Babying people

Syukri, this second year registrar who used to be my first call has this habit of running through with me how to do something before he does something. The first time he did this was calling me at 9.15pm asking me how Wei Sheng does his CVL insertion because he’s in OT with Wei Sheng that coming morning.

Yesterday 6pm he went through with me how to genta lock for one of our CRBSI patient and I walked him through it, including the equipments. I was that time already 60 hours at work with only 5 hours of sleep, but I don’t turn down my colleague asking me. I even texted him what we talked about. And then I asked him

“What time you’re doing the procedure?

“7.30am.”

”You’re on your own man, no way I’m coming in early” is what I wanted to say, but we’re comrades in shared suffering, so I said “I might come at 7.30am.”

This is after telling him how much I hated him each time he texts the group “Passover at 7.30am” on the days postcall registrar has to run OT, and I only show up at 7.55am earliest.

I showed up at 7.40am today and assisted him with the genta lock. I think I consider this kid my adik already.

Menace in OT

I was in OT at 9am cause I grabbed breakfast first after passover round. Mr Hari did told me to take my time so I did. He was already unscrubbed leaving Mr Ganesh to finish the chordee release. 

"Sorry I'm late."

"That's fine," Mr G said. "Take your time. Go put on some music, grab a coffee or something."

"I'm not good at those managerial domestic things."

Mr G looked up to Heng. "Managerial domestic things she said."

So I opened YouTube and picked Top 100 song which was the generic Calm Down, Charlie Puth etc. 

Later as I was typing the op notes, Bieber's Baby was playing. Sarah the Anaes asked me to change songs. 

"What's wrong with prepubertal Bieber?"

"Sarah wants P. Ramlee songs."

"Ah even older. Okay."

I couldn't figure a good playlist to play. Heng decided to pick. 

"Let's listen to some spa music."

It was a playlist of soothing music. "For relaxation, positive vibe, curing insomnia… We are depressed people, we need depressing songs la Heng."

Self love for idiots

Yesterday Zafran was being harsh to himself in front of me and Syukri so I told him 

"We're too harsh on ourselves, which we shouldn't. Kau kena baik dengan diri kau. Kalau bukan kau yang baik pada diri sendiri, sape nak buat baik dekat kau? Kalau bukan kau sayang diri kau, sape nak sayang kau?" 

"Isteri kau," Syukri replied and the two idiots fistbumped with stupid grin on their face. I smirked. I have a lot more to say but let the married people lie to themselves. I'm content where I am.

Today started happy

I was running almost late to work today but I also stopped for people. 

1) A motherly young lady saw me from afar and called my name. I'm like "this is my senior Cairo, she was in KB doing her Paed master, her husband is a GS trainee named Farid, but what's her name again?" 

I called her "Akak! Buat apa sini?" She was so happy to see me and even took a selfie with me. She gazetted in HTA and is posted permanently there for the time being, with Farid doing his out campus rotation in HKL. She was in PPUM for a conference. 

Belatedly I remember that was Kak Mushamma so I DMed her on Instagram with my phone number so we could be in touch.

2) Chot was walking towards me when he said next month he will be posted somewhere else. 

"Mana?"

"IJN."

"Good luck bro." I gave him a double salute. "Aku pun pindah pergi Alor Setar."

I saw Danial walking towards me as I was saluting Chot but I just turned the other way around, punched in and walked towards my ward. 

3) Few steps after, a tall person with deep voice greeted me on my right. 

"Hi Atiqah."

"Hi Danial, apa khabar?" I didn't have to turn to see who it was. Such a polite chap, I felt bad for earlier on deciding to ignore his presence. 

"Baik."

"Masih di Respi?"

"Ya."

"Bila kau exam?"

"Dah exam dah." 

"Oh." I know they had their clinical exam last week but I don't know who sat for it other than Syafiqah. So Abang Danial is younger than me but a specialist already. 

We stalled in front of the junction because Danial is taking the normal way to the right whereas I'm taking the service shortcut route straight. 

"Bila kau exam?"

"Setahun lagi." I grinned. 

"Oh."

"Bye." I nodded and left. 

I take that as a compliment

On Thursday I did a desloughing and dressing for a really sad wound before I even inform the consultant because I don't trust him as I know he gave up on the wound already. After I was done, I reported to him how the wound was and what I did to it. 

