuan to know and get closer to You.
Ilmu ini semata demi aku merasai keagunganMu."

Spiritually. Just becoz ur a science pro doesn't mean you should neglect benda ruhi

How to jelaskan peranan hati

---

(Blackout)
"Ah. Allah uji kita."
Gelap is a nikmat. Hehe
Walaupun can't see, still can hear maa~

Me: Doakan aku. Kau pun tahu aku study camne
Umair: Takpe kau pandai. Kau tak study kau dapat JJ, kalau kau study kau dapat mumtaz. Kau jangan lah mumtaz, kau tak sesuai mumtaz.
Me: ...

Haru:
Knowing Umair, she will be stating a mere fact. This is all because I studied at her place during 3rd Year Final where I played with my toy car, Kevin and Mahsuri the turtle, studied maybe max 5 hours per day, slept in most of the day, defrosted her fridge, went for an hour walk every evening... I got a JJ that year, astaghfirullah. It was istidroj perhaps? :"(

I'm not sure how to take this. Maybe it means I should study harder?

---

2- Jaga hubungan dengan parents
Sebab hubungan spiritual tu Allah dah cipta sejak alam ruh

Doa moga Allah hubungkan ape sahaja dengan parents
Jangan lupa parents, the telepathy with them

Pabila nak duduki exam,

"Mama, nak exam pukul 4-7pm Msia. Masa nak exam tu, boleh tak mama solat hajat minta semoga rahmat Allah melalui doa mama sampai ke Hana."

May it be strength and ease for you when you remember that Allah and your parents are with you

Doa paling hebat datang dari mak ayah
Jangan ingat jarak is a prob
Jangan tak percaya benda spiritual ni

Semoga kejayaan ini mendekatkan kepada Allah.
Jangan lupa berdoa

3- Jangan lupa cikgu sekolah rendah
Mereka berhak menyatakan kegembiraan mereka melalui telepati ni

Semoga diamalkan dan Allah berkati

"Pak Ku doakan semua anak2 Pak Ku taknak sorang pun gagal. Berjaya dengan paling cemerlang bukan sahaja sebab kemampuan tapi sebab Allah. Minta rahmat dan redha Allah. Minta redha ibu bapa. Minta doa guru2. Ini yang Islam ajar kita."

Dan jangan lupa mereka ni bilamana sibuk dengan kehidupan seterusnya. Ingat kejadian kamu macam mana.

Ingat bagaimana Allah letak ruh kamu dipinjamkan dalam rahim seorang wanita untuk menjadikan kamu seorang manusia. Ini lebih besar daripada dia membesarkan kamu.

Ingat parents
Kasihanilah parents
Berikan apa sahaja yang terbaik kepada parents
"Ah" "uh" tu pun dah derhaka. Never say that

Haru: Ma, Pa, we are sorry!!

If ni yang kamu amalkan, semoga jadi doktor yang cemerlang dunia akhirat
InshaAllah takkan terpesong dalam kehidupan bila ingat segala rahmat yang Allah berikan

"Semoga diberikan kekuatan dan kebijaksanaan menempuhi peperiksaan dengan mudah. Dan kesihatan."

---

Umair: (beliau sedang pegang buku Cardio yang lusuh) Serius ni Hana, kau jangan dapat mumtaz, mumtaz tu untuj orang elite je. Kita ni marhaen. Ingat tu. Kalau kau dapat mumtaz aku taknak kawan dengan kau.
Me: Okay.

At this rate, I am more worried about.. erk. No. I will pass this exam with Jayyid Jiddan and grad this February 2015 with all my friends, start working around May 2015 and make my family and dakwah proud. Allahumma ameen.

Please pray for us.

Crisis

Mom asked me if I wanted keropok keping to bring back to Cairo. "Takpe ma," I said. "Malas nak goreng."

Turns out the craving came this evening so I heated up the oil confidently before going to the pantry. Searched twice and couldn't find it.

"Jiha Jiha," I called my housemate anxiously. "Tak jumpa keropok."

"Tu ada," she pulled out those colourful vegetable keropok.

"No no nak keropok ikan."

It was heartbreaking. A house with no keropok keping is so poor, so very sad. I felt sorry for the poor girl. Heated oil but no keropok to fry. I thought she would cry.

