In 2025, I learned about boundaries.
There was a guy I liked once. One time I had extra coffee so I went to his workplace and dropped it beside his table.
"For you," I said.
He replied "Oh no you shouldn't have. I don't drink coffee!"
"For real?"
"For real."
I took the coffee back and drank it.
The next time was about 5 months after that. He cancelled the lunch he invited me to so I went and bought dinner for oncall him and the oncall person who is my friend, and also to another of friend of mine who was oncall in a different department. I only met my friends to pass them the dinner face to face, and only texted him after.
He replied me way later with "You should have told me earlier. I had dinner with my family."
Lessons learnt:
1- If ever anyone was being kind to me, I will thank them for the thoughts and efforts and that's it. Even if they buy me coffee and I suspect they jinx it. I will smile and take the coffee and later when they're away, flush it down the drain. But I will thank them first.
2- I respect myself for only doing this kind of niceties to someone single who I'm interested in. I told a lot of people that "I'll buy you lunch" etc but they're mostly in passing. Just thoughts. I respect myself and others too much and I don't wreck homes.
3- I see people for who they are and understand them. So I wish to be seen for who I am and be understood, too. Not being reciprocated means that's not the space for me. I don't think people will change and unequal expectation will just build resentment. I choose to walk away.
4- I cannot eat too spicy food these days. Ayam gepuk is so nice but I had terrible gastritis after eating entry level spicy sambal on three separate occasions. That's it for me, no more.
There was a guy I liked once. One time I had extra coffee so I went to his workplace and dropped it beside his table.
"For you," I said.
He replied "Oh no you shouldn't have. I don't drink coffee!"
"For real?"
"For real."
I took the coffee back and drank it.
The next time was about 5 months after that. He cancelled the lunch he invited me to so I went and bought dinner for oncall him and the oncall person who is my friend, and also to another of friend of mine who was oncall in a different department. I only met my friends to pass them the dinner face to face, and only texted him after.
He replied me way later with "You should have told me earlier. I had dinner with my family."
Lessons learnt:
1- If ever anyone was being kind to me, I will thank them for the thoughts and efforts and that's it. Even if they buy me coffee and I suspect they jinx it. I will smile and take the coffee and later when they're away, flush it down the drain. But I will thank them first.
2- I respect myself for only doing this kind of niceties to someone single who I'm interested in. I told a lot of people that "I'll buy you lunch" etc but they're mostly in passing. Just thoughts. I respect myself and others too much and I don't wreck homes.
3- I see people for who they are and understand them. So I wish to be seen for who I am and be understood, too. Not being reciprocated means that's not the space for me. I don't think people will change and unequal expectation will just build resentment. I choose to walk away.
4- I cannot eat too spicy food these days. Ayam gepuk is so nice but I had terrible gastritis after eating entry level spicy sambal on three separate occasions. That's it for me, no more.
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