Humiliated: I'm Cool Now

I've calmed down a little from the hectic episode at school [Humiliated: ARGH!]. Just a bit, I suppose. I no longer hate that guy, just won't be bothered to acknowledge him any longer.

I know someone out there would be proud of me being sensible.

Since I'm in a mellow poetic mode, I'll translate anything I wanna say into a song.

Ah, yes. Atiqah can be mellow at times.

And since I had a thing for loud music, particularly Bon Jovi's, it would be an insult if I didn't use one of their fascinating songs.

From their album Crush; It's My Life

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for the faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice

When I shout it out loud

Chorus:

It's my life

It's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just wanna live while I'm alive

It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground

For Tommy and Gina who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake

Luck ain't even lucky

Got to make your own breaks

Chorus:

It's my life

And it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

Chorus:

It's my life

And it's now or never

'Cause I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

Chorus:

It's my life

And it's now or never

'Cause I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my life!

Take that, old geezer!

Lyrics taken from Dry County. Arigatou gozaimasu.

Messaging Junior

I woke up yesterday to find a message in my handphone inbox. It was from Muhammad Ali Omar, or Ali-san as I call him at school. Or Hiroshi-san whenever I felt like nicknaming him.

He is a junior at school, a classmate of my sister Mir. Ali-san is a very troublesome prefect since the tasks I gave him were rarely done. I never doubt his ability as a prefect, but I do think he can do better.

He's the prefect I always complain about, apart from the Head himself, of course.

Personally, I think he's a good kid. I'm quite fond of his little sister, Hikmah, and sometimes was forced to teach her Science but I'm not complaining about it.

Ali-san is the sixth of seven siblings and his best friend is Taslim. Those two are like belangkas [Malay for... I dunno. Belangkas is a stingray-like animal living in fresh water. Never seen alone, belangkas always move in pairs.].

I wondered what the message was about.

Pray for me, please? Lately, a man passes in front of my house every night. He will look around, carrying with him a knife, charcoal and pieces of meat. Very freaking.

I read with horror. Oh my God, that is so scary!

He will yell...

SATAY! SATAY!

I smirked and laughed at the message. My, Ali-san has a sense of humour afterall.

I replied:

Right. I'll pray that the satay he sells won't temper with your diet.

He replied:

Everytime your name was mentioned, my heart will beat vigorously, for the longing I felt for
you. And my love for you will deepen, for you...

MALAYSIA.

I grinned actually, since I've been given that kind of message months ago. Nice try, haha.

I replied:

I pray to God. God, please forgive the person reading this message. He seldoms read his prayer, God, he's to busy reading messages! Amin...

He replied:

Do you think I'm handsome?

I laughed really hard.

Please tick which is appropriate:
[ ] very handsome
[ ] average
[ ] flattering himself

You replied:
[x] very handsome
[ ] average
[ ] flattering himself

Ah, thank you so much! Did I troubled you? :D

I replied:

Hmm. I think you're handsome. Alright, I'll tick for you.
[x] very handsome
[ ] average
[ ] flattering himself

You're welcome. Answering was a piece of cake. Satisfied, grandpa?

Actually, you're:
[ ] very handsome
[ ] average
[x] very flattering yourself and totally in the clouds.

I meant it as a joke. I laughed and hit Send.

He replied:

I pray to God. God, please forgive the person reading this message for she had broken my heart :( Give her Your guidance and excellency in her SPM and her life here and hereafter. Don't You darken her heart till she hurts another human being. God, You are the Most Generous Giver, amin...

My heart sank. I replied:

Oh my God, did I went too far? I'm so sorry, dear Ali, is your heart really broken? I meant it as a joke, please don't take me seriously. I'm so sorry, I never meant to be harsh. Please don't take it personally, I don't know how to handle it if you do. Thank you for the prayers, but please don't be saddened! I am so sorry.

He replied:

Apologies accepted :) Didn't take it personally, actually. Good luck with your SPM :) My prayers'll be with you till the end...

I read with apprehension. Did he mean it? Oh my, I never thought Ali-san can be that sentimental.

