"Laluan harini bernama KB's Backyard."

Today I went cycling with Dr. Luqman as planned. The dude smoked x6 during the hour cycling. I mentioned to him of his recklessness. He said he was going to die of COPD, of lung cancer, of accident, might as well smoke.

I didn't tell him if my dad said this in front of me, I will think he doesn't care of me.

I know he is a philosopher, a man of principle. We had a good discussion about life during the cycle plus when we took a break admiring the kandang ikan keli in the middle of the water channel.

He said he was impressed with me. I thanked him and wondered what I did. He said he'd left me wondering.

I went home and studied about pack years history. It's number of pack per day times number of years smoking. In his case, it is close to 20 pack year. And he's only 30.

Doakan Atiqah rajin study

Yesterday I observed an exploratory laparotomy and Ladd's procedure for a day 7 babe with malrotation. Writing the op note, Dr. Luqman turned to Dr. Mustaqim and said

"Mus, dia ni nak jadi surgeon. Kau ajar dia sikit."

I'm not comfortable with them spreading this around, but I guess this is a sort of doa for me. Doakan saya rajin.

"Anak papa nak jadi surgeon?" Dr. Mus remarked with a sceptical smile.

"Papa tak puashati ape," I muttered in retort.

Dr. Hafiz heard us. "Anak papa?" He asked, looking super amused. I shook my head grinning helplessly and went "Jangan.. jangan.."

Don't even start!

---

Dr. Luqman: Mus, kenapa kau tak bagi Tiq duduk?
Me: Dr. Mustaqim bukan setakat tak bagi saya duduk, dia siap tolak tepi BHT kita.
Dr. Luqman: Kau ingat OT ni Uro punya?

Dr. Mustaqim pun bangun pergi lain hahaha. I was never excited about sitting down in the first place, usually I will stand even with a vacant seat nearby. But since Dr. Luqman insisted...

"Panasnya seat ni."

---

That evening we hung out at the pantry with Dr. Zafran, Dr. Luqman and Dr. Omar.

Chemoport

Today I assisted Mr. Razin inserting a chemoport on an unfortunate 7-year-old with Burkitt's Lymphoma (I told my dad the diagnosis and he went "Allah.. kesiannya."). Tip confirmed in SVC using Image Intensifier, it had good inflow and outflow, and post op order was that the chemoport can be used immediately.

I went back to ward. Later that evening Paed Medical came to review the patient and one of the plan written was

Keep patient in Anggerik until chemoport functioning.

I was like, dude did you not read the op note? Functioning dah tu. Takkan la kitorang pasang chemoport tak cek functioning ke tak aiyo.

In which Haru almost kicked an MO

Tadi sementara tunggu mama amik, lepak dekat wad dengan Dr. Zafran, Dr. Luqman dan Dr. Omar yang datang melepak bersama.

Dr. Zafran: Budak ni garang ni.
Dr. Omar: Aku tahu. Dia kata aku emo. (Turned to me) Kenapa awak garang ah?
Me: (sengih and my palms pressed together) Dr. Omar, pasal tu, saya minta maaf saya cakap macam tu dekat doktor-
Dr. Zafran: Nak minta maaf, cakap la dalam Bahasa Kelantan. Dr. Omar, sayo mitok maah deh, kosong-kosong.
Me with a half glare: Saya tak guna perkataan kosong-kosong.
Dr. Omar: Awak orang Kelantan tapi cakap luar. Perasan comel la tu.

I glared him but didn't reply. I would have retorted "Doktor orang pertama yang kata saya perasan comel. Sebab doktor rasa saya comel kan" but it would be inviting more trouble.

Later

Dr. Omar: Ayah awak Dr. Hanafiah kan?
Me: Dr. Hanifah.
Dr. Omar: Dia Paeds kan.
Dr. Zafran: Neonatologist.
Dr. Omar: Dia pakai spek, badan macam chubby-
Me: (frowned, salah orang ke) Ayah saya takde la chubby sangat.
Dr. Omar: (grinned) Muka tak hensem-

I advanced to him with a dangerous smirk and my leg ready to kick him, but fortunately I remembered he is my MO so I held back the kick and threateningly held the back of his chair to prevent myself from hitting him and I pushed his chair backwards, half hoping he would fall.

