Kesian Pofin mesti serabut pastu kena marah Dr. Mulianis pulak tu. Maka saya pun lepak wad dia tolong dia.

Oncall General Surgery ada 4 orang. 3 first posters Pofin, Akram and I and then Lijah a third poster. Pofin jaga wad aktif laki, Am perempuan, me wad pasif laki dan Plastik serta peri. Wad Pofin ada sorang patient critically unstable and MO macam risau boleh ke kitorang handle malam ni.

Sebelum Maghrib lepas siap clerk patient kat ED, Dr. Abdah minta saya naik tolong Pofin kat wad dia. I've already settled my patient in my ward dan memang ready nak naik wad atas tolong Pofin pun masa first Kak Abdah suh turun ED.

Pofin tengah attend the critical patient. Budak SPM, alleged MVA with traumatic brain injury and hemorrhagic shock. Tengah transfuse packed cell ke lapan belas (!!), 4 FFP dan 3 cryo, sekarang tunggu ICU bed ready nak transfer dia. Allah. Aku tanya dia ape lagi tak setel kat wad and dia minta aku tolong review dua patient non acute nak show ke Dr. Anis malam nanti.

Beres. Aku pun setelkan tu sementara dia setelkan adik tu.

Masa oncall round, rupanya Pofin tak sempat review patient tu pun masa dia attend patient tu. Aiseh. Sadis tu, whatever your reason you cannot NOT review acute bed. New HOs jangan tunggu to learn this the hard way, dengar baik ape senior nak cakap (lol). Membebel habis la semua MO, kesian gila aku tengok Pof. Kalau aku boleh tepuk bahu dia dah lama aku tepuk.

Dr. H pun datang tepi aku dan bisik "Atiqah kenapa awak tak tolong Faisal? (nama sebenar Pof)" sambil muka sengih ketat.

"Saya dah!!" I whispered back. Aku pun rasa bersalah Pofin kena belasah camtu. Btw ni pehal mamat ni oncall pulak malam ni? Kalau ikut jadual malam ni Dr. Dayah. Macam vain sangat nak fikir asal aku oncall je mamat ni oncall. "Saya tanya ape boleh saya tolong masa tu dia tengah attend patient ni. And dia minta saya review patient lain."

Later, we lost that patient. The nurse noted Pofin in charge of the ward and after attending the patient stat with Dr. H, Pofin called me to the ward. When I got there, Dr. H was discussing case with the boss while us two HOs prepared to active resus.

Time of death 2225H.

Dr. Omar of Urology asked what was going on as the three of us sitting at the counter writing in the BHT. Dr. H told him and joked,

"Ni semua jadi sebab saya oncall dengan Atiqah ni."

I stared at his boyish good looks and suddenly felt like slapping him lightly. Or myself. Hello, tiga kali kita oncall sekali ni baru first time we lost a patient please. Awak bukan Nasri (lol). But I can't touch him, so I squinted my eyes in an attempt at glaring and muttered "One of these days..."

His grin never left his face. "Atiqah, awak jaga wad mana harini?"

"29. Saya oncall 5."

"Okay, malam ni awak tolong Faisal dekat sini ye."

"Baik bos." That was the original plan anyway. Sebelum aku lari naik wad ni tadi Burn Unit call aku, so now I needed to go do what Oncall 5 people should do. Aku pun berlalu pergi. "Bye."

"Nak pergi mana?"

"Nak gi Burn Unit. Ada patient complaint itchiness. Papehal call ye."

"Okay~"

URTI in a room of pre-op patients

Esok kena masuk OT Dr. Aizat dah tarik aku sebab takde orang volunteer. Aku selsema batuk sakit tekak on off low grade temperature la. OT sejuk aku tak nak pergi tempat tu.

Dr. Aizat suruh study:
1- anatomy of anterior abdominal wall
2- inguinal canal
3- anatomy of scrotum
4- how testes descend

Hmm.

---

Semalam jumpa papa kat kantin. Sampai2 je dia tengah borak semeja dengan Miqdad dan Dr. Che Wil. Kebetulan semeja maka menyembang.

Pagi tadi Miqdad kata kat aku, "Muka kau tak sama macam ayah kau la."

"Oh ye?" Aku rasa cam ramai pulak orang kata muka aku ikut ayah.

"Kau gelap ayah kau putih."

"Aku gelap sebab aku main panas la. Mak aku putih gak." Hahaha bengong Kedad. "Aku bukan anak angkat la pastinya."

Stress is in the mind of the beholder.

