Kambings are Mycobacterium-resistant hence no need to shower. Sleep is more relevant.

"Kak ngah." Big boss called from the kitchen. The lump hummed in response. "Have you showered?"

The lump lifted her head from the sprawl on the floor. "Why do I have to shower? I want to sleep."

"You met a TB patient! You have to go take a shower and wash away every bacteria!"

"But I want to sleep."

"You met a TB?" The lump's brother said in fake indignation. "You touched me just now!"

"No I gave you the end of my stethoscope and you put it on yourself!" The lump managed a glare, which softened in concern at remembering the youngest sibling she percussed earlier. "But I touched Hakim.. Hakim go shower now!"

"Kak ngah go and shower! You dealt with infectious diseases!"

"There's no logic to that. I changed my clothes. I washed my face and my hands and-"

"You have to practice the correct method of hand hygiene."

"I did! I even used the sanitizer!"

"This is protocol for infection control. You wash off everything. This is the sister ordering you to go and shower now."

"Why do we have a nurse as a mother?" The lump moved a few inches.

"You are lucky to have a sister as your mother." Said sister sounded smug. "Now go shower now."

"Yes motheeer."

Hakim ran to the bathroom for his shower after hearing the threat of bacteria on his being. The lump continued her sprawl on the floor.

Hari Buli Abang

I slept at 11pm Cairo time. Jet lag. I should have stayed awake the journey as I was traveling eastward and this would have helped my body adjust to the time difference. But I didn't.

I woke up at 9am Cairo time. Sucks.

Two hours later, Hyde, Melle and I hopped into the Innova to survey any open restaurant in town because Uncle Razali wanted to treat us to dinner. All our favourite restaurants were closed and the three of us surveyed from Kota Bharu to Pengkalan Chepa and Kubang Kerian to no avail, except for Ajihs Nasi Lemak which was full to the brim with customers. It was the second day of Eid Adha holiday anyway.

So we stopped at Nirwana to pick up some groceries (plus some fake lady Crocs for me. I only had my heeled booties and how am I supposed to ride my bike in heeled booties?) and Mele wanted Cool Blog and since Along was buying, why not he treat me as well? Poor me so pokai I couldn't even afford my RM4.10 cappuccino crack, haha.

After dinner I took out my Lissauer because I don't want to appear stupid in front of dad when he tells me to take his patient's history this Monday. Dad saw me and asked how was my Internal Medicine studies, in which I replied I still need to master taking the vital signs under five minutes.

There was a grave silence in the air and the subtle change in dad's eyes and mom's stunned expression made me feel like a failure.

To reassure them that there was no genetic problems and their daughter is not stupid and her retarded achievement was because she's just.. lazy, I hastily added that I know how to but it's just that I didn't practice enough on patients yet. My parents looked slightly relieved and my mom told me to start taking vitals from everyone in the family while giving out pointers on how to effectively take a patient's temperature. (It pays to have a nurse as your mother.)

I seriously need to see more patients and brush heavily on my clinical skills. I had told Maru to strip his shirt because I wanted to examine him that afternoon but the boy refused and ran away. Should I start bribing them with ice-creams?

I cannot laze around. My parents are breathing down my neck.

That night, I layered tiny bottles with dolly paper and Uncle Razali dutifully filled them with four chocolates (two reds, one blue, one white). Auntie Asnah came and joined us diligent workers in front of the TV. Dad sat on the couch and went through the Lissauer, complimenting the book.

Hyde, Kak Hidayah, Abang Taufiq and Sarah had been gone for nearly two hours from sending John off to college and they soon returned with ten Ramli's burger (Sarah was craving; they once bought RM200 worth of Subway also because Sarah was craving haha) and some Tutti Frutti filled to the brim.

I stared in wonder. "We Singaporeans are deprived of food," Auntie Asnah joked.

