"Lie and make me happy"

Yesterday was the first day for Surgery clinical class and passionate I was, hauled Umair to class earlier than expected from us. Class was supposed to start at 12 and the secretary took our attendance and announced the doctor was on his way. The syllabus wasn't handed out yet so I wasn't sure what to start study with. Opened the first chapter of Volume 1 Surgery textbook and studied while waiting for the doctor.

12.15. On his way.

12.30. Getting cranky. Still on his way. Pulled out a packet of biscuits.

12.45. Still on his way. I was already finishing the second chapter.

12.50. Class was announced cancelled. Frankly I was sad. This was ridiculous. And to think it was our first class and they didn't even bother to give us a good impression.

Packed up and moved to where Group D was having their class. We knocked on their door, greeted the doctor halfway teaching them and asked "Is it possible to join your class? Our doctor didn't show up."

He held the door wide for us.

---

Today was second day of Surgery clinical and I laid in bed weighing the chances of being disappointed again. Got up and went to class anyway, trying not to expect anything.

Arrived at class just after 12. Class wasn't even open for us and the guys were standing waiting in front of the locked door. Traded information on what the other groups took yesterday and I felt this crushing weight when I realized it was only the second day but already our group was lagging behind. Had our group leader reported this misdemeanour to our coordinator already?

The secretary showed up and announced our group was transferred to Department 27 to have the rest of our Surgery course there. We gladly took off.

---

Dr. Hany Armia spoke briefly and I liked him already. "So anyone of you here wants to be a surgeon?"

When my dad first asked me that, I answered I wanted to be a surgeon. But that was nearly five years ago and-

"What? No one? Cmon lie to me and make me think I am doing something good here." He laughed.

Okay.. I felt guilty. I don't know about everyone else but I should have raised my hand so that he will know I was passionate about his class, about Surgery, as he was passionate to teach us. And really, I was, I am and I will always be passionate to learn. Maybe yesterday hit me more than I should have let it.

It wasn't a matter of lying, being a hypocrite or anything but we should celebrate and support each other's passion when one is doing something good. Make that person happy with what he is doing, and subsequently I will be happy myself. This is how I convey my gratitude for his efforts and teachings.

This way of thinking is probably what burns me out easily, but I like to think you should give your best in whatever you do and not dish out a half-assed attempt.

That's part of ihsan, isn't it?

"all is well, all is well, all is well."

hi. just an update on how everything is going now.

i busted my laptop the other day and haven't got around to repair it, well it's actually a matter of finance and yes the usual lazy ass issue. until then, it has been five years of loyalty and continuous service from the laptop, hontouni arigatou gozaimasu. i named it haizen during the earlier year with it but it's kinda too weird, i dunno why i named it such. bleach-influenced perhaps.

so i am hanging on to doing stuffs from my phone, which is a little over the top when one's job includes heavy documenting. a little pain but nothing a good dose of music couldn't heal, haha. i am writing this from freeloading off umair's laptop :)

we finished our paediatrics round last thursday and i miss it so much, it has been great fun. i should keep on studying paeds regardless, because it felt weird not to study hard for something lol. although i must say my sanity almost died and i bothered everyone with my incessant whining and impending suicides during the end round exam period.

at the abou rish children hospital lobby. this place is cool it has aquariummmmmm~

anyway, i miss paeds. the doctors, the patients, the subject itself. last night i revised a teeny bit over whatsapp with abang ayep. great fun :D

that night we had our long-overdue usrah and voila, strawberry crepe!

we started surgery yesterday. imagine, only two hours of class everyday. this is bad. i can see myself sleeping more and more and the general consensus of hibernating brown bears will be so proud of me. already made a pact with umair and faiz on how to manage this too much time so let's see me sticking with it. i really can't study at home. it won't work.

and last saturday, we went for futsal and i still! have the lumbago and leg cramp until now. which is not surprising considering it has been a year since i last played seriously and we went crazy on the field. in my defense, we did properly warmed up and down and i even got farahnur to walk with me to fro mounira - zenhoum.

spot the imported striker from ain shams.

my back. it makes me feel old. now where is that aspirin patch? anyway, it was awesome. typical me to go reckless where passion lies, haha. ara's team won with 2-1 and my hat's off for them. ara herself is one formidable opponent.

