Distance

We had a long overdue closed meeting among the surgeons and service MOs yesterday. Their comment to me was that I'm the senior most so they're expecting me to lead. To liase between the surgeon and the junior member.

There was something boss said that I didn't understand. But yesterday I was nursing a headache from not eating properly past few days and I didn't want to say anything to prolong my suffering.

They also mentioned that I was good and reliable but I always do things alone and think I'm right. I could use a second opinion because there may be or always be a better way of doing things.

They're right. I know exactly why I do things alone and I don't think I'll change that, not so abruptly at least.

I take things professionally. They're not important to me personally. I've grown distancing personal from professionalism.

Boss mentioned for us to participate in the Saturday OT. Jokingly said "Kalau tak pergi Kota Belud la. Tapi takkan pergi Kota Belud setiap minggu kan?"

I sniggered. I sort of need to get away every other week or I'll go nuts. I need to have something other than think about work, because right now that's all that bug me.

"It's okay if people are interested in you" is what bro said but I'm picky

Sometimes I'm loose, especially when I'm in a good mood. My mates take me for a playgirl when I was a houseman.

I'd give no care to the niceties that flows from my mouth. I'm just having fun and safely so only flirt with someone who's also a flirt. I mean what I say but take me at face value, don't dig deep, I'm just messing around. If the other party get serious I'd back off, I'm not here for the long haul. Or if innuendos start to be thrown in, that's a definite turn off. I'm well versed in innuendos but I keep my flirting clean.

One time the trouble trio were having dinner at this restaurant. We've been rotating restaurants for the past three days and this by far served the best char kuey teow in Kingfisher.

We were joking around, stuffed full, had a good time. And the waiter was eying me the whole time, making conversation and directing them to me most of the time. I appreciated his bravery but not so much the attention. Visually he wasn't my type and I'm very superficial when it comes to fun flirt. I don't start what I couldn't see myself ending up with. So I only responded to him minimally and politely.

At the end of dinner Ara went to pay and Nisa and I waited at the table, I was sipping on what was left of my iced drink.

"You're cute." The waiter grinned.

"Thanks. You too."

It was my default response. I'm polite, I always thank people and return their compliment. What I didn't expect was the waiter to turn sheepish and for the life of me, he ducked his face shyly. Oh shit.

"Awhh. No one ever said that to me.."

Shit what have I done. I retained my grin. It probably turned into a smirk at that point. How do I get myself out of this? I still want to come to this restaurant, they have the best char kuey teow in Kingfisher.

"May I know your name?"

I smirked and shook my head. I only said "you too" and see what I got myself into. Nisa was grinning at me. Thanks a lot.

"I'll call you Nurul. May I get your phone number? Just friendly messaging."

I looked at him, still grinning exasperatedly at my predicament. I kept on playing with the straw of my drink not quite believing what was happening. He took a piece of paper and wrote down his number. He handed it to me with a smile.

For a second there, I stared at the paper with my hands supporting my chin lazily, pondering what to do. He was very brave. I could never do that. The least I could do was not to humiliate him in front of my company. I looked up at him, shook my head laughingly and prayed I didn't get his hope up. I took the paper and folded it into four, keeping it in the palm of my hand.

"Message me yeah?"

I chuckled in response. Ara returned from paying and we took our leave. Nisa was still laughing at me all the way to the car, relaying what happened to an amused Ara. I cocked an eyebrow and flashed her the paper. "You want this?" She shook her head and didn't stop laughing.

I got back to my room and chucked the paper in the dustbin. That's enough for tonight. I wonder if I can ever have fun without leading people on.

That was three months ago. I didn't step foot in that restaurant ever since.