He gave me an earful and told me I should have done this and that, which I did and more. "This patient's management is failing in my hands and I can't take it anymore." He then told me he was going to see the wound himself on Saturday, explain to the mother about it, and discharge the patient whatever may that same day. 

 I nodded and said okay but inside I was fuming. I know you're sad and I'm sad too but we still treat our patients. Who's going to take care of the wound if you discharge the patient? It will definitely get worse than it already is. You want this kid to get Fournier's gangrene or something?  

I documented his plan anyway. The most senior staff nurse read what I wrote and raised her concern. I shared her concern and told her if she talks to the consultant he would probably listen to her, all I get for trying my best for the patient is being deemed challenging his experience.

Today we did rounds with Prof A. Afterwards I told him about the patient's wound and my concern if he is discharged over the weekend. How is he going to get wound care over a weekend if he is discharged. 

Prof A: Does the wound still look like a dog's breakfast? 

Me: A dog's breakfast looks better. Here this is what the wound looks like on Monday, I forgot to take yesterday's. 

Prof A cursed his long list of profanities. He agreed that the patient should not be discharged home until the wound is healed and assured me that he will talk with the consultant. 

An hour later he texted me, informing that he had the talk and the consultant assured him that the patient will not be discharged home until his wound is healed. I thanked him and said now I can sleep well at night. 

Later today Prof A commented to Prof S about me. "No one should commit crime in front of Atiqah, she's the first one to snitch."

My choice of curse word is "bastard" because it's also my term of endearment

[13/07/2016, 22:04]

Btw nak meluahkan perasaan boleh ke
I have this colleague
One of my fave for im not sure why
We call him pofin

Can2 go on

Dia satu intake and we've been working in same posting since surgery
So he's one of the kamcingest la
Kamcing tahap we diss each other
Reliable colleague
Lately he's dissing me more openly
Hahaha
About (insert crush name here)
Coz he's friends with (insert crush name here)
Bastard has been on off mentioning (insert crush name here)
Bukan benda baru
Dia ungkit benda lama

Hahah ke sbb (insert crush name here) tu
Asyik sebut about u as well to him

He was d one yg told me (insert crush name here) liked me
They're not in recent contact
Pofin ni citer benda lama

Haahhahaha apa lg
Ustaz don berkata
Jikalau itu jodoh
Dua dua hati akan suka
HAHAHAHAH #tetiba

Masalahnya i hate this kind of thing

Then just tell it straight to him la
He should understand it considering u r close with each other
Kamcingest buddies and all that

I told him off today
After daily death threats
Harini dalam round
U know what he said to poknik
Tetiba je
"Dr.nik nak tahu scandal atiqah?"
Poknik pun beria nak tahu

Wow
Maybe because u r the joking around type
Dia inggt u r still joking around

But i pressed my pen into his back so dia xberani nak cakap banyak hahah
Insensitive jerk hahaha
Later after round
I told him to sit down beside me
And told him
"aku x tahu kau main2 ke, tapi jangan sebut dah pasal (insert crush name here). ape perasaan kau kalau kau x dapat benda yg kau nak."
"Kau nak (insert crush name here) tapi x dapat ke"
Stupid me i salah phrase ayat
🙄
Hahaha

ahahahaahahaha
Weh lawak
Why u said liddattt

So i stressed back
He replied. "Rasa geram"
"Okay bagus la kau rasa geram. Ape perasaan kau kalau aku asyik tenyeh kau pasal benda yang kau nak tapi x dapat"
"aku akan buktikan dekat kau dengan dapat ape aku nak"
I lost
Bastard
How should i handle this guy
Poknik suggested i tolak him off our fourth floor ward
Less energy used, he said
But he's a reliable colleague
Pofin buat saya teringat (insert crush name here). Which is bad
I need to burn something

Haha for me
Just ignore him

Possible I've become stupid
Okay I'll do that esok

Teringat **** la pulak hahah

Yesterday one of the Anaes MO was looking at me familiarly. I don't recall knowing him on a personal level so I was curious what that look and smirk meant. But I was easily distracted by my work that day.

Later in the night I was reviewing my patient during oncall. Said Anaes came to review one of my patients. He was chatting with the staff nurse but then I heard his attention turned to me.

