See you when I see you

I went to the morning class late today and five minutes into it, my eyes teared. I didn't get to greet and I left to see if the ri3ayah syabab was open but it wasn't and turning around, I saw sir walking with the girl who had been discussing with him since lecture dismissal and I blurted out saying,

"I don't want to catch up with him."

I stopped walking and turned around. "Okay. Let's not catch up with him."

I still needed to go to the bookstore for the book I deposited for and to send in my academic robe so I went to sit down by the pavement and just... observed Dr. Hussein as he stopped at the edge of Hall A as people approached him for handshakes and greetings and continued discussing by the road.

At this point, I didn't know exactly what I wanted. I want to say hi and wish him a good day but those are things I want to do, not what I really want.

Haha... Let's not complicate matters. Just do it or don't.

---

The thought of leaving is making me cry so I decided to reevaluate how I see it. And as I walked back, this was what I came up with.

I'm just going back to Malaysia for a period of time until we meet again. Live long, stay healthy and safe. Take care, fi hifzillah, and see you again.

How the super busy dean keeps his cool and going

"How many days are there in a week? Seven? Five?"

Grins.

"Actually there's only one day in a week. Just Sunday. Because when Monday comes, you start thinking of next week or the end of the week. When Wednesday comes it's already the end of the week.

When you think of it that way, it makes things a lot easier."

Another cool grin.

The golden yellow cabin luggage

Ayyash was on fire on a Wednesday. That Friday Roy and the gang organised to help pack things out of Ayyash. They did it on their own, they know me too well that I would never ask for their help. Haha.

Really, it wasn't like I could do anything on  my own...

That morning I went to Ayyash from Umair's place to unlock the place. Went to pack my things up. It was kind of awkward. I kept bowing my head and saying thank you to everyone I met. It was suffocating. I don't want to come back, not so soon, but I cannot not join them for they'll figure out I was then unstable.

But I only lasted two hours. I went out without telling anyone, leaving the things I was packing halfway. Because everything was a mess. Everything smelled like soot and it was black everywhere. Everything I touched left my fingers black with soot. The only thing mine I was wearing was my Crocs, everything else was borrowed. I was homeless and my belongings were either burned or blackened. And I have to pick up the pieces. Why didn't everything just burned with the fire? Then we wouldn't have to pack things and I wouldn't have to come back and be suffocated...

It was bad thoughts.

I went to cool off by the Nile. Sat on the bench and just stare at nothing for a good one hour. After assuring myself that something good will come out of this, I stood up and walked back to Ayyash.

I passed a lot of the girls as they started to transfer the lighter-weighted items (mostly mine) to Muntalaq which was two blocks away. There was minimal packing left to be done. Roy and I waited for the guys to come to transfer the heavier items. She didn't ask where I went.

I went to my room and laid on my stripped-off bed one  last time, looking out of the balcony.

I owed a lot of people a lot of things. I have to live my life properly so their help would not be in vain. Even if right now all I see is soot, soot can be washed out and it'll be gone. Need scrubbing and all, but it'll be gone.

Don't give up.

---

Nine months later. Today I washed my Camel cabin luggage that was originally golden yellow. I'm going back to Malaysia in four days, I cannot let my parents see such a disgraced grey object.

It took a lot of scrubbing to get the soot off that thing and I was too lazy to scrub every single corner off, but it's an acceptable golden yellow again.

Diari Ramadan AtiqOh

Tarawih at Masjid Ibrahim, Mounira

29 June, Sunday 1st Ramadan

On cook duty, made iftar/sahur of chicken-something-I-forgot
Iftar with the landlord of traditional Egyptian chicken and beef with rice with vermicelli and tomato gravy with peas and servings of date-infused drink. Beit Solehah made anchovy and carrot fritters and I went crazy.

Tarawih alone at Muntalaq because I was too stuffed I couldn't move.

30 June, Monday 2nd Ramadan
Atiqah Jr. cooked iftar

Tarawih at Masjid Ibrahim, Mounira

1 July, Tuesday 3rd Ramadan
Tasnim cooked iftar

Tarawih at Masjid Hidayah, Mounira

2 July, Wednesday 4th Ramadan
Jiha cooked iftar

Tarawih with Atiqah at Muntalaq

3 July, Thursday 5th Ramadan
Adakun cooked iftar

Tarawih at Masjid Sayeda Zeinab

4 July, Friday 6th
Jiha cooked iftar

Tarawih at ?

5 July, Saturday 7th

Tarawih at Masjid Nabihah, Mounira

6 July, Sunday 8th My turn on cook duty, made crispy fried chicken with something vegetables. First day of physiological derangement so I was cooking while doubling over in pain.
Housemates iftared at the landlord serving mahsyi.

7 July, Monday 9th

8 July, Tuesday 10th

9 July, Wednesday 11th

10 July, Thursday 12th

11 July, Friday 13th

12 July, Saturday 14th Iftar and tarawih with batch

13 July, Sunday 15th Iftar at Taman Suria, Pait made crispy fried chicken.
Project Feed Mama Syak commenced. Umair and I made chicken-and-veggie stuffed spring-rolls-turned-samosa with homemade peanut sauce recipe courtesy of Zahidah. Made extra for Bapis.
Tarawih at Taman Suria.

