slump

Mom had silent MI in March. She's on clopidogrel and vastarel now. Imagine I only know about this when I came home. My parents really don't tell me things. I guess me too. 

She's into orchid arranging these days.

I flipped open dad's planner yeaterday and dated 3.4.21 was his entry of Make Prayer For The Kids List. Mine was for my MMed entrance.

So last night I brought up a single sentence of I don't really feel like doing the exam. Both parents quickly cut off my tardiness of taking the exam. They said it's a waste of my skills and I should sit for the exam and be a surgeon and that it'd be okay.

Mom added that what else am I doing anyway nowadays? Don't have regret once you get older of not studying when you were younger. 

Yeah that's the thing. I feel like I should be doing something else rather than commit to a 4 years programme. But what? I could only picture rivers and forest. 

Also there's the whole slump of laziness and the tinge of fear of failure I don't know. Why should we fear failure? Dong-hoon said "It's nothing. It's not a big deal."

my mister

I have nothing but praise for this drama. I cried from sorrow and heartwarmed and cried from joy. The words describing it was true, it's a love story minus the romance. 

The first time I cried was when Dong-hoon called Mr. Kim after he found out Ji-an slapped him because he badmouthed Dong-hoon. 

"Say 'I'm sorry' ten times." After which he did more than ten times while bowing 90 degree. "Let's stop this. I don't want my feelings to be hurt because of you." 

I was crying because how could you do that to Dong-hoon, he's the nicest. 

Respecting boundaries. He never took advantage of her love for him and he took her in like she was his little sister. 

"Can I give you a hug? I want to cheer you up."

"I'm already cheered. Thank you."

She asked to hug him before they finally parted and that was the first time they had physical contact other than a kick or a pat at the back. 

Comfort is when you understand each other. Understanding comes from keen observation, communication, and time spent. Communication isn't just saying what you think, but it's ensuring others hear what you mean. His fault is that he keeps things to himself because he didn't want to burden others, not even with his wife. The only thing he showed was his genuine kindness and care. Anyone who spent time with Dong-hoon will side with him, and anyone who understood him would kill people for him. That's what happened when they wiretapped him and listened to all the recordings. 

Love is loyalty. Dong-hoon's and Ji-an's loyalty is a national treasure. How the quiet man became enraged when a thug embrassed his brother in front of their mother, how he fought Gwang-il for what he did to Ji-an, how he beat Jun-yeong to a pulp when his wife knew he knew of their affair, how he always listened to all sides and stood up for his subordinates. 

And how Ji-an did everything she could to protect Dong-hoon. 

"I will feign ignorance."

"Thank you for being by my side even after you found out how fucked up my life is."

To find peace with yourself and live happily. 

Non cringy support of "cheer up", "it's not a big deal". 

The script and direction were superb. The character progression. The portrayals were amazing. They deserved the awards and nominations they got. I have respect for IU as an actor and hell Lee Sun Kyun is one fine man. 

Watch this again Atiqah. 

to my brother

When you're proud of something or someone, you'll be gushing all on that.

I've never gushed on you. I guess I haven't been proud of you because I never let go of the fact that you once stole from the family and I looked down on you because of that. 

I see you're working hard now. You're talking more than I've ever seen you talk. 

Perhaps in front of me you felt being looked down on. And I'm sorry. I don't know how to make up for the past years. 

I'll live in redemption for the entirety of my life.