Let's pretend any of these plans matter

the other day, somehow in between discussing graphic tee designs and analyzing why Laruku didn't come to Malaysia on their world tour, we managed to swap our life plan.

he told his and i thought it was very good that he knew exactly what (who) he wanted. so i told him my plan.

"i want to be a paediatrician. i want my own apartment where i can enjoy the city skyline at night. and a cat. i want to always be able to see my parents. oh and an espresso machine at my place. i want to retire and live in switzerland!" i said.

"that is more detailed than mine." came the reply. "all i want is to have someone beside me who can make me happy. and be content with what i have and able to give. apartment and an espresso machine.. you play way too much Sims."

no i don't. the only time i ever played Sims was because Melle and Maru appreciated my interior designing prowess thus they pestered me into creating, designing and building their in-game houses.

but the point here was that really was a rather abnormal foresight that i had.

100 hari lagi nak PMR, jangan main-main dilarang tidur dalam kelas!

2005. Masa tu baru naik Form 3. Semua orang tahu yang Kak A'isyah akan jadi Timbalan Ketua Pengawas tapi sebab dia pindah ke Naim Lilbanat tahun tu (tahun lepas dia PMR) maka Ustaz Rashid pun lantik saya yang naik. Haish.

Ketua Pengawas masa tu Fatah, Form 5. Classmate Along. Fatah ni laid back tapi dia bagus la.

Tahun tu juga ada pegang jawatan untuk PSFM kot. Entah la dah lupa. Tapi Form 3 tahun saya buat Komander dekat Perak. Best gile berkayak dan buat bot sendiri ulang-alik rentas sungai, redah estet penuh tapak kaki harimau, panjat bukit, jalan beratus-ratus kilometer, kawad berjam-jam oh Tuhan rindunya bendalah ni. Tapi balik sekolah satu kerja la pulak nak ajar junior-junior hehe.

Tahun tu juga PMR tapi standard la main-main, tidur dalam kelas dan bangun untuk jawab soalan je, bagi kawan tiru folio Sejarah. Dan sebab tahun tu Timbalan Ketua Pengawas, maka banyak benda nak kena setelkan.

Pendek cakap tahun tu busy la jugak.

Satu hari saya ketuk pintu kelas Form 5 sebab nak jumpa Fatah. Saya pun minta lima minit sebab nak ajukan satu cadangan bla3 benda bosan kerja dan Fatah sengih seraya berkata,

"Saya sibuk, awak pun sibuk, so jangan la buat benda yang akan menambah kesibukan kita."

Lebih kurang la ayat. Masa tu terus buat muka tak puashati. Tak guna punya Ketua Pengawas, benda ni dah tanggungjawab kita so kena la buat betul-betul! Fatah kata dia busy SPM lagi empat bulan tapi saya balas balik PMR saya lagi 100 hari.

Kesimpulan kat sini, exam doesn't make everything else stop but it makes your focus and priority clearer, that's it. And just because you're older than me doesn't make me any less than right. Pfft.

where is the line?

self doubt doesn't help. it keeps focus away from analyzing and it makes you double over on everything and taking different routes only to come back at the same thing. i want to move forward but it's like a broken record, skipping on the same scratch.

to care is physiological. what is the difference between care and worry? what about fretting? i feel close to being a worry-prone crazy cat lady. except i don't have a cat.

a healthy dose of care? you mean there's actually dosage for care?

right. everything is toxic when in excess. i need something to control me.

and i can't talk this out. because by right there's only one person i should talk this with and i can't gauge the other's reaction. probably a silence. or an okay just to shut me up. God why am i so prejudicial?

because i know i am right? because statistically speaking, that's how the other is? because i am just tired of making the first move? because i am an impertinent snobbish blob of mess?

probably D. and C. yeah C sounds typical of an exhausted Choleric.

this is what happens when you spent a year on the run and had to always think 40 steps ahead.

Kevin

I have this white teddy bear with Christmas motif on his jumpsuit that my late Grandpa Jamil gave to me when I was two years old. The motif is faded now, but teddy is in a good condition considering he is nearing 20 years old now.

Meet Kevin.

Originally he was at home among other teddies. But when I came back home during 2011 evacuation, I noticed several scissor marks on him which wasn't there the last time I saw him. This one is too sentimentally valuable and I could not risk Maru's budding chopping-heads-off-toys stage. Aghast, I packed him in my luggage for Cairo.

And that was how he ended up with me.

