"I look around me and see a sweet life."

Today the team went for lunch together. In my car.

Carine was promoting how I keep my car clean. Mr. Ashok commented my plate is almost akin to my name. Then he opened the passenger door, looked around and said he should get his car cleaned as well.

It was a bit funny. I hardly ever have a passenger as space-occupying as Mr. Ashok. He filled up the space in the passenger seat and he looked like he needed more leg room. But Visha who is just a bit smaller than him was sitting behind him so I don't think he has the choice of reclining the seat.

He sat there with his schoolboy grin. He looked around curiously. Pointed out "What's that?" at my MP3 USB and wondered what kind of playlist I have.

I turned the system on. Muse was playing Supermassive Black Hole. Haha.

Then he turned to the passenger door and held up the thick Grosfeld's Principles of Paed Surgery I had there but barely open. His grin looked happy.

"Now I know who to ask questions to."

I'm screwed. I need to study harder.

MO of the Day

Mr. Ashok just had a new baby and yesterday she was admitted for neonatal jaundice. Since she's our niece, we admitted her in our ward and have our Medical colleague come review her.

This morning, after I took baby's blood, Mr. Ashok called Huwaina the oncall person if she could lend RM10 to his wife. Dr. Sanji was hungry but only has biscuits and no money, so Mr. Ashok asked if Huwaina could lend RM10 to buy some roti canai at the canteen.

We happily skipped to Room 4 to meet Dr. Sanji and see the pretty baby but she didn't want our money hahahaha. She said she'll wait for Mr. Ashok. Plus she'd have to leave the baby unattended to go down for food. We understood and left her room.

I immediately called Mr. Ashok. "Dr. Sanji said she'll wait for you, she don't want to leave baby alone. Should I buy roti kosong or roti telur for her?"

Mr. Ashok thanked me and I bought satu roti kosong for her. ("Just buy one la, she eats only one.") Delivered it to her and she thanked me a lot.

"Ashok will pay you back for this right?"

I was going to say don't worry it's only RM1.20 but I don't want to make her feel bad, so I said

"Sure sure Mr. Ashok will pay me back double.. triple.. Hahaha."

Goodbye at 140917, 2008H

Walking to Anggerik to meet Kak Ah. Azizi was leaning against the guard post wall.

"Atiqah, lama cuti."

"Lusa saya gi Sabah dah."

"Oh. Confident je lulus MRCS. Awak keluar awal ke?"

"Keluar on time je."

Mustaqim came out from the guarded gate. "Ha Atiqah. Jom ikut kitorang makan dengan Amru."

He's really a friend. "Saya nak tolong Kak Ah dengan KIK project dia."

They left for the carpark, my hands on the guarded gate. I called out.

"Dr. Mustaqim! Dr. Azizi! Terima kasih banyak-banyak."

Mustaqim turned. "Terima kasih apenya open table belum lagi."

"Tak sempat dah. Lusa nak gi dah."

He waved it off. I semi bowed. Thank you.

Arigatou Japran

Today is my last day as an MO Surgery on leave at HRPZ. I went to Anggerik to meet Zafran and apologize to him for all my wrongdoings.

Mr. Tar: Dengan Zafran je minta maaf? Dengan saya tak? 

Me menggelepar sebelah Mr. Tar: Mr. Tar maafkan segala salah silap saya, terima kasih atas segala tunjur ajar.

He laughed. I think I wronged Mr. Tar that one time I accidentally left my unfinished breakfast on the counter but didn't own for it. Haha HO tak guna.

Then I turned to Zafran to properly apologize.

Me: Maafkan saya banyak buat salah, sebab annoying selama ni.
Zafran sengih tersipu: Memang kau ni annoying. Masa HO annoying, jadi MO pun annoying.
Me: Terima kasih sebab banyak ajar saya selama ni. Maafkan saya tak?
Zafran: Aku tak maafkan.

Zafran grinned his usual, except he did look a bit tersipu. I guess it's not everyday you get people who acknowledge their fault like I do, haha.

I spoke of this to Luqman the next day and he asked how did Zafran take my apology.

Me: Dia sengih tersipu, tapi I don't think he remember what I did.
Luqman: As expected of Zafran.
Me: But I did. I remember all and down to the details of what I did.

