Stick snack now. You’re that close to taking up smoking is it?

Oi Haruuu~

I'm exploring stick biscuits nowadays. Cause I can keep them hanging on my mouth until I finish them. Keep hands clean too. 

So. Let's keep this post as a thread of stick biscuits review. 

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1) Pocky chocolate. Commonly there's the chocolate flavour, strawberry, cookies and cream. They're all RM3.10 at Speedmart and can you believe it, RM4.70 at eMart24? I have no idea why the price is so marked up. 

Anyway the chocolate one is 191 kcal per serving of 40g. 

One pack of Pocky is one portion for me. I can't imagine sealing it back because the chocolate will melt and clump together. 

I like the biscuit part but I don't like the chocolate part. Something about it doesn't sit right with me. I like how Cadbury tasted better. 

Verdict: I won't buy this flavour again. 

—-

2) Oreo wafer roll. Now I actually didn't want to include wafer rolls in the list because they crumble more than biscuits and I need to be cautious eating them, which beats the purpose of mindlessly having things hanging on my mouth. But let's try my luck. 

This one box is RM2.90, it has three packs in it so it's good for portioning. Each pack has 3 rolls so that's about 30sen each roll. 

It's 90kcal per serving. 

It's easy to eat, didn't crumble as I watch Running Man. But it's too sweet for me. 

And I think I have to keep the box so that I don't squash the wafer. 

Verdict: I would probably buy it again but to have it with water. 

—-

3) Pocky strawberry. This one is 188kcal per serving 38g.

The taste is a lot better than the chocolate one. It's less sweet than Oreo wafer roll too. 

Verdict: I will buy this again if I crave stick snacks. 

—-

4) Pocky cookies and cream. It's 201kcal per serving of 40g! Highest one among all three flavours. 

But it's definitely the tastiest. The biscuit is darker and seems denser than the other two. 

I was gonna say I prefer this one over strawberry. Does 13kcal make a difference? (It does.)

Verdict: I will buy this again instead of the strawberry if I can convince myself that 13kcal makes no difference. 

—-

There you have it. I don't have anymore stick snacks to review. I'll post in the comments when I have. 

Fourth TCA, dude you defaulted. Last TCA was March 2022

Let’s make this a standard review

Hobbies ie things I do to chill
I just sleep and stop functioning

Advantage
I shower and keep this room at a minimal level of cleanliness 

Disadvantage
This past 4 weeks I am stationed in PICU and it is hell for me because the cases are critical and I'm not confident enough to solo review patients. On top of that the consultant didn't trust me to review by myself (she told the HO in my presence to only serve the fentanyl to my patient when the registrar is available) but the registrar expects me to take charge of one patient so that I could "actually learn". 
Ending up I feel and am the most useless in the team. HOs are way more functional than me. So I resorted to being truant for my mental sake. 

Occasionally I starve myself by not getting food
Usual argument will be Grab order is minimum RM12 to 15 but a regular nasi campur at campus is RM6. Why am I being cheap with myself?
I think it's because I don't want to eat alone so that's why I don't eat. We're going to die from liver failure one day. 

Things I'm not good at
Functioning
Socialising
Studying

Complex
Still the same I need to talk to someone but I don't want to talk to anyone.
I signed up for PPUM therapy but they replied my email late and I didn't feel like talking to them anymore, so I ignored the Zoom invite. 

Best 3 food
Water
Kopi o ais
If I go to the campus canteen I always take rice with fried chicken and vegetables 

Worst 3 food
Since I eat less, I don't finish food nowadays
The leftovers sometimes are thrown out after few days in the fridge

Favourite word
I count my verbal words everyday
Today I thanked the Grab rider
I like the days I walk back home with the NICU girls (usually Iffah or Gurwin) because I talk with them. I like asking what Neal is up to

Favourite colour
I like white tshirt nowadays but they are a pain to clean

Favourite song 
Gen Hoshino - Pop Virus 

Favourite type of people
Cool calm people

Respected people
Can’t think

Current happiness
Can’t think

What I bought recently 
I got two tshirts for my birthday, a UT x Gen Hoshino and a Shohoku 14. Both in black. 
Bought a 40L backpack because Yaya is going to UK in September. I wonder where will I go. 

Hardest thing ever
Showing up at work. 
Thesis. 
Studying. Fuck this. 

How to spend off days
Visit my family
I don't have the drive to go outdoor anymore. But I know it will do me good. 

Places to visit 
A therapist office

What to challenge
Move more
Eat better
Study

What I want to do with my friends
Eat Pocky and stare at a valley

Does that make me a psychopath too?

There has been hype around a K-drama titled Summer Strike. The premise is of a lady quitting her city life to live quietly by a seaside town. Interesting because I can see myself doing that. Yim Siwan is the male lead and I've loved his psychopaths acting prior so I know he's a good watch. 

The drama was nice until Episode 4. I found the female lead character to be insufferable. I watched that episode at 1.5x speed to get over it but I just couldn't take it so I quit watching. 