I replied, for good measure:

Infinity of apologies, for my...
harsh words
accidentally mad at you
asked stupid and over random questions
hit you anywhere
yelled at you
borrowed your items
called at the wrong time
sudden mood-swings
backbiting or mocking
and anything that hurts you.
Hope all are forgiven!

He replied:

Go and study. SPM is just around the corner. Okay then, Happy Aidilfitri. Assalamualaikum.

I sighed in relief. That the boy's way of saying, "Drop it. Forget it already." I replied:

Too much distraction in kampung, lol. Yeah, sure :) Okay, have a great day. Wassalam.

Looks like I have to view Ali as a better person now, not that stoic and troublesome boy he used to be.

I've a good mind to buy him some candies, but I think, that can be postponed later.

I like my juniors. Though some may give me a hell load of headaches, some can always makes me feel better. Thanks, Ali.

Racism Sucks

I live in Malaysia, a country with a diversity of races ranging from Malay, aborigines, Indian, and Chinese.

I suppose we live in harmony despite the current hectic crime rates and such, but you get my point.

*Sigh* Just now I played my Fire/Poison Wizard, HaruMitsui [leveled 39 now]. I was at El Nath [the Ice City] and was about to leave for the next map when I saw another character.

There was no monster in town, but his health point was decreasing by 15 each passing seconds. I suppose he was poisoned. And since I had an Antidote with me, I merely dropped one next to him and exited towards the next map without even a mere smiley face.

The cleric [Healer wizard, sort of] followed me then. I supposed he wanted to thank me.

"Erm." He said.

I replied with a smiley face. From his armours, he is at least leveled 50.

"You have scroll?" He asked.

"What scroll?"

"Orbis Tower scroll." Orbis Tower has 20 floors, but you can get to 20th floor from the first by using a teleporting scroll.

I had four, so I dropped one next to him, smiled and be off on my way.

"You gave two items to me for free?"

"Yeah."

"Here, a small gift for you." He then dropped a blue bandanna.

Bandannas are quite rare and can be very expensive depending on their colours. And the one he gave me added strength!

I picked it up. "Wah, thank you!"

"Add me as your buddy." He said with a smile. "If you need any help, you can call for me."

So I smiled and added him. As we walked towards Orbis Tower [me going down towards Aqua Road, him going up towards Orbis.], he gave me his email and asked me to add him on Friendster.

We then parted towards our respective training ground.

I happily obliged. I am good at making new friends, I suppose. So I went to Friendster and added him. He's a Chinese from Singapore.

I went back to Maple and told him of it. He thanked me and smiled.

Suddenly, he buddy chatted [means that all his buddy can read what he said].

"Jun!" He cried for another friend of his. "I am so sad! The girl that added me was a Malay! ARGH! And from Malaysia, too! T.T"

How about that? I merely grinned as I read what he wrote and sort of sweatdropped. Is that a problem? I thought God created human of different genders, races and countries for us to get to know each other.

I checked my buddy list right after that. He was offline.

Then I typed /find [character name] to track him. Sure as I had suspected, he was still online.

I should have seen this coming. When one of your buddy is offline, it is whether he really is offline or he deleted you out of his list.

Then I swiftly opened my Friendster profile and it was crystal that he had deleted me out of his Friendster friends, too.

I was... upset? Not really sure, but I do find this unpleasant.

First, it was he who wanted me to buddy him in Maple and it was he who deleted me.

Second, it was he who wanted me to buddy him in Friendster and it was he who deleted me.

It's his problem, not mine. I never thought someone living in this modern world could be so obscene-minded. I suppose I was naive.

In the end, the blue bandanna was never a gift. It was a business transaction.

Heaven of Boredom

"Kaoru, I'm bored." Haru tugged the hem of her twin's school uniform.

"Oh, yeah?" Kaoru did not even look up from her reading.

"Yeah."

"Go read the Quran, then."

"Okay."

Half an hour later...

"Kaoru, I've read two juzu'." A firm tug on Kaoru's pale yellow uniform.

"..."

"Kaoru, I'm still bored."

"Go bother someone else, I'm trying to read here."

"Hmph." Haru walked out of the area with a prominent scowl on her scrunched up face.

Half an hour later, Haru returned with her lips twisted upwards and her brow creased.

