Ayyash was on fire on a Wednesday. That Friday Roy and the gang organised to help pack things out of Ayyash. They did it on their own, they know me too well that I would never ask for their help. Haha.
Really, it wasn't like I could do anything on my own...
That morning I went to Ayyash from Umair's place to unlock the place. Went to pack my things up. It was kind of awkward. I kept bowing my head and saying thank you to everyone I met. It was suffocating. I don't want to come back, not so soon, but I cannot not join them for they'll figure out I was then unstable.
But I only lasted two hours. I went out without telling anyone, leaving the things I was packing halfway. Because everything was a mess. Everything smelled like soot and it was black everywhere. Everything I touched left my fingers black with soot. The only thing mine I was wearing was my Crocs, everything else was borrowed. I was homeless and my belongings were either burned or blackened. And I have to pick up the pieces. Why didn't everything just burned with the fire? Then we wouldn't have to pack things and I wouldn't have to come back and be suffocated...
It was bad thoughts.
I went to cool off by the Nile. Sat on the bench and just stare at nothing for a good one hour. After assuring myself that something good will come out of this, I stood up and walked back to Ayyash.
I passed a lot of the girls as they started to transfer the lighter-weighted items (mostly mine) to Muntalaq which was two blocks away. There was minimal packing left to be done. Roy and I waited for the guys to come to transfer the heavier items. She didn't ask where I went.
I went to my room and laid on my stripped-off bed one last time, looking out of the balcony.
I owed a lot of people a lot of things. I have to live my life properly so their help would not be in vain. Even if right now all I see is soot, soot can be washed out and it'll be gone. Need scrubbing and all, but it'll be gone.
Don't give up.
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Nine months later. Today I washed my Camel cabin luggage that was originally golden yellow. I'm going back to Malaysia in four days, I cannot let my parents see such a disgraced grey object.
It took a lot of scrubbing to get the soot off that thing and I was too lazy to scrub every single corner off, but it's an acceptable golden yellow again.
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