Harini tetiba bersin berderet dan rasa nak demam. Mungkin sebab sekarang hujan and petang tadi pasang aircond.

Mungkin sebab subconsciously I am thinking of being oncall esok, third day of Raya, a Sabtu somemore. The day where people will flock to the hospital for every reason under the sun. Haha. But it's okay, I believe Allah will only give me what I can handle.

And then jadual next week keluar. My next call on Tuesday! Patut la rasa nak demam. Esok oncall, lusa postcall, pastu AM, pastu oncall balik. Nice. We can do this!

And Ahad ni masuk Black Team ("blackish stool" as Nadiah calls it), Ahad also their grand ward round day and my postcall day. Mr. Zuraimi jiran aku is bos Black. Beliau rajin menyoal.. jangan la dia asyik target aku huuuu. Postcall bukan alasan otak lembab. Aku harap malam ni aku study banyak-banyak dengan ingatan yang kuat dan kerajinan yang jitu, ameen.

On the bright side, nasib baik bukan Urology. Kalau Uro mungkin aku mati terus. Dan esok oncall ada Dr. Helmi sengal though I'm not sure what's so bright about it.

"Sebagai HO, kerja awak adalah pastikan semua orang sekeliling awak gembira." - En. Zahir to us during first day on the job briefing

After I successfully bleed my patient for a renal profile stat that afternoon, I sent it for lab. My boss ordered me to "Refer Medical for CKD. Amik RP stat."

It was 12 plus. The result will be ready close to 1pm. As a courtesy to fellow doctors, I don't feel right referring non urgent cases during 1-2 pm. At 2 pm my boss will start PM round and the first question for me will be

"Dah refer Medical belum?"

And at this point, I would be answering truthfully "Belum-" and boss's face will change...

Logically we should refer once all data ready, but.. I don't know.

Nasri happened to be sitting beside me while I was contemplating. As pleased I was at having his company and not be confined to one "Hai Nash" greeting per day, I felt scrutinised. I knew he would be listening and I would be queried.

So I decided to call Medical anyway despite the current RP result in progress and inform the oncall MO as to why we're concerned of this patient's kidney profile. And as expected, she scolded me and told me to call her back once the result was ready. I happily thanked her because that was exactly the words I wanted to hear.

"Medical nak result dulu?" His tone was stating the obvious. I was grateful he regarded me intelligent enough to not tell me what I should have done instead.

"Yep. At least dah refer," while I documented "spoken to Dr. N (Medical), she requested an update on RP result once ready" in the patient's BHT.

When I think about it, that was a "asal lepas" kind of answer. I wasn't proud of that answer, but I really needed to have something to answer to my bosses. You haven't meet the Red bosses yet. Some of them would shoot me "awak tak menjawab soalan saya" if I answer "tunggu result RP keluar baru nak refer". I just wanted to answer with "Dah" followed by whatever buts in the world.

Anyway, I called her back at 2 pm just to inform her that the blood urea and creatinine were normal, which I bet from her tone and choice of words when I called her earlier would shot me again for not waiting for the result before calling her in the first place, basically saving us from having to deal with each other today. But it went to voicemail. I called later at 2.20 pm and again went to voicemail.

I felt God was totally on my side then because immediately after that my round started and I was lucky enough to have an answer of "Dah refer Medical, she asked for an update when result ready. Result dah siap. Urea creat normal, tapi patient hypokalemia 2.9." Lol.

Had I wait till 2 pm to refer, I wouldn't have referred the case at all before round and would have been at the receiving end of "dik saya suruh awak refer Medical kan!" should the urea creat results were abnormal.

I wish Nasri will read this, haha.

Back home I discussed my situation with dad and he said;

(A) yes I should have waited for the result before referring, but next time I should just say "the result is still in progress, but we would appreciate it very much if you could still take a look at this patient."

(B) dad understood my dilemma of having to please my bosses and everyone else around me. He said I should try to balance this. How, he didn't say. I guess some things are to be figured out by experience.

(C) as a medical-based consultant, dad had more problems with surgical than they ever had with him. "They're always late." One time ago dad had a suspected case of intestinal obstruction. His team referred to Surgical and the MO said he will come review later. I don't know how late was later but when dad was doing round and Surgical had yet to review the patient, dad called the then HOD and said "your surgeons are lazy."

The then HOD scolded his MO and said MO came to review the case on the spot. And subsequently the surgeons all were angry at dad. "Kami bergaduh masa tu."

And I thought, maybe being targetted as Dr. Hanifah's kid was a result of their feud back then. Dear God.

