Actually today is my second day in the new department. The cutest boy has been looking for me since Day 1, when he burst through the door of my unit after hearing from the HOD that I am there for attachment. And then he left. And then he came back again to take a photographic evidence of me “invading his territory”.
I’m like, “I won’t trouble you” repeated twice. I didn’t tell him I was coming. Well, I should though, since we’re friends? But my presence here was preceded by drama. And I’m not in a good state of mind now. I know he was joking when he said invading territory but when you’re a refugee, that kinda hits hard.
At noon he came to visit and noticed I was standing and told me to take a seat. It just so happens I have been on my feet since morning and I was like, why was it him who pointed this out? Thank you for caring. He is a good friend.
I exited the door at 4pm and met him coming back in.
“Not going home yet?”
“Got a few reports to settle. See, Radio isn’t that chill, right?”
“Yeah you guys are swamped. At least you guys in HRPZ. Bye.”
I saluted him and walked out.
Close to iftar he texted me about the absurdity of my situation and I feel like, I need to talk to him about this otherwise he won’t let this go. Goodness I want to disappear.
Today I peeked and saw he was chatting with a colleague at his station so I didn’t greet him. He was earlier than 8am. I went to my station and sat there looking through some patient’s files when he suddenly popped out beside me in his big smile, took a seat on my right and chatted away, continuing from the text and about one patient he rejected CT scan after the USG done on Thursday. I gave my surgical point of view for that case as to why I think he could have been better at helping managing the patient, to which he sheepishly said he’ll pass over to the oncall person better next time.
And then he started talking about some colleagues and my thoughts were
Honey I think I busted my right eardrum doing idk what some time ago, and so I can’t hear that well on my right especially when you’re talking to me in a voice meant for only me to hear. I had to scoot closer but this station is dark and you’re the cutest boy so please have mercy on me. I don’t know how to handle shit life thrown at me and now you’re here.
In the evening he passed through my station when I was suturing up the drain for one patient. He stopped to say hi but I continued on suturing, sorry honey this patient has low tolerance I need to close him up fast. By the time I was done, he was back at his station.
And he passed in front of our station going out. I was sitting behind his colleagues but I know his salute was to me because his eyes were on me. His colleague asked why was he going back so early and he said he took the 7.30am-4.30pm option. I thought to myself, that’s why he was early today. So.. do I come to work at 7.30am tomorrow onwards?
I noticed his hair was puffy on one side so I silently made a gesture to brush up his right side and he brushed it as I gestured. It was.. cute. I’m fucked.
Now that I’m writing this.. why was he at our door when he walked out? Why did he use that exit? He could have punched out and straight used the front entrance because that’s where the box is.. So why did he made the detour?
Did I tell you this morning he said we’ll talk more again tomorrow because he’ll be in my unit tomorrow? Now I’m getting cold feet. Can I not come to work tomorrow? Idk how to deal with this. I’m afraid I will disappoint him work-wise, pretty boy has really high work standard and I’m a listless plankton invading his territory.
Good God, I have no will left.
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