Run

Tears pooling. "I don't want to be there."

"You're not there, don't cry. You're not there."

Posterior duodenal ulcer can invade gastroduodenal artery and causes massive bleed enough to make a man collapse

Dad was telling us the story of one houseman who was extended for knowledge reason ("she didn't remember the doses" and I was stricken. Come on we have Frank Shann, don't we?) in his workplace and she cried in front of him because she didn't want to be extended. Flabbergasted dad who was with his specialist asked the lady specialist to handle her.

Turned out the houseman didn't want to be extended because of one particular MO who kept on scolding them for no good reason. The specialists didn't know of this and thus will start digging.

"Is the MO a he or a she?" I asked.

"She," dad replied.

"Of course. Is she married?"

"No."

"I know it!"

"Unmarried ladies are always so bitter," or so mom said. Then she turned to me. "Kakngah hurry and get married."

"Okay I'll go tackle someone now." I answered mom with a straight face. "I have eyes on one MO but he's in Sarawak now. My HO friend said the MO likes me."

"Don't tackle anyone. If he likes you, just tell him to ask his mom to come meet me."

"Okay I'll do that tomorrow."

Hahaha that was too easy. I wonder what's stopping me from really doing this.

Aku sebulan je lagi dalam Surgery maka bermula la episode reminiscent

Him: Ha Atiqah rupanya. Saya dah agak dah awak. Masih annoying macam dulu.
Me: Hai boss. Boss pun charming macam dulu. Heh.

Nice hair

It was our first time meeting each other, but I knew I like him already. We had a good relationship, I didn't hog him to myself nor keep pestering him. Just try to sit within his field of vision and behave. I take pride in that, though I won't deny I missed out because of that. But it was lucky of me that he came and approached me several times, picking up where we left our conversation off.

He was busy when I had to go. Took one glance at him playing the guitar and then I left. Walked out of the venue, unsure whether we will meet again and time for me to confess properly. But it was time to go, so I left.

If I can do it all over again, I hope I will tell him I'm going. I won't go without at least saying thanks for the good times I had. I will tell him I hope we meet again.

Or maybe just a note to his many PAs. With my email, hehe.

Today only I will refer you by your given name

It's that time of the year that makes me feel a heavy longing in my heart. You always make me feel so, but I guess that's what I got myself into. 

I went out for cake tonight. Sorry for the lack of candle, but I wish you the best in everything. Happy birthday. I will always love you a hell lot.

I want to marry a fisherman and together we will smell like the sea

"... and diabetic gastropathy in the form of indigestion and delayed emptying."

"Do you know the name of this condition?" He asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

She gave him a dirty look over her glasses. "Gastro.. it's gastroparesis diabeticorum."

"Excellent, excellent!" He laughed. "You may go."

"Thank you doctor. Have a nice day."

You know you're appreciated

The other day I reviewed Amrun's chapter on FF.net writing a long appreciation remark for the great read and then posed the question as to where did she get the materials to write such war themed story convincingly.

I wrote my pseudonym, hit send and belatedly realized I wasn't logged in. I tried to log in and send a signed review with an apology but the system went crazy on me (or maybe it was a stupid prank pulled by my Note), so I wished she'd somehow search for my pseudonym to land on my account and answer me in a PM.

... Yeah, that might too bothersome. I admitted to the fate I might never get an answer. What I didn't expect was to see an update few weeks after, with an Author's Note dedicated to the anonymous me.

I could cry. Oh God I love this community TT_TT

Now excuse me, I need to go read that chapter and write a good long review. Have a good night. 

Be brave

It'd be best if he fishes, because grilled fresh fish is the best when you're by the sea. Undoubtedly cheaper and modernly barbaric to be literally working for food. Salt, pepper, some fresh rosemary maybe and a squeeze of lemon. We'll share with any passers-by, I'm not stingy.

If he's comfortable with being silence in nature and let me just lay down and stare at the sky. I want to stop time and absorb and enjoy everything slowly. Surrounding me are supernaturally beautiful nature, and when I look to my side, there's him.

If he's adventurous and wouldn't mind taking off after a quick planning. We'll walk and explore. Get lost in nook and crannies. Say hi to the locals and get invited for hot chocolate. Stop to stoop at cats, though I doubt there will be any on the street in this minus degree weather.

Past sunset, it's out for the light hunt. We must or I'll cry. We'll be dressed as warm as possible and I'd prep my brain to commit every scene to memory. Join the Arctic Guide perhaps. 3 nights for only USD400, I don't mind.