"Doktor kutuk ayah saya ni," I said.

Bosses laughed. Saje je nak test aku garang tahap mana. Told this to mom and she said "Kalau mama mama dah cakap dah, doktor ingat doktor hensem sangat ke?"

Dr. Omar is handsome in my opinion, sebab tu I didn't use mom's words. Ada rupa Hugh Dancy as Will Graham tu haha. But I really want to kick him...

---

Today we met Mr. Zuraimi for assessment. Before he start Mr. Z asked the room, "Siapa kat sini bercadang nak kembali ke Surgery sebagai MO Surgery?"

I immediately raised my hand.

Mr. Z: Atiqah awak nak amik Surgery?
Me: Saya plan nak amik Paed Surgery.
Mr. Z: Bagus.
Me: Ayah saya suggest. Sebab dia kata saya tak cukup bertenang untuk jadi Paediatrician.

He laughed heartily. "Biasanya orang berpengalaman macam ayah awak ni, apa yang dia cakap tu betul. Sebab dia dah jumpa ramai jenis orang."

So far the Kens I met are sweethearts

Dr. Ken is a tall, smiley, soft-spoken Paed Surgery registra who exudes the cutest vibe ever. He's also very observant. It was only my first day in Paed and he noticed my spectacle was lenseless and quickly noted me as the weird girl with no lenses in her spec. Word spread and today Mr. Razin leaned in just to scrutinise my spec. Hahaha.

Anyway, today I was covering oncall for Shikin until she got back from playing badminton for Karnival KKM. It was close to 5pm when Dr. Ken noticed I was still around.

Dr. Ken: Atiqah why are you not back yet?
Me: I'm waiting for my driver hihi.
Dr. Ken: Wah who's your driver?
Me: My mom.
Dr. Ken: Oh I thought Zafran.
Me: Why??
Dr. Ken: Because he said he'll do anything for you. (Makeshift phone with his hand) Hello Dr. Zafran? Tolong hantar saya.
Me: Hahahah I'll do that tomorrow, I'll say it's Dr. Ken's idea.

Dr. Zafran was menganjing me because I was requesting this and that. That night I was oncall and there was only coffee in the pantry so I told Dr. Zafran who was in charge of the pantry that we need chocolate drink in the pantry, citing coffee is too adult for paediatric as my reason. He said okay anything for me. And yesterday he sent to the group a picture of Cadbury 3-in-1 with the caption "teristimewa buat Atiqah Hanifah". Bwahahaha.

One thing I like about Paed Surgery is the MOs call each other "bro".

Except I'm a sloth

The other day my dad said to me he knows I can and will do my best regardless what I choose to be.

And the other day my mom told me that my successes has been with my minimal effort (and God's blessing) and she knows if only I work a little harder I am sure to get excellence.

You're my sunshine after the rain

Dr. Zafran's phone rang and caller ID came up as "Mustakamal". He picked up the call but told me to answer it. "Mustaqim tu. Jawab la."

Me: Hello?
Dr. Mus: Hello? Nak cakap dengan Zafran.
Me: Ni siapa ye?
Dr. Mus with a made up gruff voice: Ni John.
Me LOLing: Ada ape ye nak cakap dengan Dr. Zafran?
Dr. Mus: Ada la.
Dr. Zafran: Cakap saya tengah berak.
Me, couldn't believe I was going to say this: Dia tengah berak.
Dr. Mus: Suruh dia call balik lepas dah habis lap.

I immediately rolled on the floor and gave the phone to Dr. Zafran. They continued the conversation like normal dudes.

God these people XD

---

Earlier today I walked with Nasri from the ward's main entrance to the Hospimart. He asked me if I was coping okay. I was slightly surprised by his question but answered I am doing well. I told him I'm in Paeds now, feeling restless from being jobless. He said it was good that I'm (basically) having a break.

