Wong once gave me gula-gula Hacks when I was having URTI and he said Hacks means "hanya aku cinta kau seorang" kah3

That morning we had clinic. I went through the OT book to book a date for PCNL as ordered by Dr. Hafiz, but macam dah penuh je. I showed to Dr. Hafiz.

Dr. Hafiz: Ni boleh isi.
Me: Tapi kan penuh.
Dr. Hafiz: Ni tiga ni dah postpone la sayang...

He said that in his usual patient tone and I held in my snigger. Dr. Omar next to me was obviously disturbed.

"Geli aku dengar mu panggil dia sayang," he said a few seconds later after what appeared to be holding in his gagging.

I wasn't. So far in Surgery, people addressed me as "my dear", "darling" or "sayang" after I've been silly, so I've equated such term with "I'm being  patient with this kid". So I got the date booked and went off to finish consulting my patient.

Dr. Omar to Dr. Hafiz: Hafiz bakpo mu buli Atiqah nyo?
Me: Saya tak rasa dibuli pun?

See I am such a nice workaholic kid, bwahahaha.

"Budak kurang ajar"

Tadi masa nak habis round, budak2 ni cakap la pasal Dr. Omar nak masuk Red dah.

Hakimi: Semua orang tahu Omar paling bekeng (garang) sekali dalam Uro.
Me: Ye ke? Bagi saya, Dr. Omar tak bekeng pun..

They all looked at me expectantly.

Me: ... Dr. Omar paling emo sekali ada la.

He looked at me like a cross between nak maki aku and laughing out loud. I grinned.

Dr. Omar: Awak kata saya ape?
Me: Saya kata Dr. Omar paling emo sekali dalam Uro.

Bravely. If you want to diss a person, diss him in the face. Isha backed him up and kata dalam Red ada doktor lagi emo.

Me: Oh Dr. Azihan dan Dr. Adham ke? Saya baik je dengan diorang. Saya rasa diorang okay je.
Kimi: Atiqah ni memang pelik sikit.

Then Dr. Haziq told Dr. Omar that "papa Atiqah ni consultant dekat sini. Professor siap."

I'm not a fan when people talk about my dad so I scrutinised them with a slight frown. Dr. Omar pun macam tanya siapa ayah aku.

Dr. O: Ayah awak lecturer mane?
Me: Visiting UIA, USM-
Dr. O: UIA? Bila lagi? Saya tak ingat pun ada prof nama tu.
Me: Macam dah lama. Dia ajar Paeds, Neonate..
Dr. O: Tak ingat pun.
Me: Doktor pergi kelas tak?
Dr. O: Kurang ajar budak ni.

I laughed out loud at his glare. It's really hard to take him seriously with his scrawny build and amusing annoyed face.

Later habis round, Dr. Omar sat next to the patient awaiting to insert a 3-way catheter in him. He caught me glancing at him in boredom.

"Takut saya Atiqah tengok saya macam tu."

In my head there were several responds and my choice was "doktor takut dengan perempuan kenapa" but I chose to silently stare at him for a full second before turning my attention back to the patient. Not interested enough to answer.

---

Today I am oncall with Dr. Adham, Dr. Ju and Dr. Aizat. My favourites haha for unknown reason, despite belum pukul 5 lagi Dr. Adham dah call aku suruh review patient referral.

Dr. Adham: Awak Atiqah kan?
Me: Ye saya. Saya oncall harini.
Dr. Adham: Nama awak Atiqah kan.
Me: Ye nama saya Nur Atiqah Mohd Hanifah.
Dr. Adham: Ni Dr. Adham.
Me: Yes Dr. Adham, ape khabar.

Line fail ke ape?

Selalu jugak aku oncall dengan diorang ni. Dr. Aizat during rounds takde tegur aku pun haha. Fizul and Kak Jah ada kena tegur jugak, aku cam dia lenient. Or maybe I was kemah tadi hehehe.

