I Analyze Like A Freak

Let us be the analyzing freak now.

As regards to recent event, I concluded that my fluent lying was a result of undue effort of optimizing every answer I had to give. I was well-accustomed to replying "I'm okay" when in actual I was not and this brought upon the snide remarks I enjoyed from four of my bosses.

Gratefully, so far only four.

I also almost always put 'run away' as my first line of defense, when in the past I always stood my ground and never retreated; not once.

Running away is not favourable but it forced me to think twenty steps ahead of others. The negative side is that the problems I piled up effing breed.

Thus the dying lower back.

Yahoo said I am depressed. If I start commenting on that, it would be a fact thus I will be hopeless.

Maybe I should stop being selective with the reality I accept.

Meet the Health Minister

Because I have finally submitted the report for our dinner with the Ministry of Health delegates, I feel compelled to comment about the event personally. Thank you to Safwan for editing the report, you are the bestest boss.

First, the outdoor setting was lovely. I like the wind and the freedom it represented, yet the dust was a bit too much to handle. Oh well, at least you know you're in Egypt.

Second, I was so happy they let us dine prior to the lengthy hour-long speech! Reminiscing on Dato' Pa's visit earlier last semester, I was edgy all through his speech because I was hungry :P (Yeah because students are generally cheapskates.)

Third, Dato' Seri Liow spoke fluent Malay! No accent, haha can I jump in joy? (Pardon me for being so shallow.) It is a nice change from talking to Kelantanese with their perfect accent thus their reason for mocking me. (Haha maaf orang-orang kampung, this is what I call loving banter.)

And here comes my disclaimer before I comment on the minister personally. I have no idea of knowing whether what displayed was his personality as a person or it was his personality as a politician.

Whatever it was, it left me with a good impression :)

He showed sensitivity to the culture by remembering that it was the 21st Syawal and greeted us with Selamat Hari Raya. And when he made his round from table to table, he did not hold his hands out to the girls yet he was the first to shake hands with the boys firmly.

Round the mulberry bush.

Also, he toned down his political inclination. Maybe it had to do with him being a Chinese speaking to a lawn-full of Malays, but what I can neutrally surmise was he spelled out government instead of the ruling party.

And in regards to his portfolio as the Health Minister and the presence of our very own bosses of all doctors in Malaysia, Datuk Dr. Noor Hisham, the Q&A's session was very fulfilling. We asked medical, we got answered medically. The last minister visit was a fall-out for me because I found his answers lacking the wisdom that came with knowing what you're talking about.

Let me explain. Last time, Abang Faizal asked about health tourism and medical engineering and we got a rather (read: very) bleak answer, I'd rather not discuss what the minister answered. This time, Marzuki and Amir Firdaus asked the same ques and Dato' Liow answered to my satisfaction.

Okay, I haven't been fair to Dato' Pa. Sorry Dato', but I'm a medical student thus my inclination is rationalized.

Okay, I have class in about six hours. Have nice days :)


p/s: I like to use this moment to apologize to Syafiq, Hani, Abang Hafiz, Safwan, Kak Fathy and Adilah for repetitively slacking off from the duties of the News Department. I will make amend this time around, insyaAllah, pray patience is around.

Signature

The other day I pranked Ruqayyah on the YM by chatting with her on another friend's ID. Apparently I sucked at imitating thus was quickly confronted with a "Ko sape ha, Nisa tak chatting camni."

"Ohye, Nisa suci. Teka la aku sape."

"Tiqah ke ni?"

Owh, Kiah is good.

---

Those times in the past, I greeted people online with a salam like the rest of us. But then Ustaz Hariff Hassan came and replied me with a proper wslmwbt and this flippant girl was impressed :P

I wonder how he's doing now. Last I heard of him was him marrying a USM doctor.

And then MapleStory struck our heart hard. The online gaming community was courteous in their rush so thank you was often acronymized into ty and we reply with np, which stands for no problem.