"Tu houseman ke?"

"Haah," the nurse replied. I turned around to face him, perhaps there was something pertaining to my patient.

"Awak yang pergi mengail haritu kan?" He grinned.

Oh. Ohh now I know where I met him. He was the MO Anaes who lived nearby our fishing spot and came over in his car with his wife to greet (or snide) us. Dr. Mustaq introduced me to him as "anak papa" which I countered with my own "saya Atiqah, sekarang ni HO Medical." He then tried to hook me up with Dr. Mustaq and I remember turning to Luqman who stood on my left at that time and said "Should I tell them I'm gay?"

I don't remember his name, but I remember he is as sengal as he is acting now.

"Haah," I grinned back in recognition.

"Tak pergi mengail dah ke?"

"Luqman dah tak ajak."

"Jiran tak ajak mengail dah?"

I was going to reply "sebab Omar dah takde sini kot" but thought better of it. Then the doorbell rang and I saw Dr. Wazi my specialist standing in front of the door. I excitedly stood up to start our rounds.

Dr. Wazi is a funny guy. Cardiology fellow in training, Dr. Sapawi's protege. I was asking him how he ended up in Cardiology to which he replied "pakcik kau la tarik aku" and I replied "dia bukan pakcik saya, saya makcik dia."

"Eh? Kau anak saudara Dr. Sapawi ke?"

"Eh tak. Saya pangkat mak saudara dia. Doktor tak tahu?"

"Tak. Aku tembak je kata dia pakcik kau."

Oh God secret's out.

He said I looked like his sister-in-law, spot on style. Even missed call my number and I'm expecting him to send her picture to me one of these days haha. And the best thing is that he calls me "Tiqah". I feel like I've done a good job here so far.

---

Finished my round at CRW, I went over to Yeap at CCU. The MO's name is Dr. Hisyam (asked the nurses lol) and he was offhandedly discussing one case needing SLEDD.

"Ke macam mana awak rasa?" Suddenly he asked for my opinion.

I always think at one point we have to save our resource and let go. But I told him "let the Nephrologists decide."

"Tok soh banyok kecek la gi ngail tu." He was trying to be funny on his way up to Temenggong.

"Jom la pergi next time!" I called to his back with a grin.

Aku doakan Hannan lulus viva Dr. Mat, ameen

Borak panjang dengan Hannan harini. Bincang isu semasa. Last2 Hannan kata

"Aku tak pernah nampak kau pakai baju kurung."

"Memang. Dekat Medical aku tak pakai baju kurung langsung. Masa Surgery rajin jugak, aku oncall postcall je pakai seluar."

"Sebab tu aku terus label kau budak perempuan yang macam manly."

Bengong Hannan hahahahaha. Argh argh apsal laa dia ni comel sangat rasa nak tampar.

Captain Obvious

Met Akram in the lift yesterday. He was with his Paed buddies. We were in the same PTM group and did our Surgery posting together. I was excited when I saw him so we chatted like normal.

He then turned to his friends and said "Ni anak Dr. Hanifah."

"Camtu kau perkenalkan aku?" I glared him. Cmon I deserve my own introduction.

"Nama dia Atiqah." He added as an afterthought.

My glaring continued. What the hell is this guy. But then I chatted away telling him I was postcall, only got to prepare my slides at 11am to present at 12pm.

"Dengue hypotensive tengah malam, tak ke sakit hati? Bye Akram!"

---

Walked pass my MO just after 9 that morning. I grinned at him and told him I was postcall! before he can make any comment that I was MIA.

"Tengok muka pun tahu," Dr. Afnan grinned back. Boss please don't be so obvious.

---

Speaking of Dr. Afnan reminds me of HDW and that I haven't seen Dr. Fazirah in a long time. I remember one of the last cases I last saw with her and she drilled into me how we need to explain procedures to patients without scaring them off.

"Minggu lepas ada houseman dekat Mahsuri kata nak tebuk perut makcik saya masa nak explain pasal PD. Terus makcik saya tak nak. Atiqah, cuba explain kepada saya macam saya ni pesakit. Camne awak nak explain PD pada saya?"

"PD? Okay. Sekarang ni, fungsi buah pinggang pakcik tak lawa dan kita kena cuci darah sekarang. Pakcik- eh makcik."