this coming winter break. well i only have something planned for the first week and another one day with kak elle, so i have a lot of time to do some other stuffs. this is again a financial issue, because i cannot bring myself to think of going somewhere not here when i can't dish cash out freely. haha.

where did all my money go, you ask? well it was written in Previously in 2012.

so.. maybe i will use this winter to plan next year's winter :) need to do a hell load of researching to make this work. plus this is a good time to reorganize my internal medicine and paediatrics "encyclopedia" and analyze someone.. which brings me to my next point.

i have been looping CN BLUE nowadays since i found their JAPANESE songs a day before the paeds exam. haha, crazy right? actually i have been listening to them (i only have three of their songs on my ipod, but anything goes) since 2011 but only now i am officially infatuated. this is mostly because my ears are made for japanese songs rather than korean language; it doesn't get digested much.

and the japanese songs has been shared with umair. i selected my most favourite best which was sang by jonghyun. guy is so.. heh. told you i was infatuated.

what else? oh yes. yesterday we went and got our first dose of hepatitis b vaccine. well mom said i should check my antibody against it first since we had been vaccinated during infancy, but that's like dinosaur ages ago. plus we were already on the way to vacsera at that time, can't go back now.

so. it wasn't painful at all! i was the first up and it was done in a blink, i was surprised because i expected it to hurt. but post vaccination, the arm wasn't really as strong and i was tired. not sleepy tired, but yawning-four-times-in-a-minute-worse-than-a-morphine-addict kind of tired.

happy faces post vaccinated.

right now i am having breakfast. umair cooked fried noodle. awesomeness. i only have breakfast when i freeload at her place haha. so not good at taking care of myself.

i should add that the cardiotrophic parasite is now fibrosed. i need a surgical incision or maybe a heart transplant.

:) see ya,
hana

And now you know why

Despite currently in the process of wrapping up my Paediatrics posting, I cannot and will not pretend my language is all clean and childproof. Never even has. I spent too much of my adolescent mixing with the culturally wrong crowd and the damage is irreversible and untreatable haha. Consider yourself warned.

I once read this SasuHina drama fanfiction where Sasuke was the cliche hot guys who caught every girls' eyes except Hinata, who was the one he fell for but never muster up whatever it was people muster to tell her himself. As it was, Hinata was smitten with his best friend Naruto who had his eyes on Sakura. They were all friends who occasionally hang out together.

Nothing unique there. We see the same pattern with most of the AU SasuHina fanfictions. What struck me most was how Sasuke dealt with that frustration, whereby he became the city's notorious playboy who remained unattached, fooled around with different girls every day, occasionally watching Hinata from afar and lamenting his fate at the end of each day.

Heh. When you can't have what you want, you tend to (destructively) want anything and everything else.

I used to think how foolish that kind of action was. Sissy even. But after this crash course on psychology I now understand why he did what he did.

Not that I approve, no. My opinion stands and the difference it made is that I can now fully appreciate how stupid and dickless that action is. Understanding does not necessarily leads to acceptance but it is the second step in anything and everything (first is knowing and I am quoting Dumbledore).

But still very enticing and tempting and I sort of do that already, which is wrong wrong wrong. You cannot fool around and tarnish yourself. Culturally wrong or not, I am a Muslim first and all.

P/s: The fanfiction could have ended better, but it was a happy ending for our SasuHina here.

The only Kelantanese quality I acquired

is appreciation for fine keropok. And sometimes preparing over-sweetened stuff, but that is a matter for discussion on another fine day.

Keropok is not a simple snack. It is God-send. For me, you can take away all my food and leave me just with this and I will be more than perfectly happy. (Perfectly happy but probably dead from immune deficiency secondary to malnutrition. Oh, so dramatic.)

Every time I went back home for the summer, a huge carton of Keropok Segera Cap 5 Ikan made by Yah Ismail, Tumpat will be awaiting me. I swear my mom is spoiling me rotten.

See what I mean?

Two years ago we were in a discussion and there was keropok served to us. I put it beside me and ate it piece by piece non-stop, until I noticed a friend looking at me in amusement. I looked up, keropok in hand and asked him what was the matter, to which he laughed and said "Thank God it's not pizza."

