High

Going 100km/h in the city at night and it had just stopped raining.

The adrenaline.

Camaraderie

Dad's cousin from Seremban came for a visit just now. I barely remember Pak Itam but I know I've seen him some time long ago at Nenek's house in Melaka. Went to greet them and when I said I study in Egypt, he pointed out his daughter and son study engineering in France and that his daughter visited Egypt earlier this year.

A France student and visited Egypt in February? Could it be.. "Did you stay at Raihaana's place when you came to Egypt?" I asked.

She lighted up in acknowledgement and affirmed. I grinned. "Sorry couldn't meet you guys when you were there." I was busy with STEP at that time, I think.

Mom thought it was a wonder our second cousin knew Rai as well.

"Of course. We're in the same usrah system, mom." Plus the fact that Sanguinous Rai is as famous as Naruto can be.

---

I was delighted. It was the delight that came from camaraderie of blood family in the same battleship we call Ikram, that tempted me to spill out the cliched "Did you know (insert RJ's name) as well? She's my housemate," in a flurry of excitement.

But then it hit me. Why was I so excited? Sure, same battleship. But it's a battleship, not a club for prestige and bragging up the social status that came with a $60k annual membership fee. A battleship holds a group of people with different positions and roles but all with the same vision. We have our work cut out for us. Did I fully functioned and contributed?

Our amal should define us, not the club we're in.

---

The son who studied in France went to the family quarter and talked with my brother who was watching the Selangor versus ATM football match. He was friendly. When we sent them off and Hazim showed up, he was also friendly then.

Amiable from the first sight. DF-friendly, something I could endorse as fully out of my reach. He would make Syeikh Mustafa Masyhur very proud.

Kakak suara sedap

Drive dari Telipot ke Binjai. 

"Kak ngah ada makanan?"

"Takde. Rumah takde makanan. Maru lapar ke? Pas amik Melle kita beli nasi."

"Takpe la Maru beli ayam dekat kantin Melle. Maru keluar."

"Ayam je ke ada?"

"Ada CJ Wedges jugak."

"CJ? Apsal nama dia CJ Wedges?"

"Entah sebab CJ7 kot."

"Sekolah Melle ada alien?"

Sampai sekolah. Melle dah berjalan ke arah kereta. Budak nakal terus turunkan tingkap.

"Melle! Melle! Beli ayam!"

"Menjerit! Weh senyap sikit pak cik sebelah tengok tu."

Tipu je. Pak cik tu tak pandang pun. Maru dah menyorok bawah level tingkap takut pak cik tu tengok dia.

Melle gelak dan sengih tak nampak gigi dia.

---

Drive balik dari Binjai ke Lundang. "Makan, lap pastu tidur. Kamu ni buat kacau je Maru."

"Maru tak tidur. Lagu ape Kak Ngah nyanyi?"

Hana nyanyi Fourth Avenue Cafe oleh L'Arc en Ciel. "Maru tak tahu ke lagu ni?"

"Tak."

"Hmm." Perlu didik adik-adik mengenal J-Rock. Sambung nyanyi.

"Bising la Kak Ngah."

"Kahkahkah."

Al-Fateh

Kak Ida is my cousin, a couple years older than me. She is a nurse. Her husband Abang Jie is a captain with the air force and their wedding seven years or so back was one of the most memorable for me; Abang Jie wore this impeccable military suit and the couple walked underneath sheaths of sword.

Anyway, I want to write about their kids; six years old talkative Farith the boss, three years old sweet silent Farisya and four months old friendly chubby Fateh. If I recall correctly, Abang Jie is of Chinese descendent so you can imagine the very cute kids they have.

I was playing with Fateh and so commented to his parents. "Fateh patut jadi nama anak pertama. 'Pembuka' kan."

"Farith maksudnya 'permata yang tidak ternilai'," Kak Ida said.

"Wow. Okay." Made sense, since Ayep is the first borne. So I turned to the happy baby. "Bagus Fateh. Nanti besar jadi pembuka kawasan mana pulak?"