We'll go to the mountains and into the fjords. We'll sneak onto reindeers and probably make friends with the Sami. Will he be friendly? Because I tend to be silent on first encounter, so I'll be relying on him.

Oh. Most importantly he shouldn't be a sissy against the Northern winter cold. Ah what am I saying, maybe I'm the one who is.

It'd be the most fun ever.

And now you know why

Despite currently in the process of wrapping up my Paediatrics posting, I cannot and will not pretend my language is all clean and childproof. Never even has. I spent too much of my adolescent mixing with the culturally wrong crowd and the damage is irreversible and untreatable haha. Consider yourself warned.

I once read this SasuHina drama fanfiction where Sasuke was the cliche hot guys who caught every girls' eyes except Hinata, who was the one he fell for but never muster up whatever it was people muster to tell her himself. As it was, Hinata was smitten with his best friend Naruto who had his eyes on Sakura. They were all friends who occasionally hang out together.

Nothing unique there. We see the same pattern with most of the AU SasuHina fanfictions. What struck me most was how Sasuke dealt with that frustration, whereby he became the city's notorious playboy who remained unattached, fooled around with different girls every day, occasionally watching Hinata from afar and lamenting his fate at the end of each day.

Heh. When you can't have what you want, you tend to (destructively) want anything and everything else.

I used to think how foolish that kind of action was. Sissy even. But after this crash course on psychology I now understand why he did what he did.

Not that I approve, no. My opinion stands and the difference it made is that I can now fully appreciate how stupid and dickless that action is. Understanding does not necessarily leads to acceptance but it is the second step in anything and everything (first is knowing and I am quoting Dumbledore).

But still very enticing and tempting and I sort of do that already, which is wrong wrong wrong. You cannot fool around and tarnish yourself. Culturally wrong or not, I am a Muslim first and all.

P/s: The fanfiction could have ended better, but it was a happy ending for our SasuHina here.

So They Are Gentlemen

I was reading something (inappropriate, considering our last viva is tomorrow) and there was a scene where the girl got off her shift at 11pm. She was going to walk home alone when her supervisor saw her and he thus offered her a ride. She politely refused, but the stoic snobbish worship-me-you-heathen supervisor insisted because- oh what the hell, just read the lines and you'd see what I mean.

After a moment of what seemed to be painful internal debate, Sasuke scowled and walked over to her. "I'll give you a ride." He said gruffly and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"No, it's really o-okay--"

"Don't be stupid." He snarled. "Do you want to be assaulted?"

"Wh-why are you offering?"

Scowling, he buckled his seat belt and replied, "Because Itachi would kill me for letting a girl walk home alone in the dark at eleven o'clock at night."

My jaw dropped. All this while I was under the illusion that girls-should-not-walk-alone crap was all in the overprotective Messiah-complexed Malay's mind and severely concocted in our community here in Egypt. I didn't expect the same sentiment to be entertained by a Canadian, even calling it "gentleman"ly.

Gentleman by vitellan on Deviantart.

So this.. protective sentiment has to be the common sense, eh? Totally got past me, so is my common not mainstream then? I am sorely misguided... 

Okay don't bite me, I've enough ant bites to fear anaphylactic shock already. I take my leave now. Bye.

Say Thank You And Take It At Face Value

Among the things I'm subscribed to on FF.net are updates from some of the renowned authors of KakaSaku. I endorse this shipping for several reasons and strongly believe it should be canonized. Basically this relationship has several characters:

1. age-gap
2. matching wit, maturity and intelligence level
3. opposite yet endearingly complementary personality

This three is what I observed from my parents. Maybe that is why I endorse this shipping so much.

Regrettably, my life is taking that familiar turn towards said fictitious course. Maybe I have been reading too much for my own good.

The complications, the what-ifs, the silence and not risking another step of pursuit to preserve whatever it is you currently have. The dread at falling hard for something beyond your grasp. This friendship that will stay as it is.

I just got the epiphany to link this mess-up. At this rate, I know how everything will play out. I know all the risks involved. I know the emotional turmoils that will come along. And I am not at all ready.

This is only phase one. The title is the status quo.

Owed Nothing

In a twisted sense, I learn where most people simply don't.

For example, take this quote from Firefly's latest fiction.