Earlier this year we won the PERUBATAN debate (oh I forgot to write a proper post about it, silly me) and Suhaila was so proud of me that she gave me a packet of keropok as a congratulatory present!

Hadiah menang debat :D

Once I dropped by unannounced at Ara's place and she immediately commented that I should have told her I was coming by, "or I would have fried some keropok for you."

Three months ago Najiha prepared fried noodle and Syuhada fried some keropok to eat with it, but I ended up eating only the keropok. I hastily ate a spoonful of noodle just to make Najiha happy that I ate what she cooked, but she was still so upset she took away the rest of the keropok and hid it in her room. So stingy.

A week or so after that, I dropped by her house with Nadhrah. Najiha kindly fried a whole container of keropok (I may or may not guilted her into submitting to her stinginess) which I paraded in front of Nadhrah but selfishly ate it by myself before obliging to her sad puppy-eyed face lulz.

Makan sorang menghadap dinding lambang kedekut keropok takmo share hahahah. Amat tak senonoh perangai begini.

A month ago Piqoh started her business of selling packets of keropok to us in class. Ara bought one packet and gave it as present to me. As if I needed more reason to love her, haha. I was going to take it home to eat it as breaking-fast but Is-kun then said "Hana hurry and open it" so I laughingly obliged and told him to pass it around. The guys ate half! :))

Ara is another person who spoils me rotten.

See, I have become nicer. I can now share what I enjoy with the people I enjoy. (Disclaimer: This is plain ironic and narcissistic. No nice people will announce they are nice.)

The next day, I bought two packets from Piqoh :P

By now, they all probably know I have a keropok fetish. Anyone can bait me with keropok and I will follow him to the end of the world, lulz.

Few weeks ago I couldn't sleep that night and when I finally did, I woke up at 10.30am. It was terrible, because I missed the 8.30am tutorial and the 10.00am Neonatology section. That night, this conversation occurred.

It was not the first time I was late or absent from class because of rough night. And it occurred to me that I must have been at the lowest point in my academic life for my friends to resort to baiting me with keropok to ensure I heed my attendance.

Wani bangun awal pagi gorengkan keropok. Oh Tuhan hatinya suci murni.

Anyway, there was no way I will ever pass up on Wani's offer. We are talking about authentic Terengganu's keropok here. C'est la crème de la crème!

P/s: Keropok is fish crackers. The thinner, the better. I like Yah Ismail's best because unlike the over-produced Cap Pinggan, this one is thinner and you can very much taste the fish to flour ratio, which is much higher. And this post was actually intended to be a place to document the increasing number of keropok pictures I have saved, lulz.

Previously in 2012

1- January
The season of getting sick and cheered upon by friends. Overall, I had fun as we started the year by getting into trouble with Jaksi at City Stars (haha) and then we wrapped up Community Medicine.

I took up a job that consumes most of my weekends and requires my presence outstation. Physically taxing and although a year has gone by, I still couldn't handle the distance. But they say if life doesn't tires you, then you're on the wrong path. Haha. I hope I remain sincere and steadfast.

Traveled to Ras el-Bahr for the winter. It was cold and fun, yes. But I will never understand why people choose to go to watery windy places in the winter, haha.

2- February
Our first niece was born! Ahlan wa sahlan Balqis binti Anas!

Explored a new territory called Madinat Salam. Actually we wanted to go to Gamie Salam but the bus driver misheard me and dropped us somewhere foreign huhu. It was post revolution and not safe actually, and thank God we were saved by a knight in shining maroon Nissan. Ustaz Mat said he never met any Malay there. Me and Faiz broke record, wooho!

Abang Warouq's batch graduated and went back for good. Egypt lost another fun entity. I was the Multimedia committee for their graduation ceremony and my dream of airing The Script's If You Ever Come Back in the hall of ARMA came true.

Traveled to Spain and had fun awesome time :)

Got accepted into PERUBATAN Medical Team and stepped down from co-helming BPP News Department.

