Yesterday my cards were shown to you. It is escapism if I say it wasn't me who authorized the message even if it is the truth, but I take that it was my number so I should be held accountable.
Good thing is that I know your cards back in response. Bad thing is that the exchange of cards were done forcefully, akin to a slapping down and jolting the table instead of "showing" each other's cards.
At least that's how I think my part was revealed. It wasn't my choice of words.
I took a rain check for my usrah yesterday because I was afraid I couldn't get back to Cairo in time for today's (presumably early) morning (like 7 am maybe) engagement. Coupled with the fact that I already will be missing on the weekend's daurah, it left me.. unstable. For a very good reason.
I don't know what your usrah is to you, but to me it's a lifeline reminding me of the reasons I am still alive. Usrah is analogous to filling up a full tank at the gas station. You fill up and you continue down the highway. After a week the gas ran out and you refill before hitting the road once more.
If you're constantly on the move but there's hardly any refills, how do you move along? Other cars will leave you far long behind. The bandwagon of dakwah is moving fast and what importance do I have for them to wait for me?
And it was painfully glaring that
Call me drama queen, but ask around and you'll know teary emotional breakdown is unheard of from one Haru. (Okay this one sounds very berlagak. I should be shot.)
So when I did so in front of Roy after a stake out at the Nile, she probably freaked out to an extend and remarked with a "Kalau enti perempuan dah lama ana suruh enti tidur. Bangun pastu lega."
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