---

The same medical MO I referred her for an updated management for one of our patient under their care for HAP diagnosed on the 17th who we wanted to discharge. I told her patient had been afebrile for the past few days, comfortable under room air, no cough nor SOB, tolerating orally well, lungs minimal crept at left lower zone...

"Platelet?"

"Last result was 19th-"

She scolded me because the latest FBC was 19th and no one cared to repeat FBC after that. "Macam mana awak tahu patient dah okay?! FBC pun tak repeat!"

I had no answer for that. We only repeated daily calcium haha FML.

"Calcium je jaga! Kalau nak discharge sangat, tukar la jadi tab cefuroxime! HAP pun tak reti manage ke?!"

Truthfully I wanted to answer "Saya tak tahu, sorry first poster noob. Kalau saya tahu pun boleh ke saya tukar je management Medical? Boss Surgical saya pun tak buat camtu." But she was obviously having a bad day and as a wiseass I know when to be wise and when to be an ass.

I replied her with a bright smile instead. "Okay, terima kasih doktor. Nak bagi berapa lama ya?" She answered curtly and hung up.

Then I realised; what dose?! What dose?! Gaaa what dose?! Why these people think I know everything!

---

For another patient with diverticulitis keen for discharge, I don't know what to change IV Cefobid 1gm BD to oral. So I searched in the Blue Book. In vain. So I asked Wong as he was nearest but his answer was so fast and I sort of heard-not-heard what he said. I then asked my teammates but no one replied. Should I call my MO to ask about drugs- nah, no way, nuh uh.

So I messaged the best MO in the world, Bawarouq. Haha manja gile... I was ashamed of myself but felt very grateful. He even wished me "ganbatte!"

Sigh. I need to work harder and study smarter.

---

Speaking of branulas, Arif inserted one on Cik Mala this morning. It was pink and Arif inserted it (to me) in a weird angle of her dorsum. Patient complained of pain later in the evening and boss ordered the branula be changed.

It would have been the fourth branula for Cik Mala. K tried and failed twice, so I was up next because I was the only other Red in the ward who hasn't try yet. Arif and K are my senior HOs and I was sort of amused at the third trier be the less experienced of all.

So I sat next to Cik Mala, assured her, searched for a vein while K observed and Arif behind me telling me to hurry up because he was standby in case I failed. I got the branula in in one go, no bunk. Nicely done.

Arif complimented me hehehehehehe. I felt proud. And for the sake of Cik Mala I hope the branula stays good.

---

I saw Dr. Adham in the morning and greeted him. I last saw him during my oncall Sunday last week. Later near afternoon I was at the counter doing paperworks and he had some other case with his team HO near me. I merely greeted him. As he finished the discussion, he passed beside me and asked,

"Okey dik? Beres?"

"Beres," I replied. I wasn't sure what that was about, I half thought he was going to viva me the surface anatomy of liver right there and then. It felt weird to be asked that so suddenly, did I look grim?

But I appreciate the gesture. Hehehe. And I forgot to wish him Selamat Hari Raya.

---

We started with 15 patients for Red team and ended with 5 patients. Haha 10 dischargessssssss!

Granted post Eid will be a feast of work for us, but I'll be happy while I can.

Always choose to be proud and happy

Umair seems to be happy when she reads of my miserable moments, so let me share one just in case everyone else thinks I am gullibly happily working with no worries.

Today I was allocated to the OT. Our team rules regarding OT stated that:
1) the person going to the OT SHOULD NOT review patients in the morning in view of no one to properly present the case during AM round.
2) if s/he does review, passover properly
3) should the team were unable to answer to the specialists during round, don't give "orang yang review masuk OT" as an excuse.

So today I came to work and felt jobless. My teammate M was oncall last night and he looked busy and miserable. So helpful me went and asked him,

"What can I help with except for reviewing? I'm on OT duty today."

He looked at me thinking and said, "Just go and review."

"Okay..." And so I picked the nearest patient to me who I reviewed her post op yesterday. Day 1 post op bla3 currently tolerating orally well, throbbing op site otherwise tolerable pain bla3.

While I was reviewing, our team leader noticed me as he came to review the next bed.

"Eh? You're reviewing?" He looked surprised but maintained his happy face.

"Yeah I asked M if I could help with anything and he asked me to review."

"Alright. Passover to me."

I noted her dressing was stained with hemoserous, so I discussed this with A and he suggested for me to write the plan for the outer dressing to be changed and to leave the dressing to the nurses. It was 7am plus. Today's round will start at 9am so the nurses should have plenty time to carry out my plan, I have to go to OT before 8.

