Insanity starts with a spark

Disclaimer: This of course is not news, but we all know Haru here likes to vent.

Funny how I was tired this evening and slept a wink on the train today but when I got home, my brain was completely alive. And now it's past two thirty in the morning and I can't sleep. It's so annoying to be ptosed and tired and gladly shutting the eyes but the brain kept going. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WTHELL AM I WORRYING?

Dad and the guys joked my unable-to-sleep is good for when I'm a house officer and it's not like my brain is non functioning despite the whole sleep issue. But it's eating on my mood and nerves get easily ticked not to mention thinking with minimal sleep gives me headaches.

One of these days I'm really, seriously going to the shrink. Urgh, perhaps I should have declared to MMC that I'm having sleep issues?

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I have two theories.

One is that I sleep better when I'm on my side and my back is leaning onto a surface perpendicular to my bed. For example, when I sleep on my side and my back is pressed to the wall. Or when I sleep on the couch. That is why I'm so happy couches were invented. The bed I'm sleeping on is a distant from the wall and I've been meaning to get the bed moved close to the wall... I really need to do things instead of just planning.

Second is that songs are stuck in my head. They're usually different sporadic songs but most of them are of the same vibe. You know my taste, they're not exactly sleep inducing. The past three days of frustrating sleep-evading nights saw Muse - Hysteria's bass and guitar solo looping in my head.

Can't really blame me. Their music is so handsome.

The Blacklist

Just for the record, Tom and Elizabeth Keen's love story is probably my current favourite romance. S2 E16 ending conversation wrapped up the whole romance beautifully.. in the insane way they are.

"Keen."

"It's me. Are you okay?"

"... Where are you?"

"Are you okay?"

When I call, I always greet the person by name and introduce myself by name. To one day take a leaf out of their book seems like a pretty decent goal..

In which Haru is a scumbag

I've been busy these couple of days playing Sims 3.

I started off making a couple of young adults and designed their home. Daniel was a scientist and Taylor was in the law enforcement. They then had Logan, who went into medical because that was what his parents wished for.

And then both Daniel and Taylor died, Taylor one day before her husband, which caught me off guard because Daniel was the one older by a day. Logan had a very hectic life with his medical work, overtime and making sure his dad's garden didn't die. Because he was sorely lacking a social life, he adopted a pair of kids; named Erin Jane and Danny to make sure the family lives on.

It was very obvious the kids were adopted. Both were adopted in their childhood and were blond and darker skinned. The Bensons were fair skinned, Daniel and Logan were black haired while Taylor was redheaded. Both grew up fine thanks to Logan tutoring and me cheating, bwahaha.

Okay so one day, Logan got off work. Clad in his white coat, he was a Level 8 Medical if I remembered correctly. Outside the hospital was this one lady and he greeted her. And then he wished to start a romance with her.

It wasn't unexpected but it still caught me by surprise. He was already an Elder. How will the kids accept her? She already had a partner, but Logan wasn't going to live long and I pity that guy dies a virgin..

So I married them off and made her pregnant. I fed her tonnes of apple and didn't play her except to let her watch Kidz Zone on TV and sleep the whole day. My plan is to let her have a boy and after the kid becomes a toddler, Logan breaks up with her and gains custody.

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I am a scumbag. Pazlin has been referring to me as a type of boyfriend (refer Ume's latest post on my wall) but here I am, playing and using girls.

How to treat a cat

I'm having deep conversation with mom today. Let me share a glimpse of it. This segment was went we discussed the differences of love language.

"Women want to be treated with physically expressed love. The men in our family are not like that but they really do love us. But women expect to be given gifts, touched, stroked-"

"That's not a woman, that's a cat," I replied.

Love don't die

Few things.

(1) I'll go with single flower bouquet. Reminds me of Maple Story. I wonder how many get this... probably just me.

(2) I'm not making any progress on the email. I was thinking of waiting for pictures from Humaici to make the email more purposeful, but it's late already.

(3) Dr. Hussein always say "Love never fail" and its equivalent المحبة لا تسقط أبداً. I'm understandably looping The Fray's Love Don't Die. Plus the guitar strum is to die for.

(4) I'm used to running out at 6.50 to make it on time for the 7am class. Here in Kelantan, people don't run on the street. And there's no 7am class for me here. Those two facts make me.. a complete sloth.

Email

Oh hi. Hello. I'm supposed to be writing a subtle but formal email while Egypt is still sleeping and as expected I'm stressed about it so here I am writing crap. Let me tell you why.

Last night I slept on the couch and woke up remembering a vivid dream. I was in my last day in Egypt, packing my room and at the same time making time for one last PERU*ATAN program. It was a UBM-laced program, which was absurd as I will never be caught dead attending such an abomination.

You know what, such a setting was so impossible I guess it does mean the whole dream was absurd and I should scrap this subtle-but-formal-email plan. But anyway, let's proceed.

So on my way there with a girl friend, we met Dr. Hussein. He was wearing a red polo, sort of worn down, and he greeted us with a smile. My friend and I salam-ed him like kids would their father. However, what surprised me was that his wild hair was gone. He had a haircut. And he said he was going to the same program to give out the cert.

My friend and I continued our journey to the program where we got to our seat and I saw at a corner of the stage was Dr. Fathy Khodair in his academic robe. That was a misery and then I timely woke up.

So that was the dream. Let's break it down.

(1) The fact I dreamed about Dr. Hussein probably points to me missing him, which I will not deny.

(2) He was otw to a program to give out cert. Why is this playing in my dream? I swear I am not peachy over him absent from our graduation. I understand his position and he told me in advance about it!

(3) He had a haircut. Now this is worrisome. He likes his wild hair. Dr. Shen told us that during running for the deanship, people told Dr. Hussein they would not vote for him unless he get rid of his hair. And to that, his response was "then don't vote for me, I'm keeping my hair", as expected from a man of principle.

And as it is, there's a celebration of the preceeding administration team going on at the faculty this 14th. When I first saw the email, I was amused. You don't trust a regime, they're never sincere. What's the catch, I wondered. And I wondered how Dr. Hussein is holding up.

And so that's why I think now is the right time to write Dr. Hussein the email I told him I will write. Which is easier said than done. I'm not even sure to open with a "Dearest sir" or a "Dearest Dr. Hussein".

"But I'll get it done."

P/s: I went to see him on my last day in Egypt and I owe a blog post about it.

See you when I see you

I went to the morning class late today and five minutes into it, my eyes teared. I didn't get to greet and I left to see if the ri3ayah syabab was open but it wasn't and turning around, I saw sir walking with the girl who had been discussing with him since lecture dismissal and I blurted out saying,

"I don't want to catch up with him."

I stopped walking and turned around. "Okay. Let's not catch up with him."

I still needed to go to the bookstore for the book I deposited for and to send in my academic robe so I went to sit down by the pavement and just... observed Dr. Hussein as he stopped at the edge of Hall A as people approached him for handshakes and greetings and continued discussing by the road.

At this point, I didn't know exactly what I wanted. I want to say hi and wish him a good day but those are things I want to do, not what I really want.

Haha... Let's not complicate matters. Just do it or don't.

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The thought of leaving is making me cry so I decided to reevaluate how I see it. And as I walked back, this was what I came up with.

I'm just going back to Malaysia for a period of time until we meet again. Live long, stay healthy and safe. Take care, fi hifzillah, and see you again.