Siap borak dengan Dr. Aizat masa otw ke Bendahara review patient.

Dr. Aizat: Awak Uro sekarang? Macam mana boleh oncall General?
Me: Saya yang request sebab rindu General..
Boss: Hahaha
Me: Tapi nyaris menyesal la, saya dah dua minggu tak jenguk Wad 30 tak tahu kes langsung.

Lucky for me Wad 30 cuma ada 8+1 patient... including a full room of acute beds hahahaha. Oncall aku sibuk tersekat dalam ED demi patients Plastic sampai Kak Ju minta Hafizul cover kerja aku dekat Wad 26.

Kak Ju pulak siap ambil order untuk dinner aku lagi weeehu.

Dr. Adham komen on my tulisan tadi.

Him: Lawa tulisan Atiqah.
Me: Okay saya sedar tulisan saya huduh. (sambil menghempukkan kepala atas meja patient)
Him: Boleh jadi MO Surgery nanti.
Me: Hehe inshaAllah.

Aku benci orang yang tak kesiankan patient

4.50pm. Aku nak masuk OT join teammates lain tapi aku nak amik semula blood c&s patient yang aku baru dinotify kena rejek dengan lab sebab aku terlupa tampal label. Cilakak polisi tak kesiankan patient langsung, ingat 16cc blood ni main-main ke. Aku hantar blood tu 3pm lagi, ape susah call je la aku stat suruh rectify the problem waktu tu. Ni rejek terus, jahat gila kesian patient.

Anyway, siap2 cabut whitecoat dan prepare barang.

Tetiba Dr. Azihan masuk bilik procedure. I greeted him and he seemed like he was looking for something. Aku kan budak baik. Kalau orang lain tak layan dah Dr. Azihan. Aku dengar budak Red tension gile MO Red jenis emo, but since I am an indifferently happy kid, aku pun tanya,

Me: Cari ape bos?
Him: Takde pape.

Beliau keluar dan aku sambung amik barang. Pastu seketika dia datang balik.

Him: Mana houseman lain? Dalam wad ni awak sorang je saya nampak.
Me: Saya Uro. Teammate semua dah masuk OT.
Him: Team lain pun OT ke? Saya naik atas pun takde houseman. Dah balik ke semua?
Me: Takkan la. Belum pukul lima pun.

HO Surgical majoriti cemerlang, I know this for fact. Lulz.

Me: Doktor ada nak pape ke?
Him: Tak, takde.
Me: (sambil tolak troli) Nak tolong saya amik blood c&s?
Him: Tak, awak buat la.
Me: Okkkay.

It takes one troublemaker to know one

It will be vain of me to think Dr. Omar labelled me as a troublemaker, but I think he has been addressing me with a slight "this little punk" glare these days. Maybe he still has that grudge from when I troubled him with two referrals in one day and when I yelled at him in the OT, not to mention when I thoughtlessly made him look bad by attempting to do something he physically was unable to. But otherwise I have been following his orders correctly.

Today in the clinic Dr. Hafiz was patiently teaching me the ropes. He was a contrast from Mr. Z who would pace around and greet patients in his booming voice. Past noon Dr. Omar showed up from his next room and addressed me with his I'm-trying-to-look-annoyed face.

"Awak," he called. Like I was a vermin. I have a name, you.

I gave him the same look he gave me while I typed in the computer for Dr. Hafiz. "Dr. Omar. Amende."

I don't talk to him like I would to a superior. I prefer to annoy him ever so slightly, or not to take him seriously at all. Actually this is how I talk with fellow ikhwahs.

"Saya nak pinjam houseman sekejap."

I snorted. "Kenapa?"

"Saya nak pergi ED tengok kes torsion testes. Awak boleh tolong ambil date untuk PCNL patient saya? Tuliskan dalam discharge dia sekali."

