in which atiqah questioned what is the definition of a good life

In today's episode of #jaditraineesuicidal, I was in OT observing The Consultant in action. It was past 5pm by the time the thoracotomy was closed but we're not done yet. We're opening a cervical wound next. 

The Anaes was groaning "Tak balik lagi ke kita?"

The Consultant replied "Bukan balik, tapi pergi. Hospital ni rumah pertama kita. Rumah tu hotel je."

This Useless Trainee laughed at the comment and said, although not intended to be heard, "You need a better life."

The Consultant turned to me and his tone raised an octave. "How dare you. I am contend! This is the best life!" 

My chuckle turned polite. I didn't mean to disrespect one's choice of life nor dictate how one should live their life. I was just.. I guess I didn't really want to be here. 

He then sat down with a contemplating look and asked "Have you ever stayed in the hospital for days in the interest of your training? Say, 5 days straight?" 

"No I've never."

"3 days?" 

"I have." Sort of. 

He nodded. And then he scrubbed in for the cervical part. 

I stood behind him, observing him operate on this Day 5 of life, prem 33 week 4 days, 2kg baby's teeny tiny neck, fishing out the upper esophageal pouch and dissecting it from the laryngotrachealesophageal cleft. 

I made few comments here and there, asking this and that, because I felt bad about earlier. He replied me snarkily and I laughed. For the record I am a reckless idiot who is only afraid of God and height. Usually I stay mute because I don't want to embarrass Mr Mughni but I was hungry today, I have no inhibition. 

He was done in 30 minutes. Dude I can't even finish an open CVL insertion in 30 minutes. His work is a wonder and I understand now why he is so dedicated. With that level of skill, this work is best suited for him. 

I helped him with his OT gown and asked him about the next management for this patient. He again replied me snarkily before properly answering me. Probably realise snark doesn't repel this thick-headed idiot. 

He sat on a chair in the corner replying his messages while everyone went about leaving the operating room. I gathered all the politeness and sincerity in me and faced him. 

"Dato."

He looked up. He has always been an observant person who pays attention to however bilis you are in the hierarchy. 

"I understand now why you said this is the best life for you."

"Hah!"

Good job Atiqah for getting a person to shout twice in less than an hour. I grinned under my mask and thanked him. Then I went out to write the operation note.