I am generally reckless because I have a strong family behind me, they're proud of me even if I decide to drop medicine.

Papa senyum kepada makcik counter. "Datang hantar anak."

Saya senyum dan hulur kad temujanji. Makcik senyum balik. "Duduk dulu nanti doktor panggil masuk."

"Baik lah."

"Adik umur berapa?" Makcik bertanya.

"20 tahun," papa jawab.

"23 tahun," saya betulkan.

Papa gelak. Kami duduk.

"Kalau Hana kata Hana form five, dia percaya tak?"

"Haha."

---

Haritu open house rumah, papa jemput Dr. Rusdi makan kek karot yang Melle buat.

"Anak yang ke berapa tu?" Dr. Rusdi tanya.

"Anak kelima," papa jawab penuh konfiden.

"Melle enam la pa," saya betulkan. Papa dan hadirin semuanya gelak.

"Hana pula anak ke berapa?" Dr. Rusdi kenakan papa.

20-4-10

Papa ajar camne nak plan pinjaman untuk beli kereta.

"Rule twenty-four-ten. Deposit 20%, loan untuk max 4 tahun, potong dari gaji bulanan 10%.

Kalau amik loan lama-lama, memang la bulanan nampak sikit. Tapi jumlah accumulate dia lagi banyak."

Saya tak kesah pakai kereta apa. Tapi kalau ada kereta, might as well get one yang acceleration dia pantas dan minyak dia reasonable for milage. Dan service center dia easily accessible from where I am.

Ikutkan hati, I want a black Chevy Impala, haha. But my favourite car so far is Toyota Harrier. Nampak sangat perkasa :>

To Kill A Mocking Man

The last time I made myself vulnerable and really asked for help, I got turned down by circumstances. I ended up crying and cursing that guy all night while I struggled before I told him off screen to eff off and went for Qiamullail and repentance.

I promised not to ever get down on my knees and beg to a guy again. Ever.

Yesterday I did it again. I begged for help. And got turned down by circumstances.

I was going to be mature and say "Okay" and take my case to someone else, accepting the fact that he had issues as well. But then I realized he declined me even after I admitted I asked for help because I was scared multiple times and that I would gladly do everything else if he could just help me with that one thing...

But no. I got turned down by circumstances. And I became pissed off, so pissed that 50 ways to kill him flashed through my mind.

My favourite was cutting all his joints while he screams in torturous agony before I scatter all his appendages in the river. Then I can have a glass of teh beng.

Too Korean

Handsome Kid On The Block

He was a black dan kid so that made him one of Madam's lackeys. He arrived midway through warming up and went directly to his fellow black dan lackey conducting warm up at the front to properly bow his respect. Properly. With the right amount of stiff. Respectful.

That was a good impression on me. He ran towards the back and righted a junior's stance. Responsible.

This kid was after my own heart.

They were then practicing the basic punches and kicks. One of the white belt hubaes had a wardrobe misfunction and so said lackey stopped warming up and pulled the junior out of formation. Like a good hyung, he proceeded to tie the uniform and belt for him, hubae standing still as hyung wrapped his arms around his waist to tie the belt on neatly. A green belt hubae also had a malfunction and hyung was readily the stylist of the day.

Warming up over. He leaned on the wall, arms crossed while eying red belt juniors practiced hitting the plank from the corner of his eyes with a solemn expression.

He was probably a sixth grade student max, about 1.2 meter tall but already he was living an example of a raised-well son. This, people, is why I am a pedophile.

Shit. He's tying another hubae's belt again. And he caught me staring at him. Argh.

Monkey And The Don

Maru was practicing his pattern. To our family honour's horror, he wasn't being serious! He punched like a sissy and kicked like a wuss. After he was done, he ran and slid back to his friends like a retired bowling ball before looking around for me.

Hunching on my plastic seat and exuding boss-mafia aura despite only two hours of sleep last night, I looked him in the eye and signaled him to come over.

I told him to punch and kick like I refused to tell him where I hid Big Bro's birthday gift for him. He cringed. I told him to punch and kick harder or I wouldn't tell him where his birthday presents are.

I believe I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

The Dance

My taekwon do instructor used to threaten us whenever we make a mistake during practice. Flirt with that big tree until it says I love you back, or so was his words. He was then a young adult.