"A shinobi is owed nothing for his duty," Itachi cut in, keeping his eyes on the footpath. "I did what I had to do for the village. I did it because I care for Konoha."

From this scene, what I can apply on my own life is that as a lowly servant to Almighty Allah, I do as He pleases despite the hardship that I may encounter. I do what I have to do for Allah. I do it because I love my God and this religion.

Path We Chose

The final talk they had prompted her to analyze how much he had changed from last year since she first became close to him. From a view, he had definitely became more judgmental using a basis she was not very sure about. His worldview had changed and distrust had started to linger.

This was heading towards incompatibility.

At the very least, he couldn't even read her cynicism and questioned whether she was ever a sarcastic person before. At the most, she couldn't share her worldview without being called a doctrinated pickle.

What went wrong? Nothing, but too much reading and thinking certainly changes people.

So she packed all her stuffs from his house. The toothbrush on the sink went into her backpack.

"Where are you going?" He turned around from his study table.

"Home."

He smiled apologetically and her resolve melted. "Did you not have fun here? I'm sorry-"

"Well you did say if I'm here to study, I might as well not come here," she joked using the words he remarked when he saw her pretending to studying in the living room.

He laughed.

"Exam is the day after. I should be going anyway."

He saw her packing the book she left on his shelf. "Don't pack all your stuff. Leave something.. at least one."

"Oh." How should she rationalize to him. And then she remembered. "I still got my t-shirt here."

"T-shirt?"

"The navy Jakarta."

"Okay."

She hoisted her backpack. "Bye." Something tingled in her heart. "Good luck."

Accepting Apology

"I'm a jerk as a person and a lousy boss, aren't I?"

"Which one?"

A nod. "I deserve that."

But Sam was trying to apologize and Christina didn't think it was a moment for sarcasm. "Neither, really," she said. "Neither a jerk nor a lousy boss. You are a lot, Sam, that's all. That's a positive thing."

"Too much."

Christina shrugged. "Beats the opposite, doesn't it?"

John Lescroart
Guilt, page 92

It takes wit to know when to be sarcastic and when to take the other's honesty as it is. Generalized sarcasm is not something that will allow a positive environment to prevail.

Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalization than in their particular observations.

Niccolò Machiavelli

So let's be observant and take that extra effort to think of how everything is connecting in an endless chain of reaction.

I'm not a big fan of offline fiction, but a few page and this book had me hooked.

"Focus on the wrong thing, you get killed."

It has to be Forensic is inducing such death-remembering moments for me nowadays. Sharing this from Clearheart's latest :)

"I could have killed you!" Naruto repeated.

"Yes, you could have," Sakura grunted in response.

"The village would have been down a medic!"

"Seriously," she agreed.

"Tsunade would have killed me!"

"You bet she would."

"Kakashi would have killed me!"

"He can be like that sometimes."

"And your parents! What would I have said to them?"

#TheScript-ed

When you have more than five related tweets, I figured they're better off blogged instead.

YouTubed #TheScript live radio show. #TheManWhoCantBeMoved's lyric just wow-ed me, read and my eyes sparkled! It's cheesy in a fine way ^o^


They're as sweet as #BrunoMars's but I find #TheScript not as ridiculously cheesy haha #biased #notsorry

That was a take at our three-way discussion on the cheesiness of Grenade last March.

Why did she leave the guy in #TheManWhoCantBeMoved? What did she wanted that he can't give? He was too good for her? Love is lost?

I don't see why you would be in a relationship if you're just going to break up anyway. Maybe I'm too #naive, at least I believe in loyalty.

But! the world is a really big place. I can't possibly imagine every complications of human life and problems we could have. #understanding

#inspired! *pulls out my notepad*

The Trouble With Jane

I am.. in no position to give relationship advices, but here goes.

Jane was having problems at school. She was stalked at every corner and bullied by a group of rabid females who made up her lecturer-husband's unofficial fan club. She wouldn't tell her husband about it; John might sit down with the fan club and that might make matter worse for both Jane and John.

Ironically suiting this post, meet Mr. Jane.

So Jane endured a few more days of coming home exhausted and in her worst state. On top of that, she was as stressed as possible. John saw her state of course, but when he asked her what's wrong, all he got was a somewhat glare and "It's nothing."

The next day, John woke up early and prepared her a packed lunch. He gave it to her with a smile and still in his apron, he said, "I don't know what's wrong, but I hope you'll be okay."