"No juniors around." She sat on the couch. "Kaoru, I'm so bored!"

The current page was flipped.

Haru scowled and her dark eyes carried a dangerous raging fire. She shifted on the couch and tapped her fingers audibly on the armrest.

Tap, tap, tap, ...

"Stop staring at me." Kaoru said tonelessly, merely flipping another page.

"Argh!" Haru nearly tore her hair in frustration. "We shouldn't even come to school today!!"

"But we did, so stop whining and go grab a book."

"The only book available here is the PQS book!" An angry tone matched her angry face. "Hell, I wanna go home!"

"Read the Quran." Another flip of a page.

Haru scowled. She grabbed the Quran and read from where she had left off.

Half an hour later, silent filled the air. Kaoru looked up and saw her twin's eyes closed, head rested peacefully on the coach. The Quran was left wide open.

She closed her dark eyes and fall asleep as well.

Haru opened her eyes and scowled at her sleeping twin. Now who am I going to bother? She thought with a deep frown.

She sat on the floor and faced the wall. After a minute of staring, she shifted a bit and let out an angry sigh.

Ten minute passed and Haru's boredom ten folded. She stood up angrily and walked towards the school office with the intention of finding the school teacher and to nick out some newspaper.
Kaoru woke up after an hour to find Haru burying her head inside today's newspaper. "What's the time now?" She asked, stifling a yawn.

"10.30." Came the answer. "I've endured two hours of boredom."

"Good for you." Kaoru stood up and stretched. "We've got another three hour and a half before school's out."

"ARGH!" Haru slammed the paper down and smacked her head. "I hate this! Teacher won't let me go home and told me to read PQS! Doesn't she know how boring the book is?! I hate this!"

"You asked her?" Kaoru sounded amused.

"Course I do!" Haru death-glared her twin who merely stare emptily back.

"If I know today won't be any lesson, I wouldn't even come." Haru said softly and curled herself into a ball on the couch.

"Didn't Dayang-sensei told us that Rohaida-sensei wanted to tell us something about the PQS exam tomorrow?"

"Dayang-sensei lied." Came the soft yet angry reply. "I've asked Rohaida-sensei, and she said she doesn't have anything to tell us."

Kaoru merely walked over towards where her twin was and sat on the floor with her back leaning on the wall. We were lured to come to school, she frowned. "How cunning."

"How mean." Haru said. And then she went silent.

Kaoru stood up and left her twin to sleep. "Better than have her dying out of boredom." She muttered softly, picked the newspaper up and went to the school office to return it back.

p/s: Yeah, today was a hell day at school. Actually, there was Mrs. Chan's Add Math class at 2 pm, but I left because my precious time was wasted at school.

What were the teachers thinking? Great for them to waste my time as if mine's like shit?! Hell, this is the time when I truly hate being at school!

I so wanna skip school tomorrow! To hell with the PQS exam!

Tomorrow's the last day of school before the Aidil Fitri holiday. [A whole week of school-free! Woo hoo!] On second thought, maybe I should just endure it for the time being.

------

"How's life, dear?"

"Don't ask."

------

p/s 2: This is the current state of my Maple characters.

"You Don't Have to Pretend, Simply Do What You Can."

Today has been a very quiet day. I rarely spoke, something which is very very rare. I have been doing this for the past two weeks though I am not sure of the reason.

And today has been a very unmerciful day. Though nothing annoying happened, I felt so not at rest. It's like, I'm having an inner storm inside. And to make things even more complex, I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

Usually I know what's wrong. Now that I didn't know, I just don't know what to do.

I've read the Quran. Two whole juzu', but I still can't find my inner peace. That's a sure sign I didn't understand one bit of what I've read. This is useless.

Perhaps it's because I'll be sitting for my Physics SPM Trial tomorrow?

Nope. I never fret over exam. I think. I don't think my inner turmoil is because of tomorrow's exam.

Perhaps it's because Ramadhan will be over in about a week?

I suppose. I haven't been pleased with the amount of ibadat I have been doing. Sure, I qiamullail everyday, but I don't know. I haven't had enough of Ramadhan. Not even sure I'll be alive for the next one.

Perhaps it's because Aidil Fitri is just around the corner?