14 July, Monday 16th
Yearbook budget meeting.
Usrah, iftar and tarawih at Masjid Bilal, Madinat Nasr.
Ummu Qays made black-glutinous-rice-filled atayef, Tza made fried Maggi with sunny side ups, Farah made ayam masak padang, Roy ordered Pizza King and cheesecake to celebrate Wan Nisa's birthday, the akak at the mosque gave us endless dates juices and baked macaroni with minced meat and beschamel.

15 July, Tuesday 17th
Shantah Ramadan akhawat IKRAM Mounira.
Iftar with akhawat at Muntalaq. We ordered KFC eaten with rice, vegetable soup by Wan Nisa and Roy made ayaq asam.
Tarawih at Muntalaq with Tasnim.

16 July, Wednesday 18th
Iftar at Muntalaq, Adakun made roti jala with chicken curry.
Tarawih at Masjid Nabihah, Mounira.

17 July, Thursday 19th
Finished our Ortho viva.
Iftar our Group 3 Special Surgery at Raja's. Ara head chef for sambal sotong and sayur masak lemak, Adilah and I fried one whole chicken each, Nisa made brownies, Zuriati made pudding!!!, Zahidah made popia basah, Ume made her Latte Cap Meme, Raja served us sirap bandung.
Tarawih at Masjid Ibrahim, Mounira.

18 July, Friday 20th
Shantah Ramadan program organized by PERU*ATAN Cawangan Kaherah.
Maidah Rahman-styled iftar with Umair.
Tarawih at Taman Suria.

19 July, Saturday 21st
Accompanied Tima to study for her Batnah End Round while editing seloka.
Iftar and tarawih at ARMA with the embassy.
Tazkirah by Ustaz Awe my fave ustaz in Egypt.

20 July, Sunday 22nd
Iftar at Zahidah's
Tarawih at Zahidah's

21 July, Monday 23rd

22 July, Tuesday 24th

Iftar at Raqaiq
Tarawih at Masjid Nabihah
Imam tazkirah pasal zakat

23 July, Wednesday 25th
Seharian MERCY, Tabarro Project
Iftar at Muntalaq
Tarawih at Masjid ?

24 July, Thursday 26th

Iftar of Adakun's version of Kenny Rogers
Tarawih at Masjid Amru Al-Asr, Mar Girgis
Imam pesan tanda puasa diterima

25 July, Friday 27th
Iftar of Adakun's Kenny Rogers and my ayam paprik
Tarawih at Masjid Rawwas, Zenhoum
Imam pesan syarat nak doa diterima

26 July, Saturday 28th
Iftar at Nadhrah
Tarawih at Masjid Nur, Abbasiyyah
Ittikaf and tahajud at Masjid Fatimah, Abbas Akkad

27 July, Sunday 29th
Iftar nasi kerabu by Tza
Tarawih at Masjid Salahuddeen, Manial.
Ittikaf kat rumah

28 July, Monday 30th
Iftar mee goreng
Isya and takbir raya at Masjid Ibrahim

Learn and Adapt

1) Be a responsible and mature adult by picking up the pieces with confidence.

2) You have to do ample research to save time. But there is always an element of gambling in life, so take justifiable risks anyway.

3) You have to be on time. No matter who you are, time is always life. It shows your sincerity and your respect when you are on time.

4) There is no merit to skipping class. Most of the time, even when you think your business is more important, it is not worth it to skip class.

5) Don't ever stand people up. It's not your excuses they want to hear, people would just appreciate you telling them you were not going to make it. Calling people is a sign of respect. Not doing so and simply stood them up for whatever reason implies your time is far far superiorly more precious than theirs. That's just plain narcissism and pitifully conceited.

6) No matter how mature you try to act, you will always succumb to some random authoritative adult taking care of you.

7) It is good to be wary. A healthy dose of fear keeps you safe. Be calculative but don't be paranoid.

8) Not all police are thugs. The ones we met are actually very helpful people. As I said, be calculative but don't be paranoid.

9) Everything has its own place. Be organised and don't misplaced things, for sanity sake.

10) No matter how tough you try to act, you will always succumb to the kindness shown by random strangers.

11) You can speak and understand Arabic better than you think you can.

12) There are some social facts you cannot change. For everything else, do what you need to do and don't complain unless it makes a difference. Ranting will only make you feel better, but it's only temporary. You will feel stupid for complaining over unchangeable things afterwards. Instead, recite اللهم انك عفو كريم تحب العفو فاعفو عني over and over again and may God not make the sins you have done as the reason for you going through difficulties. What is important is things get done.

13) Vent out physically. Wear shoes and kick stuffs, just try not to do any damage in the process. Wear pants and walk all the way to your next destination.

14) Banana milk is the best. Don't buy chocolate milk.

15) You don't need company, it's just going to waste their time because things can be done by a single person, that is you. Company is mere moral support, you can get that by having a live-in strong character in your head. So be mentally strong and don't waste other people's time.

16) How many times must I say, time is life.

17) Don't beg for help, please don't ever beg for help. At the first sign of reluctance, back off straight away and restrategize. Persisting in asking for their help will only lead to accumulation of tears, and this is my next point.

18) Don't ever cry in front of anyone. Don't you effing dare to cry in front of anyone.

19) You are allowed to open up to one person at a time. Use him wisely, for he has his own things to take care of.

20) Don't worry your parents. You are only allowed to be vulnerable when you are face-to-face with them. Otherwise, don't effing worry them.