I always get away with ty, except there's this one time when a classmate confused my ty with tanya. And there's the problem with Malays always confusing np with nape and every time I reply the common tq with an np, explanation of why that person required my favour ensued. I had to settle with noprob instead.

-____-

Thus np usage was exclusively restricted to during [long-left] gaming and chatting with Haido and the Nik Mazian sibs.

---

"Bila awak nak gambar tu?"

"Bagi selalu pun boleh jugak."

The KL schoolmate was perplexed and the surrounding Kelantanese sniggered.

Ampunkan patik sebab merosakkan jatidiri anak Kelantan, maah banyok deh.

p/s: On a posting rampage. Ini namanya melepaskan gian.

The [Less] Known Fourth

Last two summer, we took Harith shopping at his favourite Jefferson boutique in KB Mall. He browsed through the rack of endless shirt with that pleased smile he tried to hide from his superbly observant sister while I amused myself with studying the Jefferson style that made Harith smiled.

The boutique took pride in their combination of black, white and grey plain cotton smart casual shirt with simple usage of stripe and plaid especially at the collar, cuffs and mid-axillary line. The shirt was always slim-lined, one that follow the slim contour of the average male.

The kiddo who still irks me on occasion.

Harith that day took home what costed me a good USD100. That was quite an expensive PMR prize, but all was well as long as kiddo was happy.

---

He's my 16-year-old brother, this year taking up Accounting stream in SMI Aman. Mom said he was doing well, alhamdulillah for that since I seriously couldn't be of much help in that department.

In his adolescent he was quiet most of the time, choosing to subtlely let the family know what he wanted instead of the demanding route me, Yaya and Hakim took.

Growing up in Australia though, I remembered Harith as the small boy who sat on the doorstep, greeting every passing neighbour with a deep "Hel-loooo" and the crybaby who cried for his other siblings.

Because him being quiet and me ever the boisterous bossy monster, it went without saying that I had trouble getting him to see things my way. There was no common route for us, thus the reason why I took up watching football which was his passion. The infamous World Cup 2006 match marked the first time I watched a match from the opening ceremony till the moment the cup was hoisted for the heaven to see.

I still hate Italy up till now.

---

There wasn't much that reminded me of the fourth of our seven siblings and maybe because of that I persisted to enjoy futsal as my favourite sport (that, and because I get to kick something for a valid reason)

PERUBATAN Medisal Cup 2010; I was a 2nd Grade student in a team of 1st Grade playing against a team of my classmates at school. My loyalty to our batch was thus rightfully questioned.

and why I shamelessly went up to Faeid Othman here just few hours ago and asked, "Baju tu Jefferson, kan?"

86 400 seconds

Aunty Syarina and dad met me at the airport, dad pointing me out in a flash. She was wearing the white shawl I bought from Cairo. We had tea (somewhat) of roti canai telur and air batu campur.

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough

"Eh anak sape ni?"

"Anak Iwan."

"Hah?? Bile Abang Iwan kahwin??"

How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Ayep was a bit friendlier than last I remembered him, yet his chubby face was still etched with that permenant scowl of a three-year-old with everyday problem of paedophilic aunty running around for a hug.

Farisya and Farith. Syebuk je Pakcu Rayyan! :P

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs

I said I would come visit Chu and Anjang in Penang before I fly back to Cairo, but Ramadhan is in few days and did I mention dad likes to keep us at arm's length during the holy month?

I am so sorry :(

And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Nenek made this delicious daging bakar masak lemak cili api. The gravy was thick and spicy and my God, the meat was tender and haha I'm salivating all through writing this :P

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking

Chigu hopped away from me and stared at me from his position on the bamboo carpet near Hakim's day mattress. After a few seconds, he leapt back towards me. A pool of clear fluid laid innocently where he once was.

Chigu.

If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

I woke up late and Mira already stolen the Vios. I had to drive the Innova for the first time. "Esok nak balik kampung, jangan bagi calar," Along trustfully warned me.

I came home happy with the day. Mira on the other hand, did not amuse us with the Vios coming home dented with a line of scratch from end to end.