"Nama dia sempena Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh," Abang Jie said. "Besar nanti jadi pembuka-"

"-Sepanyol!" I interjected.

"-Singapore!" Abang Jie continued with a really big grin.

I laughed out loud at that. Never really thought of that. It was funny, but yeah. Why not? ^-^

---

Ayep fell at an R&R before reaching Beruas and that night he cried while his dad hold him tight and his mom picked out the splinter in his finger.

Afterwards he was still sad, so his dad turned to me while saying "Ayep pergi duduk sebelah Mak Ngah Hana. Minta dia cerita pasal Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh. Ayep kan suka dengar sirah."

I scooted on the sofa and patted the spot next to me for the little boy to sit. "Jangan nangis dah Ayep. Meh sini nak citer."

Confidence. Actually inside my head was rushing with everything. Where is Qastantiniyyah again in current time? *-*

---

I think they expect an Egypt student to know everything religious, sirah included, by heart.

Oh darn so much more to work for, Haru.

---

"Mama, kenapa kita takde baby sendiri dah?" I asked my parents while staring at Fateh.

"Tunggu kak ngah la," mom passed me the ball. I believe she meant Along.

"Kenapa tak mama? Mama baru 52," I reasoned.

"Kenapa mama nak kena bersalin? Sekarang giliran yang muda-muda pulak."

"Boleh je. Kenapa kena tunggu orang lain?"

"Manade orang 50-an yang baru bersalin sekarang."

"Oh. Risiko Down syndrome ye?"

Food We Steal

Once I read an interview article with a billionaire who is homeless (he hotel-hops). He ate lunch over the interview and said "I'm sorry, I'm going to do something rude. May I steal a fries?" before reaching over and stole a fries from the reporter's plate.

I don't do that. I don't announce. I just reach over and steal my sister's food. Because omelette is too awesome to wait another second.

That guy, he's a polite one. One we could describe as a guy who has the ability to remain polite in the most enticing situation. He will make a good hostage negotiator.

Me, I'm more of a Steve McGarrette kind of person. I don't wait for a warrant, I take out a knife right away. That's why I think Traumatology is a good field for me. Haha.

Nasihat Yang Membuatkan Hati Bergetar

Tempoh hari saya mengacau seorang senior saya dan memandangkan beliau sedang membaca, beliau dengan rela hati berkongsi apa yang dibacanya. (Baca: terpaksa layan)

Senior: Ciri-ciri nasihat yang memberi kesan pada hati dan sifat pemberi nasihat yang berjaya.

Me: Ape dia?

Senior: Kalau ciri nasihat tu, ada empat:
1) Pemilihan tajuk
2) Gaya bahasa
3) Elakkan nasihat yang panjang
4) Pemilihan waktu

Bagi saya, empat ciri ini sangat lojik dan boleh difahami walaupun tanpa syarahan kecuali yang pertama. Maka saya menggali lebih dalam.

Me: Ape maksud pemilihan tajuk?

Senior: Tajuk tu dia memberi manfaat kepada dunia dan agamanya. Dan sesuai dengan apa yang diperlukan oleh kehidupan dia mengikut waqi' (situasi) setempat.

Nak bagi nasihat senang je. Semua orang boleh. Yang susah adalah supaya nasihat itu terkesan pada hati sasaran kita, menyentuh keinsafannya seterusnya terbukti dengan berlaku perubahan pada amalnya. Nasihat yang meningkatkan ketaqwaan kita dan seterusnya mendekatkan kita kepada Allah. Yang ni yang susah dan bukan semua orang mampu mencapai tahap ini.

Kita biasanya bahasakan nasihat yang berkesan ini adalah nasihat yang basah. Membasahkan hati yang kering termumia, membasahkan dan menyuburkan iman sehingga mekar.