If I have to choose only one person from Paed Surg team to be grateful for, it is Zafran. He's the best.

He taught me a hell lot. I was oncall only with him during my Paed Surgery HO rotation.

He walked me through my first circumcision, and walked me through almost all ops I scrubbed in.

He heard me out that last day in Paed Surgery I vented my frustration because of what Fathi did to me.

He stocked up the pantry with Cadbury drinks on my request.

I backfired his jokes on me in OT.
Zafran: Banyak-banyak lembu, lembu ape boleh bercakap?
Me: Entah.. Kau? (Cow)
Zafran: Kurang ajar budak niiii. 

Satu OT gelak cam ape hahahaha fun days.

I yelled at him. Haha he's the second MO I yelled at, first was Omar.

I snapped at him when I was in Paeds Medical.

I took his teasing badly. He likes to tease people, but unfortunately his timing is off and he always tease me during my moody time. So I end up glaring at him and walking away.

After all he did for me, I didn't mean to be cold. So yeah. I pray him the best. Please Allah give him the best and ease him for his career.

KUL - KBR and how an ambivent overthinks

Yesterday's exam I made friends with Sarah Ramli, she was HO in HRPZ with Kak Paan and floated in Surgery before she moved to HKL later Penang. Currently ENT in Penang. She was a first poster in Surgery and when she first introduced herself up front, she said she wanted to do Breast Endocrine. Hahahaha.

Anyway, this post is in memory of Helmi. Remember him? He was my second favourite MO after Nasri. My second sunshine in Surgery, officially yeah I admit I had a crush on him. The one whose antics indirectly cheered me up the day after I broke down in Surgery and showed up to work with super puffy eyes. One of the reasons I didn't die in Surgery. Most of the time when I have bekal from home but too tired to eat I will push it to Helmi. I remember he admit "dia selalu bawak bekal tapi aku yang makan" to Azizi on my last day as HO in Surgery.

Anyway. He was sitting for the same England exam as were Kak Sarah, Dr. Haziq and I. Dr. Haziq saw me and asked

"Datang dengan papa ke."
"Sorang la."
"Atiqah selalu sorang, haritu pun gitu jugak," Helmi commented and I know he meant Singapore.

And this is why I'm a tiny bit flustered around him. Because he's a gentleman and treated me like a girl, acknowledged my always running off alone in a way that it was a nod that I shouldn't be doing so.

When I saw him yesterday I told him I wanted a picture with him cause
1) I haven't seen him since Singapore though I sometimes keep in touch
2) he was wearing proper office attire; red long sleeved shirt with a white tie... A tie on a weekend. Dude I was wearing tee, some wore jeans. Helmi is so proper it was cute.

But I didn't get one. Cause I wasn't insistent and Kak Sarah was sending me back to my hotel and her parents were already there to pick us up.

---

So today I was on my flight back to KB and I saw Helmi as we waited to board. I was sitting behind him and I don't think he saw me. But as I sat there, I had a huge internal debate whether to greet him or not. And I know I wouldn't be contemplating had there was another mutual friend with us.

If it was my boss, I would go up and greet in the first place.

A girl I know, I would chat her up but won't go out of my way, unless she's a friend I hang out with then I'd leech onto her.

Guy friends, I'd say hi if he saw me and courteous greetings but nothing much.

Bros I'd give a lobe of my liver to like Pofin and the rest, I'd be running up to them on sight and sit right next to them.

MOs turned friends like the Ortho and Anaes clans, I'd chat them up happily but I won't impose myself onto them and respectfully keep my place.

But the Surgical clan, I'm not sure where I stand with them. I respect them in a different way, more professional, and I try not to goof around too much with them because of this. Some are treating me like friends most probably because Luqman took me in as his ally, but because of stated reasons I'm thus too shy to treat them like friends. Like Helmi here. Like Mustaqim, Omar, Zafran. So yeah.

I'm over thinking, right.

Btw if you're wondering, Vicky is in the Bros category and Luqman in Family, cause when I saw Luqman I'd be like yo sit next to him but not talk to him cause he's family and you don't go huha about family, they're like air.

