If I never see your face again, I don’t mind

9.5.25

Tea time with him and Myny. Upon parting, I said “See you one day. In ten years..” as I stood up to leave.

He responded with “Ten years?” Trailing off. I didn’t say anything.

14.5.25

I gave him the OT cap with my farewell. I told Fadzlin I’m done.

24.5.25

He texted me asking when is my last day in KB. I didn’t reply.

25.5.25

I came to the department on Dr. Fairos’s invitation. He asked and I answered. He said “We have time for another meet up.”

I looked at him with a quiet “One day. Someday.”

“How about tomorrow? I’ve a course tomorrow.” He said.

26.5.25

He offered to send me back. I grinned and accepted. Upon reaching home, he said, both hands on the wheel. “I’ll see you.”

”Some day.”

“There’s still time for another meet-up. Tomorrow, Wednesday, before you leave on Thursday.”

I paused as I smiled at him. It’s cute that he wants to meet-up when I’ve long said my farewell to him when I gave him that OT cap.

“Thank you.” My tone a little resigned.

28.5.25

I met Fadzlin for lunch and casually mentioned he reached out for a meet-up. Flurry of discussion. They told me to spell it to him. Meet him after his presentation and say it and get rejected or whatsoever, but say it.

Okay, okay. Yeah I should.

He texted me “I’m sorry I couldn’t make time for makan-makan before you leave.”

I replied him wishing him good luck with his presentation. And to make time for me after that please?

29.5.25

His presentation went well. I was ready to say my final farewell as I walked him to Radiology, but he cut me to it.

“Wanna have lunch today?”

I nodded.

2pm he texted sorry he’s still stuck with work. I replied him I’ve got time.

3pm he said he couldn’t make it today. And I’m like. Not unexpected but it still stung. I didn’t say my final farewell this morning because I thought I could do it over lunch that you invited me to. I replied with a single ☹️

“So sorry. Let’s have breakfast tomorrow?”

I said yes and thanked him for trying to make time for me.

30.5.25

Breakfast catching up and before we left the table, I gathered my courage and started with “I dunno if I’ll ever see you again..”

“I’ll be going to HKL in July. There’s a CPG update on thalassemia.”

The fuck?

“It’s on Monday and Tuesday. I haven’t decided whether to go on Friday and go back on Tuesday, or go on Sunday and spend the whole week in KL.”

I blinked and we continued this train of conversation. But internally, how am I going to say it now? Is this an invite for a meet-up? Can’t he sense what I’m trying to do? Why does this guy want to meet-up with me?

We then left, I have to go and he has 12 reports pending. I grinned exasperatedly as I opened the door and exit the store.

“I have something to say. I didn’t intend to see you again after I gave you that OT cap, and just now you kinda cut my train of thought.”

“Where did you park?”

“At the library.”

“Let’s take my car.”

“Oh I’ve been curious about your sunroof.” Cue me had him open the sunroof as I leaned up, asking how old is this car (“10 years”), is this a 1.5 (“It’s a 1.4.” “Hmm a little small capacity for me.), how fast can it go from 0 to 100km (“Erm I don’t know.” “You’re a safe driver, eh?”).

“Don’t mind me.” I leaned up and started taking pictures of the view from his sunroof, recounting how I spend my time sleeping in my car while adventuring in Sabah. “This is nice. I would have enjoyed merayap more if I had this kind of car.”

We reached my car. And as I gathered my wit again, I said it. Told him I don’t want to see him again.

I’ve disowned him from my list of friends. Deleted his chat, contact, pictures, and blocked him. I told Fadzlin, Ada, Amyny and Kak Elli about it. Contemplating to tell Savin about it but nah, he would have slapped me for not staying away after everything we talked about last time we met during Labour Day weekend. And should I tell Mijah? She’s another mutual friend but she doesn’t know about this. Oh well. Probably not.

And God. I knew this will hurt but damn this still hurts.