Kak Hidayah and Hyde helped us and Abang Taufiq changed the channel to Arsenal vs Queen's Park Ranger. Hyde came back with the camera and suddenly Abang Taufiq picked up a bottle and showed flawless genuine interest in how many chocolates were to be put inside each. The camera was put away and he went back to enthusiastically watching the game. Hahaha!

Foreign talents

We were going at ten minutes per 25 bottles. The game ended and Abang Taufiq joined us and kept pointing out how slow we were ("Abah ni pasang cap pun lambat", "Ibu ni lambat la", "Bukan Taufiq, tu bubuh kertas tu lambat" LOLOL).

He urged us to work faster and under his management, we the foreign talents (me Egyptian, them Singaporeans) of Hyde's doorgifts-filling labour successfully cut the working hour to five minutes per 25 bottles. Mom told us to call it a day but so inspired we were by the addition of Abang Taufiq and our pace that Uncle Razali kept insisting "Satu tray lagi, last last."

I lost count how many "last" trays there were.

My narration is seriously downplaying the event. Technically he was bossing everyone around but his aloof tone and everyone happily working together made the work so enjoying. Plus I hardly was bossed around so having someone else actively taking the helm was a much needed breath and very refreshing for me.

My Traub's area was dull from the burger and I need to sleep now if I want to be awake to send our relatives home.

At the airport. Kak Hidayah, Abang Taufiq, and Sarah not in picture.

Lone Ranger

I have this problem in differentiating flirting from being good friendly. Whatever center responsible for that in my brain is probably broken from prolonged exposure to fictions. It poses a big problem because when you're a "lone ranger" as kindly pointed out by your dutiful driver, you end up being chatted up by strangers.

At first it was okay and I was bored anyway. He was from Gaza and showed videos of his beautiful kids playing in their rebuilt house after shelling from the last war and at the beach. Then he wanted to exchange contacts and the naive me who didn't know any better, offered my Internal Medicine notes for him to jot down his emails and telephone number.

Then he scribbled something else. I nearly bombed him with the F word but it was the eve of Eid Adha so no cursing allowed but come to think of it, maybe I should have asked out loud why the f*** he wrote that.

So that's why he never mentioned anything about his wife while we talked about his family. You're married. Don't flirt with me, asshole.

So that was why I had to sleep or study throughout my journey because if I didn't, bugger will freaking bug me. Despite my best effort of informing him of my (non-existing) boyfriend in Egypt to get him off my back. Leech.

In the end, I successfully ditched him at the passport control KLIA. Thank God for autogate.

The will to live

Medical Ethics lecture today inspired me to write my living will right now.

1) Please resuscitate me.
2) Power of attorney given to my father.
3) Please see that I get my manicure and pedicure. Conscious or not, I detest dead skins and untrimmed nails.
4) Don't mess with any notes left on my iPod and laptop or my wrath will hunt you.
5) If end comes to end, please donate my internal organs.

Thank you.

H*na Akmal R*slan
15th October 2012

"HARU’S JUST A JERKFACE AND SHE NEEDS TO WEAR BRIGHTER COLORS AND WATCH MY LITTLE PONY!"

I want a lot of things but I most of the time deny myself the indulgence of such pleasures. I want this to work but I effing do nothing about it and I can see it slipping right through my grasp. I want people's company but I ignore people for some selfish reason and lose friends in the long run. I want food but I refuse to eat for some stupid illogical rationale that is physically affecting me and making me sleepy most of the time.

Maybe I am not good at appreciating. I have no rights to complain when I brought this upon myself in the first place.

I tend to reject people and run away. I can't handle being treated kindly by the people I like. Maybe they are better off without me. I am not exactly a good influence. I try to be a good person and fail, I try again and fail. Maybe I'm destined to die trying, which is second best to actually becoming good.

I know I disappointed a lot of people and most importantly myself. There is no good in knowing what to do if you fail to execute them accordingly. What use of knowing the tafseer of the third verse of Surah As-Soff if you do nothing and just let God curse you?