Dr. Fazirah burst out laughing and Dr. Afnan doubled over in laughter. Hahahaha bengong la AtiqOh panggil specialist makcik.

Bye Nephro Ward

The other day I told my colleagues I enjoyed my Surgical posting and that I am still chummy with my Surgical bosses. Yati said "untung laa".

"MO Surgery friendly je kan."

"Diorang baik dengan kau sebab kau anak bos."

That stings. "I like to think it's because aku budak baik and readily do favours."

"Tak, sebab kau anak bos."

I like Yati. She really slaps me with reality. But if you keep saying that I'll be left with no friends, haha. And hey I'm likeable as I am, right?

That makes two of us Nedi

I was postcall waiting for my patient to finish his business in the WC to prick him for his coming morning blood. Nedi was reviewing her patient, so I sprawled tired on the chair and told her about my day and what Kak Ann told me.

Nedi: Haha sape bagitahu semua orang?
Me: No idea. (Though Luqman seems like a likely candidate)
Nedi: Mesti boyfriend kau.
Me: I have a boyfriend?
Nedi: **** la.

It's always fun whenever I see Nedi. She's under the impression that **** likes me and I told her once "Oh yeke? Aku tak tahu pun. Aku nak tanya dia sendiri la." To which Nasriq maturedly told her not to taunt this kid into asking people revolting questions hahaha.

Me: Hahaha kat mane dia sekarang? Aku tahu dia Kuching tapi tak tahu department mane.
Nedi: How should I know, I don't keep in touch with him.
Me: Me neither.
Nedi: Dia kan boyfriend kau.
Me: Aku tak sedar pun. (Turned to stare at the wall thoughtfully while sprawling lazily) So this is what it's like to have a boyfriend. Not aware of each other. (Turned back at her) So what's up Nedi?
Nedi with a grin: Still single.

Esok viva dengan Dr. Hasnul, study la budak please

This post is a reminder that I screw up but I'm not totally dumb too.

Today postcall. Semalam ganas gile oncall. 3 CPR, all died. Sakit belakang tak habis lagi dah CPR next patient. Dengan tengah malam patient desaturated lagi.

Paginya, new case masuk. Patient on nasal prong and low dose Norad. Pergi dekat dia nak clerk sekali patient restless, cabut line dia. Desat. GCS drop to 8/15.

Aizat jaga my cubical harini. Immediately we put on HFM, tiga orang cari line serentak sebab susah la tangan patient tu. Aku tak dapat cubital so terus attempt femoral. Dapat pulse, terus amik ABG and run.

Severe decompensated metabolic acidosis, bicarb 8. Kena intubate ni.

Lari balik kat geng. Dr. Afnan tengah review kes dengan Aizat. I inserted grey dekat femoral and that was used to run his Norad and one pint gella.

Pastu another patient kena accompany pergi CT. Aizat tanya aku nak gi ke kalau tak dia la. Aku postcall kan, tapi wad tak cukup HO ni. Aku pun accompany patient lagipun aku dah tahu kes.

Uneventful. Naik balik wad diorang tengah intubate pakcik tadi. Aku tolong refer Anaes for ventilatory support.

"Salam Dr. Arif. Saya Atiqah HO Medical dari Temenggong, nak refer Anaes for ventilatory support."

"Slow-slow. Patient dah intubate?"

"Dah."

"MO dah sampai?"

"Dah."

"So no rush. Takyah laju sangat. Saya tak dengar awak cakap ape."

"Okeyy. Saya Atiqah, HO Medical-"

"Dik laju la."

"Alaa saya memang dah slow down dah niiii. Okay semula."

Dr. Arif saje troll aku pagi-pagi ke ape. Aku tahu memang aku cakap laju tapi serius la dah slow down bila over the phone. Nampaknya my slow is still too fast.

Masa tengah tulis surat referral, specialist datang round cubicle. Aizat tengah bagging patient tu, dia tak sempat reciew pun kes. Dr. Afnan ikut round and present and aku ikut jugak bagitahu latest update yang jadi semalam and some crucial blood aku dah trace awal pagi tadi.