Perhaps. I've bought my Raya clothing, yeah. I even got a new pair of sandals to replace my broken ones (I'll post the beauty next! Haven't got any camera around.) And also a new socks to pair them with. Now the family's planning on going back to the village. I'm not sure whether I'll be going back or not.

I want to; I haven't been back for almost a year. But mom kept saying, if I go, they'll have to bring two cars for the ride and she will have to drive. And then dad said about her being exhausted and the like.

I'm pretty much bored (perhaps a little annoyed). By their sayings, it's as if two cars will be a burden. I had enough, so I just said, "I won't be going. I'll stay at home."

"Is it because of tuition?" Mom said.

I've got tuition on the 19th and 20th October, and by that time, the family is still at the village. I don't want to miss tuition because I can't really study at home. So I gave her a glance and a curt nod.

"Tuition is not that important." Dad added and I rudely interrupted.

"Teacher said he'll be focusing on the subjects crucial for SPM. Maybe it's not important to you." I said tonelessly. "Besides, if I go, you'll have to drive." I glanced at mom. "And you'll be tired. Best if I stay at home."

"Alone?" Dad said.

"Yes."

"No you can't. Someone has to stay with you." And he added something else, in which I sort of ignore. I'm getting ruder by the day.

My decision is final. So I won't be going. And someone's staying with me. I don't know who, I don't care. I can stay alone for all I care.

Man, I am getting ruder by the day.

Perhaps it's because SPM is just four weeks from now?

I never fret over exam. I think. Don't get me fretting; the world'll be in chaos if I do. Lol, like the world isn't now.

Perhaps it's because of the problems at school?

Now you're reminding me. Since the start of Trial, I haven't been able to talk to any of the other students concerning the state of school now. I pretty much kept to myself the whole time.

I did ask a student of any arising problem the other day. She started to talk, but then asked me something else, "Don't you have exam now?"

"Sure." I nodded. "But that's not stopping me from my duty as Head Girl."

I'm Vice Head actually. Since the Head's a boy, that makes me Head Girl.

She nodded then. After a minute of talking, we were interrupted for I was needed elsewhere. Fate must be laughing at the amount of stress I'm having right now.

Having written all this, I suppose my inner turmoil is because of my being stressed. Duh, typical me.

p/s: HaruMitsui is leveled 38 now.

And meet KaoruMitsui, leveled 12 warrior, created a few days back. I'm a juggler of study, life and game. Haha.

I made a new friend today. descent2001, leveled 33 Spearman. He's actually a 24-year-old Chinese from Selangor named Terrence.

When I told him I'm a Malay, he went, "Wow. You're the first Malay friend I have in Maple." And truth be told, all my Maple friends are Chinese, except for three other Malay.

Unconscious Fledged

I'll wake up as usual in the morning, leave the bed unmade and walk steadily towards the kitchen and make a grab for my towel. Then I'll proceed to take a shower, brush my teeth in between and walk out of the bathroom feeling refreshed to start the day.

I'll change into my usual black pants and t-shirt, Solat Subuh, and calmly iron my school uniform despite mom's occasional nagging about me delaying in ironing them instead of doing it before going to bed.

Then I'll unconsciously begin to hum a tune. And that's just exactly what I don't understand about myself. It's as if this self was programmed to sing in accordance to my mood.

The other day I gave an unethical friend the cold shoulder. The next day I subconsciously begin the sing Menghapus Jejakmu by Peterpan.

The other day I was slightly touched and feeling extra mellow-hearted. And again, my hands kept hitting the repeat button for the song Wherever You Will Go by The Calling.

So lately, I've been wondering

Who will be there to take my place

When I'm gone, you'll need love

To light the shadows on your face

If a great wave should fall

It would fall upon us all

And between the sand and stone

Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would

I'll go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low

I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out

The way to make it back someday

To watch you, to guide you

Through the darkest of your days

If a great wave should fall

It would fall upon us all

Well I hope there's someone out there

Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would

I'll go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low

I'll go wherever you will go

Runaway with my heart

Runaway with my hope

Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how

My life and love might still go on

In your heart and your mind

I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would

I'll go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low

I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time

I'll go wherever you will go

If I could make you mine

I'll go wherever you will go

Have I finally turn into a full-fledged girl? That's creepy...