Embrace thy phlegmatic self

I have this list of stuffs I should do. Important shiznits, stuffs like that. One of them was editing the interview conducted yesterday. This was what the reporter said when he informed me he sent it through PM.

"-and do what you do best-"

He said a lot other stuffs but a good reporter organizes a large amount of information to find the important parts and that one sentence was for me the most important part in the conversation.

What I do best is slack off. And that was exactly what I did.

Enthusiasm and determination require strong willpower to maintain because once alone, I become a useless sloth.

Museum Case

The patient was cachexic. He had all positive abdominal signs upon inspection except he had no scar despite the presence of a large umbilical hernia with gangrenous surface since one year. I suppose unless he is dying from the hernia, the doctor will avoid cutting him up to avoid bleeding problem.

He walked out at the end of the class and not a single money asked from the students. Very different from our previous patients who asked in the first place how many were they going to receive for their teaching participation.

I wouldn't know if the doctors paid him. But it made me feel sad for him. Because he was a classic case of liver cirrhosis with its complications.

He was a teacher. The goods he taught his students will flow back to him endlessly.

Do you smell that? That's the distinct sweet scent of victory.

Lately the posts are unserious and personal and self-conceited maybe. I should think less about myself and more about what makes the world goes around. But before that I need to jot something down.

If you would kindly direct your attention to the upper left corner.. yes, right there where Kakashi gave his order to Sakura.

Yes.

There's plenty more canon-proofs if you sorely misguided SasuSaku suckers want to debate, but we don't have to debate to know what is right. We freaking know what is right already. 

It Started With Hematemasis

"You are HO's?"

"No we're Year 5 students."

"Go." I pulled a face. Seriously you're not kicking us out. "And study Paeds, Gynae.."

"Haha."

"I am just joking. Do you want to insert the Ryle's tube?"

---

Dr. Abdur Rahman sat on the bed and went on details how to manage a hematemasis patient while said patient laid on the hallway floor refusing his nasogastric tube.

".. we give him colloids. Okay. What are colloids?"

A blurry of answers. And "Plasma expanders?"

His eyes grinned. "You are a senior."

"Figures. We just took hematemasis in lecture today."

---

Child-Pugh score of a cirrhotic patient. How to differentiate the patient is having hepatorenal syndrome or his renal is failing.

"Can you show us which case is cirrhotic?"

"That annoying patient."

Hahaha. He came to the ER and literally floored the reception area with blood. Tachycardiac. First grade hepatic encephalopathy and refused his nasogastric tube. Cannot wash his stomach, cannot do upper GI endoscopy. Struggled against it multiple times. Of course he annoyed the doctors.

Well I don't exactly blame the patient, I hate that stuff myself. But really.

---

"Which two of you want to do this patient's ECG?"

Shuffles. "Plug this in please." Plugged.

"Right upper limb?"

"Red."

"Good. Put some gel and spread it. Right. Medial of the patient and best on a bony prominence. Okay, right lower limb?"

"Green. Eh-"

"No-"

"Black," we both answered simultaneously. "Gel and spread. Good. Left upper limb?"

"Yellow."

Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Ran out of gel. The doctor left us to refill.

Entertained the patient while waiting.

Gel and spread. Gel and spread. Gel and spread.

We were then done. "If you want to stay longer," But doctor, I already had bilateral moderate ptosis. "You can untangle these wires and it will be very helpful."

Hahaha.

---

Chaperoned despite my (by default) initial polite dismissal. I felt respected and had I been a lesser girl, I would have danced in joyful happiness. And ended with a walk home discussing footballs.

The Girl Who Takes Things For Granted

You've gotta be extra careful with the things
that are close and dearest to you,
You know the closer you get to something,
the tougher it is to see it.

Explain to me this happiness that you just got to experience,
Or maybe you're so blessed that you can't even remember it all.

That you are standing here with me,
That you live and breathe and see and feel,
They're all little miracles and wonder just by themselves.

It's fine to say "Never give up" and "Keep on chasing your dreams",
But the more time you spend talking big,
the less you get done with life.

