Getting ready to be 24

Respect

Everyday is a test of respect. I have my own position and duties in this world and so is everyone else. As a medical student, I respect others as more experienced teaching or supporting staffs, patients, the likes. The very least I could do to them is respecting them as fellow human.

I try to teach myself that how others treat me will not affect how I should and supposed to treat them. This is because I am naturally a control freak but there are life facts that are beyond my control. The least I could do is have full control over myself. My feelings are my own, my thoughts are my own, my actions are my own.

If I try to control things beyond my power; like the abominations in Egypt, the occupation of Palestine, the war in Syria, the stupid people I meet, the doctors coming to class very late, the bloody unsystematic system, my ruined circadian rhythm, and a lot more, all these will easily overwhelm me and too much emotions is exhausting. I have already diminished GH from improper night sleep, I don't need avoidable things to tire me.

It works for me. My anger will dissipate and I feel more objective. What is important to me is to live proudly and happily with the thoughts I think and the actions I take. I am selfish in this sense, who cares about others? They can do whatever they want and I couldn't care less.

I'm doing my best, but sometimes I fail and when I do, I feel sorry for you. I'm still in training and by default I am a really crude and hot-tempered person.

Love

These past years circumstances have teached me the many shades of love. I met a lot of endearing people that made me feel, and that feeling can only be concluded as love. I also realise that there is no similar love for each and every one of them and that there is no two that is the same. Each holds a specific place in my heart.

Among the principles that I hold true are "love is appreciation, not possession" and that "have a lot of pleasures but few indulgence" because I firmly believe that everything is Allah's and nothing is mine, and I don't want my attachment to anything worldly to cripple me. I learned this the hard way when things didn't turn out the way I wanted  once and it sent me to a moment of weakness. Based on these two I put my act together and organize my thoughts and feelings so that no impurities will come in between.

This in turn held back a lot of my expressive actions. Lao Tzu said that "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." I suppose in my case, it is the courage to hold back for the sake of something bigger.

Nowadays, my greatest fear is that I forget. These things are as important to me as steps of resuscitation is.