It sounds like you’re carrying a massive weight on your shoulders—years of work, expectations, setbacks, and now a sense of disillusionment with the very path you dedicated yourself to. The frustration isn’t just about the thesis; it’s about feeling forced into a system that seems indifferent to your struggles, one that has pushed you to the point where even finishing feels meaningless.
You’ve worked hard for this—since 2017 in paediatric surgery, pushing through your master’s since 2021, dealing with a broken hand, and then being treated like an inconvenience instead of a person who needed a break. It’s no wonder you feel like you’re questioning everything. When the system itself feels unfair, when you’re exhausted and resentful, when even your reasons for staying (the RM350K penalty) feel more like shackles than motivation, it’s hard to see why you should keep going.
But here’s the thing—maybe right now, the point isn’t about passion or duty or some grand purpose. Maybe it’s just about getting yourself out of this hole in the least painful way possible. Quitting might seem tempting, but the penalty is brutal. Finishing your thesis and getting through the program might not feel meaningful now, but at least it keeps your options open.
You don’t have to love paediatric surgery right now. You don’t even have to see yourself doing it long-term. Maybe you just finish this because it gets you out with the least damage. And maybe after that, you reassess—where you want to be, what actually makes you happy, and whether this path still fits.
You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re not wrong for being angry and drained. But you’re also not stuck forever. There’s a way through this, even if it’s just one frustrating step at a time.
Why is everything so frustrating
Because you’ve been fighting for so long, and it feels like nothing is going the way it should.
You’ve spent years pushing through—through training, through expectations, through injury, through people making decisions about your life without considering what you actually need. And after all that, instead of feeling like you’re moving forward, you’re stuck in a situation where the only choices feel like forced survival rather than true progress.
It’s frustrating because you’ve sacrificed so much, and yet the system, the people in power, even the timeline of your own goals—none of them seem to care about what you actually want or need. You were supposed to be closer to the finish line, but instead, you’re here, exhausted, questioning if any of this is even worth it.
It’s also frustrating because you do care. If you didn’t, none of this would matter. But you’ve put too much of yourself into this journey to just walk away without it hurting.
Right now, everything feels like a burden instead of a purpose—and that’s what’s breaking you.
Is there a way to not feel like this anymore?
There is, but it won’t be instant. Right now, you’re deep in exhaustion and frustration, and no quick fix will erase that overnight. But there are steps to pull yourself out of this place, little by little.
1. Detach from the Expectations That Are Weighing You Down
Right now, everything feels like a burden because it’s all tied to what you should be doing—finishing the thesis, completing the program, getting through exams, and living up to what others expect. Instead of focusing on that, shift the focus to what will help you function and feel okay in the present.
For now, don’t think about the whole thesis. Just think about one small step. Don’t think about the whole program. Just focus on what gets you through this week.
2. Find Something That’s Just for You
Everything in your life has been about your career, obligations, and external expectations. No wonder you feel empty. What is something that has nothing to do with medicine, nothing to do with proving anything to anyone? It can be something tiny—writing, reading, exercising, learning a new skill, even watching a show that makes you feel good. Just something that reminds you that you exist beyond this system.
3. Create an Exit Plan (Even If You Don’t Use It)
The thought of being trapped is making everything worse. Even if you don’t act on it now, it might help to map out:
• If you did leave, what would be your options?
• Is there any way to lessen the RM350K penalty (e.g., deferral, negotiation)?
• If you finished this program, could you take a break or pivot to something else?
Just knowing you have a way out—even if you don’t take it—can reduce the feeling of suffocation.
4. Talk to Someone Who Gets It (or at Least Someone Who Cares)
You’ve been carrying this alone. Even if you don’t want to burden your friends, you deserve a space to say all this out loud—without judgment, without someone just telling you to “hold on” without understanding why it’s so hard. Whether it’s a friend, mentor, therapist, or even just someone who’s been through a similar struggle, letting it out can make it feel less heavy.
5. Accept That It’s Okay to Not Love This Anymore
You’re not failing because you’re tired. You’re not weak because you’re questioning everything. You’ve been through a lot. It makes complete sense that you’re exhausted and disillusioned. This feeling won’t last forever, but for now, give yourself permission to not have it all figured out. Just focus on surviving today, and tomorrow will come when it comes.
I’m in Radiology now, as a refugee. Dreading to go back in campus. What do you suggest I do?
Since you’re dreading going back, the goal isn’t to force yourself to be excited about it—but to make the transition less painful and give yourself something to hold on to. Here’s what I’d suggest:
1. Use Radiology as a Reset
Right now, you’re in an environment where you can just be—no one has past expectations of you, and you’re learning something new. Use this time to recharge, even just mentally. Instead of dreading what’s next, focus on what radiology gives you now:
• Enjoy learning sonography without pressure.
• Appreciate meeting new colleagues who don’t have preconceived ideas about you.
• Let yourself exist outside the weight of paeds surgery, even if just for these two months.
If you can leave radiology feeling like you’ve gained something—rather than just seeing it as a break before you’re thrown back into the fire—it might make returning feel less suffocating.
2. Plan for the Bare Minimum, Not Perfection
Instead of thinking, How do I survive a whole year of paeds surgery? break it into What’s the absolute minimum I need to do to get through the first week? You don’t have to be perfect, love the process, or even be highly motivated. You just need to take it one small, manageable step at a time.
If it helps, try reframing it as a transaction rather than a life-defining decision: I need to get through X months, do Y things, and then I can be free to decide what’s next.
3. Give Yourself Something to Look Forward To
Right now, paeds surgery feels like a trap—but what if you set up something to look forward to while going through it? This could be:
• A small personal goal (e.g., improving a non-medical skill, planning a short trip, or just having a series to binge).
• A change in environment (e.g., finding a small routine that makes your campus life easier).
• A light at the end of the tunnel (e.g., telling yourself, Once I submit my thesis, I’ll take a well-deserved break).
Having something outside of medicine to hold onto can make it less overwhelming.
4. Redefine What Success Means for This Year
Right now, it feels like you’re dragging yourself through this degree because of the RM350K penalty and because people tell you to finish it. But what would success look like for you—on your own terms? Maybe it’s just:
• Finishing the thesis without burning out completely.
• Passing the final exams, even if you’re not giving 100%.
• Getting through the year in a way that preserves your well-being, even if that means coasting where necessary.
You don’t have to love it. You just have to get through it in a way that doesn’t destroy you.
5. Figure Out Your Escape Plan (Even If You Don’t Use It)
If you ever do feel like you can’t continue, is there a way out?
• Could you take another deferral or change tracks?
• Would there be any way to negotiate the RM350K penalty if you left?
• If you did finish, would there be an alternative path you could take afterward?
Even if you don’t act on this, just knowing you have a choice can make you feel less trapped.
Final Thought
You don’t have to love paeds surgery. You don’t even have to feel strongly about finishing. But if you do finish, let it be on your terms—not just because of external pressure. If it’s about survival at this point, then let’s make it the easiest survival possible. One step at a time, no unnecessary suffering.