21) At the end of the day, you can only depend on God.

22) Don't bother people with small talks.

23) Don't yell at people who bother you with small talks.

24) Leave me alone.

25) Pretend that life is as usual, it will help people to live on.

26) You have to survive in order to live.

Snow

It snowed today in Egypt.

But because the cold weather is known to induce bronchospasm in me, I decided to stay in my room and study, regardless today was the Family Day of PERUBATAN Cawangan Kaherah.

Suddenly, a drop of water noisily splashed onto the carpet. I stared at it and blinked. Another drop came down and I blinked again in denial. Third drop was even noisier and I let out an exasperated scream.

Kak Milah rushed out of the room to get a bucket and came to my rescue. She went around the house looking for leaking spots on the ceiling and fortunately there was none. I was the only misfortuned Ayyashian aboard.

I glared at the leaking ceiling and snuggled back under my cover, continuing my study.

Suddenly, a drop of water splashed on my head. I looked up and there was another leaking point exactly on my head. I screamed bloody murder as another drop fell down and pulled the cover over Kevin, my pillows and books.

Another bucket was placed on my bed, over the cover. Kak Milah and I stared at the bed. Where am I going to study now? It's cold and I need my cover.

"Three months... Three months and you guys will go back for good, and I'm out here." I muttered.

She laughed awkwardly.

We discussed whether to move the bed temporarily to the middle of the room or place it parallel to the other wall away from the leaking ceiling. The second option will need the study table aka the bookshelf to be moved as well, thus a total rearrangement of my side of the room.

It was tedious. "Books too heavy."

"We'll do it together."

Kak Milah has her Surgery second paper the day after tomorrow and here she was, staring along at my stuffs. I felt bad. I approached my bed to take my book underneath the cover and noticed water splash all over the cover. Pieces of ceiling paint were also splattered on the cover.

It was bad.

We moved the bed as per first option. But then with the bed in the middle of the room, it was messy and annoying, God!

"I'll think of something less tedious while I clean up later."

ربنا يستر

Kak Milah said their Surgery paper today asked Anatomy questions like something-fistula (no not AV fistula) and anterior rectal fascia and whatsit. Their doctor comforted them pre-exam that the questions would be crystal clear but they didn't expect such crystal clear questions were of minor topics.

"We expected Anatomy questions would be like hernia.."

"Or neck, thyroid."

"Yeah."

So Ijud advised us to study minor topics well and #crystalclear had become a running gag.

It's cold today and the weather forecast warned of showers so I put on my usual winter coat this morning. But I didn't expect it to be that cold. The weather sure is bipolar around here.

There was an anti-coup demonstration on campus today but apparently I missed out because I was still at the hospital at that time auscultating a 41 years old female with double mitral, aortic stenosis and tricuspid regurge.

Dr. Abeer said the patient has small volume pulse so I checked her pulse and compared it with mine. It was similar. Damn.

"Does this mean I have small volume pulse as well?"

I had palpitation at rest a few days ago and with this revelation, I felt like going down to the ER and hook myself to an ECG machine.

And in Al-Azhar University, the military continued to violently dehumanize the students in particular and us human in general. There is an illusion of peace in this country with targeted and localized dehumanisation and if you stop caring, you will forever be a fool.

Our midround Internal Medicine exam was announced to be next Monday at 8am. Which is brilliant because we have Tropical Medicine endround exam at 12pm. On top of that, my group was scheduled to present our seminar on Fever of Unknown Origin at 9am same day but I couldn't confirm with the doctor whether it is still on or postponed (though logic dictates it is postponed but you never know, we do have Murphy's Law). We were scheduled to compile our work tomorrow.

Because it's cold, I am planning to skip out on our hospital session tonight. It's either that or be dependent on turbohaler.

To balance this post, an Arab colleague of Ijud commented on his status that the only good thing that happened to him today was when Dr. Hussein Khairy passed in front of him in the exam hall.

Now that is a sight for any sore eye.

random advice

it hurts. it's okay if you want to cry. you were so brave.
you are strong. you will learn from this. you will survive.

you will be okay.

Sex Ed For Dummies

When we studied Sexual Education under Andrology, our doctor told us that sex ed must be taught regardless the community we are in. But first let us define the basics.

Sex ed is organized information on sexuality that is related to the ethical principles of the community. The basic is that we are teaching about how to deal with the physiological, anatomical, and psychological changes that relate to growing up, so that everyone will have a positive attitude towards sexuality.

Since it is based on the principles of your audience, for a Muslim community, we are teaching people those basics I mentioned before. In the west, safe sex, prevention of STD transmissions and avoiding teenage pregnancy are probably a crucial part of their syllabus. Again, because of the principles of the community.

For a Muslim community, we are not teaching how to practice safe sex because extramarital relationship is against the principles of a Muslim community and we are not teaching how to have sex because this is innate, even animals do this and no one taught them how to. Though some people might need help in this department.. that is why Andrologists and Sex Therapists exist.

This teaching is ideally the responsibility of the parents to be implemented at a young age, as young as 3-6 years old. During this time, a child is going through the phase of gender identity. Teach him/her the differences between male and female, teach him/her humility, and teach him/her that some areas are sacred and not to be exposed/touched even by the opposite-sex parent. Also, the parents should answer simply and correctly if ever the question "How did the baby get inside mommy's tummy?" pops up.