3- March
Was traumatized from being out at midnight. The following week I was all eyes on the road regardless it was in the blaring sunshine and I wouldn't go out at night. Still so much sensitized and physically affected by the assault. Nowadays I am nearly back to my normal gallant self, hehe, but I learned my lesson.

Got involved in a seemingly safe and non-lethal-to-sanity book project for Med Team.

4- April
April is always Medicophilic Month and this year Muhammad, Syaimaa' and I formed a debate team since the organizer abolished public speaking competition. (Whatever good deed Captain did throughout his life was reflected when his prophecy was proven correct, lol.) It was great experience and alhamdulillah we won!

Us with the runner-up and one of the judges.

I finally approved Dik Kemal to follow me on Twitter after I saw his tweet telling our senior of my achievement and I was extremely touched by their endless fanshipping, haha. And thus we conclude Haru's Top Ten Entourage lol. These people are the best, they make my life a beautiful arc en ciel.

With the ongoing of the job, the debate, the book project.. all added up to make me one highly volatile and unstable human. April marked that one moment I honestly broke down. I regretted not being strong enough to handle it myself, huh, but it happened, and I learned my lesson.

5- May
Went dating with Kak Elle and others to see Maz Jobrani and folks stand-up comedy!

EXAM! EXAM! EXAM! Oh and the book project was still ongoing..

6- June
EXAM and book project..

7- July
FREEDOM that was followed by a period of silence and finally I exploded in front of one of our adviser who had the misfortune of being stuck with me at the airport, sorry. The book project ate up 3/4 of my sanity.

Went back home to patch up on my sanity. Visited Chik Na at Semenyih, went down to Beruas and Taiping. Finally after all these years of going back to kampung, I finally visited the Muzium Beruas (haha kampung aku ada muzium. Kampung korang ada? Lol) and explored Kem Tahanan Kamunting from end to end! :D

Because Beruas is my kampung, I am entitled to leniency kah3.

Our first nephew was born! Ahlan wa sahlan Mohamed Dhiaulhaq bin Mohamed Shafiq!

Officially a fifth year medical student, alhamdulillah. Quite a blessing to be able to proceed to the next level in one go after the feat I did all through this year.

8- August
Big Bro got engaged!

A much needed break. Recharged full sanity, lol.

9- September
Fifth year started with Internal Medicine and what was left of the book project.

10- October
Still with the book project. Haha, yes I know.

Started to hang out at the hospital with five other awesome classmates :D

The News Department interviewed Tok Pa who came down to Cairo and Epul did great with the interviewing. But honestly, Tok Pa let us down with his tired answers and I had to reject the transcript from being published. Also, that was the time our department was reprimanded by the ambassador for the 'misleading' media pass we wore around. Lulz. Plus there was this abang handsome who showed interest in my job ihik. (Cannot resist, seriously is one of my 2012 hype moment).

Balqis was growing beautifully and her parents kept daunting me with the prospect of having my own kid. I swear those two were bad influences, hahaha.

Went for my Internal Medicine clinical exam, postponed my MCQ exam and went home for the Eid Adha break. Tagged with papa at Kuala Krai Hospital and for the first time, this daughter was officially tutored under her father.

11- November
Big Bro got married! I have legally acquired a big sister who is taking most of my brother's attention. Now I have a valid reason to pester Abang A*** and S***** 24-7, provided they didn't kill me in the process.

Went into the next level of my job.

Remnant of the book project. We started to tidy up the seams.

Spent a day in Maadi with Kak Elle and Kak Fathy! Annoyed Kak Fathy because I kept exchanging inside jokes with Kak Elle haha..

Received LE200 from our neonatal jaundice lecturer for summing up the lecture. Wooho!

12- December
Big Bro was operated upon to remove his stupidity gene.

My pre-winter attack came crashing after two years of cleared lungs and I went running for my inhaler. Or not. I hate that stuff.

Abang Sam transited in Egypt for two nights on his way to Paris so we had dinner together. Next year it will be just me and him if Ara and Nisa bail on us again, lulz. He talked to us about tasawwuf, about his friend who died in-flight to London and that we should be doctors beyond geographical and time border. Travel and food remains the most prominent memory, so be cheap on everything if you must except FOOD.