I'll let that handful of courage in my heart
help me survive another day,
And I'll never take it for granted.
Let's go!

Inoue Joe - Closer
Naruto Shippuden 4th Opening Song

"Think about your happiest moments. Was there someone there also?"

janually
Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Remembering Second Year of Medicine

"... and medially it is related to trachea, right laryngeal nerve and oesophagus at the lower part and to two cartilages of larynx; thyroid cartilage and cricoid cartilage, cricothyroid muscle and the inferior constrictor muscle of the pharynx."

He stared out of the window suddenly. Smiled somewhat in melancholy and addressed us.

"I enjoy my life teaching but I can't wait to get away from here to perform the pilgrimage soon." His smile lit up and continued in a soft tone. "I remembered the days when I taught in Saudi Arabia..."

On every Thursday evening, he will take the bus to Makkah. Perform his prayers and umrahs and by Isya', head to Madinah by bus to reach there by 3 am.

Wait for Solat Fajr and Dhuha and prayed Jumaat at Masjidin Nabawi. Drink a cup of syai and take the bus home.

Reach his home by 7 am and get ready for his 8 am lecture.

"Although it is a tedious process, I never get tired." He grinned further to emphasize his point. "It is something I really enjoy."

He turned back towards the transverse drawing of the neck. "I'm sorry to interrupt the lecture, but some memory just cannot be forgotten."

I was already teary.

That's Dr. Hafiz Waly, our Anatomy professor lecturing us on Head & Neck this semester. He was once the head of department which he complained of because it stuck him to his office and away from lecture halls.

I truly enjoyed his class :) He reminded me of a hyper grandpa; so eager to teach and passionate in his way.

Allah yubaarik fik.

p/s: Take note on the transportation by bus. With Arabs. -_-''

---

I suppose when you’ve walked all through life, you tend to share your invaluable titbits with the younger generation.

Today I fully understand why Dr. Akef Khowaileed (عاكف خويلد) is so admirable and renowned probably beyond the department of Physiology; to the point of Dr. Abdel Moniem of CVS last year ordered told us repeatedly to pray for said doctor when he was very much under the weather.

Telling us of his presenting his research on obesity in Scotland, he started his 15 minutes time on stage with a lengthy praises to Allah and salawats on Rasulullah fluently in Arabic.

The Scott physicians asked him about it at the end of his presentation. "What's the connection between your prophet with obesity?"

He told them that he starts all his lectures and presentations with those praises as all knowledge that we have now comes from Allah and we should be grateful to Him and our Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

He addressed the class and told us that ALL knowledge was passed down to Adam and they’re gradually lost through generations who committed sins. Races before us were highly talented and advanced in all field of knowledge; medicine, architecture, astronomy, you name it.

They were capable of building the pyramids in Giza.

The coloured hieroglyph on the walls of temples required no re-colouring nor does it fades.

The mummies are well-preserved until today.

The sun ray shines directly to the throne of this one king’s temple in Abu Simbel twice per year; exactly during his birthday and his day of coronation.

Yet we have just rediscovered their technology.

So praise Allah, 24-7 salawat for Prophet Muhammad and be grateful for all the blessings exclusively of iman and Islam He had given us.

Study hard and well for knowledge and know your God. Do not be a sinner as it darkens your heart from perceiving the light of 3ilm that is truly His.

Allah yubaarik fik.

p/s: We wanted to stay back in his class just now, but we had Anatomy section :(

Zombies for Brain

All my classmates are genius people consisting of the nerdy type who sparks my jealousy and the goofing-off type who definitely sparks my jealousy.

One of them in particular is very smart. An excellent-grade student, nice, easy to talk to regarding any study materials. Already taken and in my opinion, that's easily the best part of this person.

In class the other day we talked about their last night Emergency Room outing, a little bit about yesterday's class and promptly I was asked "Do you remember where does the extrapyramidal system starts from? Is it brainstem?"