The housemate felt sorry. "Kita ada keropok bawak haritu." She pulled out a packet of keropok keping from under her bed.

"Yezz!" The girl ran to the kitchen.

"Gorengkan lebih!" Housemate yelled after.

Keropok fried and brought to housemate's room to eat. Along with the unfried keropok.

"Hana!!! Tinggal separuh dah!"

I laughed. What did she expect? One cannot just eat a few pieces of keropok in one sitting.

We munched while I studied Bronchial Asthma. "Saya nak kahwin dengan." Munched another piece. Man I really could munch on these nonstop. And I need to curb this stopping-mid-sentence habit.

"Nelayan?"

"No." Munched another piece.

"Pengusaha keropok lekor?"

I chose my word properly and took another piece of keropok. This is paramount to my future. "Nak kahwin dengan someone yang akan bagi saya sebab untuk ke Terengganu."

That or I should stay close to Terengganu. Driving to Besut from Kota Bharu isn't that bad to stock up on keropok, I think I know the road.

"Kenapa Terengganu?"

What kind of question is that? "Terengganu is heaven for keropok la!"

Let's make good use of this space, shall we

Rumahtangga Dakwah
Ustaz Mustafa Masyhur

[Kenapa nak kahwin?]
0- Fitrah mencari pasangan

Based on the Quran, a girl needs a guy and vice versa.
Haru: Okay, can't argue with that. End of discussion.

Sendiri kena ada wawasan dan gambaran what kind of marriage ur gonna have. Not the idealest but at least a picture.

1- Dirikan rumahtangga (RT) muslim
2- Nak jaga pandangan and kehormatan untuk taqwa lillah ****
3- Kongsi visi misi berdakwah lillah
4- Jauhi diri dari canggahi perintah lillah ****

Haru: Dammit so we need to get married now la. Pergi isi borang UBM.

[Tabiat rumahtangga]
Proses towards ilah
Rujuk sirah and pengalaman terdahulu

We want our happiness semuanya di dalam dakwah
Zuriat pewaris cita2
((Rum:21))

Tenang dan tenteram bila melihat pasangan. Sebab tu dalam hadith Rasul suruh sahabat tengok bakal pasangan and not just depend on her solehah-ness.

[Tawazun dalam rumahtangga]
Laksanakan ubudiyah dalam RT
Saling mengingati dalam beramal soleh

[RT dakwah adalah yg terlaksana tarbiyah kepada anggotanya]
Akh pimpin ukht
Ukht pimpin akh
Ukht pimpin not-yet-akh (Haru: adeh panjangnya hyphen)

Yang penting terlaksana tarbiyah kepada anggotanya

Haru: gives deeper meaning to "Obses dengan dakwah"

Jadi nur and contoh kepada masyarakat
Anak2 menjadi. Etc

[Teori tak sepenting berbincang. Let's QnA]
1- anak usrah inform dah tunang. What can we do?
Doakan yang terbaik
Tengok mustawa dia (responsibilities, commitments)
Rujukkan dia kepada murabbi yg dah kahwin for tips

2- muayyid dilamar oleh not-yet-akh?
First. Enti nak ke tak? Hehe
Sejauh mana sendiri melihat "dakwah ini jalan hidup saya"
Memahami each other's commitment. "Saya join usrah. Saya bawa usrah. Ada daurah katibah bla3.."
Berbincang. "Can u accept that? Sudi ke bersama2 menerajui jalan ni?"

If now he says yes he sudi but afterwards?
-> Berpegang pada yang zahir
Lepas dah kahwin, kita serahkan kepada Allah

Setiap manusia ada kelemahan dia. Isteri kena jaga aib. Heh. Takyah la ingat hebat tu memang hebat semata, sebenarnya dia manusia juga.
Nak yang ideal but how about you? Be your best first.

Ada je yang kahwin dengan not-yet-akh and he turns out to be more committed dari ukht tu lepas kahwin
And ada juga yang kahwin dengan akh last2 akh tu suruh dia duduk rumah je

Haru: With marriage, anything can happen.

Berusaha dan bertawakkal.