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away

Raja will be flying to Amsterdam this 22nd Sept, then take the train to Prague to further her studies in medicine at Czech Republic.

"Oh, lepas tu dari Prague ke Czech camne?" Confidently as usual, sipping fruit cocktail.

"Tiqah!" Tasnim and Laila laughed. "Prague tu dekat Czech la!"

We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

I could sit here all day, smiling and laughing as Fatimah and Kak A'isyah continued their stories.

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye

Anas came to me and politely salam-ed me. He then smirked and tightened his grip, nearly realigning my phalanges. I cursed at the agony of being petite at 20.

Should be so careful who we leave out of our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line

Drove Chik Na and Kak Yang to Tesco Tamping for provisions for mom and Rayyan's surprise birthday party.

Rayyan.

I over my birthday gift budget by double, haha Atiqah has this curse of buying things the moment it captures her eyes. I mean heart.

Mommy was elated with the Crocodile watch.

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking

Abang Yan sat at the table, eating Mak Ndak's mee kari while chatting with mom and Mak Teh on the family orchard.

If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

Me and mom dropped by Kak Yah's place before reaching arwah atuk's house. They all chatted with so much familiarity though the only recollection I had of them was their house was where I had kuih batang buruk the last time I rounded up the village for duit raya collection (which was in my primary school days).

I still have families I know nought about.

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away

I expressed my apparent displeasure at mom selling off my Budu to Abang Saleh while I was away. He laughed, stating I could take it for a spin any time I wanted.

Would have posed for a picture with Budu had Abang Ngah's little brother wasn't waiting in said car.

We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Angah greeted us at his gate, oh my god is that a cigarette he's holding? "Angah! Dah ada cucu dah, merokok lagi?"

"Amboi tak sempat-sempat la dia~"

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

Laksa mee Mak Ngah is the best! First time I had them with udang lipan, truthfully I didn't find them repulsive one bit. Alhamdulillah they were easier to eat compared to crabs.

Also had ayam pinang and ayam masak lemak that night, I am officially obese, thank you XD

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away

Ateh had his backache when he was nearing 50. I am 20 and I remembered waking up crying once because the back effing hurts.

We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Sarah was playing with Kak Nora and I approached the two-year-old with a broad smile. She looked up, muttered something and hastily retreated. Kak Nora laughed. "Sarah kata 'Oh no.'"

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on

Zara was practicing her steps. Curly-haired sparkled as she giggled and leapt into Kak Shina's arms, demanding her snack of cheese.

Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

I told them the monthly grant JPA gave us and how living in Cairo permitted me to use only a quarter of it monthly. Kak Nora nearly choked on her lontong. "USD100 je guna? I hatechu."

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking

Padli and Abang Hafiz went out to "bakar sate" for us, as pak long put it. They also bought strawberry marshmellow cheese cake for mom's second surprise birthday celebration.

If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

Abang Shahrul was easy to talk to. He scanned through the photo album asking for captions of the places I went, no evidence of a Kelantanese in his accent.

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

We hugged and we exchanged words, me with a one-word reply. Hakim was eerily silent, huh. I was no one for words, either.

Sissy here was in tears at the automatic passport gate.

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

p/s: Kris Allen was dedicating that song to me, dattebayo.

Still Breathing

Hi, haven't updated this blog in a while now. It is kind of ironic since I usually post when my mind is in shambles, and seeing as its current state is catastrophic, I should be writing like, thrice a day? Huh.

Current song:
Kris Allen - Live Like We're Dying
(because that song was dedicated to me)

Current read:
Basic General Pathology
Essential Medical Microbiology and Immunology Volume I
Applied Pharmacology Part I

Current ringtone:
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
(because the ukulele opening was both soothing and soft I could easily not answer the phone.)

Drafts are plentiful yet unfinished, that's a glimpse for you of what are running in my thoughts now. I sure wish I still have this knack with words, but we'll see soon.