After I was done, I presented the case to him including my findings and my plan. "Would you prefer to examine the patient yourself?" I added understandingly.

"Yes," he grinned.

And then I went for OT. After the op was done, one of my MO came just out of the round and asked why didn't I passover the case I reviewed properly to my teammates. I asked her to elaborate more because I didn't understand what was going on.

"Boss was mad because the dressing was soaked. And M said the one who reviewed the case went into OT."

I felt grim. Wth was going on. Nice of you to turn on me like this when it was you who asked me to review and when there's no me to defend myself... nevermind. And what happened to A? I passed over to him.

"When I reviewed this morning, the dressing was not soaked. I noted she felt throbbing at her op site but no pain, and the dressing was stained not soaked. I planned for the outer to be changed and I passed all this to my teammate." Heck it was A who suggested for that plan. What happened to him and me passing the case over? Did it not happen?

"Ooh okay then. Just next time make sure the dressing isn't even stained when the boss comes for round. They don't care how many times you change the dressing."

"Okay doctor."

And I felt grim the whole day. I realized what kind of person M was and I thought never mind him, what is important is that I never do such a thing to my colleague. And I don't want to be a person who wouldn't help him in the future just because of what he did. I will treat everyone nicely because I want to be a good person.

I finished my job at the elective OT and halfway back to the ward my phone connection returned (ACC building has the worst coverage in the whole hospital) and I realised one of my friend covered for me in the emergency OT. So I called him and told him I would go to cover his duty at his ward.

Done deal. I didn't want to go to my earlier ward and deal with M and A, but I went anyway to get my bag and water bottle. M and A were settling the post AM round job and didn't acknowledge me... and I didn't feel like either. But I still felt grim. I need a hug or sunshine sightings.. huhu where are the Green team when I need them?

I saw Fadzlin in the procedure room doing some form work and I went over to her.

"Zelin I need a hug."

And so she gave me a hug and asked why. I told her what happened and she said,

"Ahh. M. He did about the same thing to me yesterday. I got scolded by Dr. Ann because of him."

"What did he do?"

"Later I'll tell you. I need to go to the casualty." And off Zelin go after reassuring me. I went to the ward upstairs and silently settle loose jobs and PM review. Then I noticed A wrote in our WhatsApp group asking the morning OT person to cover Pofin who went in the emergency OT and stated,

"and make sure to review properly" plus his smiley face.

And I felt grimmer, haha... Basically he implied that I didn't review the patient properly. Never mind, I'm still learning and I am not as good as they are. I will learn and be better.

But what did I do wrong? I was too grim to ask them now and this was the sort of things to be dealt with face to face. Nevermind, I will go and review the BHT later after I was done with this ward.

When I went down later, the patient was already discharged.

---

I told this to dad but he only listened in silence while his gaze fixed on the TV he wasn't even watching. After I changed the topic to management of CDH only he replied me.

I guess I could never complain to dad. I should not complain to dad. This is just one of the things he probably faced and now it's my turn.

---

Anyway, the day ended nicely. I was reviewing some cases with K my other teammate and we were standing in the hallway. I saw Nasri coming and despite in a discussion, I turned to him just as he neared and clearly greeted him,

"Hai Nash."

"Hai Atiqah." I could hear his smile. And then I resumed discussing, noticing K's minute change in expression. But I don't care. It felt good to properly greet him, hahahaha.

And today I walked out of the ward with Wong my favourite house officer, Mr. Wong as we call him. He asked me again where did I live and I replied him,

"Lunde," with a grin.

"Ala I lupa Atiqah orang Kelantan, asyik ingat tinggal kat kuarters je."

I grinned. His response when he first realised I am a Kelantanese was "cis kurang asam, tak kecek Kelate pun!"

"Saya jiran Mr. Zuraimi, selang dua rumah."

"Yeke!" Wong lighted up. And he proceeded to ask how big was his house, what car he drives, what does his wife do, how old are the kids and ultimately how old was Mr. Z when he got married.

Hahahaha Wong is such a gossip monger.

It is important to make people feel less awkward

Today there were medical students in my ward. I was reviewing the patient opposite them clerking and didn't bother them. But then Hafizah and I recognised their patient as our patient readmitted. So I dropped my reviewing (lol) and we and Yun approached the patient. I didn't recognise her face but I recognise her name. I greeted her and asked why was she admitted.

"Ooh ERCP, hehe kak saya yang call akak minta akak gi Hospital Tumpat amik darah haritu."

