I was at the seminar room by 7.45 am because it was going to start at 8 am. Expectedly they were just setting up the place. I stood at the back arranging my stuffs when a familiar voice greeted me from behind.
“You’re early.”
Says the early guy. I grinned as I busied with my stuffs and he took a seat at the corner of the room, opening his laptop. I sat down to his right leaving a space enough for a person in between us. I stared ahead. “My prof used to say if you’re on time, you’re late.”
He chuckled. He was just started working on his presentation for his CME this Thursday. He asked me how’s my relationship with the head of service now that I’m back in Paed Surgery, his eyes on his laptop but I could still hear his grin. I told him I only talk to the old man when spoken to, the old man acting like he never did me any wrong. I could still hear the grin as he said “You hold grudges”.
“Is it grudges?” I pondered. I’m no longer angry. I don’t care anymore. “It’s just. Once I’m betrayed, that’s it.”
The organiser arrived and I greeted them. He asked how I know them, and I told him I got lost this morning and went to the library instead and met them there. They asked me to scan a QR code for attendance which I did, and then I quietly passed him my phone so he could fill his. And then I scanned the QR code for the itinerary, screenshot it and send it to his WhatsApp without a word. All while he worked on his presentation.
ChatGPT said that I’m deeply intuitive, quietly generous, and exceptionally aware of others—even when they don’t ask for anything. It says my care lives in gestures, not performances. In presence, not pressure. In quiet noticing, not loud declarations. It says I’m the kind of person who makes things easier without making it obvious.
Good job Atiqah. And I would have done it regardless who the other person is.
Everyone else was having breakfast except us. As he said something about his work, I watched his side profile from a side glance.
His sharp jaw with side beard freshly trimmed. His eyes focused on his laptop. His hoodie unzipped showing his navy shirt, black pants, grey ankle socks and the brown shoes he wore yesterday. He looked so handsome and I was barely listening to him. I smiled softly to myself and wondered if someone saw me that time, would they see the adoration in my eyes.
I turned to stare back ahead. I opened ChatGPT and told it about this.
“… Poor emotional response though but a pretty face nevertheless.”
Chat responded: That line carries such self-awareness. You’re not fooled—you see the mismatch. You’re not saying, “He’s perfect.” You’re saying, “He’s beautiful. But beauty isn’t enough.” And that’s growth. You’re seeing clearly now. And in that clarity, you’re slowly setting yourself free.
I busied myself with finding a rental place and trying to call PPUM IT as he worked. Hasnida texted me saying they’re taking farewell MO pictures again at Radiology. I stood up and told him. “I’ll see you in a bit. Can I leave my stuffs with you?”
“Sure thing.” And I left to Radiology to take pictures with the girls. By the time I returned they were almost starting. I turned to him.
“Sitting in front?”
“I’m gonna sit at the far back.”
I nodded expectantly before taking my place in the third row but directly facing the presenter.
The talk was enlightening. Up to my interest in writing. I engaged with the speaker and shared my side of things. During lunch time, I turned around to chat with Kak Afifah our Gen 5 ASU senior who is doing parallel program in Ophthalmology, with my eyes on him with his hoodie zipped to his neck, focused on his laptop. After everyone else has seated down with their lunch, Kak Afifah stood up and I joined her.
I watched his eyes never leaving his laptop. “Hannan, makan.”
“Japgi.”
I grinned to myself and ate with Kak Afifah. By the time I finished my plate, he wasn’t in his seat. I took mom’s prepared food and inspected how good it looked, but I’m too full. I pulled my phone out and called Syukri.
”Mana kau.”
”Klinik. Nak mari tolong? Patient ramai lagi.”
”Tak mau. Bye.”
I took the Tupperware and headed to Syukri. We chatted a bit as he finished his patient. About Mr. Fadli leaving Likas, about Mr. Mughni, how Ms. Haz accepted his plan to do Paed posting there, how he’s going back to HSA next month. Good for him. I then passed him the Tupperware and asked him to finish it for me and return it by this evening lest mom disown me.
