Jinx

Yesterday was 17th December 2014, a Wednesday. We finished all our final written papers and awaiting are vivas. Umair invited me over for a movie night and that dusk, I picked my Neurology book and packed my Kipling sling bag for a sleepover.

And then I hesitated.

18th December 2013, a Wednesday. My housemates had just finished all their written papers and three of them (Kak Milah, Kak Teha and Kak Amal) went out that night for a sleepover at their friend's. That night, a fire started in Kak Amal's room. I ran off that night with said Kipling bag and my Neurology book.

The similarities were too much. Maybe I should stay at home and keep an eye on things, make sure the apartment won't catch fire this time.

But it was superstitious and I refused to believe I carry with me a jinx of any sort. If I stay at home because of this, it will belittle all faith I have in Allah as the One and Only God. But if I do go out..

The anxiety was too much. PTSD is not something to take lightly.

Stop being anxious and just control what you can control. So I sorted out my room and pulled out every single electrical plugs especially the heater. Before I exit my room, I took a good look at my belongings. My important documents were safe. If a fire really happened and all my books burned together, I won't sweat it and I will buy new books. I grabbed my Note that I usually leave behind when I go out and put it in my bag, because it contained all my books in PDF. I looked at my backpack stashed in the corner and decided I'm okay even if this one caught fire.

My favourite mugs (a mediaPERU*ATAN from Bapis and an heirloom from Kak Bid) were on my table and I thought if a fire started in my room, they'll be safer in the kitchen washed and dried. So I carried them out and exited my room. My housemate walked pass me and sent her regards to the girls at Umair's. I stopped in my track and in a totally out-of-character fashion, I told her grimly

"Watch over the house. If anything happens, please call me immediately."

Usually, I will vaguely tell my housemates where I'm going and most of the time it's a "bye I'm out" without elaboration. And I don't announce if I'm not coming back that night. The reason why people know where I was going yesterday was because Umair publicly invited me on FB post. So it was not a surprise when my housemate followed me to the kitchen and pestered just as grimly.

"Why did you say that? What's going on?"

"Nothing," I was washing the mugs. "Just call me."

"Tell me. Did something happened last night?"

She looked spooked. And then I realised she probably thought I was referring to some unexplained paranormal-ish bouts of activity we thought were going on.

So I smiled softly and told her what was bothering me. She looked relieved but not exactly, and told me everything will be fine.

That night was the one night I periodically checked my phone.