I turned to my colleagues. "Aku yang discharge patient ni." Bagus kan budak Red discuss dengan Green pasal kes Black team. Us house officers belek-belek BHT dia, hmm apsal boss Black tak request amylase? Never mind tak noted je kot, ada LFT and RP taken I guess sekali la amylase bwahaha.

I looked up and realised we crashed the medical students. "Hai," I greeted them in a friendly-before-bullying-people manner. "Per abdomen ape findings korang?"

They grinned sheepishly at me and I automatically laughed back. "Selamba aku buli orang, haha abaikan. Korang dah Paeds belum?" Because they're Lincoln students and I know my dad took Lincoln students for teaching.

"Dah," the one guy between the three students replied me.

"Ooh bagus2."

Yun said to me, "Hai tanya Paeds je kee."

"Of course la Paeds jee."

Later I was reviewing another patient and the guy student came beside me to pinjam the ward's hammer. I stopped him for a chat.

Me: Korang tahun berapa?
Him: Fourth year. Harini second day fourth year.
Me: Waah. Good luck ye.
Him: Thank you.

Me, calculating. Sebagai senior (ecece) wajib la bagi nasihat. "Okay, make sure you have fun ye."

"Haha. Alright."

And then I continued reviewing.

This is the second time Miss Wong wanted to ketuk kepala budak ni

One of these days I'm going to make my surgeons turn bald.

Today I said something very stupid. I reviewed one post open appendicectomy for acute appendicitis and presented it during PM round.

"Was the appendix inflammed?" Miss Wong asked.

I remembered writing the post op review 'inflammed not perforated' and promptly replied "Not inflammed- eh." I hurriedly pulled open that page in the BHT. "Sorry sorry, inflammed not perforated!"

God, stupid Atiqoh. Miss Wong gave me her killer glare. I was already chuckling silly at my stupid self. Stupid stupid!

"I rasa nak cabut selipar I ketuk kepala budak ni."

"Sorry Miss Wong. Inflammed not perforated."

Always greet your elders

One time I was otw to the oncall room and I bumped into Bakemal Huzaifah. You know, Gen04 ASU I think. I barely greeted him and that was our first encounter at the hospital, but he turned to my MOs Dr. Azizi and Dr. Ang who were sitting on the couch and said to them,

"Korang dah marah belum budak ni? Marah je."

I laughed while my MOs looked on semi confused. Supportive super senior indeed, thanks.

The other day I saw him in my ward reviewing a Urology patient with his team of Anaes. I would have gone and greeted him "Hai Bakemal" if he was alone, but he wasn't and I was still borderline unsure of him so I decided maybe later.

But later he was gone.

Moral of the story: whatever happens, be a good kid and greet your elders.

---

Speaking of which, today I bumped into Nasri multiple times but had not the pleasure of greeting him. I stood there waiting for him to glance at me but he did not. Granted he was in a round one time and discussing case with his team another time, but if he would look up just one moment and see me with my ready smile and my short "Hai Nash", we could get this over with.

Anyway. When he feels like looking up, I'll be around with my greetings. Even my MOs I greet properly, what more him as a Cairo senior and a BPP mentor. He might not think this is a big deal, but respecting my seniors and upholding my history as a Cairo graduate is a big deal to me. Haha.

Moral of the story: whatever happens, be a good kid and greet your elders.

---

Today Dr. Azizi pointedly looked at me and assigned me the responsibility of ensuring one patient's preop hypertension is under control otherwise the anaes might cancel her op.

"Kalau tak esok saya cari awak."

I grinned reassuringly. I would have taken him more seriously if he didn't look at me like that bwahaha. Anyway I endorsed her anti-HPT medication already... and I'll review her first thing tomorrow.

---

On another note, today as I was clerking a patient, Pofin came to take her blood. Faster work like that. He seemed amused when he heard me talking to the patient, but I took it as him being amiable with the patient.

At the counter, suddenly Pofin said with a grin "panda Tiqah kecek Kelate. 'Diyo start gano kak?'"

I turned to him. "Kau puji ke perli?"

"Puji la."

And I gleefully turned to Meksu who was sitting near and claimed her shoulder. "Dengar tu Pofin puji Bahasa Kelantan aku!"

I felt proud wahaha. Meksu has been complaining about my Bahasa Kelantan ever since we were first years and I swore off talking in Bahasa Kelantan with my Cairo batch because Meksu once commented I sounded like a Siamese.

Anyway, later I realised Pofin probably didn't realise I am a Kelantanese so he shouldn't have complimented me. Hahaha... now it turned into a mockery.