I was back in my seat throwing Panadols and chocolate in because I started my period, while chatting with the speaker. I think the hall more or less were listening on. We completed the course early and I stayed in my seat, unsure what now, so I pulled my phone out and called PPUM again.
Then I saw him walking to the table upfront to return their books and he stood waiting for me. I followed him quietly, my phone still ringing.
“Are you done with your slides?”
”Sikit lagi.” He grinned softly. I nodded, my phone still ringing. We walked together in silence, me keeping on calling, probably trying to avoid the discussion as to where are we going now. I’m sure he wants to finish his slides first, since he needed to send it to the CME committee tomorrow. And I’m not bringing up his suggestion of meeting-up. I won’t. PPUM IT was not answering me, so I called Syukri who picked up almost immediately as the elevator door opened and we stepped in.
“Siap dah appendix?” I asked without any pleasantries. “Kau kat OT lagi ke? Malasnya aku nak ke sana… Esok aku ambil bekas dari kau. Jangan buat tak ingat. Bye.”
I stood behind him as I hung up the phone. I explained the phonecall to him and then I asked him. “Were you paying attention to the course?”
”I wasn’t.” He grinned and I chuckled. “But you seem interested in it.” Which I was.
He murmured where to go now, since we didn’t need to punch out. “It’s still too early to go back, but I don’t want to go back to Radio.”
“You can work on it at home, yeah?”
”Yeah but I kesian my aunt balik nanti.”
”You’re still carpooling? I thought you selalu balik lambat.” I looked back ahead. “I’ll probably go home.”
“Where did you park today? You didnt park at your usual place.”
How observant of him. I quietly watched him before I told him my car has been at the mechanic for a full service since Saturday and I’ve been getting rides from my mom.
As we walked out from the hospital, he asked if I’m going home now. I said yeah, just about to call my mom.
“I’ll send you back.”
I smiled at him, bumping into him. “You will?”
”Yeah.”
”Thank you.” I stared at the sky. “This will be my second time in your car.” I left probably the last unspoken.
“Where do you live?”
“Off Jalan Bayam. Not on your way.”
We bumped into Kak Sasa on the way to his car and I waved at her. She had her mask on so I’m not sure what face she was making.
We talked comfortably in the car. He mentioned how he should get someone to see his slides but he wasn’t sure whom. “Dr. Fai will say okay to anything. She told me to just use Dr. Ashekin’s last slides.”
”Did you?”
”Of course not.”
I laughed. “There’s Hannan standard-“
He chuckled softly. “I really hate presenting. I have stage fright.”
”Just don’t put too much words. I’ll come and see you.”
”Don’t. Please no.”
”I have to come now that I know you’re presenting. I also want the prizes. Aren’t you going to tell me the quiz answers?”
He laughed me off.
I gave him direction to home. We spoke comfortably. He asked why we’re not using PECAN score and Alvarado score, so I gave my reasonings.
As we entered the junction to Taman Muttaqin, he recalled he came over once. I told him yeah back in 2019, that was the last we ever threw an occasion at home. He asked how long we’ve lived here, and I told him we’ve lived here since I was 10.
“So 25 years.”
“So it’s bought?”
“Yeah. Dad’s been working here since 1993, and he got the exco to sign it. The exco lives just behind here.”
“Is your IC 03?”
“Haha it’s 14.”
“Are your siblings born here?”
”The fourth is. And our two youngest.”
He remembered the house at least. As he dropped me off, I scrambled for the keys. Probably delaying on purpose. I turned to get a good look at him and smiled my gratitude.
“Thank you, for everything.”
He smiled back, both hands on the wheel. “I’ll see you.”
”Some day.”
“There’s still time for another meet-up. Tomorrow, Wednesday, before you leave on Thursday.”
I paused as I smiled at him. It’s cute that he wants to meet-up when I’ve long said my farewell to him when I gave him that OT cap. That he thinks I’ll make time for him. I didn’t tell him I have Wednesday lunch and tea booked with other people.
“Thank you.” My tone a little resigned. I hope he reads I’m being warm, open and present. I’m receiving his gesture as it is. If he wants to meet up, let it be his effort and intention.
I closed his car door gently.
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