I never named him. Simply address him as "teddy bear Hana yang atuk bagi" all this time but when I showed him to Umair, she took it upon herself to name him Tahir.

Tahir.

There is no way I'm letting that name stuck. I blurted out the first name I can think of and now he is named Kevin.

Kevin content despite bullied by me, such a doll.

Kevin waving at the camera as he makes friend with Roy the Roommate's many bears.

For a 21 years old, I think it is too girlish to have a childhood teddy bear laying around so I wanted to pierce his left ear to make him appear more gangsterish, manly and macho. I consulted a few people whether one-eared piercing is permissible in Islam and apparently it is not, as it resembled people denounced by Islam.

So his left ear is saved and I went back to Malaysia that summer to get both my ears pierced instead. 

Kevin and his Anakku floppy-eared pink bunny hat, bought at UBM booth for LE5.

Kevin after a fitful night of sleeping through the summer heat.

Kevin doesn't have a last name, nor any namesake. Despite naming him on the spur, I really couldn't recall any Kevin worthy to be immortalized in the form of my beloved bear.

But I kinda saw Kevin Durant ever since that OKC Thunder game against Dallas Mavs when he finished the game with an impressive Mitsui Approved 3-pointer™ :P 

Plight of the Thoughtful

“Go to sleep. You can always worry tomorrow.”

It was apparent that she knew what he was staying up late for; as ridiculous as it may seem to her, it was actually rather important for him to analyze every situation and get the facts right. Though she would certainly appreciate it if he did so in the daytime instead of in the middle of the night.

paws-bells, Dreams

It goes to show people have different priorities and are affected in varying degree of severity by the same stimulus. A big deal to me might be nothing to you, so it is not very deep of you if you tell me not to think too much about it.

But of course, I have to be rational and thoughtful enough to consider perhaps I was making an unnecessary big fuss over an easily remedied situation; something that occurred more frequently than I allow it too.

Join Me Cliff-jumping

One day, I want to jump off a cliff and swim back to shore.

Preferably in this life, but I wouldn't mind if I only manage to tick this one off in the next. After all, this is only a worldly gain. There are too many important stuffs to do and accomplish in this life. Allah placed me in this world for a reason, and once I have accomplished all that Allah wanted from me, maybe I can pursue this kind of exhilarating stuffs.

Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason.

(Surah Al-Baqarah verse 164)

Granted, He did create the cliff and that beautiful blue water for us.. but not for mere worldly enjoyment. Life is not a simple run off the cliff, soar through the sky with adrenaline pulsating through your veins and land loudly into the cool water. A feeling like no other. The best feeling you could ever imagine. 


No. But these kinds of grace are for us to appreciate His Greatness and to remember Him, for us to be grateful to Him. And for us to reflect how insignificant we truly are without Him, to be reminded of who is The Ultimate Creator of all these and what is it that He wanted when He made us who we are where we are.

And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah . But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah . And if only they who have wronged would consider [that] when they see the punishment, [they will be certain] that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is severe in punishment.

(Surah Al-Baqarah verse 165)

The world is not the retreating place for a Muslim. Tired is the nature of a daie.

I am still trying to place "lillah" as the reason for when I'm exhausted, but you know me.. There's still reason for hope though. Rabbi zidnal ikhlas.

"If you fall into the river, you will be in Seine."

Writing this in 2012, I miss one part of Paris right now.

The Humpback of Notre Dame.

I had just finished rounding up the Notre Dame and enjoying the street performance in front of it. Was walking by The Seine but the sun was too much and it was nearing lunch time so I skipped into the city in search for a halal eatery, opting to walk in the back alleys where it was cooler and the eateries offered cheaper alternatives.

Found a halal Greek stall and since the guy up front looked Arab to me, I asked for the menu in Arabic, hehe. Was in luck :D My lunch was an overflowing chicken Greek gyro sandwich.

Grilled chicken, french fries, veggies, yogurt-like sauce wrapped in pita.
3 or 4 euros, I forgot. 

Where else to enjoy a good lunch in a sunny day rather than in one of Paris's beautiful gardens? Having spent a good deal of my morning at the biggest public garden in Paris (Jardin des Tuileries), I decided on the second biggest for my lunch. Tucking my lunch safely in my day bag, I took the Metro and dropped off at the Odeon station which was nearest to Jardin du Luxembourg.

Luxembourg Palace overlooking one of the many landscapes.

La carte du Jardin du Luxembourg.