I hesitated because I was in Dr. Hafiz's clinic and thus my boss. He should dismiss me first before I could even go to pee, let alone help this punk. "Saya tengah tolong Dr. Hafiz."

"Biar la Hafiz buat sendiri. Tolong saya jap."

I looked at my MO expectantly. He gave me the go.

"Okay." I got up obediently. Dr. Omar disappeared back into the adjacent room. But as I got up Dr. Hafiz told me to get the date for TURP for our patient as well. Okay.

---

Favour asked done, discharge note printed, jap apsal buku biru ni macam kosong?

"En. Mohamad, tadi Dr. Omar ada menulis dalam buku biru ni tak?"

"Takde," the patient said.

"Selamba betul mamat ni," I laughed and went writing.

---

I was back in my seat writing clinical notes for Dr. Hafiz's patients. Dr. Omar popped into the room and asked,

"Dah dapat tarikh PCNL?"

"Dah," I answered shortly, busy typing.

"Discharge note?"

"Dah siap." Of course la. He disappeared back into the room.

---

Klinik habis. MO semua pergi the next room. Jap, serius la kan aku boleh balik wad dah kan? I went to Dr. Hafiz to confirm. I got his go and I thanked them.

"Atiqah, Dr. Omar nak belanja awak makan."

"Boleh jugak, terima kasih." I smiled my professional smile politely. We all know that was a farce.

"I'm not your boss."

In OT today Dr. Omar tried to increase the height of the drip stand but he was unable to. It needed height and strength. Everyone laughed at him (I didn't, I was more interested in Mr. Goh doing the procedure) so he turned to me standing next to him and said "Awak la pulak try."

Being the obedient kid I am I immediately do as he said, I somehow didn't register his exasperated sarcasm. I tried to increase the height of the drip stand despite the scrub nurse telling me not to because even Dr. Omar didn't manage to (basically she meant I'm shorter and weaker than Dr. Omar). While doing so I barely heard Dr. Omar telling me I was humiliating him by trying to do what he physically failed to, and I have to compensate by belanja him makan. But since I was focused on my task, I didn't comment on what he said. I'm really a silently working kind of person and it's not my fault he has a scrawny built and his somewhat emo mood.

As expected, I failed. Dr. Haziq came and successfully increased the height of the drip stand. Well he is bulkier and taller than Dr. Omar so it was a given. Dr. Omar then asked Dr. Haziq to belanja him makan.

25 yo Malay lady, unhappy TRO cause

Aku sayang Mr. Zaidi. Dalam aku tengah unhappy TRO cause dalam Uro ni, asal aku nampak dia mesti aku light up.

Tadi aku dekat counter discharge patient. Muka serious buat kerja senyap2. Tetiba Green lalu, Mr. Zaidi last2. Aku nyaris tak tegur dia.

"Salam Mr. Zaidi." Aku sengih.

"Wassalam warahmatullah." Beliau jawab sambil senyum dan jalan. Aku pandang komputer balik. Noted bos tetiba berhenti dan paling.

"Hanifah!" Muka bos sengih macam saje cari pasal dengan aku. "Awak team mana sekarang?"

"Saya Uro Mr. Zaidi." Aku sengih sebelah muka helpless.

"Oo." Beliau pun berjalan pergi.

"Mr. Zaidi selamatkan sayaaa!" Aku nyaris terjerit kuat. Tapi orang sekeliling dengar je. Huh. Aku nak masuk General semula.

Adibah tanya apsal Mr. Zaidi panggil aku nama ayah aku. "Last name," aku sengih balik.

Adakah muka senyap aku macam muka papa?

---

I wish Nash will ask me if I'm okay or not. I want to reply him I have been happier. And then what, I don't know. Maybe he'll tell me to go eat or something. And I'll give him my Snickers safely tucked in my pocket for times like this.

Perhaps I have been happier because I used to have more chances of greeting my daily (or EOD) "Hai Nash."