Daripada empat ciri ni, bagi saya ia menunjukkan kepada satu poin paling utama iaitu sejauh mana pemberi nasihat itu mengenali penerima nasihat itu. Tajuk apa yang diperlukan olehnya untuk dinasihati. Gaya bahasa apa yang sesuai dengan dia; skema, rock, puitis. keibuan, sempoi? Apakah definisi panjang bagi penerima nasihat itu dan akhir sekali, adakah dia sedang PMS pada masa saya beria nak nasihatkan dia. Haha.

Dan semestinya, samada dia terkesan atau tidak itu Allah yang tentukan. Hati itu milik Allah. Tetapi kita berusaha dengan terbaik menyusun strategi agar kita boleh kata kepada Tuhan kita bahawasanya "Aku dah cuba yang terbaik."

Sebagaimana Allah berfirman dalam Surah Al-Qasas ayat 56,

Sesungguhnya engkau (wahai Muhammad) tidak berkuasa memberi hidayah petunjuk kepada sesiapa yang engkau kasihi (supaya ia menerima Islam), tetapi Allah jualah yang berkuasa memberi hidayah petunjuk kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya (menurut undang-undang peraturanNya); dan Dia lah jua yang lebih mengetahui akan orang-orang yang (ada persediaan untuk) mendapat hidayah petunjuk (kepada memeluk Islam).

Seterusnya sambung kacau senior.

Me: Sifat pemberi nasihat yang berjaya pula?

Senior:
1) Beriman dengan kata-katanya dan terkesan dengannya
2) Mempunyai hati yang suci daripada kekotoran. Kata-katanya keluar daripada hati yang benar
3) Selari kata-kata dan perbuatannya.

Saya terasa dilempang. Ibarat Lord Death menghentak kepala saya dengan Death Chop.

Nombor satu dan tiga itu berjalan seiring. Beriman itu bermaksud:
1) meyakini dengan hati,
2) terluah dari lidahnya
3) dan diterjemahkan dalam perbuatannya.

All Or None Law. Kesemua tiga dan bukanlah salah satu. Meyakini dengan hati bahawasanya Nasi Ayam Mok Noh adalah kerutuk ayam paling sedap di dunia tidak menjadikan kita beriman dengan fakta itu. Kita wajib menyebarkan kepada orang ramai (omputih sebut spread the word) dan sendiri kena makan Nasi Ayam Mok Noh.

Cukup tiga-tiga, baru benar kita beriman. Ni baru hal remeh seperti nasi, belum sebut pasal hal serius seperti penyebaran fahaman terhadap hakikat kita sebagai seorang Muslim. Lagi la.

Pertolongan Allah akan membawa kepada kejayaan dan ada sangat banyak faktor yang membawa kepada pertolongan Allah tu. Antara yang terpenting, kondisi hati kita samada benar-benar suci daripada kekotoran dan hanya dilimpahi cahaya keimanan. Hati yang ikhlas kerana Allah dan tidak punyai agenda tersembunyi.

Betul la kan. Kalau nak kata-kata terkesan kepada hatinya dan terbuah dalam amalnya, mestilah daripada hati yang sudah terkesan dan amal yang sudah terbuah.

Senior: Sama-sama cek. So boleh apply terus. Ni la rahsia kehebatan nasihat nabi dan sahabat. Awal hadith tu, dia cakap nasihat nabi ini membuatkan hati mereka bergetar dan air mata mengalir.

Eat Them While They're Hot

I promise myself to write this hnder five minutes so yeah omg its one minute already okay go

You know I have two chicks right. Kicap and soya. I want to eat them. They're currently in their Day 18 under my care. I will be leaving egypt in 8 days so I need to think what to do with them now.

I was thinking of eating them by then that makes them Day 26 under my care but before I make mistakes, better Google for wisdom.

I found a country poultry farmer (ah that's penternak ayam kampung if the english sounds so weird) and he wrote that ayam kampung sedap dan harum dagingnya bile umur dia 5 bulan.

5 months and by that time the chicken has a weight of 1-2kg.

Erk. I can take care of them come September and by then they'll be 3 months. But who's going to look after kicap and soya while I'm back in Malaysia this two months?

Hmm. Ah times up. Bye. Please pray for Egypt and us!

