Comb of Mohawk Woes

Today is 29th August 2007. Today I am officially 17 years old and 1 month. It is supposed to be a very happy day. All 29th should be. Well, everyday should be.

But today is a depressing day.

I blew up on my brother after Maghrib. He purposely drag all his getting dressed after showering during Maghrib at a very snail pace and I told him politely to step on it and go solat.

He ignored me, that ignorant brat. I told him to get dressed but he merely kept styling his hair into a mohawk, still clad in his blackened azure towel.

I ask him to hand me the comb he was using. He treated me like a stone by the road; continuing with his styling. "Jangan berlagak, bagi Ika sikat tu." He didn't.

I hold up my hand. Still styling. I grabbed it and he let it go.

I told him one last time to go solat. I turned around, intending to read the Quran. I reached the door and heard him saying, "Berlagak nate ni."

I still control my anger. You see, I've developed a lot of patience nowadays and I very rarely get angered. I told him to repeat. He didn't. The foolish coward didn't even lift his scarred face to look at me straight to the eye.

I told him to look at me and say it to my face. A lot more happened, but you get the picture. God, I am so a very sober girl. But I did let fly a torrent of abusive words, more to me than to that fool.

And to add insult to injury, mom glared at me and told me not to talk to him like that. Mom wasn't a fly in the wall from the beginning. So she knew nothing. Man, this is fucking hell.

I sort of cried afterwards. Sort of. It wasn't really a cry, I assure you. I can't even read the Quran without stopping at the waqafs for quite some time. I hate this. I hate it when I cry; even when it's only a little bit. Damn it.

Another thing also happened. I opened a friend's Frienster profile, and guess what? He wrote in his shoutout words that were clearly intended to punch me. It's not like I never saw it coming. It's just, well, I used to be on good term with him, until he got caught up with the crooks at school.

Now he's insulting me for he see me as the school's spy. I don't know, but I kind of value being friends with anyone. Even when I act aloof and as if I never cared.

Maybe I'm doomed to eternal torment after I tend to regard my friends as troublesome humanoid. Is this a way to teach me, Ya Allah?

The friend insulted me because I was doing my job. My job as a dai'e, a friend, a neighbour, a comrade, you name it. It's every one's duty to invite others to goodness and prevent the bad. And they seem to see the duty as someone else's and they regard people who live up to their duties as shit.

If I didn't say they're shit themselves, I'll be kidding myself.