Need more sunshines.

Maybe it's PMS

Yesterday I met Mr. Z along with a colleague who met him for her pre-off Surgery assessment. Apparently she was in Surgery since April because she took a 3-month maternity leave.

"Oo Dayah amik maternity leave masa Surgery rupanya," I said.

"Awak bila nak amik maternity leave Atiqah?" Mr. Z asked me back.

"Esok-esok la boss."

But after I left him to go to my Urology OT, I want a leave now. I've never felt the need to take a leave until now that I'm in Urology. I want an emergency leave tomorrow but for what reason other than my plummeting happiness? I'm entitled to leaves anyway, I've worked for two months so I have 4 days leave still untouched.

I can't really pinpoint what seems to be the problem. I'm stressed during rounds but how is it any worse than rounds with Red team? At least I enjoyed my time in Red. The MOs in Urology are friendly, goofing around kind of people and I've come to realise I'm the one who didn't want to talk to them. I'm only comfortable when they're giving me orders or asking for help.

Today I needed to ask Dr. Omar for MC for a patient and I just stood there doubting myself less than a meter beside him with the BHT in my hand. My colleague came and asked me what's with the patient that she discharged.

"Patient mintak MC."

"Tu Dr. Omar ada."

"Tak cakap lagi dengan dia."

Isha automatically leaned in and asked Dr. Omar for the MC. And there I was observing coldly, wondering why I didn't ask him myself.

Yesterday the whole team was in the OT. Dr. Haziq who I thought was a cold HO-eating MO during my tagging days in Green turned out to be the goofiest guy who talked about personal things on the side while bosses were operating. I don't like this kind of doing, I mean bosses were operating and there were us HOs and Dr. Haziq discussing about Dayah's constipated 5-month-old. I did my best to observe the operation with one ear listening on/off to their conversation and making timely comments.

And then we had another patient for second PCNL who was put in right lateral position plus lithotomy safely secured using straps one by Mr. Azam and another by Dr. Omar. Done and Mr. Azam turned around and saw me.

"Tangkap," he said and threw the remaining strap at me. I didn't catch it properly because he had bad aim, so I picked it up from the floor. Dr. Omar then called for me,

"Another one."

I coolly catched his throw. Then he made to throw the scissors he was holding and I automatically yelled at him, "Weh!!"

"Awak weh saya?!" He jested back. Of course he was only jesting. Dr. Haziq and Dr. Hafiz poked fun at me for yelling at Dr. Omar while I hurriedly apologized for yelling at him. Yes he was joking, I was taking it seriously, but man you shouldn't play around with sharp objects so anyway I would have yelled at surgeons and would apologized for yelling afterwards.

"Sorry boss," I spluttered and in his jokingly emo tone replied "I'm not your boss" while putting away the scissors himself.

K fine. "Sorry Dr. Omar."

And today I walked beside him down the stairs during rounds and I didn't say a word at him. I'm friendly with my bosses but you're not my boss now, are you.

I told Yaya not all doctors suck like that and good doctors especially (like meh lol) don't do like that. I don't want her to lose faith in dentists.

Kalau buat procedure buat molek deh. Second attempt fail panggil la orang lain. Dan kalau patient dah suruh panggil guardian dia, pergi panggil jangan la tanya balik budak tu "kenapa nak panggil abah?"

Kesian patient. Jangan la ingat sebab patient tu somebody baru nak buat molek. Everybody is a precious somebody.

Korang pulak dua kali patient request panggil guardian dia korang kata tak payah, sampai nangis budak tu korang poke 6 kali semata-mata FBC dan BUSE lepas tu baru bapak budak tu muncul wondering apehal lama sangat amik darah.

"Eh ayah Hadi kan?" Ujar FYDO tersebut.

"Haah. Ni adik Hadi." Ha ye Dr. Hadi tu DO korang.