---

We were the very last to board and I boarded the plane quietly behind him. Got into the aisle, waiting to reach my seat, dude still not seeing me, dude stopped to fit his bag on the overhead compartment, turned around a bit and he saw me. I smiled like I've only just saw him there.

"Hai." He grinned back.

My seat was 10B. 10A and C were occupied by gentlemen. I politely asked C so I can get to my seat but C stood and gave up his seat so I wouldn't have to sit between two guys. Thank you. I fastened my seatbelt and suddenly Helmi who sat in the row behind me called out.

"Duduk sini la Tiqah."

Oh what do you know. His row was empty and he sat in the window seat. I stood up and sat in the empty isle seat, naturally leaving a space between us and thought if it was me I probably wouldn't be calling him out. As we chatted, I again contemplated about when would I be chatting people up, when would I not and the discussion with Haru didn't yield anything new.

We chatted about work. He talked a lot but not in an annoying kind of way despite me still having residual nausea from riding the bus to KLIA. He said his seat was actually somewhere up there but his style of boarding is to board last and sit in an empty row by the window.

Somewhere in between the talk I realized why I had a crush on him then and I acknowledged myself as having good taste in crushes, but nothing more.

At the arrival we parted way. I just said "Jumpa lagi."

"You better jadi Surgeon."

Last HO Teaching today. Mr. (Dato') Anuar was on stage about high risk consent. I stood up to ask.

"Salam Mr. Anuar, Atiqah Hanifah dari Anaes-"
"I know who you are."
I chuckled. "Berapa lama valid consent?"

---

I saw Abenik. I waved at him.

"Atiqah? Buat gapo sini?"
"Saje."
"Abenik baru nok oyak 'MO Surgery buat gapo sini, takdop patient Surgery sini, get out from my ICU.'"
"Haha overrr."

---

I sengih-ed to Boh Yi. "Saya lapor diri Surgery harini bos."
"You better jadi Surgeon ye," the cool grin.

I grinned back sheepishly. I really am sheepish around Boh Yi because he's so cool. And the way he said that... If God ever places me in Anaes, I will pursue Intensive Care with Boh Yi as my guide.

Because he has faith in me. He said I'll become a good doctor. And he earlier on invited me to stay in Anaes and to pursure Intensive Care. That one time he addressed all his MOs after teaching during round and he also pointed to me "Atiqah future Intensivist."

As I walked out of the ICU one last time as an Anaes HO, I decided to build my career in the first department Allah place me in Sabah. If it's not Paed Surgery, it will be General Surgery, if not it will be Anaesthesia.

---

Thank you, thank you. A good end to my housemanship. And in the afternoon JKN Sabah emailed me saying I'm suggested for Paed Surgery posting in Hospital Likas.

Alhamdulillah.

Otai

Patient CSE, ongoing OT. Stable so far. Abelong bangun dari takhtanya di bawah Baby Warmer.

"Tinggal deh." I nodded. Abelong beredar.

Lama pastu Abelong muncul dengan semerbak asap. Ah, aku agak dah pokcik ni pergi Respi round hahahaha.

Ortho HRPZ is where I was happiest most as a houseman

The other day I was in OT and there were the current Spine team; Poknik, Abe Haji, Dr. Faris, the sekejap menjenguk Pokpa. Big bros were happy and amiable as ways and made comment about how I was specless in OT and then a jab at our Raya photo.

"Atiqah nampak sediih je duduk jauh dari ayah." Abe Haji said to which I retorted back hahaha apsal diorang ingat aku ni anak bapak ke.

"Haa lah dah la gambar tahun lepas muka monyok amik malam raya kena kejut bangun. Tahun ni amik pukul berapa gambar raya?" Poknik said.

Hahahah bengong la Poknik ingat. I really pray they will always be happy, healthy and successful for all the fun memories I have of them. Ameen.

Child-friendly monsters

I'm always amazed when people become so selamba with me. Like yesterday's call my MO Dr. Yufi asked during rounds

"Dah amik ke BUSE dia? Owh belum amik blood lagi la bro."

Afterwards I was readying for a lumbar puncture but he said "Lepas ni la aku nak kencing jap." And he kept switching between "aku" when talking and "saya" on group message.