Current Affair

I feel obliged to write an entry at least once every two weeks. Well, usually I write whenever I'm feeling mentally of psychologically down. This blog is my emotion garage, after all.

Due to my back in action in the Maple World, I'm having little or less tension holding up in my medulla oblongata. But still, I enjoy writing. So here I am.

I'm working on two fictions now, both about the pairing Kakashi and Sakura. I can't really convey how much I love those two characters of Naruto. I'm hopeless.

Still, I feel like telling you guys this. HaruMitsui is currently leveled 22, and I'm sure she'll be 23 the next time I play Maple. I can't wait to try on the new Doros Robe. It's cute, actually.

Till then, have a nice day, everyone!~

Maple Story: Hit Off!

I'm practically grinning like a Chesire cat and muffling the urge to jump and whoop right now.

Reason? Well, since when do I need a reason to be happy?

Actually, I've just reinstalled Maple Story and we have been hitting the Maple World for the couple of days back.

We used to play Maple when I was 16 [last year] but I quit it when it gets rather lonely [not to mention bored. There's not much to train on when you're a 50-leveled Ice Wizard].

I had a level 50 Ice/Lightning Wizard named RueMitsui but I got bored with her. So I got to do what I got to do; make a new character.

Meet HaruMitsui, currently leveled 11 Magician. Soon-to-be Fire/Poison Wizard.

I just made her yesterday and today was a rather blasting day! I've met new friends!

A currently leveled 14 Magician [mondo9], and a leveled 50 Ice/Lightning Wizard called xiaosundiyin.

They were nice! I mean, they helped me train and I didn't even ask for it! Yin even gave me a lot of potions and game items.

I suppose being nice did help. [Yesterday using my RueMitsui character, I gave away 5k mesos to some player.]

Yin is a Chinese Singaporean and judging by the way he talked when we chatted, I suppose he's way younger then me. [probably still in primary school.]

I would rather befriend a female but we just can't be choosy at time. Still, I've gotta stop now. Mrs. Chan's Add Math homework is practically shouting for me to finish it.

Till then, roger and out!

p/s: This is Yin and Haru. [I'm still a noob, so I dressed like a noob :)]

Life's Tough, but I'm Tougher :)

First of all, I promise not to swear in this entry.

Second of all, today has been a quiet day. I restricted my talk to only a couple of words, except during the History presentation, where I bombarded the whole class with nearly everything I know about Malaysia's foreign policy.

I'm History freak. And read freak. And Bioslogos freak.

I didn't speak except those related to studies to the builder in class. Still hating her from yesterday.

Third of all, I came across my junior today and she told me I looked a bit off lately.

"You mean?"

"Well, you look tired."

I merely smile. You see, I smile a lot at school and walk with extra bounce in my steps. Everything I do has a reason; whether it's because I want to do it or because I like doing it. Well, I had to smile for teachers or juniors alike will come up at me and tried to counsel me when they saw me not smiling.

A bit weird, but I'm sure they meant no harm.

Fourth of all, the male half of the ape couple still hasn't show up online. Maybe he's grounded? Possible.

Fifth of all, the ape couple was called into the Principal's office. The aftermath saw the female being more frustrated and the male showing off his gangster side.

Duh, don't do any wrong if you're afraid of the consequences.

Sixth of all, I don't think I have much time left on my hand. There's too many problem on the platter, I just didn't know what to focus on right now. And since when did my studies got the least attention? I've been having headache everyday. This shouldn't happen.

And I'm still coughing and sneezing now and then. I can't talk without having the feeling of clogged mucus blocking my airway.

It's pathetic. School is getting more rotten by the day, corrupted by its own students. And I understand the teachers' situation. They had more things on their platter.

So I played my part, hard and hard. And it's getting the better of me. I'll pray for my well-being. I sure will.

Off Holding Hands and Materialistic Oaf

I was attacked by another headache today. Let me list the reasons:

1. A coupling pair of stupid form 2 students.
2. A very irking materialistic classmate.

Hmm, now that I've listed them, they seem to have dwindled their numbers.

