Ras el-Bar

Day One

Before sunrise
War with Blanket because gathering at 6.30 in the morning is a felony, I tell you.

As expected, the one living closest to the point of gathering was the last to arrive.

Evening
Talk with Brothers back from Gaza.

Night
Discussion on the ten muwasofat tarbiyyah.

But I missed the talk and the discussion because after checking in, we had to prepare for the explorace to be held the next day.

Day two

Before sunrise
Cold shower in the wee hour of a winter morning by the beach is suicidal, but I needed to wake up. It was either dead by nagging (from not waking up) or by vagal overstimulation. Tough choice.

Morning
Enjoyed myself by the beach, stared at the wind while waited for the teams to arrive at my checkpoint.

Afternoon
Had coffee by the beach like a boss. Faiz had tea but I'm still the boss here.

Evening
Went through the small town and walked down the Nile towards the end, where it met the Mediterranean Sea.

Night
Small talk on the revolution and changes we're heading to.

Self post-mortem afterwards. My heart is more than 75% black with apparent sins, uhuh.

Day three

Morning
It rained (so glad I went wandering yesterday) so the schedule was appropriately indoor. The wind was crazy.

Roles of a Muslim lady.
Stories of the Prophet's companions: Thufail ad-Dausi, Amru ibn Ash, Abu Ubaidah bin Jarrah.

Afternoon
Resolutions

Evening
Playtime and we finished shooting for our video.

The mood called for seafood crepe but I never got the chance due to time restriction. It was always a battle between what you want and what you need..

Night
Videos presented.
BBQ chicken by the Kitchen Team. Rumours had it they marinated using Chef Abang Sakeenah Abang's recipe.

Path We Chose #2

I shouldn't have talked to 'him'.

It left my debative self sad and dead and for the taciturn nature to rise up again. Because the mind was made up and more importantly, the heart was closed shut.

So I left.

Before The Worst and How To Save A Life popped up to mirror the gloom inside. So much would, could, should have been done to prevent this ending. I wouldn't want to live a Breakeven.

Somehow as I continued my stroll with my head hung low, For The First Time played in my playlist. And I realized when you have Allah, that's all you need. Faith gives you hope, and I wouldn't want the devil to creep regret inside.


Everything had been planned by Allah and every encounter we had was a message from Him, if only we think. Perhaps I was meant to be helpless despite probably having done my best, as a reminder to always leave the rest to Allah.

The very least I have left in my arsenal are prayers for the heart to be continually bound, entwined around and steadfast together on this path.. Because there will always be a thread between us, no matter how thin and weak it is.

If nothing else, the abducent nerve itself is the weakest nerve we have but the longest for sure.

Path We Chose

The final talk they had prompted her to analyze how much he had changed from last year since she first became close to him. From a view, he had definitely became more judgmental using a basis she was not very sure about. His worldview had changed and distrust had started to linger.

This was heading towards incompatibility.

At the very least, he couldn't even read her cynicism and questioned whether she was ever a sarcastic person before. At the most, she couldn't share her worldview without being called a doctrinated pickle.

What went wrong? Nothing, but too much reading and thinking certainly changes people.

So she packed all her stuffs from his house. The toothbrush on the sink went into her backpack.

"Where are you going?" He turned around from his study table.

"Home."

He smiled apologetically and her resolve melted. "Did you not have fun here? I'm sorry-"

"Well you did say if I'm here to study, I might as well not come here," she joked using the words he remarked when he saw her pretending to studying in the living room.

He laughed.

"Exam is the day after. I should be going anyway."

He saw her packing the book she left on his shelf. "Don't pack all your stuff. Leave something.. at least one."

"Oh." How should she rationalize to him. And then she remembered. "I still got my t-shirt here."

"T-shirt?"

"The navy Jakarta."

"Okay."

She hoisted her backpack. "Bye." Something tingled in her heart. "Good luck."

"J'aime votre sourire."

Will you smile at me when you see me walking down the street?

Because simply; smiling is sunnah, and you do know me at the very least. Can we not greet each other just as it is without either one feeling flirted on, if that's your cause for reservation.

Because we can freely smile at patients to give them something other than our health messages, and we can freely smile at the cashier for wrapping up our purchase. At the barista and cook who whipped out our coffee and burger. At the buildingkeeper each time we exit our respective buildings.