Oh, been in Cairo for eleven days now, that should be long enough for a settle-down. Fortunately for me 2010 is a rendition of The Series of Unfortunate Events thus not everything goes as well.

I accidentally slept in twice during the course of eleven days, and the first time I dreamed of a glimpse of what I will do when I blow up, and the second was how I missed Kelana Convoy.

To cut to the chase, it means I'm in danger of running away. Faaaar away. It's a pity I don't have a partner in crime, anyone like to join me?

But not to worry, I'd still check in so you would know I'm not dead yet. I'd do that every now and then, hopefully by next post I would have something less cryptic for the public audience to read. Maybe about Chigu or Budu the car my mom sold to my cousin when I was away, we'll see.

p/s: I'm interested in the reader from Plano, Texas. Wellkommen.

It Sprinkled Today

Allah, adikku ini aku kasih benar keranaMu.
Ku pohon Kau yang Maha menjaga hati,
tenangkan hatinya setenang air telaga Kauthar.

Lancarkan tuturnya selancar sungai susu jannahMu.
Kuatkan dia dengan rahmatMu.

Moga dia rasa kuat dan yakin yang hanya dengan rahmatMu
dia bisa tenang dan buat yang terbaik..

Biarkan hatinya yakin yang dia mampu lakukan
kerana dia puteri kebanggaan ayah bonda dan serikandi Islam yang didamba...

Allah, kuatkan hatinya..
Ku pohon sesungguhnya...

Exhale. Owh my back hurts.

p/s: Current city has changed to Cairo, Egypt since 1700 (GMT+2, daylight saving) 18th September 2010. Current emote has since changed to catastrophic.

---This is where you leave because Atiqah is being absurd as ever, and you are sick of worrying for your own sanity.---

Let me be frank. I dreaded coming back this year to the unpleasantness awaiting me, the plague I was scared to come to face and say "Get the h*ll out of my face" since semester before.

I let this befall me. And I can't even stand up for what I want, because the consequences are too tiring, though maybe this is what He knows is good for me.

I still hate this.

Sensitivity Test

I was sitting on the floor facing the unpacked bookcase, leafing through the books I was supposed to be arranging. Suddenly, a creak was heard on my left and the roommate's longitudinal wooden bed frame previously leaning on the wall came towards me unmercilessly.

The impact was jolting. I emitted a pathetic pained cry yet remained unmoved. It came on the bone of my shoulder before slapping my head hard. It crashed on the floor yet there I was, not even rubbing the already bruising point of impact.

In fact, I was still staring at my books. It came to me that I must have been thinking something inappropriate prior to the smack and Allah was literally jolting me back to reality.

Was it any cousins I was mentally making fun of? Was it Ara I was backbiting? Was it any seniors I found disturbing? Was it any foreign entity I was thinking of? It could have been an unhealthy relationship with an all-you-can-eat Malaysian buffet or something much sinister.

I don't know. I don't know what my last thought was.

p/s: Title credited to Anah.

Namanya Kek 'Cis'

Sebenarnya ada tetamu penting nak datang rumah selepas solat Isya' khabarnya. Sekarang dah 9.13 malam dan satay dah terhidang, tapi takpe kami sekeluarga setia menanti. Haha gediknya struktur ayat.

Dah lama tak tulis dalam bahasa ibunda, mari tengok sejauh mana karat sudah melarat.

Hari ini saya cuba membakar kek keju mengikut resipi yang Fatimah berikan semasa saya di tingkatan 5, dengan sedikit olahan bernas daripada saya yang hebat. Tergerak hati nak buat, sebab semasa bertandang ke rumah dia, dia dengki dengan penghuni Mesir yang tidak ketandusan keju seperti di Malaysia ni. Hehe, tak bagitahu dia pun yang saya bawak balik keju dari Mesir.

Oh tetamu dah sampai, lepas ni sambung.

---

Mereka sedang makan sekarang. Papa, mama dan along layan mereka, orang pemalu macam saya cuma tolong hidangkan sahaja.