Problem number 1:

A foolish pair of lovey-dovey form 2 students were seen dating twice yesterday. In the morning, Baka #1 and Baka #2 went dating at KB Mall, along with Baka #3 and Baka #4 as their 'chaperon'.

They brought along those last two stupids to avoid people from labelling them sinful and the like. It is sin in Islam to be nearing zina, as Allah said Himself, and dating is one of the methods.

The second time, they were alone, dating at the playground of Taman Muttaqin, holding hands! Those shitload, that is so plain haram! It's haram to intentionally touch someone ajnabi; they surely can't be that stupid to not know that! [Ajnabi is someone whom you are able to marry with.]

And for God sake, Taman Muttaqin is where I live! Hell, they ruined my neighbourhood! [Note that the female half of the freaking couple is staying with his uncle who happen to be a neighbour of mine.]

They so suck. I happen to be quite close with the male half of the freaking couple, and made a pact with him last week that he is to advise me if I did anything wrong and me to do so if he did anything wrong.

I'm currently waiting for him to show up online. I hope I'm calm enough by then.

Problem number 2:

The builder in my class is being irritatingly materialistic. In regard with the above problem, I asked her politely in which part of KB Mall those hell of students were dating since she was the one who saw them there.

I was being serious, and the whole girls knew that fact. The fucking girl just wouldn't tell.

I asked her again.

"Why don't you just ask her [the female half]?" the asshole said, grinning like a stupid ape.

"In interrogation process, one should ask information from each and every one of the witnesses. Now please, tell me."

"No money, no service."

Man, that just blew me off. I hate it. I hate her for being so materialistic. I hate her. Plainly I hate her. I so hate her.

Now that I've said I hate her five times, it should be enough to be considered as mantra.

I blew off, telling her I hate it. And you should see her face [plus the faces of people nearby].

Hell, I went out of class and wanted to be alone at the Girl's corner, but some juniors were there and they just won't leave me alone.

So I sort of brood and meditated on the couch at the hallway leading to the teacher's room and the Principal's office.

The place that I stayed was the only path available to exit the school building from the upper floor. So I suppose nearly everyone saw me thinking there.

Thankfully, they were smart enough not to bother with one thinking and easily irked Atiqah.

Rashid-sensei-sama the principal saw me there and stopped for awhile. Noticing this, I looked up, greeted him with an 'Assalamualaikum, ustaz', a small nod of respect and a smile.

He smiled and be off on his way.

Hmm, I suppose that's all. This blog is a great place to let of steam.

Now let's pray that the corrupted persons stated above will regret and come to their senses as soon as possible.

And for me to stop the string of cursing from running around my blog.

Better with Helping Others!

I've felt a lot better now. Chatted with a classmate who was always speaking ill and looking down on himself. I sort of cheered him a little teeny weeny bit up, and I automatically cheered myself up. He gave me a drawing.

He said he'll get it coloured by another friend tomorrow at DeviantArt. I'm glad he seems to be okay now. Hope he'll get over his inner dilemma/trauma soon.

Comb of Mohawk Woes

Today is 29th August 2007. Today I am officially 17 years old and 1 month. It is supposed to be a very happy day. All 29th should be. Well, everyday should be.

But today is a depressing day.

I blew up on my brother after Maghrib. He purposely drag all his getting dressed after showering during Maghrib at a very snail pace and I told him politely to step on it and go solat.

He ignored me, that ignorant brat. I told him to get dressed but he merely kept styling his hair into a mohawk, still clad in his blackened azure towel.

I ask him to hand me the comb he was using. He treated me like a stone by the road; continuing with his styling. "Jangan berlagak, bagi Ika sikat tu." He didn't.

I hold up my hand. Still styling. I grabbed it and he let it go.

I told him one last time to go solat. I turned around, intending to read the Quran. I reached the door and heard him saying, "Berlagak nate ni."

I still control my anger. You see, I've developed a lot of patience nowadays and I very rarely get angered. I told him to repeat. He didn't. The foolish coward didn't even lift his scarred face to look at me straight to the eye.

I told him to look at me and say it to my face. A lot more happened, but you get the picture. God, I am so a very sober girl. But I did let fly a torrent of abusive words, more to me than to that fool.