At practically anyone in spite not even knowing their name.

That's the difference between us and machines. We have courtesy and we don't buzz silently in ignorance.

Let's try again next time we pass each other down the street. Or maybe the smile can be substituted with a short wave of salute, a "yo", or a simple nod. Let's not pass by like the other doesn't exist.

P/s: It's a small sign of The End of Days when "assalamualaikum" is only used among people we know.

I Will Never Slap My Kid

When you see a kid slapped by his mother and crying pitifully with tears streaming down his face, you'll wonder how many times had this occurred. Because for a parent to portray such abusive act in public, it surely has to be a normal occurrence in their private household beforehand.

And you'll wonder just how much stressed the mother was to resort to slapping her child just from the kid crying and hitting her leg (with as much gusto as a kid can get). Yes she is obviously pregnant (hormonal), standing on the train at the end of the day (claustrophobic) with what looked like groceries (exhausted) and a young boy to tend to by herself (patience-thinning).

And you'll wonder how many times had the mother herself (or seen others) been slapped throughout her growing up to think it is normal and okay to slap a kid's face.

And then you'll thank God for your parents and pray you will become as great of a parent as yours, or at least never to stoop as low as slapping a kid across the face.

Because slapping across the face is more traumatizing than anywhere else. The gluteal fat is there for a reason, slap there instead if you must.

Bucket List

Leslie Kane on Medscape compiled a bucket list of 20 and it was handy and inspiring. With the time bound of barely three years left of my studies, it's high time to really get down to what I want.

A warning though, this list might appear of very high standard to the point of unachievable with a doctor's timetable. But that's the whole point of "Aim for the sky and at worst, you'll reach the stars" or whatever the quote really said.

And there's the fact that I see myself as limitless (insert arrogant cocky self-centered smirk, hehe).


- Take up chess
A lifelong achievement. This one has been put off for as long as I can remember so let's repent before we die and get this started after the exam this Wednesday.. which is in less than 36 hours. #fml

- Formally study higher level of Arabic and English
Despite our Arabic teacher in INTEC reminded us to take up English formally during our first year here, it was something I neglected. For whatever reason. Nevertheless, let's start snooping at the British Consulate by next week.

The Arabic part.. well it is embarrassing to say this. For someone who had studied Arabic since the age of 6 years old, this is a cause for humiliation.

- Develop a generation of thinker and doer for Islam
A lifelong achievement as well and as of now, hopefully I am getting more serious into this. It is self-explanatory. Or maybe not. I won't disclose any details ;)

- Get a PPE BA from Oxford
Because among other things, I believe this course helps you get through life wiser. A doctor with co-degree in Syariah is not unusual especially for an Egypt graduate and I am a firm believer of diversity at its best. Thus a BA in Philosophy, Politics and Economics.

So this is after a steady career of sub-specialty in Neonatology, perhaps. Dad is my standard.

- Raise a Russian Blue
Once I graduate medicine and get my own place. Russian Blue is a delicate breed and I wouldn't want to psychologically scar a masterpiece. Despite the foreseen lifelessness of a medical graduate, I won't let that hold me back.

Because I can't have a cat now.

- Locum tenens in the mountains
Let's hope I'm married to a doctor because I would need want to drag him along for this. I read that a locum tenens is 2 weeks minimum, so it's like working on a holiday. Or the other way around. We need to enjoy what we do, right? :)

Of course, this is after a steady career of post-grad.

- Glacier Express with the whole family
Yeah because I love Switzerland that much. The fact is that everyone in the family are busy right now and to find a moment when everyone is available may be a tough job to handle. The only time I can see them rationally putting aside for an oversea get-together will be at my graduation, perhaps we can see if the schedule fits?

The cost will be exponential, so I will need to sell all my shoes and eat nothing but oranges from now on. Okay.

As I am aiming for a transfer program in Swiss during summer 2013, maybe I can do this on my own but the other half of the aim will not be achieved thus pointless. With this time frame, I hope Hadi will get married earlier than this period so as not to ruin my plan (such a selfish little sister, haha).

- Tick off my to-go list
The followings and not limited to are to be cleared before entering work:
-Norway
-Kenya
-get lost in Versailles
-Nessy!!
-Grafton Street (ihik)

I know dad subtlely warned me against Kenya, so let's find a safer alternative. Johannesburg, anyone?