3- dah kahwin, suami minta halt TnD. What to do
Bgtau naqibah (Haru: whatever happens, jangan putus contact. It's your lifeline)
Fahami reason suami sebenarnya kenapa dia suruh halt tu
If that reason can be helped supported by akhawat
Kalau saja2, will minta ikhwah to ask d husband

But more than that, orang luar xleh nak buat ape if end meets end
Bertahan. Bertahan.
Mainkan proses dalam rumah to get izin

How to avoid:
Pandai bagi masa
Urus RT
Don't let there be any alasan
Be a superwoman

4- isi je borang ubm tu, ready ke x. Ape pendapat ustazah?
Kalau xsedia xyah isi sebab nanti menyusahkan kalau ada orang nak. Hehe

Kenapa xbersedia?

Haru: oi what's our reasons (excuses) again?

5- kahwin masa study?
Anak laki diizinkan if:
Kematangan
Boleh bertanggungjawab
Berdikari
Usaha for financial support

Tengok keluarga antum
Can u handle perkahwinan?
Not a big issue pun actually

Parents kena bagi semangat n galakan for study dia
Kalau parents x setuju, pandai2 la convince

Dah ready, dah temu jodoh, kahwin je. Menjaga iman.

6- financial prep by ukht?
Borak ngan parents especially bab hantaran
Didik parents to fikir mudah and simple

Haru:
Do we need money? Nope
But I want a ring I guess
Hantaran xpenting. I dun need stuffs.
Maybe a fancier backpack?

Perkahwinan mengikut syariat. Not adat.

7- share persediaan makcik before kahwin?
Bahan bacaan banyak sekarang ni silakan pilih
Kursus prakahwin

But the reality is when you are married. Haha

NIAT BETUL nak orang camne and yeah Allah will uji kamu on that
Nak terima je ke atau nak memenuhi cita2 dan harapan?
He will send you pelbagai jenis manusia
Allah will bantu kita buat keputusan if you turn to Him

8- jemaah lain?

Two things will happen:
1)Ready ke tembung program?
2)Sirr? Stand jemaah yang berlainan?

Tengok:
Adakah dia terbuka? Fikir jemaah dia je betul?

Ada ahli biasa, teras, pimpinan. Sampai satu tahap maybe you can't talk to him about it?
Nanti buka aib or jadi fitnah etc
He will see keburukan nanti

Sebaiknya takyah la.

9- mustawa?
Sebaiknya sama or hampir sama. Sebab sama laju bergerak.
Yang penting keterbukaan dan penerimaan dia kepada keterlibatan kita
Dan kita jangan la perasan hebat dalam dakwah
Seimbangkan enti dan bakal suami
Tolak ansur
Berbincang

Sekarang ni fenomena obses dakwah
But you HAVE to balance dakwah dan RT
Bukan nak suruh slow down but BALANCE

Ni isu yang susahkan hati
Jangan semata expect suami faham kita
PRIORITIZE
Hak suami selamanya ada

Awal2 perkahwinan sangat crucial balancing ni. InshaAllah dah lama you'll survive and prosper.
Maka masa awal kahwin, masa honeymoon, before dapat anak first DAH KENA SETTLE HALA TUJU RUMAHTANGGA dan perkara asas dalam rumahtangga
Perbualan antum dengan suami adalah "RT kita nak bawa camne. Anak nak didik camne."
Borak. Bincang.
Jangan tunggu dah ada. Prepare a protocol and SOP beforehand.

Kenali urusan masing2
Make plans

If he sees you do your bestest in balancing, he will help inshaAllah.

10- kitorang xkahwin lagi camne nak tolong mutazawwij?
Tanya la dia ape dia perlu kami support
Help jaga anak etc
Semoga kelebihan dia dapat dia salurkan pada tempatnya

11- rasa berkahwin akan sekat dakwah?
Silap tu. Sepatutnya kahwin sempurnakan dakwah kita
Kerja dakwah takkan habis
"Makcik dah 30tahun dalam dakwah."

Kalau nak ambil contoh kawan2 yang lepas kahwin jadi slow...
Xyah la amik contoh tu
Tengok la kawan2 yang lepas kahwin prosper

[Sharing Qayah]
1- Byk doa dari awal supaya Allah bagi yg terbaik untuk kita
2- kalau dah ada calon, doa moga Allah pimpin kita. Kita hamba yg xtahu
3- bincang balik hadaf berkahwin. Style borak dengan housemate. Menjaga hati dan berusaha menjadi yang terbaik
"Layan dia macam layan akhawat la" (Haru: Lulz Qayah, so lulz)

Allah menyatukan

Tawakal, doa, berusaha jadi terbaik

[Sharing Lah Ummu Urwah-debab] Haru: lupa dukung Urwah tadi!
Masa ditaqdim tu, xpernah fikir pun pasal kahwin bla3
Maka borak dengan parents
"If parents saya redha, sure why not."