Pastu Dr. Mat Zuki datangggg argh I don't want to round with him because he teaches and ask questions and I don't think I can answer any of it sebab aku tak habis study Respi lagi. And yeah he asked! And tak boleh jawab. Dr. Afnan nak tolong tapi sebab Dr. Mat dah lock on target maka terkapai la mangkuk ni dalam round.

"Make sure awak tahu benda ni sebelum keluar Medical ya. Kalau tak nanti memalukan saya."

I'm sorry boss. But I'm sorrier that I don't remember the answer. Pernah dah study benda ni dulu huhu kenapa tak lekat?? Dosa banyak!! Kerja tanpa faham!! Oh God aku postcall please. Kenapa aku kerja macam orang AM dah ni.

Dr. Mat pergi next cubicle. Aku stay cubicle aku/Aizat and document properly ape yang Dr. Maznah round tadi. Pastu Anaes datang round. Dr. Arif ada. Dia confirmkan aku ke yang refer kes kat dia tadi. I said yes. Patut la adrenaline awak ni tinggi sangat, he said. Aku pun tergelak oh God nak balik please penat la layan orang pagi-pagi.

Diorang ni macam tahu-tak-tahu specific detail untuk kes so aku top up sebab dah specialist Anaes tu tanya.

Dr. Arif: Bagus la awak ni, hafal kes. Awak posting ke berapa?
Me: Dua. Sebelum ni Surgery. (Dude I know you since Surgery.)
Dr. Arif: Sixth posting nak masuk mana?
Me: Saya plan nak masuk Anaes.
Dr. Arif: Bagus. Saya cop dah awak. Nanti stay Anaes.
Me: Saya nak masuk Surgery.
Dr. Arif: Boleh ke awak jadi surgeon. Surgeon garang la.
Me: Sini best gile. Diorang baik je.
Dr. Arif: Dr. Mulianis baik?
Me: Dia best. Dia ngajar.
Dr. Arif doubled over in laughter.
Me: Kena tahu macam mana nak tolerate dia la.

And he turned to his boss and announced this kid is joining the team soon.

Pastu I updated Dr. Afnan pasal plan Anaes and ENT sebab this changed our plan as well. As I was briefing Dr. Afnan with Dr. Aizudeen standing in silence, Dr. Arif came and tepuk bahu Dr. Afnan.

"Aku cop dah dia ni masuk Anaes lepas habis HO."

"Eh dia ni stay Medical."

"Aku cop dah Anaes."

"Medical cop dulu." Dr. Afnan turned to me grinning. "Atiqah camne ni pagi-pagi lagi dah berebut awak?"

"Hahahaha." Medical best je and I know Anaes pun best jugak. In fact I think anywhere is fun so long you take pride in your job, tapi aku nak masuk Surgery please.

But first saya nak balik tidur dulu. Pukul 11 dah niiiiii. Nurse dah gelak kata "doktor balik pukul 1 kan?" Hahaha.

I bid Aizat goodbye. He thanked me for covering the cubicle for him. Biasa la, kita kan colleague.

On another note, I remember Aizat once told me dia nak amik cardiothorax or paed surgery. Aizat tak posting surgery lagi. I told him I want to take up paed surgery.

"Oh ye? Kau jadi rival aku la nanti."

"Colleague la kenapa rival pulak haha."

Go home when work is done

Met Faizzuddin at Anggerik today when I went there to use the staff's WC. He called me out.

Faiz: OT ongoing. Bos tak balik lagi. HO kena stay ke?
Me: Paed bukan macam Black atau Uro. Bos tak suruh. Tapi personal principle aku, masuk OT. As a respect.

Faiz: Luqman suruh balik.
Me: Luqman memang macam tu. Dia layan kita macam adult, so dia takkan suruh kau buat apa-apa. Tapi demi kebaikan diri dan pembelajaran, kena la stay.
Faiz: Common sense memang kena stay pun.

That's one issue I noted in Surgical. HO not eager enough to stay back and learn.

HO sucks blood

Talking with fellow intake friends.

Meksu: Aku reti amik darah, tapi sampai sekarang baru berapa je branula berjaya aku pasang.

Me: Ye? Aku pulak lagi reti pasang branula daripada amik darah. Aku pun tak paham.

Sam: Aku branula tak sangat. ABG aku reti.

Me: Ha elok la, jom kita bertiga oncall sekali.

Senior HO yang mendengar di tepi gelak.