Monday was a clinic day. I finished my patient, need a bathroom break so I went to stand in front of the WC because it was occupied. Mr. Ashok saw me and we talked about work.
Then he said "eh come here la, sit sit, I need to ask you something."
I sat. It sounded serious. What is it?
"What's troubling you? Do you have any personal problems? You seem very different this past days. You're not your usual self. You're not how you were when you first came here."
Oh shoot I screwed up so bad my surgeons are calling me out on this. Now what?
"Ah.. I'm not exactly sure what's the problem."
He told me:
If the problem I'm having is a person I hate, just treat it like a toilet. You BO, you flush it down. You forget about it.
Focus on what I want. You want to become a Paed Surgeon. You focus on your studying, your journals, your work. Forget about anything else.
He's like a big brother to us, so come see him if I need any help.
I'm seriously grateful for the talk. I am.
But I still believe the first step in settling this is to identify the culprit. What is bothering me? Is it my position? Is it something else? Can we credit all this mess to my position?
I think I'm messed up since September. Yeah September was when I started to become the most senior service MO here so it's likely. So it is?
If it is, I guess we're taking the "I'm not okay, so we're just going to accept that. It is what it is." approach because I can't get rid of this position. Yet.
I'm Googling up psychosocial support. So far not fruitful.
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