It was decided a long time ago that we're going to be a person of many pleasure but few indulgence and that we're going to live by "love is appreciation, not possession". So this one time, please brave this out because there's a lot more to be considered than just your own pleasure. There is deeper meaning to happiness and ticking off your indulgences is not necessarily one of it.
I know this is a heartbreak and the pain hurts worse than any physical hit, but everything is merely in your head. Your feelings are yours, no one can tell you what to feel. If you're jealous, it's only because you're not looking at what you already have and achieved.
I'll do my best in avoiding provocations so please do your best by thinking of something else and control yourself. We have work to do this coming two days, focus and don't screw up.
Get a grip, we can do this. We've survived too much and this long, this time it is nothing.
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Really, I'm a simple person. You can feed me rice and plain omelette and I'll be more than happy. I'll have milk for breakfast and salted chips for snack. I can sleep anywhere and stay anywhere I can see the sky from. I don't need fancy clothes so long I have my favourite jeans and my black tee.
I don't wish for much. I just want to be able to sleep at a proper time and alternate between being lazy and doing my best. Ultimately I want to go to exciting places, do exciting stuffs and nap under the sky afterward. I want to be self-sufficient and not have to depend on others, but I've come to realize there are some crucial things I have to let go because I'm not great enough, I can't always run off on my own. And because it's a personal dream, I can't possibly impose on others what I've longed for all this time.
"When there's two of you, you can dream bigger dreams."
So this is not the end yet. I'll manage. I just need to find someone who's willing to be imposed on, and I promise I'll run through hell for that person in exchange.
2 comments:
In Sanctuary, those two shared the same dream, that's why it was possible for them. There's definitely another weirdo like you out there with the same dream, so all iz well. If there's no then make one ;)
Now go study.
seven years later and nothing changed. i still echo with what you wrote. maybe it's time to end this life as we know it and get a new life.
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