Picked a bench overlooking the garden and ate my lunch happily with a limping pigeon and its flock staring expectantly at me, squirrels chattering by. Half of it finished, I walked up ahead and enjoyed the in-garden orchestra.

It was a local school performance. I swear I jotted down the name but since it took me two years to really write about this, of course the name is lost now. Pfft. I'd check my travel journal this summer. 

I spent that day on foot alone. It's not something you're supposed to do in dangerous Paris because among the European cities we went, Paris was the least safest among them... which made it more exhilarating. Suicidal, but exhilarating. (I'm stupid and stubborn, I know.)

How this thing reminds people of romance, I don't know. 

At the end of the day, I met the crew back by The Seine at the designated time and ready to board the Seine cruise. Excitedly told Ara and Nisa where I've been and what I did but they weren't impressed that I ditched them. 

The dock where we were dropped off and our designated meeting place.
Just a little away from the Eiffel Tower. 

Boss Hairul was listening nearby. Earlier in the afternoon, we met at the Paris Mosque and he nodded his approval and commented it was good that I can be a tour guide myself when I told him I was walking around on my own. But that evening by The Seine, he gave me a rather disbelieved look once it downed on him that when I said I was "on my own", I meant I was 'alone'. He proceeded to reprimand me in a quiet voice.

Also that day I pocketed a stern warning from Abang Sam and Abang Khubaib, not to mention an earful from my seniors. I avoided Mak Cik Ani that day because she already threatened to tell my mom when she caught me wandering alone in Amsterdam. Hahaha.

But I would do it again anyway.

post ini karutan. jangan baca. pergi study. shoo.

A- [pengenalan kepada baju ini]
B- [poster]
C- [borang tempahan]
D- [review dan sample]
E- [maklumat cara pembelian baju dan pusat pengambilan]
F- [borang feedback]

Hai semua. Kami nak jual baju.

A- Baju ape ni? [pengenalan kepada baju ini]
Baju ini adalah bla bla bla.

B- Ini poster baju kami.

This is a random poster I picked up from the web. In no way am I endorsing it, please. Anyone thinking on condemning my poor choice or un-thiqoh-ness can shove their comment where the sun doesn't shine.

C- Oh menarik. Kalau saya nak? [borang tempahan]
Kena tempah. Sile isi maklumat anda di sini.
Google Doc

D- Tapi saya masih belum yakin. [review dan sample]
Berikut beberapa testimoni daripada pelanggan kami:

Baju ini best! Saya pakai hari-hari!
Haru, Presiden halQi (okay ini gurauan, Presiden halQi sebenar sila jangan marah saya)

Tahniah kepada pihak PALBO kerana membawa usaha baju ini.
Puan Azizah, Pengurus Besar Syarikat Baju Serdang

KAWAII DESU!!
Izyan, CEO Aqsa

Kalau tak yakin lagi, ini sample baju kami. Sila klik. Boleh bukak plastik dan sentuh kain dia.
Sample Baju

E- Yeah dah isi borang tempahan! Camne nak amik baju ni? [maklumat cara pembelian baju dan pusat pengambilan]
Terima kasih, anda memang kacak. Untuk mengutip baju ini, sila ikuti arahan seterusnya:

Tarikh: 21 Ogos 2012
Masa: 9 pagi - 9 malam

Alamat pusat jualan:
Apartment 213, Tingkat 2,
Bangunan 32,
Jalan Semut, Mounira,
12348 Cairo
MESIR

Cara ke sana:
Jalan straight je jumpa la. Tanya pakcik tepi jalan.

Sesat? Sila hubungi:
Haru
0111-909 0898

F- OMG I LOVE THIS BAJU!!! [borang feedback]
OMG I LOVE YOU TOO! Sila isi borang feedback ya.
Google Doc


Dibawakan oleh:
Team Baju (PALBO)
halQi 2012/2013

Foresight

I wish I could turn back time and do things a little differently. Like know and plan full out beforehand and just wait for the time to execute them.

That's how I roll when we travel. A meticulous Melancholic to the point of driving people mad. This is why we study personalities, so that we know what trait to take on in different situation.

Why didn't I do that for other more important areas as well? My selective brilliance is screwing me.

Nothing good can come out of rueing. What I can do now is prep myself to have better foresight for the future being.

Ironic Bid for Decency

I will not swear with whatever degree of curse word.

I will not use any derogatory words however witty they might be.

I will use formal languages.

I will not let Hidan or one of the cool kids rub off onto me.