That class made me wonder. With the easily-available porn of various degrees in our daily life and with news like this one no longer surprising, perhaps it is time to revamp sex ed curriculum among our Malaysian community.

That, or the doctor who taught us lives a happily oblivious or the idealest life. Hehe.

Engineer on a Saturday

7.00 am

Checked on our problematic cooking gas tank left on the balcony, it was still buzzing from gas leaking out. A friend advised to get it exchanged, but it had to stop leaking gas first. With the gas outflow now away from the clothe peg, I hung my laundry and enjoyed the morning breeze.

Got dressed and sipped a cup of instant cappuccino that had every fiber of me missing Costa's fresh brew. I hate instants. Rechecked today's schedule and had second thoughts of skipping Dr. Mohamed Saeed's (extra) ECG class to go to Tahrir to apply my yearly visa. He was going to teach hypertrophy and hypertensive changes in ECG.

"Visa," my housemates supplied helpfully. "You have (obligatory) classes everyday anyway. Might as well skip today's."

And Tahrir it was.

8.40 am

Microbus dropped me near the haunting building of Mugamma' Tahrir. Customary glance at the unnecessary tanks guarding the entrance and proceeded into the building. Last time I stepped foot in this square, the urine stench was much worse. Not sure if this was a good thing or not.

9.15 am

Classmate in front of me was applying visa for his 9-ish month old baby and her passport photo was too cute I was going to melt in a puddle of goo.

I couldn't resist. "Do you have an extra copy of Huda's passport photo? Can I have one?"

9.45 am

Visa applied. Time to go to class... Or not.

Sixth year is a test of priorities and choices, or ninjutsus. We have three (extra) classes at the same time on Saturday;
Dr. Kenawy's clinical surgery
Dr. Heba's clinical Cardiology
Dr. Galal's surgical radiology.

All scheduled for 9.00 am and unless you're fluent in Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, choosing is mandatory. But there's always the last choice of 'none of the above' and at this hour, I was going to be a late nuisance anyway if I grace any one of those classes.

Decided to walk back to Mounira and enjoy whatever there was to enjoy along the Nile.

10.00 am 

Reached Mounira. Stopped by a hardware stall to buy PVC tape to fix our leaking sinks in the kitchen and bathroom. Stopped at another hardware store to buy anticlog treatment for our atherosclerotic kitchen sink drain. Stopped at the grocer. We were out of cooking oil.

Home. Checked on the gas tank on the balcony, still leaking. My room unfortunately reeked of gas it was nauseating. Observed as Kak Milah fixed the leak under the kitchen sink and I administered the anticlog measures for the pipe. Went into the bathroom and fixed the sink there.

We called it us playing engineers, haha.

11.45 am

Off to last class for Dermatology. Noticed some absentees and I understood their distaste of coming to class on a universal weekend to observe some patient's blackheads or fungal infection between the toes.

Good Ol' Days

Earlier this year I had a mental breakdown and Umair asked for the general population's help because I needed chocolate and salted chips stat. B*pis came to the rescue in the form of a big bag of Chipsy, four Kinder Buenos and four Lindt.

Few days after that, I went into my cheeky sengal-mohon-dilempang mode in classic bipolar fashion. I went on YM to pester S*pwan.

Hana: s*fwan haritu abg *pis bagi saya coklat :D
Hana: bile pulak saudara nak bagi saya coklat!
Pe*enang: Saper ni?

I laughed my head off when he answered. Annoying S*pwan has always been considered as a personal achievement, so I proceeded to brag this endeavour to Ja*k. To which Ja*k replied;

Ja*k: argh mamat ni
Ja*k: org ym die x pena2 reply
Haru: HAHAHHAHA
Ja*k: pstu ckp xbukak pn

Ah. Good old times. I wish them ease in their study and they graduate this February. I am getting them flowers.

Tough Love

During the break, we had a discussion about justice and human rights that stemmed from the quote,

"Fiqh menjauhkan manusia daripada manusia dan manusia daripada tuhan."

It was a rather heavy discussion to be written back, and I am exhausted from cooking dinner and washing the carpet after a 7 am - 4 pm class today. So I'll just jot down the principles I used during the discussion.

I believe human are social creatures with the need to band together when presented with a common ground. Similar taste in music, race, fellow countrymen, practicing the same faith, classmates, whatever it may be. From here will come preference and to a degree, favouritism.

In life, we have give and take. Islam teaches us that each relations will come with it rights and obligations. Family have rights obligated from us and we from them; our neighbours, our friends, our fellow Muslims, our fellow human, etc. Each with a different level of obligations and therefore preference and favouritism.

To conclude, "If I treat everyone the same, who will I treat special?"

So when we talk about injustice, whose law are we judging injustice by? In this world of diversity, you cannot make a judgement without considering circumstances involved, namely the culture and religions. This needs a degree of understanding or perhaps benefit of the doubt and tolerance.

And then we have the perspective we use to deal with a subject. Adjectives are really just two faces of a coin. When I was a fresh first-year in Egypt, I considered the Egyptians brash and uncivilised. Nowadays I can see them as out-going and brave, and the change in perspective made me calmer and able to live within the community and this prevented me from stabbing their kidneys every time they cut queues auscultating the patient. 

But then again, this is just my stand. You can keep bashing everything that doesn't comply with your worldview, but no opinion and no one is definite.