I was between laughing at such selambaness and thinking why was he so aloof and friendly, I don't remember him being such when I first work with him in NICU. Have I gave them aura that I'm aloof like that? I thought I behaved better than this... at least I try to.

It was a fun call. I have always liked Dr. Yufi because of his cool persona, his hair are always well coiffed and he has one of the coolest guitar riff opening ringtone out there. And since he was selamba I also went selamba with him and asked for one branula insertion without even attempting for that baby cause I was tired already don't want to bother, and we only have one branula left in this entire ward. When I asked for blood as well, despite the baby's tricky line, he went aghast "Seriously?" which reminded me of my own habit to which I snorted a reply "Seriously."

I believe that babies understand as much as us adults and so I talk to them like they do. I call them adik or by their name if they're already named, and don't do baby-talk. It was cool that I see Dr. Yufi does the same.

I guess people lose their inhibitions during oncalls. We're just so tired we don't bother anymore. We play with the babies as we run pass them because they're so cute and buncit and they're a joy to be around except for their maddening crying. I've squatted on the floor before, clutching my head in the presence of all my MOs during last call because I was exasperated with the day's jonahness, I think they thought I lost it.

---

I never call my female MO by "kak" before, I only address them such after I leave the posting (except Kak Lin in Ortho because she's so chummy with us). Cause it feels sort of like we're chummy but I don't really know these people.

But in Paeds they all address themselves as "kak" and sometimes I still call them "doctor" especially when I'm not so familiar with them. Guys of course I address as "doctor" though behind them some I address as "abang" like my favourite Abang Badddd #matabentukhati

One MO Kak Emas, she amazed me by calling me Tiqs. I don't know if it's the norm to short Atiqah for Tiqs, but in this hospital only Luqman calls me that. I wondered if she heard him call me that.

Cerek

I remember he was quite a kerek MO. He was officially my superior for a week period when I started Urology, otherwise I remember him as a friend.

There were only two HOs carrying out the AM round plan for that day, Afiq and I. The rest went to clinic by lunch time and had lunch together with the MOs and surgeons. It was nearing 2 pm and soon the MOs will come for PM round. I just finished my end of the job, prayed Zohor and managed to PM review two acute bed patients.

He came for round and approached the patient that I unfortunately didn't manage to review yet. He looked through the ticket and saw no PM review yet and asked me about it.

"Tak PM review lagi?"

"Sorry, yang ni tak sempat."

"Houseman ramai dalam wad buat ape." He said tonelessly. I didn't answer him back because in my heart I was glaring him dude there were two HOs in the ward, I did what I could, the rest went for the lunch party that you also attended, and I haven't eaten yet so please not another word.

So yeah. He can be a kerek MO sometimes..

I should act more like a lady (keyword here is should)

These three days has been fun. Whenever I'm bored I will naturally follow my bros around; one is ongoing midlife crisis, another who introduced me to his colleagues as "my boss" or "who is making my life miserable" and another one is a natural bully me.

I learned a lot from Dr. Zafran but he's a funny crazy guy so I naturally became relentless and talked back making their colleagues lifted eyebrows in surprise.

"MO ke HO?" Dr. Mad (was MO HRPZ) said.
"Saya HO."
"Macam ni ye HO sekarang.." Dr. Zaim (V's first year colleague) said.
"Dengan Dr. Zafran je saya macam ni." Sambung gaduh dengan Japran.

One time I turned to kopiah-wearing Dr. Fadli (was MO HRPZ) after Dr. Zafran wouldn't stop annoying me and I asked

"Masa Dr. Fadli MO HRPZ memang layan HO macam ni ke?"

"Haah kami memang layan HO macam ni. Kami siap digalakkan lagi."

"Nevermind I asked the wrong guy.."

---

Today Dr. Zaim addressed me by my name. I think I might have been too reckless here.

ASPS 2016 Precongress Meeting

L smiled at me. I know that smile.

"Tiq, tolong ambilkan bag (pendaftaran) for me."

Nice me went and dealt with the secretariat. This dude didn't register with his proper name, nasib baik this then-reporter had a penchant for remembering people's full name. Came back and handed him his.

Japran: Mane aku punya.

I glared him but nice me went and met the secretariat again. She obviously sympathised with bullied me.

