Zoning out

My stomach grumbled, so I laid my back on the floor. I thought of the chained lady shoes I bought and how it would go neat with the baju kurung mom was having made for my graduation. I would stand flanked by two of my most important beloved people and kiss my dad. I would probably even introduce them to some of my friends.

Talk about friends and graduation, Acap will graduate earlier than me. I hope he invites me though I have a hunch he'll skip the whole thing, but if I tell him I want to come will he join the ceremony and invite me? It would be fun to introduce my family to him one day but I'm sure they'll find it weird. I mean, I barely know this guy. But I kind of like not knowing anything about him other then he's 26, smokes, likes animal and a good babysitter. I trust him because Kak Elli trusts him and because he likes animals. It says a lot about a person who treats his body badly but likes animals and kids like he does.

Where would they stay? Manial seemed like a good option, I'm sure I'd be able to score an apartment there. It is near the school and I could take them around in the morning before I have to go for clinical sessions, but what about after? Can I trust Egypt to be kind to my family and let them take a cab somewhere without me and stay safe? Should I get Kemal to chaperone them? They know him and I trust him, it'll be fine.

But then I realised I have to study very hard in order to graduate on time. I thought of Nephrology and my notes still in disarray. I need to study everything else and leave Cardiology at the end because it was so tough it held me back plenty times. All in all I needed to study harder and faster.

If I don't pass the exam, I can't go back to Malaysia. In a way I am happy to stay here longer in Egypt, but if I don't graduate then I wouldn't be able to move on to the next phase of life. Regardless of being happy, it's never a good thing to be stuck in a phase. I had the most liberating feeling when I discovered (one of) my crush(es) has a girlfriend.

The mathurat reading was nearing its end. I sat up crossed leg in my earlier position and read what was left out loud with my housemates. Mathurat is a compilation of prayers, so you should read it with as much longing you want. It's not meaningless memorized recitation. Zoning out was wrong. But I was so hungry it was exhausting.

I led the closing prayer.