- Get a firearm license
Because it's the modern day archery, isn't it? Supposedly I planned this post-SPM but the system itself is tough. Malaysia isn't America, whatever was I thinking?

Anyways, here's to dummy guns.


Allahumma ameen. This needs an all-round planning ESPECIALLY financial, so there you have it. Notes like building a successful family of at least five kids would be too obviously cliché and who-wouldn't? for a bucket list, so you wouldn't find this fact up there.

Now let's get back to the Public Health reality I paused long enough..

Instead of studying, I curl and remember this.

Tuan Azrul was our national kawad and BaSeD trainer back when I was highly active on the field during my high school years (sun-kissed skin?). During our first briefing at Kursus Jurulatih BaSeD 2007, he told us that he asked his ex-military personnel father-in-law how to manage a case of sleeping students during his theoretical session.

"Abah bagi mereka gula-gula," his father-in-law replied.

"Gula-gula?" That was a too-kind approach for a military personnel, don't you agree?

"Cili api," his father-in-law cleared.

Hearing that, everyone woke up. You don't get threats from Tuan Azrul and take them lightly. That was among the reasons why I respected him as much and enjoyed kawad and BaSeD real much.

And it was then that I realized how cool it was to call your dad "abah". Since I've already called mine "papa", it would have been real awkward to suddenly change it to "abah". You don't express your rebel streak to that degree.

So the next best option was to call your father-in-law "abah", yes?

;)

Anyway, every time I meet an ex-SMI Hidayah Ipoh, I will light up and ask, "Tuan Azrul ada lagi dengan korang?"

Patrick Starr From The Sky

The greeneries along the way. The rain on my hoodie and the mud splash on my Crocs.

The people we sat together with and the things and thoughts we shared.

The world and its being are too much exciting to be put on hold for a mere exam, hehe. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, regardless of what time of the year it is.

But that's what planning is for. You don't take time out without compensating, no?

That means no sleep for me tonight :D

They Went Home and I Feel Sad

You just love some people more than others, right? Despite not knowing their personal data by heart, you just click with them for no reason other than it was the will of Allah. You trust them with your life and if I die, they can have whatever they want.

Just don't snoop around my notes or you might see the devil in me.

Trust Allah to govern our hearts however He wish. He can give you the best of family, colleagues, friends, soulmate and He will. Have unwavering faith and feel His presence no matter where you are or who you're with.

Hubungan hati seorang hamba dengan rabb-nya dalam neraca yang paling sensitif.

Tomorrow is a new chapter. I am scared. Wish me the best, please.

Allahumma zidnal ikhlas.

The Trouble With Haru

When you know a piece of information, what are you going to do with it?

Of course, it depends on the value of the information. Some things can be practically applied now at the moment of acquirement, but some requires more polishing and such. But maybe the latter is just an excuse to not get a move on..

Specifically I wanted to vent about information not of intellectual nor spiritual value. How do you judge a piece of juicy gossip acquired along the day is worth the trouble of researching and analyzing?

With the heat on Malaysian political scenario and the nearly 90% updates on my Facebook related to nothing but politics (perhaps I should spring clean my contacts and lessen the number of political junkies. Seriously, we're sort-of family with a PAS activist in Malaysia but he was nowhere near the atrocities of some of my colleagues in Egypt. I don't know what risk factors Zaim was not exposed to.), an off-handed comment made a month ago by our ustaz came back to me and if I dig deeper, perhaps I will find a link between current issues and what will be unveiled in the future. Thus a clear meaning that will answer all the questions to what is really going on right now.

But then, what will happen? Will the information increase my piety in Him? Will it kick me up to spread the message of Allah especially to my targeted audience? Will it, at least, motivate me to study harder for the upcoming OSPE and End Round Exam for Public Health?

Usually, there's so much things I know that are more than exciting to dig around, but the only thing setting me back was my own laziness. This time, however..

Sherlock Holmes commented to Dr. Watson that he wish to forget a trivial fact the trusty doctor spared on him, simply because Holmes had no use of knowing it.

In A Study in Scarlet, Holmes claims he does not know that the Earth revolves around the Sun, as such information is irrelevant to his work. Directly after having heard that fact from Watson, he says he will immediately try to forget it.