---

Because of this, I didn't feel anything when something happened in our class today.

We had an afternoon lecture for two hours straight. The subject was equivalent to teaching Electrical Engineering to us medical students. It was, simply put, beyond demanding. But thankfully, the lecture was in English.

Our doctor gave a 20-minute break before he starts the next hour-and-half lecture. We groaned but we stayed, using the break to discuss the earlier lecture.

Break over and the doctor continued his lecture... in ARABIC. I tried my best to follow the lecture despite my inner self kicking a tantrum. It was a hard subject even in English! It was one thing to just grasp the subject and another entirely to decode the Arab into English while grasping the fast-paced lecture. The fact that it was 3pm and we had class since 7am definitely added to the mental exhaustion.

But I stayed mum because if there is one thing I noticed about our lectures, it is that they are human and they get tired. When they get tired, they use Arabic more than English. The seniors before us endured classes in Arabic and see them now all shiny and lovely living the life as respected doctors.

So I didn't complain and doubled what was left of my focus.

After class, my friend told me why the doctor used Arabic throughout the second lecture.

During the break, one of our diligent Egyptian colleague approached the bench because he didn't understand something from last week's lecture, a topic that was fully grasped by us Malaysians.

The doctor asked him didn't he understand last week, and our colleague admitted he didn't really understand because doctor used English.

My friend continued with a sad expression that our doctor preferred the Egyptian students more, despite his very garang reprimanding them every single time each of them arrived later than the start of the lecture.

"He scolds them because he loves them. And he taught in Arabic because he loves them."

Oh, okay. That explained stuffs. It was at our expense, but it was for the benefit of others and I could see how he came to decide to do that.

I left the lecture hall feeling lighter than the resigned feeling endured throughout the lecture. It felt good to unravel the mysteries of life.

Iman Budak Syria

Sementara tunggu viva start pagi tadi, study sebelah Aisyah. Aisyah cerita yang Iman budak Syria dalam kelas diorang tu tak amik O&G tahun ni.

"Eh. Kenapa. Dia tahun berapa sebenarnya?"

Iman tahun lima, sama dengan kami. Dia transfer kredit daripada universiti dia di Damsyik dan datang belajar di Kasr el-Ainy sejak lebih kurang tujuh bulan lepas.

Walaupun dia transfer kredit, banyak je subjek praklinikal yang dia kena amik. Aisyah enumerate tadi, banyak juga. Physio, Pharma, dan sebagainya. Semua tu dia kena ambil tahun ni.

"Sebab tu dia tak ambil O&G tahun ni. Dia amik tahun depan. Paeds dia ambil. Dia end round sekali dengan kita haritu. Dia dapat 80 lebih."

"Wow." Dalam keadaan dia ambil banyak subjek, still dapat tinggi Paeds end round. "Hebatnya dia."

Aisyah cerita. Iman struggle nak study dekat kelas sebab kelas kami bahasa Inggeris. Dekat Syria manade belajar bahasa Inggeris. Iman selalu datang kelas nangis sebab teringat keluarga dia. Mak ayah adik2 dia masih di Damsyik. Ayah dia suruh dia datang sini untuk sambung belajar. Sebab macam mana nak sambung belajar dekat Syria sekarang ni? Aisyah kata, kawan2 kelas dia yang lelaki semuanya dah syahid.

Allah. Saya terdiam.

"Kalau aku jadi dia, aku tak boleh nak study," komen kawan di sebelah kanan saya. "Mesti teringat famili."

"Ye, tapi apa lagi yang boleh Iman buat? Kalau bukan dia yang study, siapa lagi akan study?" Saya lontarkan. Terasa hati retak. Siapa akan jadi doktor untuk anak2 Syria seterusnya?

Hidup perlu diteruskan dengan kita memainkan peranan kita di posisi yang Allah tetapkan buat kita. 'You are where you need to be.'

"Segannya aku. Aku main2 lagi study O&G ni..." Semoga Allah ampunkan kelalaian dan sikap acuh tak acuh saya T.T

-----

Exam O&G dah tamat. Kami dah berusaha, mungkin tak sebaiknya, tapi sekarang ini terserah kepada Allah untuk menyempurnakan takdir kami ini. Mohon doakan kami semua lepas subjek ini dan summer nanti boleh la nak melaksanakan tanggungjawab masing2 tanpa perlu risaukan pasal exam.

Exam Paediatrics 12 hari lagi. Bye.

Experiment SeRaM

pagi tadi terjumpa satu post ini di fesbuk berkenaan sekumpulan isteri disuruh hantar mesej "I love you, sweetheart" kepada suami masing-masing seterusnya mereka berkongsi apa jawapan suami mereka.

post itu telah membuka mata saya kepada kemungkinan yang sangat menarik maka saya pun memulakan Experiment "Send Random Message To People And See How They Respond" atau nama ringkasannya Experiment SeRaM.

Pemboleh ubah:

manipulasi: tahap keakraban

bergerakbalas: respons kepada mesej

malar: mesej

Tujuan:

bukan nak buat onar la pastinya. ada benda yang besar nak dicapai. nanti saya cakap.

Hipotesis:

family akan melayan. kawan makin kenal perangai saya akan rasa sangsi.

selebihnya nanti la. sebab saya kesuntukan masa (saya ada 280 mukasurat untuk dihabiskan study malam ini) maka saya akan tulis panjang-panjang lain kali.