Kak Pana, Abang Sam, Kak Nadiah, Kak Shae the three seniors sitting for their graduating exam!

Was one of the interviewer for PERUBATAN Medical Team intake. The guys said I was one of the crueler interviewer but hey, girl just wanna have fun. Plus I wasn't the only Ijud around, ngehehe.

Bought a new handphone. I need it for my job because I was always on the move but regardless of this recent acquisition, I still have this habit of not picking up calls and I still love my iPod to death. Need to stop comparing my two years old trusty iPod to this two days old gadget.

Married to my work

You don't choose which pit to fall into, you just did. Blame the resilient devils, your weak self, the enticing pit, whatever. You still have to pull yourself back up no matter how hard it is because you have somewhere you have to go, something to achieve. The pit is not the end of your journey.

Remember who you are. Remember what you want. Remember where you want to go. It never ends here.

Homie I don't know, he's hot and cold
Won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing end

---

Every winter, I will remember Heartless. You would, too, if you heard Dia Frampton singing so hauntingly and this part got stuck in your brain ever since.

How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo

Just because it's all in my head doesn't make it any less than real

Author: haru
Genre: Angst
Rating: T
Summary: That is me now; prejudicial. Perhaps always has been. How did I end up so bitter like an old fool who lived a hundred years of sorrow?

------------------------

Every time I see you, what flashes in my mind is how I will react if you repeat what you did again. I know I will go for the jugular. I know I will stamp on your renal angle with the intention to bust your kidney open. I know I will leave you there. I know I will cry so hard. I know I will be sorry I hurt you but you will deserve it for what you do.

I know I have a problem. I know I am living in worst-case-scenario when it comes to you. I know I am traumatized, too scared perhaps, and it's not like you were actively trying to prove your worthiness again. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I love you but I can't trust you anymore.

I can't help it that once you break that trust, things will never be the same. We will be civil at best, but my guard will always be up. I suppose you won't feel a thing unless you notice the change in my demeanour and wonder why. But the burden will always be on me because it hurts to live in constant vigilance against people you care about.

That is me now; prejudicial. Perhaps always has been. How did I end up so bitter like an old fool who lived a hundred years of sorrow?

God, please don't curse me with this ability to remember.

D for Dramatic

Dr. Nadia was supposed to give our clinical session today but she was absent, so I joined Class D's clinical session. The following scenes took place there and made me realized how my class was Class B for Brilliance and theirs was Class D for Dramatic, hahaha.

---

Two and half years old Sama was crying and grunting. Crying and grunting. Someone took out a squeaky Pikachu toy and squeaked the toy out.

Sama stopped crying.

"That is a pig or what?" Dr. Hala asked, clearly amused at the child's reaction.

"It's Pikachu!" Class answered. Thankfully it wasn't in the tone of that 'Who's That Pokemon' segment or I would have doubled over in laughter.

---

The students lined up to auscultate ten-year-old Latifah's hemic murmur. I was asking Diyana why the doctor used the term edema of abdomen instead of ascites when I noticed said doctor's eyes were on me.

Probably my voice was too loud. I smiled at her sheepishly and said "Ops sorry doctor."

She looked at me intently. "Enti syatroh?" (You are clever?)

"Erk." I grinned awkwardly at her sudden out-of-place question. Now what was the correct answer for such question? "Ameen?"

She turned to Epul who was standing next to her and helped her to find the correct word. "Not that.." She said. "What I wanted to say was.. She is very, very, very..."

Doctor please don't say talkative. The guys would never let me live it down if you say talkative.

"...caring, kind, cooperative..."

Where on earth did that came from?

"...blablabla... And she asked question in the class." Dr. Hala turned to me. "Are you in the top 10 of the class?"

"No!" Now this one I know the answer to by heart.

"Why not?" She looked taken aback at my abrupt happy denial.

"Because I am too lazy to study," I shot back laughingly.

"So who is the top in the class?"

We pointed directly to Aisyah Mardhiyah, Amirul Yunus and others. Haha.

So I did asked a question in class. And probably have all the making of a top ten student as well (OMG so narcissistic. Somebody slap me please) except for my pathological laziness. Dr. Hala is either highly intuitive and superbly deductive or she needs a total enlightenment in the art of profiling hehe.