I told him I was previously in Uro for a month. He asked why. I told him about the messed up rotation and poor Tihi. He said I must be good now in Urology. I laughed. I told him at least I only spent a week with Mr. Azam. He asked if I passed my assessment. I told him I did, signed by Mr. Azhan.

I asked him how was he doing in Red noting that he looked saddened, somewhat demotivated compared to when he was in Green. He said it pained. I nodded in understanding, confirming that his ears and heart were pained. He said he was oncall last night and KIV his admissions be picked out for questioning. I wished him the best and we parted at the Hospimart, him going inside and me back to my ward.

I was happy to have walked with him, and would always find a reason to if I have the opportunity. And I am praying God make him happy as Nasri has made me happy and coping well in Surgery. It would probably be harder for me to adapt if it wasn't for his "Atiqah senyum sikit" on my first day on the job and for that I will always be grateful for him.

---

That evening I told my oncall MO Dr. Zafran that I'll be in Ward 26 helping my gang discharge patient. On the way there guess who I met?

None other but my favourite HO Wong! I was happy that I would have hugged him but of course I can't. We chatted, asking where each of us are posted right now and I wished him the best as we parted, me for Ward 26 and him towards the parking lot I presumed.

I remembered that I met Nasri this morning, now Wong. My lucky day.

I don't like asking signatures for logbook

Saturday I was oncall Urology with Dr. Mustaqim. Midnight he took us for supper and I asked for his signature for my logbook. For some reason he refused giving it was the next day already as an excuse. I didn't push, I'm not good at pushing people in that sense.

But unfortunately I still need my MOs to sign my logbook. Dr. Haziq had already plenty in mine and though I know he would happily oblige, I felt like it's fairer to ask for someone else's.

Sunday afternoon, I met Dr. Faiz doing reviews and I asked for his signature. He signed one happily and told me to forge his signatures for the rest. Haha so lazy this guy. I'm bad at forging so I only did a few. I still need more.

Monday, all Uro MOs were present by the end of the Renal & Ureter Injury HO Teaching. I turned to Dr. Hafizullah and asked for his signature.

Dr. Haziq: Anak papa suruh la papa sign.

He was teasing Dr. Mustaqim who gave his expressionless face in the face of teasing, lol. I guessed he was still peeved at me, ahh no wonder he never greet me back when I greeted him "Salam Dr. Mustaqim" each time I saw him around. That oncall supper, it was him, Dr. Mazlin his colleague from Ortho and I. Dr. Mazlin was referring me as "adik" and Dr. Mus said

"Bukan panggil dia 'adik'. Panggil dia 'anak papa'." He said with a grin.

"Doktor panggil saya macam tu, saya nak panggil doktor 'papa'." He visibly choked and Dr. Mazlin LOLed. "Saya dah nekad dah sejak Dr. Haziq belasah saya banyak kali OT baru ni. Anak papa.. anak papa.."

Later he teased me "anak papa" again and I smirked back "ye papa?" But I died inside gagging. Anyway I didn't know how Dr. Haziq knew of this. It must have been Dr. Mazlin.

Me: Dr. Mustaqim tak nak sign buku saya haritu. Dr. Faiz dah sign semalam, Dr. Haziq dah banyak sign. Minta Dr. Hafiz pulak.

After Dr. Hafiz signed my book, Dr. Mustaqim offered to sign. Tetiba. I let him sign two entries for Black OT.

Aku sebulan je lagi dalam Surgery maka bermula la episode reminiscent

Him: Ha Atiqah rupanya. Saya dah agak dah awak. Masih annoying macam dulu.
Me: Hai boss. Boss pun charming macam dulu. Heh.

My first appendix

Me complaining to our HO Leader who is my Urology teammate.

Me: Jahat Tihi letak aku oncall Uro hari Sabtu. Ahad aku masuk team lain, jadi pape Sabtu tu mati aku kena dengan Mr. Azam.
Tihi: Haa sebab tu aku letak kau oncall Sabtu.
Me: ^$#₩&^÷@

---

I was silently observing Dr. Salehah operating on an appendix. Hafizah was the HO oncall assisting her. Dr. Salehah gave me the go to scrub in but I was thinking of resources versus my selfish learning need. One pack of scub consisted of 3 gowns; one for the surgeon, the assistant, the scrub nurse. If I scrubbed in I would have to open another pack and expose two gowns..