She ate her lunch in happy tears and with a renewed determination to face that group of rabid fans.

---

My point here being; sometimes, knowing that you have faith in her ability to handle stressful events can be a pillar for her in itself. It's a reminder that she herself is a tough person in this game of life. Like this one person said and I quote, "I know you know you're tough."

That, and everyone adores free foods. Especially home-cooked, that's the chocolate shavings on my chocolate chip mint ice cream! (If you don't understand this sentence, you might understand 'the icing on my cake'.)

This post is a dedication and I should have used simple sentences to not confuse him any further, but I fail to write like a normal person..

Today is Mama's birthday. Also today Hakim split open his forehead again, poor thing. Not only that kid has big head (Hakim 'Kepalabesar' Hanifah) he also had his skull plated in iron.

Most Prized Possession

"A fine lady doesn't leave anywhere, anywhere you hear me, without taking her most prized possession with her!"

"Her wits?"

"No forehead-girl, her purse!"

"... You got to be kidding with me." 

"No you idiot, a purse is woman's greatest help all the time. In it can be something that will save your day when you least expect it."

I'll go with 'her wits' anytime though. 

Somewhere Only We Know

The cafe is a single-storey bungalow set in the middle of a lush garden. It has a big window behind the counter where the owner, a young lady in apron smiling her straight line of cuteness, will prepare soup of the day housed in this smart white bowl with handles. There is also a huge sliding door that opens into the garden and you can expect the place to be very well lit by sunshine.

The flooring is oak and the wall is exquisite brick with rows of rack displaying kitchen amnesties.

The garden is heavenly in itself. Tall columns of tree set towering over the cafe and you can make out the mischievous monkeys eating fruits off the tree. Some stand on the pillars of the gate, keeping a watchful eye on the customers. Ferns as tall as men keep the surrounding lush with an air of serenity.

There is a big pond with lilies flowering pink and two or three crocodiles peeking from under the water, pretending to be logs but who are they fooling?

It is a peaceful place to be.

And Siput Crawls

kimi, i need help!
Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]
Saturday, June 20, 2009 7:06 PM
To: [applepancake@yahoo.com]
baitunnuha.jpg (17KB)

aslmwbt kimi
yo there
i need ur comment on this edited picture
asap
hit me back
please
thanks

Atiqah Hanifah,
Cairo University


urm, hit me back, will u?
Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]
Saturday, June 20, 2009 7:10 PM
To: [applepancake@yahoo.com]

urm
i know u'r busy and so
but
uh
can u, like, hurry up?

Atiqah Hanifah,
Cairo University


wargh! kimi!!
Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]
Saturday, June 20, 2009 7:14 PM
To: [applepancake@yahoo.com]

and to think that i said please...
huhu
u r online, right?
how come u'r not replying?

Atiqah Hanifah,
Cairo University


never mind
Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]
Saturday, June 20, 2009 7:17 PM
To: [applepancake@yahoo.com]

i give up
i posted the pic anyway
thanks siput

Atiqah Hanifah,
Cairo University

p/s: when we meet, i am so going to lempang u. oh yes sweet revenge.


Re: never mind
Jess Russell [applepancake@yahoo.com]
Sunday, June 21, 2009 4:23 AM
To: [haru_9630@yahoo.com]

hey atiqah
sorry, i think u sent those emails to the wrong person
i’m not kimi
the name's jess

whatever ‘lempang’ means, it sounds nasty
hope u’ll forgive that kimi friend of yours :)

btw, what does 'siput' means?

Jess Russell

p/s: the attached pic is a beau. i like the one with the tortoise. nice shading, and i like the blue sky.


Re: never mind
Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]
Sunday, June 21, 2009 6:07 AM
To: [applepancake@yahoo.com]

i am so sorry! TT-TT
it was my fault; i forgot her email was applepiepancake, instead of applepancake
‘lempang’ is slap in Malay, btw. and 'siput' is snail.
huhu

u’r a good sport
thanks jess :)
happy days to you

Atiqah Hanifah,
Cairo University

p/s: thanks. magnificent creation, the sky is :)


Re: never mind
Jess Russell [applepancake@yahoo.com]
Monday, June 22, 2009 12:46 AM
To: Atiqah Hanifah [haru_9630@yahoo.com]

no sweat
nice days, atiqah

Jess Russell


Pengajaran:

O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer;
for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.
(2:153)

العجلة من الشيطان والتأني من الله تعالى

Bersabar dengan siput.