Thank you doctor. You restored my faith in my own self :')

---

Walked pass Epul on the way up the stairs to our lecture hall. He smirked and dished out his usual sarcastic flattery parroting what Dr. Hala commented.

I laughed, thanked him and amen-ed to his 'prayer'. I actually had a piece of banana crumble I wanted to give to him but seemed like he had too much fun today.

I ate half the banana crumble during lecture. No wonder I was more hyper than a monkey.

Cheap and power-wielding big sister

Last week Melle just got her Malaysian identification card which was long overdue since she turned twelve on August 10th. Apparently our parents were too busy for her, muahaha. So the week before that Big Bro and I had been calling her PATI (illegal immigrant) because she had no IC.

Melle was so not happy.

She then received her IC and posted the picture of it as proof on my Facebook wall. Instead of calling her now a legal citizen, I commented that we know need to call her ex-PATI.

Melle was so not happy.

"Oo kalu gitu, pa, ma, kakngah dengan semua orang pun ex-PATI jugak ke?" she retorted.

I seriously didn't know how to reply her wit so I pulled out the big sister card and replied "Oh pandai menjawab ye." That got her to mutter a "huhu" with a very dissatisfied face.

HAHAHA.

There's nothing wrong with being beaten by the cold weather. It shows that you are only ever crippled by God.

Last night they went to the hospital and I didn't, giving my intolerance to very cold weather as reason. Today at class, Umair hit me on the shoulder.

\(>__<)/ I am not sissy and complaining about being hit but I am complaining about the reason I was hit.

---

The last time we went to the hospital was last Wednesday and I took it before going to the hospital that night. It was colder than I expected (I was already wearing three-layered clothing huhu) and I ended up coughing a few times in the ER. It was embarrassing because I was in front of the guys and doctors and I even had to sit down. Grr.

Third fit and finally I ran to the bathroom to take it another time. So really, last night was colder than Wednesday's. Go figure.

---

It's hard to comply when you question the diagnosis. Even when you finally come in terms with the diagnosis, you question why is this your GP's first line of treatment. Either I am too stubborn or too smart. So I was at the crossroad of either take it and resume normal activity or don't take it and stay put and hibernate like a good brown bear.

Last night was stressful. I considered my stubbornness as over the top and breaching into stupidity, but dad said I wasn't being stubborn, "just that you want to attempt to neutral it naturally." It was a soothing salve, but the problem was still there.

This season's theme song will be Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe.

This is why Farah Nur is menyampah with me

Farah Nur was locked in the house and couldn't go back to her own so she was still there when I got back just now.

"Nah ada kek coklat. E*mad bagi. Kenal kan?"

Apparently this Ain Shams friend of mine was not familiar with the final year seniors of Cairo University.

"Kenapa dia bagi kau?" Farah Nur cocked an eyebrow.

"Aku kan junior yang disayangi ramai."

"Eeeeeee menyampah!"

"Haha."

"Untungla jadi junior kesayangan ramai."

"Mesti la. (insert another senior's name) yang tak pergi program PERU*ATAN pun datang sebab aku public speaking."

Kak Milah ran out of the room, nearly choking on the piece of cake she was eating. Farah Nur dropped onto the floor screeching a prolonged "Menyampahnya!" at my remark.

HARU FTW hahaha.

---

Okay that was fun. Need to get a grip on myself.

Red Rawrs

I figured I have high enough self-confidence to monologue in public and to express my opinion and not give a damn what others think of it. And thus this post is dedicated to myself.

Farah Nur is in the house and she brings with her breakfast that she already ate and some books. I am rummaging through one of them; The People Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman as we speak.

This is a personality book. And according to him, I am a Red with perhaps White as my secondary character. Dr. Hartman said that I am

aggressive and determined one minute (Red), then quietly passive the next (White). Your guiding motive is power and peace. You are likely to be misunderstood because your behaviour is inconsistent, and you don't easily allow others to figure you out.

Hmm. That is serious sheet. Reading online fictions has dulled my ability to read a real book so I am reduced to merely scanning through this book. Found two quotes that are amusingly spot-on.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way. 

