can i die

I hate my life now. I hate living in KL. I hate the traffic, I hate that I'm seeing buildings in every corner and i hate that i live in 14th floor yet i can still hear the traffic and traffic and traffic and traffic

I want to live where birds are singing. I dont want to live here. 

My work is not hard. Im not studying, you know how I  am. I've been in a roller coaster of emotion past 3 months here and the only thing consistent is that i want to quit. I want to quit before i waste more of my time, of anyone's time.

Everytime i say about quitting my family will tell me to hold on, to study well, that i can do it. My seniors are saying im having a bad case of adjustment disorder and that im a good doctor and they know i can do this. 

I think so, maybe i can do this. But i dont want to do this. I hate living in KL. I really hate living in KL.

Today i was driving from my uncle's place in semenyih. It's a peaceful home with birds singing in the day. When i drove back to KL i was dreading all the way and wishing i get into a fatal accident and im tearing up now. I hate living like this.

contract marriage

Hey there, hear me out for a bit? Be my sounding board and tell me what you think?

Let's say you have a long term relationship. You're comfortable with them, you don't fancy the in-laws but they's okay. After 4 years together, you know them, they seems ready for you and you proposed albeit half-heartedly. Okay, even less than that. You proposed because people pestered you and because you've been together long and if you didn't want to be with them then you shouldn't be with them and let someone else have them.

So you proposed. They accepted in one go, prenup was that it lasted 4 years and maximum 7 years, if you bail out the fine is 350k. 

You waited on it but felt pressured to say yes to it, because it was who proposed in the first place. So you said yes and by God have never regretted anything more than that, but you can't take it back. And you proceeded with marriage. 

And it's been almost 3 months. You're present when you're with them, but can't wait to get away. Your lone time stretches and stretches and you rather not be with them because.. I don't know. You liked the carefree life before? You don't deserve them? Felt like you settled? But it's not like you have other options beside them.

Help me.

nowadays i drink essenso 2 in 1

A medical colleague walked into the elevator I was in and I nodded my head in acknowledgement. We were in silence for a few seconds before he pops out a question.

"Do you know where the new coffee machine is?"

I pulled out my earphone and contemplated my answer. I know where they are from walking all over the hospital for my oncalls, but I don't want to promote a coffee that tasted watered down. You're better off drinking Essenso 2-in-1s.

So I told him where the two machines are. Then we arrived at my floor and I nodded again in adieu. Didn't wish him enjoy his CoffeeBot because you won't catch me drinking that.