---

apa yang saya buat adalah hantar "I love you, sweetheart" kepada tujuh orang dalam senarai kenalan WhatsApp saya terdiri daripada ahli keluarga sebenar, ahli keluarga tambahan, akhawat yang rapat.

berikut merupakan respon mereka. 

1)

Naqibah saya, seorang yang merasai disayangi melalui ucapan kasih sayang.

sengih lebar. kemungkinan besar mesej saya membuatkan ibu mengandung itu sangat gembira. atau dia sedang gelakkan saya tak waras sebab exam beberapa hari je lagi.

2)

Bestfren seorang Sanguine yang memang sentiasa perlukan kasih sayang.

saya WhatsApp dia ni tapi dia screencap dan post dekat fesbuk siap beserta jawapan beliau untuk satu dunia baca. bukti beliau sangat gembira berbesar hati dan sebagainya.

habis kelas saya lepak rumah dia dan saya pun terangkan kepada dia mengenai eksperimen yang saya jalankan. air muka beliau kelihatan berubah dan saya bersedia untuk mengelak dari dilempang dengan tablet beliau.

subjek: aku ingat aku spesel. b*d*h.
saya: haha.
subjek: b*d*h.

tapi aku memang sayangkan kau pun. hahahahahaha.

seterusnya kami bergumbira study macam normal. beliau sempat bertanya kenapa saya tak mesej sedemikian kepada izyan.

3)

Anak pungut saya, seorang Melancholic.

respon yang mempertikaikan saya ini memang bertepatan dengan personalti beliau yang Melancholic dan mempersoalkan emosi disekeliling. seterusnya subjek telah mengetahui niat saya setelah melihat post tersebut yang saya share di wall saya dan komen beliau adalah: gehhhh terasa diperkotak-katikkan. sobs.

4)

Kakak saya tapi kami dah janji nak berkahwin maka dia saya punya! Seorang Choleric Sanguine.

sebab kami dah biasa bergurau flirting begini maka kemungkinan besar beliau tahu ada udang di sebalik mee. lagipun kami berdua mepunyai hubungan tahap nirvana dan boleh membaca fikiran satu sama lain. ecehh.

5)

Kakak saya yang sedang sibuk HO di Seberang Prai.

sebenarnya saya dah lama tak contact beliau, sekadar mengikuti perkembangan beliau di fesbuk. beliau sibuk tapi sentiasa didoakan. kakak kesayangan saya ni. walaupun ini eksperimen, tapi beliau merasai keikhlasan hati saya.

hehe. atau pendek citer, dia layan je adik dia ni buat onar.

 6)

Abang saya yang baru kahwin beberapa bulan.

entah-entah dia ingat mesej ni daripada kakak ipar saya. geli jap. rasanya sejak dihantar berkhidmat di sarawak, beliau makin menghargai keluarga kerabat beliau yang makin jauh di mata. hehe. 

dia je abang kandung yang saya ada. impian hidup saya adalah membuatkan dia bangga. maka tiada sesalan dalam menghantar eksperimen ini kepada beliau.

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Kesimpulan:

Kredit: Pure Dream Arts

pernah dengar lagu Live Like We're Dying oleh Kris Allen? hehe. kita tak tahu bila akan meninggalkan dunia ini, maka ucapkanlah sayang itu. sekali sekala, sementara ada kesempatan nafas.

p/s: 

1- hampeh lama jugak jadinya menulis post ni. aaahh atiqOh!

2- subjek yang ketujuh tak cek mesej pun. internet henset tak berfungsi barangkali.

Dissecting STEP 2 - Prologue

Disclaimer: I promised beloved Fatimah Che Rahimi to share something from our last Friday's STEP 2 - When Mecca Meets Medina with Pak Utih. But truth be told, as one of the committee I spent my time between running around doing whatever God knows and slipping backstage to make sure the guys didn't screw up (okay this sounds so conceited, haha). The only time I was in the hall trying to listen to Pak Utih's talk, my mind was running ahead of me.

Regardless, I want to share something. So bear with me.

The Cool STEP 2 Clan

The first objective of STEP 2 was to enlighten the participants on the differences between guys and girls so as to be better prepared at dealing with the opposite gender.

This is important because whether you like it or not, the opposite gender is a part of your daily life. From your own family members to the people you work with and those patients of yours. If you don't know how they generally work, you'll end up baffled and to a greater extent, stressed and unable to come to terms with the verse that Allah said how He created us in different genders to complement each other.

Puhlease, I'm Not Getting Married Anytime Sooner

Last year's STEP, Dr. Harlina Haliza Siraj said there are three categories of male:
1- your family members
2- your brothers in Islam
3- that special someone
each with their own unique ways to deal with.

So don't limit your scope that When Mecca Meets Medina is all about knowing the opposite gender in order to better deal with when you're married. Heh. Yes you will probably get married one day insha Allah, but there's more to life than getting married. #BukanKahwinJeBest, iye dop? Haha.

I like to quote Dumbledore, "First you have to know, then understand, and only then there will be acceptance" or so he said to Harry at the end of The Fifth Harry Potter Book.

Understanding; Towards Efficiency

Understanding is important for efficiency, which according to Community Medicine means the capacity of proper utilization of the available resources to achieve the operational objective. Guys have their own strengths and limitations, so as girls. Understanding these will better help us measure our expectations and tailor our strategies accordingly.