PTD triggered by metal dragons

Sometimes when I hear the annoying noise of choppers flying over my head, my mind will wander to that sickening military lock-down that led to Malaysian refugees flocking to DMAK for an indefinite time during Revolution 2011

DMAK chapter really was the worst. Circumstances needed me to stay calm and optimist. Media called from Malaysia and they asked me to answer telephone interview because I was level-headed and will not scream hysterically. Practiced dance steps with the girls once, hung out with the crew once to plan out what to cover for the association's website. We never got around to do anything, but it was comforting to imagine life goes on as usual.

Which translated to basically being a hypocrite. Other than that I spent my time on the roof, waiting for the storm to pass. All strength went to making sure no one saw the liquidifying effect of uncertainties to my internal organs. My parents were worried enough without seeing me actually losing my head. I wasn't eating unless pointed out by others. And that was the first time I asked dad to give me a call.

And to go through that again.. please no.

Today more choppers seem to be making their patrol. I needed to blast off the volume of my MP3 player. And wish they'd invest in some noiseless stealth helicopters.

#PrayForEgypt

Eyecargo

When I arrived in front of the exam hall, I greeted my friends.

"Hi guys."

"Didn't you sleep last night?"

"Huh?"

Now where did that came from?

Truth was I slept four hours last night and even managed an hour of rolling around semi-consciously before I really had to get up, alhamdulillah for that.

Then it occurred to me. Perhaps sleep deprivation had etched its mark on me and I could never get the refreshed look back on my face despite the enough sleep I got the night before. They call it eyebag, but mine probably is a cargo. Haha. (Geddit?)

Despite the sleep, I was still beyond sleepy during the exam. Even the Post-Exam Coma was as troublesome as always. But still, I'm always so sleepy. Hmm.

Where has all the keberkatan gone to?

Feeling refreshed is a gift from God. You can sleep an hour at night and still have the strength to get through the day. Strength and refreshment all come from God and He can grant it to any of His deserving servants.

And it shows on your face. Notice how we feel calm at just looking at someone's face? It's their iman lighting them up, a manifestation of their piety.

I'm lacking piety, maybe. Huh.

I am angry because they hurt our brothers and all I could do is pray for them and stop making sins.

The title should explain this. Proceed at own risk.

30 June. Some punks in Egypt staged a rebel against the democratically elected President on the account that he is a hypocrite and Egypt is crumbling under his one year regime. So they decided to throw a Rebel at Tahrir Square, pay thugs to kill his peaceful supporters and burn and loot the Muslim Brotherhood headquarter. Gave him a 48-hour memo to resign and then.. I dunno, what's next?

It is so confusing. I can't brain this stupidity.

First they ousted Mubarak and toppled his 30 years regime of corruption and hogging the country's wealth to his cronies that left the people desperate for their freedom.

And alhamdulillah, the people had spoken and the people had won.

They then democratically elected a new president and the world welcomed Dr. Morsy and the changes he brought.

That's when hidden trouble started to see light.

Imagine if we left the mice to breed havoc and excrete everywhere in our house for a whole month of 30 days. Is it possible for me to get the stink and mould off the wall in just one day?

Alone? No. It is our house, our responsibility. Be and make the changes you want to see.

One day? Hell. Where would we even begin?

And the mice were still in the house, wrecking havoc as we cleaned and effing cleaned. Damn those mice.

It's only one year. We saw in the news Dr. Morsy invited the oppositions to sit and talk and cooperate together for a better Egypt with him but did they accept?

He did one thing, and the punks unravel it. And those average Egyptians who cared more of what food to eat more than they care what food their unborn grand-grandchildren will eat took everything fed to them.

Blame Morsy for the blackouts and never asking why there was shortage in the first place. Blame Morsy for the rubbish in the street and never asking why themselves not stop littering everywhere. Blame Morsy for the prices going up and never asking what have they contributed to the economy besides the violence they brew and slamming Morsy about it.

Some kid could be dying out there and his uneducated parents would probably blame Morsy, too.