Me: Nah.
Japran: Buatkan kopi sekali.

My legs moved to play the servant role but I might spit in his coffee.. so I said no.

---

Dr. Fadli: Eh cite la pasal xxx.
Mustaq: HO tak boleh dengar.
Me: Okay. (Stood up)
Mustaq: Ala gurau je.

I went away anyway because I'm nice and don't do gossip. I left them boys to what they do best (gossiping) until later Mustaq called me out.

Mustaq: Hang pernah tengok Ghostbuster?
Me: Tak.
Mustaq: Duduk sini semula.
I dragged my chair into their cycle.

Camne tak dapat prostate asyik lepak dengan abang2 je, tapi kakak2 tak ajak lepak sekali hmm.

Dad said surgeon is pulling my leg but cmon I'm having a heart attack now

I was on clinic duty today and was busy until 5pm. I trotted out towards Anggerik hoping to catch a surgeon to guide me with the ASPS poster. When I got there Mr. Ruzaimie was in the house discussing with my MOs and I plopped my head on the counter silently until boss turned around to notice me.

"Salam bos. I need help."

Boss went through my abstract and gave pointers. "Get ready with the questions they're going to ask you and rehearse to answer in one minute. Rehearse baik-baik sebab saya tak rasa saya ada untuk tolong korang. Masa tu waktu makan."

"Bossss jangan buat saya macam niii." I squirmed like the #HOpalingmanja I am.

Then I realised they're not treating me like a houseman. Told this to my pops and he was gleefully laughing at me. Yesterday I merengek to abengoh as well and he laughed at me.

I know I know, in the past HOship is only for a year and logically once you finish HO training for that posting you are basically a junior MO there but WHYYY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MEEEEE

Just now I sent boss a copy of my abstract and he replied with

"I just downloaded dozen of papers for you."

Thanks boss I feel so manja now. Sobs thank you boss. Gastro round on me.

---

So Dr. Zafran was pissing me off then he asked for my journal subscription password.

"Why should I give my password to you."

"Sebab kitorang jumpa ayah awak pagi tadi. Minggu lepas jumpa abang awak. Kakak ipar awak pun dah jumpa. Habis satu family dah jumpa."

"Ape kaitan pagi tadi saya pun jumpa ayah saya."

I gave him anyway. Back home I asked dad if he met the Surgery team this morning.

"Haah papa on the way pergi klinik."

"Diorang kata apa."

"Takde pape. Diorang senyum dan tegur papa."

Bwahaha ingatkan discuss benda serius rupanya standard anak buah jumpa bos je hahahah.

HO paling manja

Semalam oncall clerk kes sorang2 dalam hujan. Tengok atas nampak Ortho datang round with Mr. Shidee boss. Hati jadi sayu. Nak join tapi tengah clerk kes. Rindunya Mr. Shidee.

Kebetulan kes aku clerk tu katil sebelah patient Ortho review tu. Aku pergi sebelah tak kacau bos round. Nak tegur nanti termenangis sebab happy nampak boss tapi tak tegur rasa bersalah. Curi pandang macam tu je..

Tapi bos nampak. Mr. Shidee saw me and beliau sengih dan angkat kening. Atiqah pun cair. Kalau boss perempuan memang aku pergi peluk dan mengendeng macam kucing dah. Angkat tangan hai dan "Salam Mr. Shidee, apa khabar?"

Dr. Syahmi sengih tengok aku. "Awak Paeds?"

Me dengan hati sayu "Haah saya sini sekarang."

Diorang pun sambung pergi lain. Atiqah sambung clerk kes dengan hati sayu.

I told this to my dad "rasa macam kurang kasih sayang, nampak bos dan bos cam Ika pun Ika rasa happy nak peluk dia" and he said I have been loved.

---

I admit I love Ortho and it is officially my favourite and most beloved posting (poor me I still have three postings to go through yet not giving them a chance to woo me). But I hang out professionally with my Surgical brothers despite never really proclaiming I love Surgery, because truth is I have not been able to pinpoint what I love about Surgery.

And I believe I am in the team. Surgeons are keeping me in the loop and one even updated me the case like I am their own. Even now when they do they rounds and they see me nearby they tell me things like "Atiqah, team round kena join". I know they're joking because cmon I am a HO serving another department, but in good faith they are making me feel like part of the team.