Benda paling besar saya belajar adalah BANYAK BERBINCANG
Discuss in RT sendiri before deciding on anything
As isteri, suami adalah tempat kita

Masa proses taaruf tu, not just each other personally but also EACH OTHER'S FAMILY
Will they accept ukht yang busy ini? (Haru: Lulz busy)
Diorang actually nak menantu camne?
Kena la menawan hati mertua

Before kahwin, banyakkan la muayasyah dengan makcik2. Tanya pengalaman etc

[Back to makcik: Bab kenali family dia]
Yeah you have to
Akan influence you to make the decision

12- camne nak lebih pikat hati mak mertua?
Depends dia camne kot
Selalu berhubung and tanya khabar
Jangan nak balik baru call (Haru: Haha we're gonna fail)

Pandai layan orang tua not just mak mertua but all pakcik makcik in general
Jangan main gadget je
Interact with HUUUUMAN
Percakapan
BAHASA
Interpersonal

Haru: take note nanti kena ajar ur kids how to interact with orang tua
Cara hormat orang tua
We're friendly but they're not ur friends okay

When you come over: "Mom, I'm here today at ur service as your daughter (no need to stress on the in-law) and a member of this household. Is there anything I can help you with? May I clean the rabbit pen?"

"Abah dah makan?"
"Daah." (Jawapan standard padahal belum)
"Jom makan lagi nak?"

Raikan mereka. Sambut, makan, tinggal, sampai la balik lambai sampai dah tak nampak.

Ah and yes. Learn how to cook.

13- what is the standard expectations from a daughter-in-law?
Actually, it is how ur mom wants you as a daughter. (Haru: Kah3)

14- umur pasangan?
Tak kesah. Kalau dah suka?

Makcik: Makcik lagi tua dari Ustaz Hasan
Us: Haa?
Makcik: Setahun lebih lagi tua. Kalau anak2 tanya siapa lagi tua, makcik kata "tengok la rambut sape lagi putih." (Jawapannya is ustaz)

15- bagaimana kahwin boleh membantu menggerakkan kerja2 dakwah?
Memudahkan bergerak yang jauh
Perbincangan dan sharing akan saling menguatkan
Dia tolong cari bahan
Pemudahcara keselamatan, etc
Cara fikir laki/perempuan lain maka dengan berbincang akan synergies
Orang tengah untuk communicate dengan ikhwah

If... dah isi borang, dah ready, dah 25-26 but still no jodoh...
Bersangka baik dengan Allah
Mungkin Dia nak suruh all out dengan dakwah dan Dia akan pertemukan jodoh yang terbaik disisiNya
Penuhkan dengan amalan fardhi
Semoga amalan masa single ni yang akan membantu kamu di masa hadapan
Sebab nak puasa sunat pun kena minta izin. Niat dulu puasa sunat, pastu pagi tu minta izin suami. Kalau dia tak bagi, well dah dapat pahala niat dan dengar cakap suami

"If this is not the best for me, for agama, for masyarakat, for ummah, pisahkan lah dengan apa cara sekalipun. If ini yang terbaik untuk kebaikan diri, agama, masyarakat dan ummah maka permudahkan lah dan percepatkan lah."

And once you see his flaws post married, camne sikap kita?
"Ya Allah aku yakin dengan doa, dengan Kau, maka kuatkanlah aku untuk meneruskan."

Dan doakan the same for ur kids.

Yakin dengan ketentuan dan sentiasa berusaha untuk memperbaiki
Melihat ke hadapan dengan positif
Jangan settle for penyelesaian yang negatif

Terbaik for u, ur family, mendekatkan kamu kepada Tuhan
Doa tu sama cam iman. Apa kamu sebut di mulut, yakin di hati dan beramal dalam kehidupan.
Minta dengan bayangan dan gambarkan apa yang kamu minta.