Even within the confines of my own mind.  

Starting from today 10th June 2012 until 10th August 2012.

So please God. Help me.

Know what, the first pledge is kind of hard to do when you'd rather listen to the explicit version of Payphone... Susahnya nak bersihkan iPod :(

To ComMed I Dedicate

It comes to a point where everything reminds you of Community Medicine.

I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way.
It's hard to look right at you, baby.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe

I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind,
and out of all these things I've done,
I think I love you better now.
Ed Sheeran - Lego House

Please don't waste my time,
I'm not trying to rewind,
I wish our hearts could come together as one.
JBiebs and Sean Kingston - Eenie Meenie

Baby, baby, baby oooh.
Like baby, baby, baby nooo.
Like baby, baby, baby oooh.
I thought you'd always be mine.
JBiebs - Baby 

Such a douche song yeah but we should all shut up and just enjoy the good music. And take the 'baby' out and replace it with 'ComMed', it'll make more sense.

I don’t need nothing else.
I promise God, I swear.
I just need ComMed to love.
JB - Somebody to Love

And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me,
and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Taylor Swift - The Story of Us

I wish I have a dog who can banter expletives with me.

I wish I can drink more coffee without busting my stomach.

You're the kind of reckless,
That should send me runnin',
But I kinda know that I won't get far.
Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly

I'm bleeding Community Medicine. Can we turn back the last two weeks?

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd study you right.
Taylor Swift - Back to December

Officially busted all fuses in my brain.

Good Girls Eat Out Three Days Before Exam. Not.

This post is dedicated to the other two housemates who missed last night's fun, ngehehe.

There were only four of us instead of the full-house six but that didn't stop us from a night out celebrating housemate's 1st June birthday. Add another friend along and Mori Sushi, Maadi, here we come.

38 pieces. But I ate 15 because it was my dinner while the others already ate prior to leaving the house. #excuses #elephant

From left: New Style Rainbow Roll, Pink Panther, Hoso Ebi Tempura Maki,
Hoso Kani Maki, Hoso Caviar Maki

The Hoso Maki are nothing fancy nor adventurous, totally basic and safe for the sissy-tummied. They look like lemang but taste better. It's like eating rice with some vinegar for taste and fried prawn (ebi tempura) (LE23 for 6 pieces) and fish eggs (caviar) (LE21 for 6 pieces)on the side.

Kani is crabstick (LE17 for 6 pieces).

That said, nobody eats out what they can make at home. At least I don't. And we've got no seaweed at home and I don't trust seafood around where I live to actually be fresh. Thus the ebi tempura was a delight.

This was my second time eating fish eggs, first was at First Season Hotel at the end of 2011. When I was growing up, I never wanted to eat fish eggs because they were tiny and I imagined they will still be intact when they pass into my gut. And hatch inside my stomach. My stomach will then explode from the growing size of baby fishes.

Kids have wild imagination. They actually tasted nothing.

Housemates shared New Style Rainbow Roll (LE38 for 4 pieces) and the birthday girl had a hard time to swallow her piece down. There was salty cream cheese in the middle of the roll.

(-_-)' That's all I have to say.

Pink Panther (LE35 for 4 pieces) was a standard order for the Malay community, I suppose. The friend even order 4 pieces to takeaway for her housemate. I had this the last time I came here and I concluded then that this roll was good, but the taste was not memorable.

New Hot Roll

Every time I came here I will have this stuff on the table. Talk about loyalty :P Basically New Hot Roll was tuna roll fried in tempura batter cut into half. Served with teriyaki sauce, mayonnaise and sweet soy sauce on top of heaps of fried Chinese vermicelli. Totally Malay-stomach friendly. LE35 for 6 pieces.

To quench their thirst, the girls shared Kiwi Mori Lemon (LE22) and Kak Amal had a glass of Tropical Ice (LE24) which was a blend of fruits predominantly banana. A coffee addict myself, later I ran off to Costa for their Mocha frap instead. (A 23oz mocha frap was justifiable since my last crack was three months ago, hehe.)

All prices are exclusive of the 12% service charges. The place was full at night and alhamdulillah we managed a table, but the more than half hour wait for our food was rather torturous on my empty stomach, huhu.

Community Medicine written final exam this Monday. I'm holy screwed.

Only pretentious people try to study in places like this. It was, needless to say, a vain attempt. Happy 23rd birthday, housemate. May Allah bless you, Egypt and us all.