And so, I stay. I don't deny I am fickle but I have always been loyal. Now to return all those faith with hardwork and studying.

---

It's decided. I'm going to be an Anaes HO for the sake of hanging out in OT. When it's Poknik or Abengoh in the lead I will ask my MO's permission to join them instead.

"Poknik nak close boleh? Pleaaaase."

And Poknik will say yes.

Because Ortho MOs are my MOs and friends, I owe them four happy months of my life

If I have to choose between my Surgical bros and my Ortho MOs, I'll choose Ortho in a heartbeat. Like that one time Luqman came to review an intraabd in our ward and saw me and wanted to pull me out for breakfast but Dr. Syahmi just pulled me down to Orthobay and I told him

"Sorry bro, oncall, Orthobay dah manggil."

And Luqman was

"Bro, you turn your back on me."

So I just waved the diva goodbye.

Come to think of it, it's always been work before bros. But I can see events play out. Like Luqman calling me out for a cuppa but then I saw Kak Lin and immediately hug her and make plans, even if she's busy have to go to OT I'll follow her with a "I'll scrub and assist".

He will turn disapproving and say "Bro we made plans first."

And I'll be crude and say "Who are you" and pull Kak Lin away.

Or if I meet Poknik or Abengoh on the street and I'll ask them what were they up to, is there a case to see or somebody's leg to mend. I'll follow them and if I'm jobless need to attend OT to regain my senses, I'll choose an Ortho OT with either of them or Pokpa over Mr. Tar and the crew.

Because I'm, as Kak Paan said, already in the Surgery team. So I'll be fickle and spend my free time with the team I like the most, where I flourished most Surgically. Which is the Orthopod.

---

Hatim saw that I enjoyed Ortho very very much. I told him yeah, if I decide not to take Paed I'll be an Ortho Surgeon for sure. I told him because that was where I sharpened my skill surgically so I owe them a hell lot.

Hatim said it was owing to the fact I was a third poster in Ortho (damn imma fourth poster now what the hell does it mean) with more confidence in myself and the MOs can see that,

"and all that owes to the basic you gained from Surgery. So you owe it to your first posting as well."

I know he's right, but it doesn't change the fact I love Ortho most. Haha. You know how you're in love with someone but you marry someone else? This must be it.

---

When we were in HKL for the Masterclass, Vicky went around introducing me to some of the other Master students. There's this one Chinese MO I didn't catch his name, but V introduced me to him as "she's my HO in Kota Bharu, doing Paed Surgery, she can do appendix already."

And my face went 'where the hell did that came from' because we all know HRPZ ain't Kuching.

When we were leaving they were trying to pull me out of following Mr. Tar to the airport via taxi and join them for a cuppa instead. Luqman was being stupid and questioned why would I rather go on a date with an old guy and I would have hit him had I the energy. He didn't know I was feverish TRO dengue.

I think V knows I needed the company and transport because of my health issue. But he did encourage me to spend more time with them (I spent most free time hanging out with V because I don't have other time. I can spend time with Luqman in KB if we choose to) saying to the Chinese MO

"This girl she's so straight. A ruler will lose to her." Because I, really, couldn't say no to Mr. Tar.

"Then the ruler has a problem, not her." Was what the MO said. Haha. I need to put a name to the face soon.

---

Btw Vicky send me an email editing my abstract. I need to sleep two hours ago. I'll read his email tomorrow... haha.

Mr. Tar the overachiever

Today my consultant introduced me as his MO. I was surprised but I don't think he slipped. True I graduated from his department almost a year ago but remained under his tutelage since, but to be thinking of me as that is sort of pushing it boss. Boss is way ahead of himself, but I am grateful for your confidence. I promise I will submit my abstract before 31st August or die trying.

HKL and the team made my day.

One week before I graduated Ortho, my registrar Poknik left me alone in the OT closing an below knee amputation. Everyone else was surprised but he said "Next week nak habis kan, MO Ortho dah la."

If you go by that logic I guess that makes me an MO Surgical, Medical and Ortho now. Lulz.