Kami sekampung maka kami telepathic

Round dengan Mr. Zuraimi. Kitorang kat katil Mak Cik Sah dia dah day 4 post extended hemicolectomy bla3 dan hemoglobin dia low 6 lebih otherwise asymptomatic. Mr. Zuraimi tanya Zelin sebab dia yang review kes tu.

"So nak transfuse ke tak?"

"Nak."

"Kenapa?"

Zelin jawab sebab oxygenation for lungs dia. Cik Sah ada persistent lung collapse bla3. Tapi bukan tu yang Mr. Z nak dengar. "Kenapa kita amat nak oxygenation dalam this particular case?"

Aku berdiri sebelah Zelin dah bisik dah "wound healing wound healing" dan Dr. Aizat opposite Zelin dah hampir melompat sambil gerak mulut "anastomosis" tapi Zelin fokus dekat Mr. Z je dan tak bagi jawapan yang beliau betul-betul nak.

Maka Mr. Z pun berpaling kepada aku.

"Ha Atiqah macam nak jawab je. Saya ni tak reti speaking English mungkin sebab tu bahasa saya tak difahami. Kita setaman jadi mesti Atiqah faham soalan saya. Kenapa kita nak oxygenation dalam patient ni?"

Lol ape kaitan. "Sebab patient baru lepas major abdominal surgery, so kita nak pastikan optimum oxygenation supaya wound dan anastomosis dia properly heal dan tak leak."

Mr. Z angguk. Beliau berpaling kepada MO yang lain. "Atiqah faham soalan saya sebab kami sekampung. Jiran saya ni."

"Selang dua rumah," I grinned. Baru semalam aku harap arnab Kak Rahimah gigit tayar kereta beliau supaya beliau datang lambat harini haha bengong aku ni.

---

I told this to pops and he said "lepas ni kena study lebih banyak, nanti dia tanya dan akan expect kakngah boleh jawab. Kalau tak, 'ape ni sekampung tapi tak boleh jawab!'"

God, You're really pushing my laziness limit. Since this is what You planned for me, then please grant me all the kerajinan in the world, ameen.

Boss, saya lupa saya ada assessment!

I was settling my post morning round job and made my way to the acute bed. There came Green entourage with Mr. Zaidi in the lead.

"Salam Mr. Zaidi. Sihat?" I greeted him.

"Alhamdulillah. Hanifah sihat?"

I didn't catch any prefix before dad's name but anyway I replied him with my friendly grin. "Dia pergi KL, ada MPA gathering."

"MPA?"

"Paeds-"

"Oh meeting. Awak dah habis Green ke. Sekejapnya."

"Dah habis boss. Saya pun tak tahu nak kata apa." Ini semua salah Mr. Zuraimi! Haha mampus aku kalau beliau baca ni.

Selamba aku kacau Green buat round. Padahal berjujuk geng Green dan MO keliling Mr. Zaidi masa tu. Aku pun berlalu keluar dari acute cubicle and on my way out, terdengar Dr. H said something about "ajak pergi KB Mall" with Dr. Salehah snickering nearby. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or about me.

I told mom about it and she laughed at me. "Takkan la dia panggil papa Hanifah je. Even Dato' Rosdi dan Dr. Burhan pun panggil papa Dr. Hanifah. Mesti dia nak panggil kakngah."

"Haha haritu dia panggil Ika Hanifah tapi Ika tarik muka tak jawab soalan dia sampai la dia panggil Atiqah."

Acute pancreatitis

Haritu oncall round dengan Dr. Aizat, dia tanya berapa serum amylase to diagnose acute pancreatitis.

"More than seribu," I answered.

Beliau jeling. "Buku mana ni? Ke main hentam je?"

Saya pun senyap sambil fikir muka surat berapa buku teks Kasr el Ainy cakap. Ke aku dengar sape cakap. Argh habis la Boss Aizat jeling.

Isha jawab three fold normal limit. Tu yang dia nak. Kiranya 300 ke atas la.

Harini belek buku.

"Serum amylase is usually elevated within a few hours to levels higher than 1000 IU/dL (normal value is 100-300 IU/dL). It remains elevated 2-3 days.

Ddx serum amylase <500 IU/dL:
1- perforated peptic ulcer
2- acute cholecystitis
3- intestinal obstruction
4- acute mesenteric ischemia"

Page 521 Kasr el Ainy Surgical Textbook, Volume 2

APE PATUT SAYA BUAT

I'm starting to be immune

"Comel beg."