So there I was, silently observing on Dr. Salehah's right. Dr. Azizi walked in and saw me.

Dr. Azizi: Eh Atiqah. Awak Uro kan.
Me: Saya dah lama tinggal appendix.
Him: Scrub la.

I had no spec, masked, no nametag. I was impressed he recognised me, remembered my name and even remembered what team I was in. And then I remember I somewhat dissed him and my Uro MOs last Monday, hahaha.

---

I concluded that I prefer it when people remember my name. But how significant it is to be remembered by mortals? I came across Pak cik Kamarul Zaman's post regarding his daughter who passed away last year from complicated SLE and my eyes watered. She was a good person and she died young.

How lucky. I want to be a good person and died young too.

Second Class Plumbers

Us HO, Kak Abdah the MO finished teaching with Mr. Goh close to 4pm. Saw in Plumber WhatsApp group Dr. Mustaqim was calling us to the OT to eat Domino's in the pantry. I walked towards Paed Surgery's Ward Anggerik to return the borrowed laptop, as I walked I asked in Plumber

"Masuk OT untuk makan je ke?"

I reached Anggerik. Saw Nedi at the counter with Kak Jah and this unfamiliar doctor I automatically presumed as Paed MO. I greeted Nedi, Kak Jah and this unfamiliar doctor, asking him what was his name. Nedi introduced us.

"Oh, doktor la Dr. Zafran. Saya pernah jawab phone Dr. Mustaqim masa doktor call. Saya bagitahu dia tengah remove stent tapi doktor tak percaya. Sampai sekarang saya tertanya, doktor tak percaya sebab Dr. Mustaqim tak reti remove stent ke?"

He laughed at my blatant remarks and asked Nedi if I've always been like this. Nedi affirmed. I shrugged at my honest curiosity and told him I think I'm hyper and should have a thyroid function test done soon. He told me to sit down for a chat. I told him I need to go to OT now but I sat anyway because he's an MO and I listen to my MOs however crazy they are.

And he asked me management of hematuria. I went on with my answers while he stuffed his mouth with assorted nuts. Questions shifted to narrow down my differentials and my plans. Proceeded with risk factors for bladder cancer. I noticed in Plumber Dr. Mustaqim answered my message with

"Masuk OT untuk last case la mek weh. Lipak."

Oh I thought last case already done. My nose twitched at him calling me "mek". I don't like people calling me other than Atiqah, including Dr. Haziq calling me "anak papa" that was getting on my nerves and rekindling my rebellious nature. Anyway, I wrapped up my answers and excused myself.

"Dr. Zafran, saya kena pergi dah ni. Dr. Mustaqim dah tuduh saya melipak."

"Bagitahu la Mustaqim awak viva dekat sini."

"Doktor la bagitahu dia, dia bukan caye cakap saya pun."

Dr. Zafran picked out his phone and called my MO.

"Mustaqim, ni ada HO kau dekat sini. Atiqah. Dia tengah melipak dekat Anggerik ni."

"Weeh! Adeh aku menjerit dekat MO lagi. Tapi argh tak membantu langsung! Hahaha bye!"

I knew I shouldn't have trusted these people!! I walked out to go to OT, except I met Dato' Hasim coming out of his office and so I hung around for a chat.

---

I arrived at OT and saw my bosses were doing a hernioplasty on a Black patient. Lol so jobless these Uro people. Dr. Mustaqim was looking over the shoulder of Dr. Haziq who was assisted by Dr. Azizi.

Dr. Mustaqim noted my entrance.

Dr. Mus: Ha budak ni. Melipak dengan geng Paeds tadi.
Me: Manade! Dr. Zafran yang tahan saya!
Dr. Haziq: Ish melipak je.
Dr. Azizi: HO these days.
Me: Well tengok la sape MO saya.
Bosses: Weeeh menjawab!
Dr. Azizi: Saya baru je MO!

