why am i like this

I'm not living for the future. The simplest sign is that I feel like I should buy scrubs for work but I couldn't bring myself to buy them because when I die, who's going to inherit my personalised scrubs? 

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The other day I found a post about high functioning anxiety. I ticked all the boxes. It's so frustrating because I'm still high functioning at work and when there's not much work to be done I'll just be a pile of anxious mess. 

How do people be so motivated?