Sejurusnya beliau pun bawak budak tu pergi department dia minta HO dia amikkan blood, alhamdulillah sekali poke je dapat.

(Bapak budak nak amikkan tapi budak tu tak nak dia takut bapak dia pun tak dapat dan dia ngamuk dengan bapak dia.)

Nasib la korang bila patient tu anak orang lama hospital, geng kamcing HOD korang yang anak-anaknya panggil Dato' HOD tu sebagai pakcik je, pastu korang pulak tak panggil guardian patient bila patient dah request dua kali. Of course la said bapak nak bawa issue ni ke HOD korang.

Sebagai HO baru dua bulan, aku sedar blood-taking tak senang. Tapi ethically korang ni dah merepek. Aku tak pernah buat patient aku camni dan aku takkan buat camni. Korang pulak buat adik aku camni, haha nasib la...

Disclaimer of a good kid

Generally in life, I'm sensible. I'm quite proud of my analytical ability and my logical reasoning. Due to this, I listen well and am a nice kid despite my hot temper and my sudden penchant for rebelling. I do know and practice some good akhlak.

So if you're my superior, I will listen to you. If you ask me to help with anything, I will do it, minimal (if any) questions asked. I do it because I'm a good kid with a good sense of responsibility. I am not after your approval or your good book. Because my aim in life is to be happy and live proud of myself, and I am enough with Allah sustaining me.

I'm missing it already

Mr. Z tengah sibuk laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Dah nak habis dah. Aku dah lose focus sikit.

Tetiba dengar boss panggil. "Tiqah, Tiqah." Saya pun angkat muka tengok Dr. H tengah glance at me sambil boss sibuk tunjuk kat screen.

"Tiqah, tengok tu appendix." Beliau pun manipulate Maryland nak tunjuk kat aku appendix tu.

"Owh." Hmm appendix. "Comel." I commented offhandedly.

"Comel je dia kata..." Boss mengomen macam tak puashati aku tak cukup interested sambil beliau meneruskan kerja. Aku dan MO lain gelak, me at him. Dah tu aku nak kata ape?

Esok aku start Urology. Nak terkicik cuak tapi never mind sejak bila aku tak fearless. Esok kena gi kerja sejam awal la pastinya. I love my sleep too much to be an adult, dear Allah help me.

Buas bertempat, sini bukan Mesir

Minta izin (inform?) ayah nak gi meeting kul 9pm. Drive sorang pergi. Meeting setel 11pm. Rasa nak lepak. Sorang-sorang pun best, standard la dulu pun selalu lepak sorang.

Mesej kawan yang rumah nearby tapi lepas tu sedar dia kerja esok. Never mind. Jom la lepak Haru.

Bukak WhatsApp tengok family aktif lagi main henset. Ala tak tidur lagi rumah. Balik la.

Maka AtiqOh pun balik rumah straight. Tak minta izin pun nak lepak luar. Sorang-sorang, perempuan, near midnight pulak tu. Duduk dengan family buat cara duduk dengan family.

Be careful, Atiqah

Boss asked for assistance from any "kind and hardworking HO" and since I am, I went to where he was and sauntered casually towards him. Greeted Wong next to him and asked what were they doing. Wong called me to take his place so I did.

Apparently he was preparing slides for Radio Conference. Hmm. I have my own slide to make and Mr. Ken will be disappointed if I keep withholding it. But anyway, I went through the opened document.

I asked him what was the slides for. He said he was presenting for Radio Conference.

"Oh ye? Sam pun. Semalam diorang pas kerja ke kitorang and Sam volunteered. Diorang siap bagi BHT dan slides."

"Eh ye? Saya tak nak redundant. Siapa yang suruh?"

"Dr. Azihan suruh Syamida. Syamida cuti so dia passover ke budak Black."

While he cleared the issue with Sam, I went through his slides. Typo here and there.. I automatically corrected them and pointed it out to my sheepish boss.