---

Mr. Goh said there are classes of plumbers in our hospital.

"First class is Dato' Anas's team, cardiothorax. Second is us Urology. Third is Vascular. Fourth is Green, Colorectal. They are the sewage worker."

Hahahahaha.

Tell me, what am I supposed to feel about this?

I passed my Urology assessment and looking forward to start next week in Plastic or Paeds. But then I asked Tihi our Head HO where I would be going next and he said,

"You're still in Urology."

"You're kidding right. No seriously, where?"

"I'm serious, Urology."

He was having trouble arranging the schedule and turned out need to extend three people in different teams; me in Urology, Pofin in Green and Miqdad in Black. We're 4th weekers.

I blew a fuse with Tihi when he broke me the news and threatened to hurt him twice. But I guess he has no other choice and I drew the short straw because I'm agreeable. Huh.

I'm undecided how to face tomorrow, my fourth week in Urology. I feel like it's better to be extended in General and not in a subspecialty like Urology because of the limited type of cases we have in Urology. I don't feel content picturing myself reviewing Uro patient tomorrow and I feel strongly about going MIA and such.. but that's unacceptable.

I'm just hoping I don't turn out so emo tomorrow. All I want is to be happy and proud of myself. I'm not feeling so.

Macam kesian

Last Thursday we had a makan-makan Uro team to celebrate Mr. Goh The Good Son. After he left for an on-table call for an iatrogenic ureteric injury, the topic was focused to Dr. Hafiz matchmaking Dr. Omar with Syahira one of our HO.

Dr. Hafiz: Awak kena travel dulu dengan dia ni, baru nampak boleh handle ke tak.
Syahira: Travel? Handle?

Syahira ni baik lemah lembut majority orang suka buli dia. Aku dah berdekah dah dengar Dr. Hafiz cakap camtu. Obvious sangat Dr. Omar tu difficult.

Dr. Hafiz: Omar ni difficult.
Dr. Omar: (killer like-I-care glare)
Me: (LOLing in my seat)

I refrained myself from making any comments because it would prolong the conversation and I'm not into matchmaking. But I pictured this in my head.

Me to Syahira: Try la Syahira. They say "if you cannot handle someone at his worst, you don't deserve him at his best".

Turns to Dr. Omar and say:

Tapi tak sure la ada anything best ke tak dari Dr. Omar.

Hahahaha too harsh right. I might get another "kurang ajar budak ni" bwahaha.

I wish all my bosses faster get married and spawn like rabbits.

Haru manja nakkan attention

Khamis oncall 5pm sampai Wad Bendahara aku terbatuk-batuk dan terus pakai mask.

Jumaat postcall batuk makin menjadi-jadi. Still non productive. Rasa nak demam terus makan PCM. Mohon ihsan bapak dan abang belikan ubat batuk. Tidur awal dengan terjaga sebab batuk dengan dahsyat.

Sabtu masih batuk-batuk dengan serabutnya. Pergi kursus Medical. Balik tu temperature 38.5 kejadah. Bapak suruh makan PCM dan rest. Aku pun sambung tidur sambil mempeluhkan diri. Malam tu start T. Augmentin 625mg BD serta T. Loratadine 10mg OD sebab dah mula berhingusan. Tidur awal dengan terjaga sebab batuk dengan dahsyat.

Ahad. Kerja. Aku bangun dengan serabut kenapa aku kena kerja harini. Aku sedih sebab bapak manage kes aku tapi takde mention pasal MC. Aku tak layak MC ke.

Anyway. Temperature pagi tadi 37.6. Mak suruh makan ubat dan kalau rasa tak segar jugak, pergi la ED cari Klinik Warga dan minta MC. Hmm ada ke masa aku nak buat benda camtu? Daripada aku jalan gi ED baik aku buat kerja wad.

Sampai wad terus pakai mask dan review patient macam biasa. Dalam round Dr. Haziq nampak aku dan tanya "Papa sihat?"

Aku jeling dia yang kesengihan dan terus jawab "Sihat." Dude aku yang tak sihat tanya pasal bapak aku apehal.