Yes, this suits well with the election month of PERUBATAN and accordingly I am taking the third option of "get out of the way". Not interested in leading and definitely not into following, so I am being smart.

Winning is not everything, it is the only thing. 

Yes I like to win or to a lesser extend, I don't like to lose. It is okay not to win as long as I am not losing. Sometimes I choose not to bother because of this simple principle.

Dr. Hartman did a great job at describing me and I congratulate him for that. Among Reds' strengths that he enumerated and I agree upon are "highly efficient during emergencies or disasters" in As A Friend listing and "highly protective of companion" and "loyal to the relationship" in As A Committed Companion listing.

Major flops described for Reds point to how we deal with emotions and I have to agree with that. I am insensitive and tactless and consequently hurt people without ever realizing; much less intending to do so. In pure form, I am selfish, arrogant and intimidating.

Dr. Hartman also helpfully listed Five Things Reds Should Do Before They're Thirty which are:

1- teach their mother how to be a better parent

Which I don't have to because my mom is already the best mom and I respect her, thank you very much.

2- win every argument
3- break a Blue's heart

I break people's heart all the time unintentionally already.

4- run in a marathon or "run" the entire event
5- run a country. 

And not to forget the Two Things Reds Need to Do Before They Die:

1- become vulnerable and share their heart

I do this but I notice I do this for the sake of saying it out and that I don't really care what the other thinks of me or what s/he might do with that piece of information. As stated in the beginning of this post, I have high self-confidence thus am immune against blackmails.

2- leave their cellphone and computer at home and take a real vacation. 

Done since I am lazier nowadays. I have already done the Two Things he listed, is this a sign that I can go die now? Haha.

Red's complimentary opposites are elicited from the Whites... which might explain why I have affinity to people with White personality. Whites are peacekeepers. My dad is a White. Their Top Five Attraction Factors are:
1- listening
2- acceptance
3- kindness
4- patience
5- perspective

while their Top Three Flops are:
1- indecisive
2- conflict avoidance
3- inexpressive

A healthy Red-White relationship is that a Red needs a White in these aspects:

and the White needs the Red in these aspects:

Seriously, I need to get a handheld device with a much better camera.

Anyway, the point of reading such genre is to know your strengths so to optimize them and to acknowledge you weaknesses so to improve on them.

We all have that gene that is proven to be troublesome

The other day Hyde got admitted and operated upon. Once discharged, he made a public statement apologizing for his stubbornness that lead to this whole fiasco. I forgave him and told him that "pathological stubbornness is autosomal recessive."

Autosomal recessive means a trait that is genetically inherited with both parents as carrier. With each pregnancy, the kid has 25% chance of clinically manifesting with that trait. If one parent is clinically affected and the other is a carrier, chance for that kid to be affected will spike up to 50%.

Hyde was not the only stubborn person who was reckless on his own health. We also have dad and me, thus my comment.

Upon my statement, dad said he probably needed to reopen his genetic book. I told him that I clinically diagnose this condition without any gene assessment needed (because obviously I am making this up, anyone thinking I am serious need to get a thorough reality check-up); solely from the patient's positive family history. "Because papa you are also quite a very stubborn person. Can only blame you la. Muahaha."

"Not stubborn, but firm..." he said. And so I reminded him of his refusal to undergo a medical investigation when he was admitted one time ago.

"Oh...ok..." he remembered. "Yes I (was) reluctant for OGDS cos I well... you know lah..."

Hahaha! See what I mean?

To his credit, he reasoned that the investigation was not indicated for his condition at that time but of course his doctor, my mom and me think otherwise. It was then a case of self-management commonly encountered among the health personnel.

I am all too familiar with this. So really, this pathological stubbornness is genetic.

It's either somnolence or insomnia nowadays, why can't I be normal?

The hospital interferes with my sleep. I can't sleep when I get back from the hospital and end up defeated by the 8.30am class. Even when I can sleep, I end up dreaming about the hospital.

Like today's. Umairah was soothing a dejected me who was forlorn from not being as smart as Iskandar. Apparently in my dream he is very good with the basic physiology and pathology of an organ and a disease.

This scene probably came up because last night he asked me the pathway of hyperglycemia ending in ketosis.