First. If you want to live quietly, figuring out how to live your life, you should be independent and do not cause trouble to others. You don't need to be very smart, you just need a level head and good common sense. 

But not the female lead character. She should have known she is a lightweight drinker who trouble others and forgot what happens when she's drunk, so why did she down 3 bottles of soju that night? She ended up withdrawing all her money from the ATM, losing the money and causing trouble for everyone in town the next day. Her drunken state was repulsive. Sad from being abandoned by her only living family doesn't entitle her to cause trouble to others, so she should have just stick to one bottle. 

Perhaps because I just finished My Liberation Notes, and Son Sukku played a quiet alcoholic. The worse he does is get hurt in isolation and later found by the Yeom family when he didn't show up to work. Now that's really someone who wanted a quiet life. 

Second. She paid 600,000 won for a year rental, yet she paid 450,000 won to rescue a dog from an apparent mean owner. The depiction wasn't even that mean, it's just the dog that ran away from home. Although the dog was wearing a collar, there was no name or ID on it. She could have argued there was no proof that the dog belonged to the mean old lady. Her naivety aside, she was clearly being taken advantage of by the owner and I hate that, I hate that she let herself being taken advantage of. 

So I went and watched Unlocked to see Yim Siwon in a psychopath role. That was more satisfying. I should just stick to thrillers with handsome actors.

Happy 33th birthday. We have enough tshirts though!

I lived life per usual. Reminiscent on the years after housemanship where I take trips on 29.7. 

28 in 2018. I slept in Hosp Kota Belud carpark and spent the early morning of 29.7 wandering along the dried up river of Melangkap, before meeting up with friends in Kundasang where we had cupcakes. And then we went for paragliding. 

29 in 2019. I went for a roadtrip to Penang before going to Danok, Thailand with Yaya, Umai and Syemak. 

30 in 2020. I went back home to KB. I don't remember now what else I did besides going to Pantai Senok alone the next morning. 

31 in 2021. I took the week off, stayed at home in Likas and ran almost every evening to keep me sane. On 29.7 I was bombarded with food deliveries from family and IQs. They intended for me to share but I had the week off and was being solitary. It was quite a gastronomic incident. 

32 in 2022. I went to Fraser Hill for an impromptu overnight and had fun birdwatching with Mr guidance. Parents came over from KB so I cut the trip short so they could treat me to food, including at a Yemeni restaurant for some mulawakh. 

33 in 2023. Let's begin the story. 

So I've been listening to Gen Hoshino nowadays and I wanted his tee collaborated with Uniqlo which came out in 2021. I found them on eBay but my payment wouldn't go through. I almost ditched the idea but Kak Elli reminded me it's my birthday so I should buy whatever I want hahaha. She helped me with payment and we secured the tshirt on that fated 27.7. 

28.7 I woke up and saw her messaging me a happy birthday. It was amusing so I thanked her and didn't mention she was a day early. After work I picked up Yaya and we went back to Hazim's. Mom and dad are still there. My Shohoku 14 tshirt from Shopee arrived and I happily did my laundry. We hang out and I stayed up late, for what? 

I wished myself a happy birthday as midnight 29.7 came. 

29.7 My family wished me happy birthday. Kuching girls too, which surprised me that they know and remember. I am grateful for them. And then from Nisa and Nadie, the latter gave me a tiffany coloured jewellery organiser. 

Hazim, Yaya and I went shopping for groceries with me wearing my new Shohoku 14 shirt. I told Yaya I want to buy a cake. She said mom gave her card for her to buy cake. 

I picked a carrot cake because I have elegant taste and was sure my parents like this cake. 

Mira came and gave me a potted plant I named Harry. Apparently it's a senseviera and the easiest to care for, per Kak Elli, so let's see if I'm still a serial pet/pot killer. 

She asked me what I wanna do now that I'm 33. Hazim scoffed and said live like normal. I zoned out a bit before saying I want to sleep. 

But really. I want to live differently, if only for a bit. 

30.7 Us minus Harith had lunch at a Chinese restaurant. 

4.8 I collected my Gen Hoshino tee from Kak Elli's place and we hang out at her place. 

5.8 Chatting with Kak Elli and Savin's name popped up. So I texted him to say hi and randomly updated him on my flat tyre. And then it reminded me how Savin and I would chat and his name would pop up and I would gleefully text him to say "we were talking about you and so I'm here saying hiii" to which he usually reply "haha did you miss me" or some flirty nothings haha. 

So I uploaded a picture of Gen's tee on my WhatsApp status titled "happy birthday to meeeeee" because it was only visible to one person, he who doesn't do socmed. 

Why? I don't know. I miss him I guess. 

Just as I put down my phone to go join Kak Elli in front of the telly, a notification came up. It was him replying to my status and wishing me a happy birthday. That… got me startled. The person I like wished me happy birthday. Happy!

It reminded me of Mira's question to me. Now that I'm 33, what do I want to do? I want to take my chances like I have nothing to lose. So I did. 

I pray he graduates on time. 

Driving back to Hazim's that afternoon, I realised I have nothing to lose because I have nothing in the first place.