He says he believes that the mind has a finite capacity for information storage, and so learning useless things would merely reduce his ability to learn useful things.

If it amounts to this much trouble, wouldn't it be easier to not know about it in the first place? Like when you're opting for a screening test, if the test is not cost-effective, you wouldn't do it. If the test is for a disease with no facilities nor treatment for management, there's no use of doing it in the first place. A simple principle of being efficient and not wasting your hard-earned resources.

I'm being vague, I know. And too much analyzing hinders action. And with my insufficient input (it's only my logical observation playing the content of this post, but I like to think it's very much guided by Allah, hehe), how would I know the conclusion I came up with is relevant?

But the very first question should have been; what is the standard for anything right or good I'm using?

High Incidence of Epilepsy During the Malaysians Visit to Tersa

Tersa is a rural area in Giza approximately 15 minutes drive from Kasr el-Ainy Medical School. We went there by two buses for the class's second visit to give health education to the family they visited during the first time.

It was my first time out there, so I was the curious traveller. Upon entering the area, my nose picked up the stench of horses mingling with the hauntingly familiar 'ish baladi. Shady buildings and suddenly a patch of country green in between. Smudgy children running around and teenagers pushing one another in the alley. Egrets lining up on their landfills instead of the regular crows common in Malaysia.

And beyond the horizon, a peak of the infamous Pyramids of Giza where the Autobots had their battle in Transformers 2. The contrast was marvelous.

A group of school children saw us as our bus entered Tersa Primary Health Center to park in the compound. Few of my friends muttered "Here they come" and true to their words, the school children ran into the compound as well, hyperly excited to meet us.

The usual drill of "What's your name?" and a few rounds of hand shake as the unsupervised amiable children waited around us and greeting everyone. They remembered some of the guys' name and went around asking for Sarah and Farah and so forth.

They would make brilliant assemblywomen some day.

There was a young boy with short thick black hair hovering behind the older girls, seemingly unnoticed. I smiled at him kindly and his face erupted with a shy smile that shone his dark eyes before scurrying away but he still turned to look back at me with the same shy smile.

I knew how that kid felt. He reminded me of myself when Ammu Toriq at Ramsis Train Station smiled at me yesterday. Shy smile up front yet fluttering heart inside. Haha.

We escaped the PHC and our group stood waiting in front of our family's house as Faiz and Zahidah gave the health education to the household. There were many school kids gathering around us, particularly three small girls of eight years old named Soblein, Umniyyah and Asmaa. We chatted somewhat, and then Umniyyah aligned her palm to mine for a high five.

So I did what taller kids do and extended my palm above her head with an arrogant smirk, higher away from her reach. She laughed and tiptoed. I tiptoed in retaliation while extending my arm away as high as possible.

But our palms then connected.. urgh. I should have worn heals today. The kids however seemed happily ignorant of my inner depression from my height got bested by kids Yaya sized but the kids were alright, polite and maybe cute so I don't mind.

I hope they grow up into good successful people.

---

We came to health educate but only one or two from every five of us did so towards our respective family. I wasn't the lucky person, so the rest of my time was chatting up rapports with the kids.

We gave them our attentions and tended to their curiosity of meeting foreigners in their hometown, supplying smiles and not icky of shaking germ infested hands or ruffling their heads because being polite makes others happy.

We might not see each other again, I am already forgetting what they looked like (all kids have smudgy face) but I do hope we won't forget this day.

Plus if there is a next, I will remember to load our chats with words of encouragement. For them to do well at school and health, be good daughters and never to skip praying and reading the Quran.

---

On the way to the housing area earlier, two 13-ish girls grabbed me by the road and interrogated, "What's your name?" "What are you doing here?" "What's your favourite food?" and the shooting was ceaseless.

Being polite, I told them to slow down and answered as best as I could while trying to break free and on the look-out for anyone to use as a scapegoat. Then came the fire, "Are you married or engaged?"

That stopped me. And got me thinking. I looked around and realized I was the very last person still on the road.

There's no harm in lying, so I did.

"What's his name?"

I gave out the most common Muslim name on earth.

"Is he here today?"

I confirmed, smiled and ran. Now good luck finding him, kiddo.