Some may say I am manipulative, heh. But that's just another way to depict our isti'ab dakhili (What the heck is this, you ask? Go figure, haha!)

As the big sister, I can't boss John around the same way I boss Melle around. Melle will probably comply no matter how I exert my dictatorship but John will rebel just to make a statement. In the end, all I wanted was for John's all-rounded well-being but if my method is wrong, none of us will benefit.

(And I will lose. This is unacceptable because I like to win. Haha.)

Some Guys Can Shop, Some Girls Can Read Maps

Like medicine, there is a whole range of spectrum for a disease clinical picture on a patient. A diabetic patient may present with mild disturbance of vision or Random Blood Sugar above 300mg/dL and comatosed with diabetic ketoacidosis. And in life, just because I am a girl doesn't mean I hit like a girl. (It is amusing that guys and even girls have recently taken the habit of calling me "akhi/bro".. but I feel like hitting them all the same.)

Splitting people up into guys and girls doesn't mean they are equally categorized. (Or is this the right moment to throw you a fact that "there are three types of people on earth: Guys, girls and Hana"?) Stop for a moment and throw away the generalizing dimwitted "All guys/girls are the same" mentality.

Girls are generally better at being domestic, but I am not at par to the average of them. I know for fact that Abang Effy is better domesticated than I can ever be. On the other hand, you can depend on a guy to not get you lost but trust me when I say I am awesome at directions while some guys have directional dyslexia, haha.

Subhanallah, Allahu akbar! These distribution of attributes should open our eyes to appreciating individual traits and respect each person as his own unique self. John will always be John and James will always be James and Hana will always be Hana, and each of us can be a better us. I am forever thankful for my parents for treating us siblings differently according to our personalities.

Give No Excuses To Be Weak

"I'm a guy, I don't do multitasking."
"I'm a girl, I can't help that I say something but mean something else."

Let's live in harmony and not play the blame game. Generally knowing how each gender works, their strengths and limitations is not for laughing in amusement, and then that's it. It is not how good you are, it is how much better you are becoming. A Muslim is a better person than yesterday!

So use those knowledge to improve yourself. You know your own strengths now, so figure out how to use them for the sake of Islam and the betterment of ummah. You know your own limitations now, so figure out how to overcome them also for the sake of Islam and the betterment of ummah.

Guys can slowly start to be expected to multitask while girls can slowly start to mean what they say. Life is a journey of self-improvement. Hehe.

May Allah ease us in our path to become a better person solely to please Him. Allah ghoyatuna, right bros and siss?

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What are those gender differences? Well, that's for another post... maybe. See ya ;)

Yesterday I Was Considering Ultrasound, Today Pap Smear

Was discussing the health changes of a pregnant woman with Kak Milah and so I told her the subhanallah moments I had while this three days studying for Obs & Gynae. So far we took Hypertension Complicating Pregnancy and Antepartum Hemorrhage for Obstetrics and Fibroids and Cervical Cancer for Gynaecology (thus the title. Lulz).

"To say the amazing power of love and maternal instinct Allah gave to all mothers. They don't know what will hit them when they get pregnant but they still want a baby.

Me, I'm studying Obstetrics and I know (complications of pregnancy). I'm not into that."

Kak Milah laughed. "You don't want?"

Last usrah my naqibah and the others tried their best to brainwash me of the importance and relevance of stepping up from fard muslim to bait muslim. I was being defiant and resisted, but of course the rational part of me agreed they had a point.

But there is no yes-or-no-answer to life-changing questions such as Kak Milah's, haha. The masochist in me likes to complicate simple things in order to exhaust the brain.

So I gave her a shrewd smile. "Well. It is fun to be able to name people, you know?"

The Dean's Building

One of the photogenic site in the compound of Kasr el-Ainy Medical School is the big clock towering over the Dean's building, which makes up part of the old hospital at the back of our school.

Kasr el Ainy's Dean building.

There is a sign near the entrance of the Dean's building indicating it is for officers only and that patients and students should use the entrance via hospital. But it is closest to some part of the hospital so while having my Surgery round, I confidently commute daily through the Dean's building.

Inside the Dean's building is a wide screen television that displays updates on whatever the doctors are having intermingles with motivational quotes. I love those and will slow down in front of the screen as I pass through to see what advice is God partaking with me that day.

Almost all of them I can greatly relate to what I was feeling or thinking on that particular day. Always makes me pumped up.

Dean's building at night. We were heading out of the O&G Department.

For example. Once I was running to class with CNBLUE's Let's Go Crazy playing in my ears. The advice of the day was: "Crazy people who think they can change the world are usually the ones who do."

While I was heading for my mock Surgery OSCE without finish studying, the advice of the day was: "A leap of faith."

Currently I am in my Obs & Gynae round so I no longer use the Dean's building route. But we pass in front of it on the way from the Obs & Gynae Hospital to the mass lecture hall, so loyal me will run inside just to see what advice Allah has in store for me that day.

There has been an ongoing something I am trying to give up on. Yesterday, I received a prank message via a friend and typical me, I overthought. When I passed in front of the Dean's building and peeked inside to see the advice of the day, it was: "Love never fails."

I was laughing exasperatedly by the road, confusing some passersby. 

Today was a continuation of last night's instability I could not find a cause for. I was talking with Farahain while trying to peek inside the Dean's building to see what was in store for me. And guess what?