Sick.

Because they can't see twenty, ten years ahead. Not even five! They can't see the impact they can have on this world beyond the cocoon Mubarak's sheeping-the-people regime had imprinted onto them. 30 years of making people stupid and living only for themselves. And it is wishful thinking that I hope these people will change. That rotten generation needs to be wiped out for real changes to happen.

They don't want to be taught how to fish. They want fish in front of them, scaled and cooked to scrumptious perfection, stat. They had eaten to'miyyah all their years with Mubarak and now that Mubarak's gone, they expect grilled chicken and kofta for every meal of the day.

Congratulations Mubarak. And pity those who fell prey to him. May God grant you wisdom to the right path.

And for the thinking people, those who stand up for what's right for the country and the future.. May God forever be merciful on you.

Honour God, respect the man, love the lady, protect the kids.

When her mother passed away from childbirth, Ushio's dad was so devastated that he gave up Ushio to be raised by her maternal grandparents. Tomoya visited her only now and then, choosing to distant himself because he missed his late wife Nagisa too much it hurts.

One day they were tricked by the grandmother to go on a trip together. Tomoya wasn't in a good mood and he yelled at some kid on the train. Ushio was 5, 6 years old maybe? She was scared and unknowingly ran off to the bathroom.

Tomoya looked all over for her. When he found her exiting the bathroom, he scolded her for running off without telling him. She looked like she just got off crying, so the stoic father asked the young daughter why was she crying in the bathroom.

Ushio told him that grandmother only allowed her to cry in two places. One was in the bathroom. Ushio never mention to her father where was the second.

Tomoya was silent. He never thought his mother-in-law was that strict.

At the end of that episode, Tomoya realised what a lousy father he was, that Ushio was suffering because of his negligence. They made up and Ushio cried so hard (bawled, more like) in his arms.

She told him that the second place grandmother allowed her to cry was in her father's arms

.

Tomoya cried.

---

That was one of the most touching episode in Clannad After Story. The last time I watched that series was probably years ago but a good story fixes itself in my brain and fibroses there.

---

Found a quote just now. It said something like

When a husband felt truly respected, a wife felt truly loved, the children felt protected and God truly honoured, the marriage can withstand anything.

I suppose so. That's what children want when they are with their parents. I'm nearing 23 and been living abroad nearly five years, doing things on my own and getting into and out of trouble for as long as I can remember. But when I face a problem and tell my dad about it, I actually want him to take care of it for me. Haha.

(But he didn't. Pfft. Kinda sucks being grown up.)

When you've been on the loose for awhile, feeling protected is a welcomed fresh air. The rest of the quote is open to interpretation. Haha.

I am having my Paediatrics written exam this Saturday. Please pray for us and for our brothers in Palestine and Syria as well.

Homemade Kicap Soya

Kak Teha baked some muffins for her circle today and she assembled them in my room. When I walked in, she gave me one. I accepted and walked to where Kicap and Soya were chirping madly this evening.

Picked a small bit off my muffin and placed it in front of those two chicks. "Here, Kak Teha baked. Shut up and enjoy."

Those two obliged. I ate my muffin while watching them. They pecked and pecked and then went elsewhere, not finishing the piece of muffin. I scoffed at them.

"Oh," an afterthought came to mind. "Forgot to tell you there's egg in the muffin. Haha."

---

I brought home two baby chicks two days ago. Going to fat them up and fry them once they're big enough or keep them alive if they provide us with fresh morning eggs. We named them Kicap (the brown one) and Soya (the white one).

Kicap today seems fluffier and more boisterous. I touched him and he ran like headless on fire. He's going to be hell to catch once big enough to be slaughtered. He's also fun to play with. I pick him up and he'll walk all over my hand, perching like a bird on my one finger, or each foot on separate fingertips. He'll watch solemnly from above like the king of his kind forgetting that he is actually a flightless chick who fits nicely in my palm and I can squeeze him asphyxiated anytime.