I saw him coming from A&E while I exited near the OT. I did slow down in hope to be noticed, but I didn't expect to be greeted. He really is the friendly type.

I turned to acknowledge him. "Terima kasih. Fadzlin yang pilih."

"Kenapa dia yang pilih?"

"Sebab taste dia bagus. Taste saya.." Boyish? Tasteless? "Tak lawa."

"Ooh. Awal balik."

"Awal?" It was nearing 6. "Tak kira lewat ke haha."

"Red ke?"

"Yep." We're going different directions. "Byee!" I shouted. Boss waved.

I guess I ended the day on a happy note. Pagi2 tadi supervisor panggil. Saya pun pergi balik wad dari bilik seminar Mortality Audit dengan separa debar. Rupanya I forgot to fill in a patient's modified nutritional state form. My reason is sebab masa aku clerk tu, berat and height nurse tak amik lagi and aku clerk dalam kul 4am camtu. But then I forgot about it. Most surgeon tak heran pun pasal form ni. Tapi sekali I was caught by surgeon yang pandang amat berat bab ni.

"Awak buat sekali lagi, saya extend awak!" Dengan suara tegas, muka serius.

Dalam kepala aku terlintas dua benda serentak;
(1) yey more time with Nash tapi automatik Haru terus "bengong" aku
(2) patient mane lagi aku tak isi form tu?

So I smiled at him grimly. "Baik Mr. Zuraimi. Saya faham. Terima kasih."

"Kena marah pun terima kasih?"

"Sebab tegur."

Cool betul Atiqah. Tapi aku tak nak kena extend. Balik bilik seminar Mortality Audit tangan aku sedikit ketar dan hilang habis fokus dari kes Dr. Ang tengah bentang. Aku terus mesej Fadzlin minta dia peluk aku bila dia jumpa aku nanti, huhu. I needed a hug so bad, nak minta dengan sape lagi? Huhu.

And habis Audit je aku terus lari balik wad dan skip nasi kerabu free yang dah jadi favourite aku sepanjang duduk kat Surgery ni. Mr. Zuraimi dah hilangkan selera aku pagi2. Huhu.

Pastu tengahari kebulur.

One sunshine at a time

Malam tadi tengah oncall round tetiba Dr. Adham bisik "awak anak Dr. Hanifah kan?"

Ape aku dah buat? Kenapa nama ayah aku naik?

"Ye saya anak dia. Kenapa doktor?" Jawab sambil tengok depan sebab Dr. Mulianis tengah see patient.

"Awak la Atiqah kan?"

Hai saya baru seminggu lebih sikit tinggal Green doktor dah tak cam saya ke? Tahu la cabut spek. "Yes saya Atiqah. Doktor kenal ayah saya?"

"Tak, tak kenal." Rasa snapped jap. Papa second oldest in service in the entire hospital kot! Haha. "Okey, lepas ni study surface anatomy of the liver. Nanti saya tanya."

Hahahaha ni ikut Mr. Zaidi yang target saya sebab saya anak bos dia ke ape ni? "Haha orait bos."

Tengah malam tu Dr. Adham minta aku gi ICU cek patient sebab dia call HO oncall Green tak angkat. Maka berlari la Atiqoh sebab takut nak tinggal wad takde doktor lama-lama, aku ada patient leaking descending thoracic aortic aneurysm with unstable BP dan sorang lagi with pneumothorax Dr. Mulianis dah warn jangan pagi esok jumpa rigor mortis pulak.

---

Pagi tadi aku tersengguk dalam HO Teaching. Rasa bersalah sebab last-last tu Mr. Ken yang conduct, sampai harini saya rasa bersalah dengan beliau sebab tak sempat review sorang acute bed satu masa yang lalu. Habis teaching I was allocated to clinic, maka pergi la saya yang cuma sempat tukar stokin dan tudung dari petang semalam. Okay la petang semalam sempat mandi.

Was the first doctor to reach the clinic. Dr. Azizi nampak aku dia terus "dik pergi tutup pintu" nada mengarah tetiba dia gelak sebab aku automatic obey. Pastu dia "dik awak hutang saya satu IV line."

"Terima kasih doktor pasangkan branula semalam," I replied. My AM teammates tried five times and failed. Who am I to poke the patient a sixth time? Cari MO terus la. He succeeded in his second trial, tu pun pakai blue branula. Katanya tu lebih senang.

In my defence, I succeeded 2 branulas in one go semalam, another on second go, satu bunk and tak sempat nak pasang balik team asal dia dah take over, dan sorang pakcik I failed twice and asked senior HO for help.