(O Prophet), it was thanks to Allah's mercy that you were gentle to them. Had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would surely have scattered away from you. So pardon them, and pray for their forgiveness, and take counsel from them in matters of importance. And when you are resolved on a course of action put your trust in Allah. Surely Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).  

Surah Al-Imran verse 159

Problem solved.

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I like to think that when you live your life truly believing that everything in life has been written and happens as Allah dictated, then you'll live a life of no worries. Allah's with us.

Just use your heart and brain not to confuse the signals, haha.

Panic & The Peas

Once upon a time, I had Pyramid's fried rice and tweeted how it took me three times fed for that one meal to be finished. Kak Elle got confused whether Pyramid was an Egyptian restaurant or a Malay restaurant and why would they serve fried rice.

I told her it was an Egyptian restaurant and probably served fried rice there after years of having Malay customers over. I described to her that the fried rice was made with egg, chicken, beef, prawn, carrot and "paling tak best peas."

For the record, I eat all my vegetables except green peas. They taste funny. I only eat them on the occasion I am too hungry or too lazy to bother sorting them out.

Kak Elle on the other hand loves green peas, so her next reply of "Peas la paling best!" was expected.

At that time, she went with Miss P for Panic as her Twitter name so I replied her with "Miss P for Peas" as a homage to her love for peas. She replied back "Panic and The Peas?" and I decided that it sounded like a great band name.

She said, "Come join my band, you can be the lead guitarist."

The Veronicas. I stole this off the net ngehehe.

And that was how the Panic & The Peas joke came to be.

Museum Case

The patient was cachexic. He had all positive abdominal signs upon inspection except he had no scar despite the presence of a large umbilical hernia with gangrenous surface since one year. I suppose unless he is dying from the hernia, the doctor will avoid cutting him up to avoid bleeding problem.

He walked out at the end of the class and not a single money asked from the students. Very different from our previous patients who asked in the first place how many were they going to receive for their teaching participation.

I wouldn't know if the doctors paid him. But it made me feel sad for him. Because he was a classic case of liver cirrhosis with its complications.

He was a teacher. The goods he taught his students will flow back to him endlessly.

Remembering Second Year of Medicine

"... and medially it is related to trachea, right laryngeal nerve and oesophagus at the lower part and to two cartilages of larynx; thyroid cartilage and cricoid cartilage, cricothyroid muscle and the inferior constrictor muscle of the pharynx."

He stared out of the window suddenly. Smiled somewhat in melancholy and addressed us.

"I enjoy my life teaching but I can't wait to get away from here to perform the pilgrimage soon." His smile lit up and continued in a soft tone. "I remembered the days when I taught in Saudi Arabia..."

On every Thursday evening, he will take the bus to Makkah. Perform his prayers and umrahs and by Isya', head to Madinah by bus to reach there by 3 am.

Wait for Solat Fajr and Dhuha and prayed Jumaat at Masjidin Nabawi. Drink a cup of syai and take the bus home.

Reach his home by 7 am and get ready for his 8 am lecture.

"Although it is a tedious process, I never get tired." He grinned further to emphasize his point. "It is something I really enjoy."

He turned back towards the transverse drawing of the neck. "I'm sorry to interrupt the lecture, but some memory just cannot be forgotten."

I was already teary.

That's Dr. Hafiz Waly, our Anatomy professor lecturing us on Head & Neck this semester. He was once the head of department which he complained of because it stuck him to his office and away from lecture halls.

I truly enjoyed his class :) He reminded me of a hyper grandpa; so eager to teach and passionate in his way.

Allah yubaarik fik.

p/s: Take note on the transportation by bus. With Arabs. -_-''

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I suppose when you’ve walked all through life, you tend to share your invaluable titbits with the younger generation.

Today I fully understand why Dr. Akef Khowaileed (عاكف خويلد) is so admirable and renowned probably beyond the department of Physiology; to the point of Dr. Abdel Moniem of CVS last year ordered told us repeatedly to pray for said doctor when he was very much under the weather.

Telling us of his presenting his research on obesity in Scotland, he started his 15 minutes time on stage with a lengthy praises to Allah and salawats on Rasulullah fluently in Arabic.

The Scott physicians asked him about it at the end of his presentation. "What's the connection between your prophet with obesity?"

He told them that he starts all his lectures and presentations with those praises as all knowledge that we have now comes from Allah and we should be grateful to Him and our Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

He addressed the class and told us that ALL knowledge was passed down to Adam and they’re gradually lost through generations who committed sins. Races before us were highly talented and advanced in all field of knowledge; medicine, architecture, astronomy, you name it.

They were capable of building the pyramids in Giza.

The coloured hieroglyph on the walls of temples required no re-colouring nor does it fades.

The mummies are well-preserved until today.

The sun ray shines directly to the throne of this one king’s temple in Abu Simbel twice per year; exactly during his birthday and his day of coronation.

Yet we have just rediscovered their technology.

So praise Allah, 24-7 salawat for Prophet Muhammad and be grateful for all the blessings exclusively of iman and Islam He had given us.

Study hard and well for knowledge and know your God. Do not be a sinner as it darkens your heart from perceiving the light of 3ilm that is truly His.

Allah yubaarik fik.

p/s: We wanted to stay back in his class just now, but we had Anatomy section :(