And to add insult to injury, mom glared at me and told me not to talk to him like that. Mom wasn't a fly in the wall from the beginning. So she knew nothing. Man, this is fucking hell.

I sort of cried afterwards. Sort of. It wasn't really a cry, I assure you. I can't even read the Quran without stopping at the waqafs for quite some time. I hate this. I hate it when I cry; even when it's only a little bit. Damn it.

Another thing also happened. I opened a friend's Frienster profile, and guess what? He wrote in his shoutout words that were clearly intended to punch me. It's not like I never saw it coming. It's just, well, I used to be on good term with him, until he got caught up with the crooks at school.

Now he's insulting me for he see me as the school's spy. I don't know, but I kind of value being friends with anyone. Even when I act aloof and as if I never cared.

Maybe I'm doomed to eternal torment after I tend to regard my friends as troublesome humanoid. Is this a way to teach me, Ya Allah?

The friend insulted me because I was doing my job. My job as a dai'e, a friend, a neighbour, a comrade, you name it. It's every one's duty to invite others to goodness and prevent the bad. And they seem to see the duty as someone else's and they regard people who live up to their duties as shit.

If I didn't say they're shit themselves, I'll be kidding myself.

Books and Sandals

Beloved school held an Excellent in SPM Camp during the last week school break. It was held at Home Beach Resort, a humble and serene resort by the sandy beach of Pantai Cahaya Bulan.

There, I've proven myself once and for all that I'm a note-freak and a book-freak. I've jotted down all notes possible during the camp. Complete, I assure you, and I'm highly thankful and proud for my knack in it. You are more than welcomed to borrow them :)

During the breaks, I could be found burying my nose inside Lion Boy: The Chase at any corner of the resort; be it under the shade, at the canteen, under the lush trees, or simply on the move.

In company or alone, that's what I did. I'm not really sociable, and I let out a disturb-me-and-die aura when I'm in reading mode. I'm becoming more and more like Hatake Kakashi by the day.

On the second day there, I finished reading The Chase right after Solat Maghrib. I excused myself to go back to my chalet. "I need to change books." I smirked at the disbelieved Zainab.

Right after I reached the said chalet, it poured cats and dogs. I know I'll be soaked, but I'll rather die that let anything ruin my book.

So I gently put The Chase back into my luggage bag, took out Lion Boy: The Truth and carefully wrapped it underneath my jacket and sauntered in the pouring rain. My friends shook their head at my grinning face, holding out the dry book.

I'm one of the scarce students who took their bags wherever they go. You see, I kind of loathe the feeling of having bulging pockets, so I never leave anywhere without my bag. It's the cradle of my beloved books. But I made sure that after Maghrib, I'll have a Quran in it.

During the second day also, my left sandal's sole was ripped open. It was hard for me to walk neutrally. I've told mom about it and requested another pair of sandals. I only have my beloved sandal and my school shoes as my footwear. I'm hopeless without my sandal.

Sadly, mom told me to sew it up. Not fair. And there she is, buying new clothes for my little sister now and then. Mom'll never buy me a new shirt. I once requested it, and she glared me. "Haven't you got plenty of them?" *sobs*

To: Tardy Genius-dono

My usrah group gave me a birthday present. Man, I'm touched. It's a red star-shaped analogue alarm clock. Beautiful and practical. Just the perfect new addition to my cute-stuff collection.

Aka-san also comes with an AA battery. How thoughtful!

Come to think of it, they gave me a clock. Is there any underlying message? (Such as: We know you're a genius, but please be on time!)

Here, try to locate it on my desk.



p/s: I didn't get a birthday cake this year..

Splitting Birthday Blast

Today is my birthday.

I'm officially 17 today, and nearly all Form 1 girls wished me 'Selamat Hari Jadi'. A girl sang Happy Birthday thousands of time today and I got wishes from my parents, brother, teacher, seniors and peers.

I also got a small slice of tiramisu cake courtesy of a junior of mine who happened to celebrate her birthday today, too.

I've already bought my present a week ago. (It's Harry Potter #7) You might think I'm a sorry sappy girl, but I do think I have no right to expect presents from anyone if I didn't buy myself a nice present.