Mommy suruh siapkan teh tadi, English breakfast tea tu~ Ha, kan dah kata penting tadi, kami hari-hari minum teh Cameron Highland je.

Dan juga panaskan satay. Saya curi makan sebatang dua tapi dimarahi mommy. Mustahil untuk bekerja berdekatan makanan selazat itu tanpa tergoda, saya cuma seorang budak biasa.

Baiklah, sambung pasal kek keju tadi.

Ni kali pertama saya buat kek keju dan kali ketiga membakar kek dalam hidup ini (Pertama kek lobak raya tahun lepas, kedua kek vanilla di Mesir). 5 minit selepas mula membakar, saya terpaksa menyelamatkan kek dari bahang ketuhar kerana atasnya sudah hitam legam. Potong lapisan atas dengan berhati-hati, buang dengan perasaan penuh kesian dan sambung bakar lagi dengan suhu yang lebih rendah.

Kek keju ini kekurangan gula, kekurangan tepung dan terlebih keju! Ia juga disaluti rasa pahit-manis cip coklat. Tapaknya yang diperbuat daripada adunan marjerin dan biskut Marie kopi pula rapuh tanpa rangup.

Maka sesuai la ia dengan namanya kek cis. Cis. Saya tak nak bakar kek cis dah.

Tapi alhamdulillah, sekurang-kurangnya separuh dari sebiji kek dah lesap adik-adik telan. Ada sebiji lagi dan ada lagi adunan yang perlu dibakar, entah bila nak bakarnya Tuhan sahaja tahu.

Sebiji lebih tu, ingatkan nak bagi ke Fatimah tapi nanti buat jatuh nama keluarga je. Fatimah sangat handal memasak berbanding saya yang lebih pandai menilai kesedapan makanan.

Saling melengkapi. Patut la saya sangat sayangkan dia :)

Starts at My Toes

Today, 3rd Syawal, was fun. I had this delicious fried pasghetti at Taman Sari as well as securing addition to the family member, which was definitely exciting. I am somewhat inspired by the circumstances and am entertaining the idea incepted on me this morning; pray I retain my sensibility.

I know no one understands what I say, therefore I thank you for continuing reading nevertheless :)

Afterwards I smothered my craving for kuih pelita and fruit cocktail at this neighbour's house I passed by on my bike years ago. Would have eaten more, but Hakim the baby bro had other plans for my time. Mom said the sambal daging was delicious though, my loss.

Then, I had nasi lemak and learned how to differentiate high quality and love-made dodol from the generic mass-produced ones. I love my mom, she is a domestic goddess and I hope to be like her.

I have a very high standard par to pass, what with having mom and dad as parents. I have reasons to be scared for my future.

After a much needed break from the glaring sun, I had nasi dagang and tapai at the parents' friend's house in Pengkalan Chepa. Funny, I mentioned to mom that I haven't had neither since I dropped down in Malaysia before heading to PC.

Alhamdulillah, it has been a much blessed day.

---

For me, Aidil Fitr is about counting your blessings and greeting people with a renowned spirit of Allah's greatness and His never ending blessings and forgiveness. There is also the challenge of maintaining that level of ibadah you had done during the course of Ramadhan and possibly keep the spirit alive and high during the upcoming months before the next Ramadhan visits us, insyaAllah.

And being in Malaysia, of course it is about the food and saving your limbs from the evil of firecrackers while gathering as much duit raya you can to buy mom's birthday present and unit trusts for the future. And meeting people and be reminded why you like them in the first place :)

Not forgetting, there's the dying tradition of greeting cards. I received one from our vet and it somehow lit up a candle of hope for me.

Happy Eid Fitr everyone!

p/s: I have this bad habit of writing things to tell, instead of telling them while I had the chance. My bad, my bad.

She asked and I smiled.

She waited, "You haven't answered me."

I smiled. I f*cking smiled. Am I Sai? The hell is wrong with me?

Danke, Mits.

Yea or Nay

This card is gold. It has a shell etched upon its upper left corner and a bird flew in one corner. Plenty a number was printed upon it and then there was my name.