I never knew how to flirt with a tree until it says I love you to me or how to flirt, period. However, it did occur to me the creepiness of being loved by a tree, so I usually resort to running laps whenever I did a punishable mistake.

But today, looking at the stump where the big tree used to be, I suppose if someone lean onto its tough mighty trunk and do a sexy wave, that probably will get the tree to swoon and drool I-love-yous all over them.

Pengganas

Harini saya tersilap anggar kerapatan tembok rendah di simpang dengan kereta disebabkan kegelapan malam. Sifat menekan minyak dengan riang keluar simpang telah menyebabkan kereta terseret tembok tersebut di bahagian belakang sebelah kiri sambil mengeluarkan bunyi yang kuat serta menakutkan.

Saya terbayang kecalaran yang dahsyat. Maka saya suruh adik 9 tahun di sebelah untuk berdoa semoga kereta sihat-sihat sahaja dan meneruskan perjalanan pulang ke rumah.

Kira-kira satu kilometer kemudian, kereta mengeluarkan bunyi flapping (maaf, saya fail BM) semasa meluncur di jalanan. Kereta dipandu dirasakan kurang kestabilannya berbanding biasa. Saya segera berhenti di tepi jalan sambil berdoa tayar elok-elok sahaja.

Pesan adik duduk diam-diam dalam kereta dan kunci kereta dari dalam. Saya keluar bersama henset yang berlampu suluh dan memeriksa bahagian kiri belakang kereta. Kelihatan sebuah tayar yang pancit dengan luka berbentuk L bersaiz kira-kira 10 x 10 cm.

Saya terpecahkan tayar kereta. Nice...

Orang perempuan mudah terdedah kepada bahaya jika duduk tepi jalan dalam kegelapan malam, maka eloklah kita masuk ke dalam kereta di mana kusyennya empuk dan nyaman udara air-condnya, diiringi muzik yang takde la sedap mana tetapi sekurang-kurangnya ada adik nakal yang suka tanya soalan tanpa henti. Seterusnya buat panggilan kepada penyelamat.

"Salam papa. Ni Hana." Nada tenang dan bersandar dengan selesa di kusyen empuk.

"Ye Kak Ngah."

"Hana terpecahkan tayar dekat tusyen James tadi. Tayar dah pancit. Hana parking depan bangunan SPR. Sempat ke nak balik rumah tayar camni?" Nada anak muda tinggal di Mesir lima tahun yang bukan sahaja bersifat suka menyelit ketika membawa kereta malah kini sudah naik taraf kepada tahap pelesit pemecah tayar ini masih lagi tenang.

Sebagai doktor konsultan kanak-kanak, beliau telah sentiasa berhadapan dengan SITREP oleh MO/HO di hospital mengenai pesakit yang sedang kritikal dan bertarung nyawa dengan gaya yang cool, calm and collected. SITREP anaknya kali ini pula bernada tenang dan tiada kecedaraan manusia dilaporkan dan tayar pecah bukanlah spleen pecah, maka pastilah tenang-tenang aja.

"Tak, nanti rosak tayar kalau drive. Kena tukar tayar dulu."

"Okay. Papa datang ambil kitorang boleh?"

Mama tolong papa baiki tayar sementara anak bertuah ni pegang lampu suluh.

*SITREP stands for SITuation REPort. Saya belajar dari Army Wives. 

Clairvoyant

"Recipients of a single organ donor exhibit the same bizarre, manic behaviour before lapsing into comas."

The first thing on my mind was RABIES because it was an infective neurological case from organ transplantation. I waited in high-spirit for a full 25 minute the series discussed the case, questioning why the doctors didn't think to investigate for rabies and to trace back what really happened with the donor.

And when they finally reveal the diagnosis, I was waiting with fist ready to pump.

Fist pump. God, was I smug.

And then... Nothing. I now knew the cause and that I was right. I knew once symptoms of rabies flare, there's little to nothing else you can do. But even if there was something to do, I was dampened. I didn't really wanted to know. I got my fist pump, I don't care for anything else. Aah, life's good.

It was then a revelation to me. That I am excited of cause and deduction, and not at all by actions of what's next. That explains my situation nowadays. Knowing but not doing anything about it. Clearly stated in Surah Al-Baqarah verse I-forgot-but-it's-around-two-third-of-the-surah about insolent servants like me. Huh.

