Disclaimer: This is me having a conversation with myself. I see it as a sounding board, you might see it as insane. So it points to us using different dictionaries.
Last night I dreamt of Dr. Hussein. I was seated on his right during a dinner. He chatted me up throughout the night but I could only listened and nodded quietly, almost awkwardly.
Later I went up to him and apologised. Admitted I am so shy around him.
I forgot how it ended, but that dream was close to the truth. I'm almost always so shy around him. I focus on his presence and his words and could barely say a word without stammering.
I miss Dr. Hussein very much :'( I wish him a lot of happiness in his days. Fi hifzillah ya duktur.
I haven't send him that email. It's almost as if I'm refraining myself from doing so. I know he will be happy to hear from me; his student. He gave me his email himself, remember? So what could possibly be holding me back?
I feel.. Scared. Maybe I'm afraid he thinks of me as super excited and weird. I'm afraid he will think I'm boring.
I guess this is my by-default way of dealing with things I miss that is taking the upperhand here. The more I miss something, the more I refrain myself to avoid feeling attached.
But I'm already attached.
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