"Good things will happen in life. You have to work hard to make it happen."

The discussion of the first two patients in Paediatric today bored me. I lost interest soon and went to stand at the very back. I liked Paediatric so it was a mystery why I was bored and restless. Possibly from the too small ward relative to our number.

Then we came to our third patient. I forgot the history (I was restless and couldn't focus) but the patient was two months old (or older?) male named Hassan with poor suckling and on tube feeding. He developed complications after prolonged oxygen therapy in the NICU following his birth and had hemorrhagic ischemic encephalopathy plus chronic lung disease.

Dr. Nour said it was common in preterm but the mother said he was born fullterm. For some reason they did a CT abdomen and they found cirrhotic liver and a choledochal cyst for surgery. Dr. Nour said his kidneys appeared abnormal as well with dilated calyces.

Brain, lungs, liver, biliary system and kidney. This kid had it all.

His cry was weak, his Moro reflex was weak and Dr. Nour said his eyes wasn't focused that could either be from his HIE or retinopathy of prematurity. The doctor asked the mother if they did any fundus examination on him, which she denied. He immediately note the resident to get one done promptly.

Add in potentially blind. As if life wasn't tough enough. I felt sorry for him and for his family especially the mother and thought of all the bills and tribulations they were going to face. It was going to be a hard, below average productive life if he makes it to adulthood. As I stared at him, I thought how similar his size was to a whole chicken and if they just behead the boy, he would die and the trouble ends there-

I blinked out of my dangerous thoughts. The baby was alive and not giving up, the mother wasn't giving up and the doctors weren't giving up either. So what was I, a stranger in this case, doing thinking of ending a life?

I felt like someone just slapped me. What was I doing succumbing to my boredom when Paediatric is a lesson on not giving up on life. I regained my focus and volunteered when Dr. Nour asked to measure his head circumference. I manipulated the baby and saw he was barely the size of my two forearms side by side; painfully too small. The reading came to below the 3rd percentile.