The next day, it occurred to me that that case was probably the first case of rabies by organ transplantation in the world, that's why the CDC was hell late. And that my knowledge of it was inherited at their expense.

That fist pump was uncalled for. I wasn't great.

Maturity Yardstick

The problem with introducing my friends to my youngest brother of nine years old is that he will start comparing us. Each time we leave a friend's wedding, he will pop the question in the car ride home.

"Why aren't you married?"

Usually I laugh him off and tell him the things I'd rather do with the money people spend on weddings, like buy a house or travel somewhere exciting. Today I decided to humour him.

"I don't know. Who should I marry anyway?"

"I don't know, anybody."

"Does anybody has a name?"

"How should I know!" At this point he was squirming in his seat, whining from my unsatisfactory answers.

"Ask me again when anybody has a name."

And then I told him the things I'd rather do with the money people spend on weddings.

Olive Juice

"Ma rumah ada zaitun tak?"

"Takde. Kenapa?"

"Nak pizza bubuh zaitun."

"Nak pizza ke?" Mama semangat bukak peti ais bawa keluar pepperoni. "D'Casa kat depan bukak lagi. Kedai tu ada semua bahan nak buat pizza. Pergi beli base, cheese. Benda lain semua dah ada."

"Kedai tu ada jual zaitun ke."

"Takde." Mama masih punggah peti ais.

"Kalau macam tu, takde makna. Hana nak pizza bubuh zaitun. Kalau pizza je, takde makna."

Mama jumpa buah zaitun papa dekat belakang. "Ada tiga biji zaitun je. Papa dah makan yang lain."

"Takpe la."

Mama tutup peti ais.

"Dekat Mesir, semua pizza ada zaitun." Nada sedikit sayu. Dalam kereta tadi dah tanya James Pizza Hut bubuh zaitun ke tak. Dia dan Harith anak Pak Cik Zul kata takde.

"Negara dia, memang la."

Kehadapan Nota Internal Medicine Yang Dirindui

I MISS YOU

SO MUCH

NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO THE CAKARAN AYAM THAT IS THE KNOW-HOW OF CLINICAL EXAMINATIONS

SEMOGA SELAMAT BERADA DI ATAS MEJA YANG DITUTUPI KAIN LANGSIR

NAK BALIK MESIR AMIK BUKU

-___-

High

Going 100km/h in the city at night and it had just stopped raining.

The adrenaline.

Camaraderie

Dad's cousin from Seremban came for a visit just now. I barely remember Pak Itam but I know I've seen him some time long ago at Nenek's house in Melaka. Went to greet them and when I said I study in Egypt, he pointed out his daughter and son study engineering in France and that his daughter visited Egypt earlier this year.

A France student and visited Egypt in February? Could it be.. "Did you stay at Raihaana's place when you came to Egypt?" I asked.

She lighted up in acknowledgement and affirmed. I grinned. "Sorry couldn't meet you guys when you were there." I was busy with STEP at that time, I think.

Mom thought it was a wonder our second cousin knew Rai as well.

"Of course. We're in the same usrah system, mom." Plus the fact that Sanguinous Rai is as famous as Naruto can be.

---

I was delighted. It was the delight that came from camaraderie of blood family in the same battleship we call Ikram, that tempted me to spill out the cliched "Did you know (insert RJ's name) as well? She's my housemate," in a flurry of excitement.

But then it hit me. Why was I so excited? Sure, same battleship. But it's a battleship, not a club for prestige and bragging up the social status that came with a $60k annual membership fee. A battleship holds a group of people with different positions and roles but all with the same vision. We have our work cut out for us. Did I fully functioned and contributed?

Our amal should define us, not the club we're in.

---

The son who studied in France went to the family quarter and talked with my brother who was watching the Selangor versus ATM football match. He was friendly. When we sent them off and Hazim showed up, he was also friendly then.

Amiable from the first sight. DF-friendly, something I could endorse as fully out of my reach. He would make Syeikh Mustafa Masyhur very proud.

Kakak suara sedap

Drive dari Telipot ke Binjai. 

"Kak ngah ada makanan?"

"Takde. Rumah takde makanan. Maru lapar ke? Pas amik Melle kita beli nasi."