I glanced at him. Yup, he looked like the sloppy kind of person who look after his appearance, his meals and his work. But not so everything else.

I told him I'm particular about typos because I was an editor for our student society in Egypt.

"Oh. Editor ape?"

"Saya start jadi wartawan, lepas tu jadi editor. So saya la yang edit berita persatuan kitorang."

"Oh."

"Macam Nasrullah, dia geng Grafik. Dia terror la bab tu."

"Oh camtu. Sama group usrah dengan Nasrullah ke? Geng budak jurus mesti ada usrah."

"Nasrullah join usrah?" I laughed knowingly. He doesn't look that type. I don't know if he changed after graduating, but most guys don't.

"ISMA ke ape dah?"

"ISMA? Tak tak, bukan.."

I already answered him one time ago that I am with IKRAM but apparently he doesn't remember. I guess our conversation is not important to him, I'd rather not repeat myself.

"Doktor join usrah ape?" Because it takes one to know one.

"PAS.."

"I see." I know he is neither IKRAM nor ISMA (ikhwah ISMA tak perangai camtu).

"Tapi saya tengah futur sekarang." He laughed.

"Futur? Kahwin la." I suggested jokingly. I am an advocate of marriage as a source of problems and never a solution. Haha.

"Nak kahwin kena dengan yang satu fikrah," he replied.

Weird response. If it were me I'd shoot back "lol kahwin menambah masalah ade la."

Ramai muslimat PAS kan? He's a doctor and a looker, it can't be that hard unless he's choosy. As always I didn't look at him when I'm holding conversation but I felt like his tone was rather strained. Did he have someone who isn't of the same fikrah and thus conflicted or was he having a hard time adapting to that point of view?

"Tak semestinya satu kapal kan." Sefikrah memang penting and I agree on the notion, tapi yang paling asas adalah saling menguatkan dan membina. Takde la sampai menolak jodoh kalau dah ada. We can never tell about our steadfastness, don't make a good thing hard to do.

"Ramai tak jadi camtu."

"Oh saya refer kepada orang-orang lama," I was thinking of Dr. Nik Mazian, Dr. Ahmad Sabri... I felt like I need to console him but this is a matter best discussed between him and his naqib.

But anyway, there's no work for me here. Let's go do what I should. Plan/ 1) KIV console Dr. H later. 2) Do PM review now.

"Tak jadi la buat slide kan? Bye." I stood up and went to do PM review. He should know I'm the type to up-and-leave by now.

Abe Din

We have this 51 years old patient in the ward who insisted we call him Abe Din, which by default I wouldn't because of his age. Anyway, today we observed Wong doing a procedure on him so we all gathered and chatted with Abe Din.

Abe Din called me "Kecik" because of my size. Wong told him to call me by my pretty name "Tiqah" but Abe Din said the name is not pretty at all and he will call me Kecik as he liked. I grinned helplessly at them.

Later I secured his line with 3M as per requested by Abe Din and we talked a bit. He called me Tiqah and referred to himself as pakcik.

I guess I'll forever be the kid.

Semoga segera sembuh dan diberikan kekuatan

Pagi tadi lepas habis kerja oncall, pergi lawat Dr. Aizat dengan Mimi sebelum balik postcall. Bawa buah tangan air laici kotak besar dan bagitahu dia sebab "Mr. Zaidi kata clear fluid paling laku kat hospital adalah air laici."

Best borak dengan Boss Aizat. Pasal isteri dia dan selok-belok kerja sebagai YM di KK. Tambah pulak Mimi memang rancak bercerita. Mimi tunjuk gambar surat patient tulis kepada dia. Surat gratitude dan minta berkenalan. Hahahaha. I told them Fadzlin pun kena stalk dengan ayah patient once.

"Mungkin sebab muka saya macam budak sekolah so takde pun orang nak kenakan saya macam tu," I laughed at myself.

"True professional," Dr. Aizat said instead.