Gratitude is doing your best

I was napping in the afternoon when my phone rang and it woke me up. It was a call from Mr. Tarmizi the Paed Surgery Consultant. I blinked and stood up, making sure my GCS was full and fully oriented before I pick up the call. I had experience answering in drowsy state with embarrassing effect.

Mr. Tarmizi asked me where I was.
Told him I was at home.
"Are you not working?"
"I am postcall boss."

"Are you joining the Masterclass in two weeks?"
"InshaAllah I will. I will apply leave once I enter Paediatric the day after tomorrow."

"What about the APSA in October?"
"APSA? Yeah Dr. Vicky mentioned to me about this but I haven't decided yet. What is it exactly?"
"Asean Paed Surgery Association, meeting in Prince Court. If you are joining I will find the sponsorship for the RM400 fee for you."

I hesitated. I haven't think so far as to that yet. Didn't even reply V's message either.

"Not sure Mr. Tar. I haven't spoke to my father about this yet."

"Why? Do you have to ask permission to get sponsorship?" I can picture boss calculative grinning as he said this.
"I haven't ask about going yet hehe."
"If you're aiming for the programme then might as well join the path."
"Okay boss. InshaAllah I'll join. Thank you."
"Okay."

And that's it. Mr. Tar is doing his part as a good mentor and I am one hell of a lucky person. Now I have to do my part; study smart and hard to show my gratitude.

---

Today I went to the clinic to settle my exit Ortho procedure and met Mr. Yusof to thank him and apologise for all my comebacks. The event itself is a blog post worthy so I'll write properly later.

Afterwards I said my thanks to Abelong Fadhil who grinned his usual saying he didn't remember teaching me anything, but I know I remember compartment syndrome management and post spinal op complications because of doing rounds with him, plus he's the first person who praised my skin suturing was pretty and that as hell gave me confidence to practice more suturing under Poknik.

Poknik on the other hand grinned and brushed me off. Haha. Yeah you should see me saying goodbye to him. I strolled into his clinic, held my hand up in a hi and tastelessly said "Hari last saya dalam Ortho ni. Bye. Terima kasih Dr. Nik banyak mengajar dan bersabar dengan saya."

"Takdo lah bersabar mano.. hok ni lagi banyok keno bersabar!" He pointed at Mimi sitting in front of him.

He said we'll see each other again and I may even end up as an Orthopaedic MO one day.

"You're into surgical based, right?"
"I am."

I hesitated as I answered Poknik that. I told him once I would probably end up as an Orthopaedic Surgeon if I am not ear-marked by Mr. Tar. Kak Lin came into his clinic when I said my goodbye and pat my shoulder when Poknik said that and told him

"She's going to become a Paed Surgeon."

You know what. I am going to help him with his research. I may not make it as his colleague in Orthopaedic but I am going to do this, because I want to. This is me showing my gratitude to the department which taught me a hell lot. I learned a lot of skills here in Orthopaedic so much more than when I was in Surgical, probably in part because I am a third poster in Ortho as opposed to being a first poster in Surgery.

I miss Ortho already, haha

Today is my off day.

Last night Kak Lin invited me to watch the department futsal game. I went there as Kak Lin's plus one. The guys have awesome moves and I was quite envious of that. I need to get back into the game.

And today I was supposed to have my assessment with Mr. Shidee. Haha. In the morning I attended the department CME Knee Instability by our Poknik and had the weekly breakfast afterwards with Poknik, Dr. Iqbal, Abengoh Azrul, Kak Lin, all my favourites. Abengoh then looked at his watch, then at me, then said

"Awak habis next week kan? 15hb."

"Haah." I felt honoured he remembered bwahaha.

"Masuk mana?"

"Paeds."

"Nanti senyum tau. Kesian budak-budak takut."

I laughed. "Hahaha jahat gile."

After that I went to the library as everyone dispersed to go for grand ward round. Abengoh called me from behind.

"Awak off eh?"

"Haah nak gi library study."

He nodded muka macam bangga, wahaha sedar tak aku ni spisis esok exam malam ni baru nak study? "Meh nak tanya-"

"Jangaaaan. Hahaha."

---

At 3pm I went to the clinic for assessment with Amirah. Turned out Mr. Shidee had a meeting with PERKESO.