"Takpe la Maru beli ayam dekat kantin Melle. Maru keluar."

"Ayam je ke ada?"

"Ada CJ Wedges jugak."

"CJ? Apsal nama dia CJ Wedges?"

"Entah sebab CJ7 kot."

"Sekolah Melle ada alien?"

Sampai sekolah. Melle dah berjalan ke arah kereta. Budak nakal terus turunkan tingkap.

"Melle! Melle! Beli ayam!"

"Menjerit! Weh senyap sikit pak cik sebelah tengok tu."

Tipu je. Pak cik tu tak pandang pun. Maru dah menyorok bawah level tingkap takut pak cik tu tengok dia.

Melle gelak dan sengih tak nampak gigi dia.

---

Drive balik dari Binjai ke Lundang. "Makan, lap pastu tidur. Kamu ni buat kacau je Maru."

"Maru tak tidur. Lagu ape Kak Ngah nyanyi?"

Hana nyanyi Fourth Avenue Cafe oleh L'Arc en Ciel. "Maru tak tahu ke lagu ni?"

"Tak."

"Hmm." Perlu didik adik-adik mengenal J-Rock. Sambung nyanyi.

"Bising la Kak Ngah."

"Kahkahkah."

Al-Fateh

Kak Ida is my cousin, a couple years older than me. She is a nurse. Her husband Abang Jie is a captain with the air force and their wedding seven years or so back was one of the most memorable for me; Abang Jie wore this impeccable military suit and the couple walked underneath sheaths of sword.

Anyway, I want to write about their kids; six years old talkative Farith the boss, three years old sweet silent Farisya and four months old friendly chubby Fateh. If I recall correctly, Abang Jie is of Chinese descendent so you can imagine the very cute kids they have.

I was playing with Fateh and so commented to his parents. "Fateh patut jadi nama anak pertama. 'Pembuka' kan."

"Farith maksudnya 'permata yang tidak ternilai'," Kak Ida said.

"Wow. Okay." Made sense, since Ayep is the first borne. So I turned to the happy baby. "Bagus Fateh. Nanti besar jadi pembuka kawasan mana pulak?"

"Nama dia sempena Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh," Abang Jie said. "Besar nanti jadi pembuka-"

"-Sepanyol!" I interjected.

"-Singapore!" Abang Jie continued with a really big grin.

I laughed out loud at that. Never really thought of that. It was funny, but yeah. Why not? ^-^

---

Ayep fell at an R&R before reaching Beruas and that night he cried while his dad hold him tight and his mom picked out the splinter in his finger.

Afterwards he was still sad, so his dad turned to me while saying "Ayep pergi duduk sebelah Mak Ngah Hana. Minta dia cerita pasal Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh. Ayep kan suka dengar sirah."

I scooted on the sofa and patted the spot next to me for the little boy to sit. "Jangan nangis dah Ayep. Meh sini nak citer."

Confidence. Actually inside my head was rushing with everything. Where is Qastantiniyyah again in current time? *-*

---

I think they expect an Egypt student to know everything religious, sirah included, by heart.

Oh darn so much more to work for, Haru.

---

"Mama, kenapa kita takde baby sendiri dah?" I asked my parents while staring at Fateh.

"Tunggu kak ngah la," mom passed me the ball. I believe she meant Along.

"Kenapa tak mama? Mama baru 52," I reasoned.

"Kenapa mama nak kena bersalin? Sekarang giliran yang muda-muda pulak."

"Boleh je. Kenapa kena tunggu orang lain?"

"Manade orang 50-an yang baru bersalin sekarang."

"Oh. Risiko Down syndrome ye?"

Food We Steal

Once I read an interview article with a billionaire who is homeless (he hotel-hops). He ate lunch over the interview and said "I'm sorry, I'm going to do something rude. May I steal a fries?" before reaching over and stole a fries from the reporter's plate.

I don't do that. I don't announce. I just reach over and steal my sister's food. Because omelette is too awesome to wait another second.

That guy, he's a polite one. One we could describe as a guy who has the ability to remain polite in the most enticing situation. He will make a good hostage negotiator.

Me, I'm more of a Steve McGarrette kind of person. I don't wait for a warrant, I take out a knife right away. That's why I think Traumatology is a good field for me. Haha.