On second thought, they're not playthings, aren't they?

I like kids a lot. The second thing to that that I like is rough-housing them. And for that reason, I like tougher kids better. With fragile-looking kids especially girly girls, I will just smile from afar and gently pinch their cheeks because they're too fragile for anything else.

And because of that, I hope to have two boys of my own. And maybe a girl. Even then I hope she will turn out smart and independent and not an emotional wreck.

So when Umair said they will be babysitting Huda this morning while Anah and Hilmi settle their visas, I didn't think too much about it. Huda has a small build and she very much doesn't enjoy being wrestled. I made her cry the last time I saw her.

But do you know what I ended up doing all morning? I played with her hair and always reached for the comb to keep her hair in place. I cleaned up after her (and those sloths for girls) and ate all the food she didn't finish (you know how babies like to eat one bite of everything. Huda thankfully left 1/5). I watched Upin Ipin with her (the other questioned why I was engrossed watching cartoons) and will patiently call her to sit farther away from the TV and reward her with a "good girl" when she does. Or I get up and gently carry her away myself, making sure she could still see the TV despite the movement. I asked questions about her upbringing, her diets..

The only time I think I bullied her was when I clamped her down between my legs so she wouldn't squirm so much when I tie her hair, and it was only for a second! I quickly released her and we put her for her afternoon nap.

So now I suppose I do want a girl. I'll grow her hair out and do all those cute braids and stuffs. And I'll be a mom who carries a comb in her pocket. Doing people's hair is oddly therapeutic.