Whereas Soya is a drama chick. She chirped with her mouth opened plenty times today. I think that's the equivalent of screaming like a cat is onto her and woke me up from my afternoon nap. Kinda annoyed, but made me grateful they're baby chicks, not human baby.

I bought two because for survival, there should be two of you. And when there's two of you, you can dream bigger dreams. If the chicks were to escape from me, being together will give them higher chance for success. I like to see them try.

Anyway. Hurry up and get fat already.

Iman Budak Syria

Sementara tunggu viva start pagi tadi, study sebelah Aisyah. Aisyah cerita yang Iman budak Syria dalam kelas diorang tu tak amik O&G tahun ni.

"Eh. Kenapa. Dia tahun berapa sebenarnya?"

Iman tahun lima, sama dengan kami. Dia transfer kredit daripada universiti dia di Damsyik dan datang belajar di Kasr el-Ainy sejak lebih kurang tujuh bulan lepas.

Walaupun dia transfer kredit, banyak je subjek praklinikal yang dia kena amik. Aisyah enumerate tadi, banyak juga. Physio, Pharma, dan sebagainya. Semua tu dia kena ambil tahun ni.

"Sebab tu dia tak ambil O&G tahun ni. Dia amik tahun depan. Paeds dia ambil. Dia end round sekali dengan kita haritu. Dia dapat 80 lebih."

"Wow." Dalam keadaan dia ambil banyak subjek, still dapat tinggi Paeds end round. "Hebatnya dia."

Aisyah cerita. Iman struggle nak study dekat kelas sebab kelas kami bahasa Inggeris. Dekat Syria manade belajar bahasa Inggeris. Iman selalu datang kelas nangis sebab teringat keluarga dia. Mak ayah adik2 dia masih di Damsyik. Ayah dia suruh dia datang sini untuk sambung belajar. Sebab macam mana nak sambung belajar dekat Syria sekarang ni? Aisyah kata, kawan2 kelas dia yang lelaki semuanya dah syahid.

Allah. Saya terdiam.

"Kalau aku jadi dia, aku tak boleh nak study," komen kawan di sebelah kanan saya. "Mesti teringat famili."

"Ye, tapi apa lagi yang boleh Iman buat? Kalau bukan dia yang study, siapa lagi akan study?" Saya lontarkan. Terasa hati retak. Siapa akan jadi doktor untuk anak2 Syria seterusnya?

Hidup perlu diteruskan dengan kita memainkan peranan kita di posisi yang Allah tetapkan buat kita. 'You are where you need to be.'

"Segannya aku. Aku main2 lagi study O&G ni..." Semoga Allah ampunkan kelalaian dan sikap acuh tak acuh saya T.T

-----

Exam O&G dah tamat. Kami dah berusaha, mungkin tak sebaiknya, tapi sekarang ini terserah kepada Allah untuk menyempurnakan takdir kami ini. Mohon doakan kami semua lepas subjek ini dan summer nanti boleh la nak melaksanakan tanggungjawab masing2 tanpa perlu risaukan pasal exam.

Exam Paediatrics 12 hari lagi. Bye.

Love Captured

He was smiling at me and his whole face lit up with the beam of innocence. His eyes nearly crinkled and he was looking straight at me with that happy smile and a love-filled eyes.

The smile when the person in front of you was the one who made you the happiest, the person you loved the most. That alone was enough to make me drop everything and hug him right that instant and clobber him with kisses.

But there was more.

He was sitting on soft sand, wearing shorts and barefooted. Sand all over his legs. Playfully his right hand was up, calling for me. Urging me to come at him. Join him. Even better, pick him up and throw him up high.

An affectionate child. I would drop everything and tackle him right that instant. I would let my back fall on the sand and wrestle him for being so adorable.

I would if I could. It drove me mad because I couldn't. And I have nothing else as alternative, no babies nearby to hug.

It was just a picture. He was smiling at his parents perhaps, miles away from here. The genuine love was for the parents who loved him even before he was born and who raised him up. A pose captured on camera.

I am just a stranger looking, never the one to indulge.