Setiap benda kena tengok sebab

16- dia soleh tapi satu hari kisah lama dia surface masa dah tunang. What to do?
Kalau enti boleh memaafkan dan terima seadanya. Janji dengan diri untuk tidak akan mengungkit. Mengungkit is a big sin

Haru: "Your past is your problem. But your present and your future are my privilege." -Dr. John Watson to Mary; Sherlock.

17- "qalu bala syahidna" tapi saya xingat pun
Hai saya juga tak ingat
Tapi quran is there to ingatkan
It is how we dont remember what happened when we were in mom but it happened, right

----

Ustazah Mahizah
11112014
1930-2210
@Raqaiq

Aspirin 75-160mg/day

This is an attempt at the #20FactsAboutMe that trended some time ago.

1- A grammar nazi. I reread my blog posts and make grammatical corrections here and there. I unfollow and avoid people who use terrible English or nonstandard Malay. If I like the person enough, I will forgive (read: ignore) her/his grammatical errors and sometimes even point them out in private. Or public, it depends.

2- I rather sit quietly and think or have a conversation with myself than talk to someone else. Because the more you talk out loud, the more sins you make and most of the time Haru is smarter than most people I meet, haha.

3- I like to ignore people and appreciate being left alone, but there are some people I get peachy with when they ignore me in person. By peachy I mean I want to claw their face seething "you ungrateful bastard how dare you not say hello".

4- I don't usually mind being laughed at, for several reasons. First, if it is because of my idiocy, being laughed at is a given. Second, I always find people amusing so I will laugh at them regardless I was the only one who understood the joke. Third, I don't care. I am vain enough to monologue in public (like what I'm doing now) and people don't affect me that much.

5- I am very much easily distracted except perhaps in lecture halls otherwise I can't study still for more that 50 minutes and study leave has always been hell for me. And I exceptionally hate flying insects. Seeing one will stop my thought process and I go into hunter mode, even in the presence of the Prime Minister.

6- I can't suck on a candy. It goes into my mouth and I chew on it immediately no matter how many times Haru berates me for having something gooey stuck in my teeth.

7- I bite my right nails but this bad habit has been under control unless I get very stressed out. The next thing I know my right index hurts. Urgh.

8- When the going gets too tough, I grab a scissors and cut my own hair. Usually it's just trimming my fringes, but few weeks ago I went overboard and cut a chunk out from the back as well. Surgery was that stressful, haha.

9- I'm not comfortable with love before marriage. In fact I'm not even comfortable seeing engaged people together for evitable reasons. May God help me.

10- I don't like my food overcooked.

11- My favourite ice cream flavours are vanilla and mint chocolate chip.

12- I like rock music ever since I was in kindergarten. It was my uncle's influence, when I think of it my parents don't seem like the rock-listening people. It goes without saying that I don't usually listen to nasyeed. Ballads and anything slower can drain me of my life force.

13- I don't usually eat leftovers but I hate wasting food. I'd rather have no food than too much food. It makes me feel guilty for being this privileged when there are people starving out there.

14- For obvious reason, 14 is my favourite number.

Will add things up as I go.

Haru's Notice Board for Peaceful Living

You should treat people how you want to be treated. You should never give up even if by example you fail to get the message across. I guess that's when you start using your blog as a makeshift notice board.

I cannot decide who was selfish or selfless here, that's why I won't be making any suggestions. But God.. This post serves to remind me to always treat household members as the followings:

1) I never make noises around sleeping people and I would watch my voice if I have to talk near them. I extent this courtesy to people who are being silent on their own and would watch my voice around them. This include not having a loud phone conversation near them.

Personally I hate when people make loud noises when I sleep. I know I sleep dead but when I got woken up because of a normal conversation not involving me, I get homicidal.

2) The reason why I don't keep a cat now is because I don't trust myself to fully commit to it. Hell if I have a husband even, I'm sure our relationship is label-only. But the most important reason is because not everyone in the house is okay with having a cat indoor. One person could just scrunch up her face with an "Eeeeew" and that's it, I'm not gonna push.

So I really wish people would extend the same courtesy to everyone when it comes to something of a repulsive character. One person doesn't like indoor cat, okay by me I won't bring one into the house. I complained multiple times about the stench of a certain food but I wonder why that food is still around.

3) Be mindful of the mess you make regardless how minor because everyone differs in their perception of cleanliness. Clean as you go is good.