For the life of me, I gave a blurred face as an answer followed by a swift "Dunno." And then I took my sit more than a little pissed off at myself. This is basic Physiology. Dr. Akef Khowaileed taught me this part and it is now a distant memory of my earlier days as a medical student.

SUCKS TO BE ME.

I looked it up when I got home and the answer is reticular formation of pons and medulla. Yup, classmate there got the right answer; brainstem.

Now I understand why zombies eat people's brain. Excellent people have theirs made of the good stuff while mine is just a lump of fat. But I know my "lump of fat" is capable of great stuff. I need to unlock it with blessings and back-breaking diligence.

Work hard, Haru!

Manusia Paling Bahagia

Hari ini Kak Chep(ingu) menjemput kami makan di rumahnya. Maka Kak Huda membatalkan hasrat untuk memesan makanan dari Asian Cafe dan kami berenam berangkat ke Lia Safura.

Kami tiba. Kami bertegur sapa sambil duduk. Kak Chep mengangkat tudung saji dan Pipah gembira melihat ayam masak kuning.

Tetapi benda pertama yang saya nampak adalah telur dadar.

TELUR DADAR! \(^__^)/

Kak Chep benarkan saya habiskan telur dadar tersebut. Saya menambah nasi. Dia bertanya samada saya mahu menambah kuah kuning. Saya dengan gembiranya menolak pelawaan tersebut. Kak Chep berkata "Dalam peti ada kicap."

"Takpe," saya menjawab penuh kegembiraan menyuap nasi putih dan telur dadar. "Tak boleh rosakkan keaslian telur dadar."

Saya sudah tidak perlu makan untuk seminggu.

Unthiqohness

This post is a blown-up crack and is not supposed to make sense and in no way reflect my current mental state. Which is mental. Hahaha, get it?? Get it?? I am Joker's freaking lovechild!

This semester my image is set on "punk band-loving girl who smiles at some and ignores others and runs around the hospital in hyper mode". Don't prod me further, I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to prove. Maybe all the wedding and spawning season has affected me in reverse.

Everything quoted has already been kick-started and I wish myself luck in maintaining this level of hyperness all through graduation. However, since I left my best loved R.E.M. tee among others back home in Malaysia, the "punk" part is pretty much short on resource.

Thus I present to you my current project: Patch the Hoodie Project.

My project this time is to iron-on patch my plain Barney-purple Giordano hoodie which I bought last minute at KLIA satellite terminal. Because everyone needs a statement sweater if not a statement bag and said plain sweater needs to be blinged up anyway.

I have envisioned a Malaysian flag to be patched on my left arm and below it, across the back and towards the right arm will be haphazardly patched with Laruku tour logo. Since one needs a statement sweater, it better be showcasing the greatest band on earth.

Winter is soon arriving so paradoxically speaking, we need to prepare for it with a bang!

---

Earlier today I was heartbroken by an email that made me want to never email people with questions ever and that I am better off doing research on my own. Coupled with the chill that was making me feeling under the weather, I ended up curling in self-pity and skipping the 7am Gynaecology lecture and the 8am ward round.

My intended remedy for heartbreak was buying chocolate biscuit sticks and sucking on endless Chixo before heading for my 9am clinical lecture and vowed never to be seen without some sort of chocolate hanging from my mouth all day.

Chixo is good-old-times in a plastic sheath.  

But it was 8.45 by the time I left my house and I'd be damned if I let any heartbreak make me late for class. So yeah, no chocolate for me.

I feel sorry for myself. Everyone deserves chocolate at their lowest point but I hadn't even the time to buy myself one.

---

In another news, my bat-shit crazy mode apparently is not inclined to give me a break anytime sooner. It gets worse with the resurrection of the need for retail therapy.

Lucky Lucky Lucky Lucky Lucky Lucky

Rory Beca's Lace Blazer now 50% at $71.50!!! MBMJ travel wallet sleeve has 30% off and now at $97!

I will check myself into an asylum. THE END. FOR NOW.