I stared and sighed.

I would rather it showed what was known of me, instead of forcing upon the length of my full name into a 19-lettered space. I am grateful nevertheless.

Travelling shall be easy from now, and with this thin power of consumerism comes responsibilities and a judge for my financial sensibility.

I am thus torn between basking in the smugness of my adulthood and discreetly hiding the thin gold card away.

Wrist is Awesome

Reunion 5 Ibnu Majah at Pacific Bowl, except Nusaibah is somewhere in Pahang and there was no boys in sight. Except for the other inevitable patrons.

Yours truly here was fashionably late (by nearly 2 hours) and Zainab already paid me for a game of bowling. I didn't get to say no.

Did I mention I never bowled before?

Visual proof I ever bowl.

The other three played the polite damsels while me and Zainab braved the lanes. We exchanged tazkirah, caught up with the latest hips and pried into Faizah's marriage life.

Obviously Zainab had the upper hands in the game. She managed plenty of strikes to boast to her future generations while I managed a fractured radius to cry to my daddy.

Someone was glowing. I admit to my loss.

Or so I pitifully exaggerated. Dad said it was a mere tendon strained.

The gathering was nice. We meet again, I pray.

I learned the hard way that you MUST warm up before you play any games, and wrist is not to be exempted. Also to have a first aid at home. (Ironically, we have a doctor, a nurse, a dental student and a medical student in this household.)

In the mean time, I need to wrap my right wrist with any scraps I can scrounge up. And fighto for these last days of Ramadhan, pray Allah give us another in the years to come.

H2A: Remorse.

"I think the tally should take it from here."

One day at Pasar Tani Wakaf Che Yeh, me and mommy were walking down the clothing isle. A family led by a familiar-looking lady walked towards us. I stared at her. She smiled.

"Urm, muka macam kenal.." I tentatively muttered as I passed her by.

"Ha'ah." Her answer came as a surprise to me; I didn't expect her to reply. "Junior."

Say what? I turned around.

"Atiqah kan?"

"Aha.." Oh God, please don't say I've forgotten my seniors already! "Maaf, saya tak ingat."

"Ni Kak XXXXX, tahun 3." She smiled. Her family crooked smiles, too.

"Oh." Oh God.

---

And you wondered why this happened.

Concerto in 3

New BG, again.

So. *stops to admire the background* The new stencil background is cool, don't you think? Greyish and black, somewhat sober with a touch of Victorian. A visual reminder for the author to mature up in terms of content and style.

Also it reminds me of the stencil wedding cake Buddy made in Cake Boss.


Allah save anteaters!

The other day, Andrew Zimmern went to Bangkok and ate fried ant larvae. Now I'm sure everyone pretty much know the hostility I have with ants and the sight of them getting eaten should have smothered me with glee, yet there I was pitying the future-less pests.

Larvae did nothing wrong. It's those pesky ants that are causing world wide problem of insufferable keropok loss and nasty allergic reactions. You should be eating ants (if you're really that out of protein sources) instead of their sinless larvae.

You may argue about 'nipping the problem in the bud' thingy, but isn't it wrong to judge people before they commit the crime? Even thieves are caught in the act.

But of course, that's an exception in Malaysia. We have our own brand of justice which is beyond the capability of honest human brain to perceive.

Reading back, maybe eating the enemy is too much for a punishment.


It's really just a one-time thing.

I have been doing some.. controlled private investigations lately on some people I am fond of but have decided to stop for the sake of not adding 'creep' to my list of astounding credentials.

Some things are just beyond your jurisdiction. It's my fault (in a way) since I terribly sucks at keeping in touch what being self-centered and prefer to admire people behind their back whatsit, but I'll be sure to remember them in my prayers.

Also this blog serves me more than it does to the public, so there should be no problem should I decide to document each encounters here. The public can go read Ustaz Hasrizal or Ustaz Zaharuddin for future enrichment.

As usual, I never really stop. This is probably temporary, in which the activity will resume next year should I come back to Malaysia for the summer.