I needed a few more signature for my logbook so I asked from Dr. Faris who readily signed and complained that I need to complete the logbook more and Abengoh who signed twice then he asked where else do I need. No other questions asked.

I tell you, he's favouring me. On my last day in Ortho I'm gonna point this out to him.

We waited for Mr. Shidee, all the time I hang out with Dr. Faris solving Sudoku on his Note. Mr. Anwar saw us all hunched up and focused and he laughed when it turned out we were solving puzzles. Then Abengoh came and sat next to me, Dr. Lana, Dr. Hari and us discussed Pokemon Go while I solved the last puzzle on my own.

At 4pm the MOs were in a hurry to exit the clinic.

"Kenapa kena keluar sekarang?"

"Sebelum Mr. Anwar tangkap ajak lari naik tangga."

Hahahaha okay this is funny. Yeah it would have been fun climbing stairs with the energetic Mr. Anwar if I didn't sustain spinal shock afterwards. It was intense!

Mr. Shidee was still in the meeting, so I stopped by the door frame for a second to reschedule. He saw me and yeah.. Esok la jadinya. Haha.

On my way out of the clinic, Dr. Annas walked behind me. He called me out.

"Extend."

That's a good idea but "Kalau saya kena extend, lambat la saya jadi MO."

"Takpe."

I laughed. See you tomorrow Dr. Annas.

Mostly skema, jujur to a fault, kadang2 baik

Logbook aku 3/4 je berisi. Cukup la tu. Minta one last sign from one particular MO for the suturing I did myself. "Satu ni je, thanks."

He signed. Pastu dia belek buku.

"Kosong ni. Nak habis dah kan. Nanti kena extend."

"Saya isi logbook as it is. Dah memang yang ni je saya ada."

"Haa bagus sangat. Orang lain camne? Si Faisal ni berapa percent je memang dia buat?"

MO proceeded to sign and stamp empty spaces in my logbook.

"Doktor sign free-free buku saya? Thank you." I stared in awe.. and then annoyance started to set in. "Ala celah mana saya nak isi detail ni. Saya dah la tak suka isi logbook."

"Saya pun tak suka jugak. Tapi terpaksa."

And he kept signing empty spaces. Sayang gila aku kat MO ni. Tahu la aku budak baik.

Bias at its best

My colleague and I went to menghadap Abengoh Azrul one of our senior MOs for his signature for our logbook. He is known to viva houseman before endorsing his signature, but I was planning to get him sign my logbook for free. One time when the three of us were in the OT, Pofin joked that I broke my spectacle during Surgery posting because I was running after Dr. Helmi for his signature (it was a joke. I broke it running when a patient desaturated.) Dr. Azrul then said "kalau macam tu, meh aku sign buku kau bila-bila" proud at my enthusiasm, though I did tell him Pofin was joking.

I was holding to his words. The first time I got his signature was right before I need to hand in my logbook for Spine Team assessment. I was running late to hand it in but I need one more signature, someone beside Poknik and Rahman, and so I ran to the clinic and plopped down beside Dr. Azrul.

"Dr. Azrul. Saya perlukan tanda tangan please. Satu je. Nak hantar logbook ke Mr. Shuk sekarang. Please."

I was gasping from running. Dr. Azrul looked at me suspiciously.

"Bertenang, tarik nafas."

The signature I needed was for a DFU case I clerked during my tagging period, which was a good three months ago. Haha.

"Dah lambat. Please boss." Like the shameless little sister I am, I call people boss only when I need something from them. Dr. Pije in front of him was laughing at me.

"Bertenang, tarik nafas."

Then he coolly signed my book. I thanked him and ran off to find Mr. Shuk who was in the next room, hahaha. After that I came back to sit beside Dr. Azrul and hang out with him and Dr. Pije.

So today, there he was vivaing Pofin hip dislocation while I periodically interrupt their viva session to point out where I need him to sign on my logbook. Then Pofin and I went for our assessment with our specialist.

Only later did I realise Pofin was the only one he vivaed but it was only my logbook that he signed. I pointed this out to Pofin and all he could say was "tahu takpe. Aku tak dapat sampai sudah. Menciii."

Bwahaha. Indeed Dr. Azrul is a man of his word. I guess I owe a lot of people lunch.