I told myself earlier this morning my usual mantra, "Today is a great day, and no matter what crap people throw at you, it still won't change that fact."
I did, for the few hours of the day. But then I kind of forgot my optimistic outlook. You see, school is not school if it didn't bombard me with splitting headache every other minute. Anyway, I hope today will continue to be a blast.

p/s: Come to think of it, I am now free to apply for my first driving licence. I am also free to get my own firearm licence, live on my own, drop out of school and get a job. Even better, I can officially get married now!

Wait. Who the hell am I kidding? The reality is:-

• I can apply for a driving licence right now, but Mom won't let me.
• Actually I don't know how to apply for a firearm, maybe research later.
• A girl can legally get married by the age of 16 [Boy's 18]. But hell I'm getting laid now.
• I will live on my own once I feel like.
• Drop out? What is that?

Drive or Cycle?

My beloved country Malaysia will be celebrating her 50th Independence Day this 31st August. My, you're getting old.

It's still a month away, but the heat is already on; what with the Visit Malaysia 2007 promotion. Me as a citizen hope this year's celebration won't waste much of our money.

While Malaysia is already freed for 50 years, I still am not for the last 17 years (minus 2 days) of my life. This is due to the fact that I have to depend on my dad to go anywhere I want. You see, he drove us to school and his driver will pick us up. Dad drove me to usrah, pick me up, drove me to tuition class and pick me up after 3 hours.

Not that I'm complaining him dragging me all across the town (or the other way around), but he only drives to places that has a somewhat intellectual purposes.

Problem arise when I want to go to the mall or bookstore or anywhere. (I'm a sensible girl; I only hang around the Popular Bookstore in KB Mall.) There's a contest running at Popular right now, and the last date to submit your entry form is 29th July.

I still haven't submitted mine.

Me: Dad, can you take me to KB Mall tomorrow?
Dad: No.

I think I better cycle there, but I've discussed this idea with mom the other day, and she simply dismissed it as unreasonable.

I really want to sit for SPM a.s.a.p. After the tedious exam, I can finally:-

1. Take my driving license
2. Drove my dad's car to Popular
3. Buy a good book
4. Head to the beach
5. Read under the lush trees till the stars came up to reign the sky

I still won't be free as long as I still depend on others for transportation.

Quote of the day: You can never escape 3 things in life; death, taxes, and stress.

Harry Potter: The Ending is just the Beginning

I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows approximately at 0032 hour of 25th July, 2007. I closed the book, stared at its black woven hardback, threw my arm across my dark chocolate eyes and wept.

I can't help it; the story was very touching. *sniffs*

The final installment was among the thinnest of its seven series, but it was surely the most expensive. RM109.90, but I paid RM98.91 since I'm a Popular Club member thus entitled to a 10% discount.

I will not complain, since the story itself is rich, the plot thickens every paragraph and the story was woven so beautifully that I was thrown inside the story; running along with Harry and felt all the things he did and felt.

It moves me greatly; I laughed, tensed, smiled, heart-pounded, adrenaline pumped as I read it with excitement. And as you guys already know, I cried with him.

The Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling is the only series that ever made me cry. I should just throw it away for making me weep, but who in their right mind would throw away such great masterpiece?

The story may just met its final, but I truly believe it will be further remembered as long as oxygen is still the gas that we breathe.

p/s: I finished the heartthrob within 51 hours and 52 minutes of buying it. I could have done better, but I had exam during this week.

There's a First for Everything

Hi, call me Hana.

I am a high school senior. This year they made me the student's vice head so you can bet on a pretty hectic year. I am also one of the two Pelajar Harapan which adds to the pressure. As a senior, we will be taking SPM (Malaysia Certificate of Education, that's O-level for you Britons) to graduate.

In one word, it's tedious. I am friendly but I don't have friends because I'm too cocky for that, so I need somewhere to vent. Thus this blog.

I am a Muslim Malay from Malaysia. I come from a big family so you can bet I'm somewhat family-oriented. My parents work in the health sector and they naturally want me to follow in their footstep, but my passion lies in the legal world. I want to be a criminal lawyer.

Let's just put that matter to the side and figure out how this life is going to pave.