Hajat nak menuntut di klinik dengan Mr. Imi tapi Mr. Imi MIA, beg je atas kerusi. Dr. Mulianis pun energetic macam biasa pagi hari lagi dia nasihat aku dengan nada yang friendlier dari biasa. Kesian dia terpaksa handle aku yang noob dari dulu sampai sudah. See, she's warming up to me! Dr. Azizi gelakkan aku masa Dr. Mulianis komplen aku pegang henset dalam klinik, padahal dia yang suruh aku panggil lagi dua HO masuk klinik. Hahah. So aku pun hang out dengan Dr. Azizi...

Patient ramai tapi tersekat sebab nak kena call HUSM la, budak ni la, komputer jam la, itu la, ini la. Boss is not someone who is subtle with his exasperation. Bila dia keluar bilik je, I felt obliged to smoothen things with the patients and ask them to pray for me, us and Dr. Azizi because when Allah make someone sick, He grant their prayers more.

Sape la aku nak komen klinik habis pukul 2pm bila boss yang sama2 dalam klinik adalah the same boss yang oncall sekali malam tadi. Dr. Azizi menguap macam cocaine addict tengah klinik tadi.

---

Masa nak balik wad, bertembung Cik Som yang baru discharge. Salam tunduk kepala dengan dia. Pak Cik Sani bagus dari dulu setiap pagi nampak aku greet by name. Hehe. Semoga terus kuat dan kita jumpa mana-mana selain dari sebagai pesakit dan doktor :P

Nampak Nasri menuju wad maka cepat-cepat lari supaya boleh jalan sekali.

"Hai Nash!"
"Hai Atiqah. Dah makan?"

Hehe Nasri dah tak tanya saya okay ke tak, mungkin sebab nampak hyper macam monyet. Kalau tembung mesti dia tanya pasal solat or makan... Though I should ask him. Dia yang keding obviously needs fattening up.

"Belum!"
"Puasa ke?"
"Sejak breakfast semalam. Postcall haha."
"Pergi balik cepat."
"Okkey~"

I guess in a way this is me missing Egypt. Jumpa senior je excited, Nash pulak tu. Plus the fact I hardly see sunshine so this is me compensating.

---

Seronok gak tak tidur semalaman pastu balik rumah sempat tidur dua jam sebelum terjaga teammate call tanya OT ape aku masuk assist haritu. Dengar suara Dr. Mulianis di latar. Pastu aku tak tidur dah. Along kagum how I handle sleep deprivation. I credit my years of training pre HO, hahaha.

I guess in medicine there's no such thing as pity, we're all in this together.

Back then I always wanted Dr. Hussein to remember my name

Last Monday I was in OT assisting Miss Wong and Dr. Ang for a mastectomy and axillary clearance, a hemithyroidectomy and a chemoport insertion. It took up my entire day and when we were done, Miss Wong said I can go home.

But I trotted back to ward because I missed seeing my sunshines kah3. Only got to call out each others name with Dr. H because he was busy with a bedside procedure and I got to hang out at the counter with N asking how was my day. I told him I was in OT with Miss Wong and he and everyone else there laughed knowingly.

It wasn't that bad. Yeah I sucked and Miss Wong nearly lost her temper with me but it was my first time assisting, I was bound to suck. And she didn't throw me out so I took that she warmed up to me, just a little bit.

I told them I sincerely enjoyed OT with Miss Wong.

Anyway, I met Wong that day and he said Mr. Zaidi was looking for me.

Me: Ha? Why?
Wong: You didn't finish your job with Green.
Me: Ha what job?
Wong: Just kidding.
Me: Actually I wanted you all to always remember me.

Yesterday Ruwaida told me that Mr. Zaidi remembered me. I grinned at her and said of course he would, but I didn't tell her it was because he knows dad. I asked her why did she presumed Mr. Zaidi remembered me.

Ruwaida: Because he was looking for you during HO teaching last Monday.
Me aghast at the fact I really am becoming a target for questioning: God he did?
Ruwaida: Yes he was asking "Atiqah? Where is Atiqah?" We told him you were in OT.
Me: Ooh hehe thank you.

I told dad about this and he laughed. "Zaidi Zakaria?"

"The one and only."

"Kecik-kecik, seluar macam nak terlondeh?"

I laughed out loud. What is this with them! No wonder Mr. Zaidi is targeting me!

And so tonight I messaged N asking him if he happens to know the topic for next teaching. I better be prepared -_-